₦airaland Forum

Too high should not be more than 2k max but there is such payment

Let him keep the list

JoyLong123423:
I have never had issues with this particular Uncle

He was even calling me his favourite niece at some point. He asks everyone for money tho and I have always known so I am not surprised. I just didn't think they will leave me in his hands because he stayed in the village longer than any other person.

My suggestion to you:

Travel to the village to meet the elders in your family(there must be elder or elders left that are above this your uncle), discuss with them about the challenge.

If there are none, then approach your uncle, take maybe ₦10k to ₦20k to this your uncle yourself without your fiance, and appeal to him and solicit the release of the traditional bride price list to you so you can convey it to your fiance. You can discuss this with a respected member of your church or mosque or society or community who will follow you to him when you go for this list.

If this fails, then come back for more discussion on the next line of action.

You have done introduction, the two families were present abi?

Was he the one that sponsor your education or business...if yes , you need wisdom, don't present your fiance like he is capable even if he is. someone asking for N100k to see list will not hesitate to wreck your husband if care is not taken. Remember you will be the one to live with him after wedding not them.negotiate it down to N50 or 25. . demand for small wedding

If he did nothing about your education or business

Do the followings;

Attend marriage counseling so you will be sure of you are compatible (if you are christians

Go to court and legalize it

Get pregnant and see if he will not give you free.

Wisdom is profitable to direct.

My question is, is your uncle financial ok. If not, he has the write to ask for transportation, he needs to settle those in the village too...if you can't give him the 100k. You and your husband should go to the village to collect the list. If you'll ask me 100k is nothing for such journey.

Breaker001:
Your fiancé should have started befriending someone very close to the family headship stool before now. It is at such times as this that such people are useful 😎

He doesn't need to befriend anyone. OP's family should have done the befriending of their extended relatives. It is not her fiance that will do their work. Except she is an orphan, her elder brother or mother should do the work. Not exposing the couple to one greedy uncle. She obviously knows nothing about her culture because what the hell is "you can print it from cybercafe". Did they alienate themselves from the village people over the years?

Arostar2023:
Say na free wife de hungry you...if marriage list or whatever scares you away from marriage, then you are not ready yet.

Is wife a commodity like car for sale?

Each of these villages have their marriage committees that comprises of some elders in the village, it is not a family by family thing.

The marriage list come from the marriage committee, try to make inquiries in your village and someone would be able to get you a copy.

The marriage committee in each village regulates what should be on the list and on the day of the traditional marriage they will go through the list one after the other to make sure there is compliance.

Search the internet you might find some old list for comparison, I know you are from Ndokwe West, this is a list from Ndokwe East that was posted on here some years ago….

https://www.nairaland.com/6599226/guys-what-think-marriage-list

JoyLong123423:
My dad is late and my fiance proposed early this year. We did Introduction a few months ago and my very difficult uncle who is the last of his siblings was asked to handle the sending of Marriage List. He is now asking my fiance to pay over 100k for him to transport himself to the village to collect the list. He says it is tradition.

I have reached out to another uncle to try to reason with him but no one is doing anything about it.


I'm Ukwani from Ndokwa west and I don't believe this is how it is done. I have gone back to read about my culture and asked other people and someone said that the list can be gotten from any cyber cafe in the town. Please is this true?

I need advice as I do not want my uncle to take advantage of my fiance. All this is just to see the Marriage List before he now starts to pay for what is on the list.

I'm scared that he will inflate what is on the list too and no one will do anything about it.

Blacksam01 said:

"The thing the OP didn't say is dat her uncle lives in Lagos....

Again as deltans do, almost if not all of a kindred relocate to Lagos ND stay and die there....

Now the uncle needs to visit the village and consult with elders ND get list ND return to Lagos to give ur fiance..

Transport is 35k so to ND fro will b 70k

Plus many in hand...

So u see the uncle is not a trying to frustrate her as sh might b suggesting..."

If it is true that your uncle resides in Lagos and has to visit the village in Delta to consult with elder in your family and place to develop and list the items of bride price.

Then I agree with your uncle that ₦100k is not too much to budget for that exercise.

You can just try to explain to your fiance and see what he is able to raise, if possible add to it to augment it so it is close to the ₦100k or exactly ₦100k for the uncle.

Marriage preparations comes with such experiences and such expenses are one-off.

JoyLong123423:
My dad is late and my fiance proposed early this year. We did Introduction a few months ago and my very difficult uncle who is the last of his siblings was asked to handle the sending of Marriage List. He is now asking my fiance to pay over 100k for him to transport himself to the village to collect the list. He says it is tradition.

I have reached out to another uncle to try to reason with him but no one is doing anything about it.


I'm Ukwani from Ndokwa west and I don't believe this is how it is done. I have gone back to read about my culture and asked other people and someone said that the list can be gotten from any cyber cafe in the town. Please is this true?

I need advice as I do not want my uncle to take advantage of my fiance. All this is just to see the Marriage List before he now starts to pay for what is on the list.

I'm scared that he will inflate what is on the list too and no one will do anything about it.

they just don't want u to get married cos this is obviously a red flag to the fiancee.

Not only that, it's obvious your family is all about money n they will show your fiance hell n extort him badly.

U better involve your mom so they won't make u lose a good man

you might end up kissing your marriage bye bye, you better proceed like you didnt hear what your uncle said

JoyLong123423:
I have never had issues with this particular Uncle

He was even calling me his favourite niece at some point. He asks everyone for money tho and I have always known so I am not surprised. I just didn't think they will leave me in his hands because he stayed in the village longer than any other person.

Poverty has made him forget he is supposed to support and make it easy for you to move to the next face of life.

What he's doing to you now never happened to him in his time, he probably married his wife with just 7 tubbers of yarm, 5 piece of colanut, I keg of palwine. But just see what he's doing. Well after the marriage just pencil him down as one of those you would give long distance.

Just try and guide him against any extortion by your family or else, after marriage he may begin to remember how your family treated him, thereby losing respect for your family.

The focus of the government should be economical prosperity. South Korea used to have a strict culture like this, but all have been almost a thing of the past. Imagine a lady wanting to marry in 2025, and still shaking on top of a list. Lol. And everyone is with her in that direction. Only one comment on the fp tells her she is an adult and should walk to a local government and get married. Dem all want uncles, aunties, cousins to be appeased before they can get married. Mehn! In 2025.... It is well.

Young lady, I want to advice you here genuinely. Forget all these GenZ vibrating up there, they think marriage is that easy.

This your uncle that demanded for transportation money, where does he live? What's the distance from there to the Village and back? What else will he do when he goes to the village for this list?
If you answer all this questions and find out that the expenses might be close to that amount, then I see no problem why your husband should not pay, unless he doesn't have the money which is another problem of it's own. This list cost about 50k in my own village because kinsmen will have to drink something even if it's 2 cartons of beer, unless you are telling us you don't worth it.

This uncle does not stay in the village, you want to drag him down to the village like that? What exactly have you ever done for this uncle?

Alternatively, you and your fiance can go to the village and get this list. This list is not exclusive to your uncle, marriage list has never been exclusive to one person. In this case, you and your husband will likely spend this 100k or more in the process of traveling to get the list and probably presenting drink to the Kinsmen as culture demands in some places.
so just try and reason with him. This is the time to go close and make friends with him. Raising your shoulder is not the way to go because a lot of rites will still have to go through this uncle eventually.

When and if your fiance start beating you, who do you think you will report to?
internet will not be there for you

JoyLong123423:
My dad is late and my fiance proposed early this year. We did Introduction a few months ago and my very difficult uncle who is the last of his siblings was asked to handle the sending of Marriage List. He is now asking my fiance to pay over 100k for him to transport himself to the village to collect the list. He says it is tradition.

I have reached out to another uncle to try to reason with him but no one is doing anything about it.


I'm Ukwani from Ndokwa west and I don't believe this is how it is done. I have gone back to read about my culture and asked other people and someone said that the list can be gotten from any cyber cafe in the town. Please is this true?

I need advice as I do not want my uncle to take advantage of my fiance. All this is just to see the Marriage List before he now starts to pay for what is on the list.

I'm scared that he will inflate what is on the list too and no one will do anything about it.

Am from obiaruku, I married this year, I collected the marriage list with 2k from my wife's uncle..
That so called uncle na scammer

JoyLong123423:
My dad is late and my fiance proposed early this year. We did Introduction a few months ago and my very difficult uncle who is the last of his siblings was asked to handle the sending of Marriage List. He is now asking my fiance to pay over 100k for him to transport himself to the village to collect the list. He says it is tradition.

I have reached out to another uncle to try to reason with him but no one is doing anything about it.


I'm Ukwani from Ndokwa west and I don't believe this is how it is done. I have gone back to read about my culture and asked other people and someone said that the list can be gotten from any cyber cafe in the town. Please is this true?

I need advice as I do not want my uncle to take advantage of my fiance. All this is just to see the Marriage List before he now starts to pay for what is on the list.

I'm scared that he will inflate what is on the list too and no one will do anything about it.

When father's die, this is how some wicked uncles act. What part of Ndokwa west?

JoyLong123423:
My dad is late and my fiance proposed early this year. We did Introduction a few months ago and my very difficult uncle who is the last of his siblings was asked to handle the sending of Marriage List. He is now asking my fiance to pay over 100k for him to transport himself to the village to collect the list. He says it is tradition.

I have reached out to another uncle to try to reason with him but no one is doing anything about it.


I'm Ukwani from Ndokwa west and I don't believe this is how it is done. I have gone back to read about my culture and asked other people and someone said that the list can be gotten from any cyber cafe in the town. Please is this true?

I need advice as I do not want my uncle to take advantage of my fiance. All this is just to see the Marriage List before he now starts to pay for what is on the list.

I'm scared that he will inflate what is on the list too and no one will do anything about it.

Firstly, your title is misleading. Did your uncle ask your fiancee to send him (your uncle) over 100k before he can see the list?

Or your uncle asks the man who's intent on marrying you to simply come to the village to see him (your uncle) and by extention, the village where you come from, and by so doing get the list and this "over a 100k" is the cost of transport from wherever your fiancee may be based to the village you come from.

If your uncle is directly asking for money, you can report him to the village council as some have mentioned already. However, if your uncle is insisting or requesting for your fiance to visit your village for the list, then I don't see what the problem is.

Many of you feel you have now outgrown your roots and the village is now too small for your self proclaimed royalty, especially by using the guise of village people will harm you when you go back there. The place you live currently, that you consider urban, is a village for the natives

pocohantas:
He doesn't need to befriend anyone. OP's family should have done the befriending of their extended relatives. It is not her fiance that will do their work. Except she is an orphan, her elder brother or mother should do the work. Not exposing the couple to one greedy uncle. She obviously knows nothing about her culture because what the hell is "you can print it from cybercafe". Did they alienate themselves from the village people over the years?

I partially diisagree with you on this. It is the man who intends to marry a woman in the family that initiates the friendship. His extended family members don't go around looking for someone in the bride's family to befriend, except there are "next door neighbors". 😎

Wisdom is profitable to direct. Don't use anger to follow up this kind of situation rather use playfulness and plea. Soon it will all be history and since your dad is late the moment you are married you have no single ties to them. Employ the art of negotiation with plea

JoyLong123423:
My dad is late and my fiance proposed early this year. We did Introduction a few months ago and my very difficult uncle who is the last of his siblings was asked to handle the sending of Marriage List. He is now asking my fiance to pay over 100k for him to transport himself to the village to collect the list. He says it is tradition.

I have reached out to another uncle to try to reason with him but no one is doing anything about it.


I'm Ukwani from Ndokwa west and I don't believe this is how it is done. I have gone back to read about my culture and asked other people and someone said that the list can be gotten from any cyber cafe in the town. Please is this true?

I need advice as I do not want my uncle to take advantage of my fiance. All this is just to see the Marriage List before he now starts to pay for what is on the list.

I'm scared that he will inflate what is on the list too and no one will do anything about it.

Why are there people like these? Someone wh0 did not send.her pocket money all the while she was.in school..Now because her Dad is not.alive, am you have some authority you want to reap.where you have not.sown

I thought SE governors had agreed.on bride.price standards?

You.need to be circumspect and.calm at this.point. Do you have an elder brother? Either Him or
your fiancee should.appeal.to whatever sense.of reason that your uncle has.left. Do not.be combative.or disagreeable as He can cause.more trouble

Your fiance ideally should have done.an Introduction, going.with elders who.who will engage with Him , before they send the list. He could still try getting an elder from His side to engage with your Uncle.

He may be right, maybe your fiance is th bad type and they want to pursue him from their family.

To marry Igbo girls na war
If I tell una wetin my friend pay last 2 years.
Baba pay this, baba pay that.. it was hell that day, I pity the guy sef.

Now they have a child together all she does is to eat shawarma these days.
After paying close to 7m for you head you have nothing to bring into a marriage only a child. SMH.

JoyLong123423:
My dad is late and my fiance proposed early this year. We did Introduction a few months ago and my very difficult uncle who is the last of his siblings was asked to handle the sending of Marriage List. He is now asking my fiance to pay over 100k for him to transport himself to the village to collect the list. He says it is tradition.

I have reached out to another uncle to try to reason with him but no one is doing anything about it.


I'm Ukwani from Ndokwa west and I don't believe this is how it is done. I have gone back to read about my culture and asked other people and someone said that the list can be gotten from any cyber cafe in the town. Please is this true?

I need advice as I do not want my uncle to take advantage of my fiance. All this is just to see the Marriage List before he now starts to pay for what is on the list.

I'm scared that he will inflate what is on the list too and no one will do anything about it.

It is very true, that you can print a copy from any business center. Your uncle can easily ask from the people at home to send the photo of the said marriage list and print from his phone.

I am from same constituency, precisely Ukwuani LGA. But, your fiance will have to pay some cash and a bottle of hot drink to get the list. Just plead with your uncle by greasing his palms, this elders can be very strict and greedy at times.

Arrange to pay him the money and that will be the last money or help he gets from your fiancé.

JoyLong123423:
My dad is late and my fiance proposed early this year. We did Introduction a few months ago and my very difficult uncle who is the last of his siblings was asked to handle the sending of Marriage List. He is now asking my fiance to pay over 100k for him to transport himself to the village to collect the list. He says it is tradition.

I have reached out to another uncle to try to reason with him but no one is doing anything about it.


I'm Ukwani from Ndokwa west and I don't believe this is how it is done. I have gone back to read about my culture and asked other people and someone said that the list can be gotten from any cyber cafe in the town. Please is this true?

I need advice as I do not want my uncle to take advantage of my fiance. All this is just to see the Marriage List before he now starts to pay for what is on the list.

I'm scared that he will inflate what is on the list too and no one will do anything about it.

Neddstark:
Is wife a commodity like car for sale?

There's no place where given out women in marriage is considered as selling them, even if you pay a dowry...No matter how much you spend on your marriage rites, you can never purchase a wife. You only get to have an expensive wedding...

JoyLong123423:
I have never had issues with this particular Uncle

He was even calling me his favourite niece at some point. He asks everyone for money tho and I have always known so I am not surprised. I just didn't think they will leave me in his hands because he stayed in the village longer than any other person.

Your uncle reports to somebody. Provided you are Igbo, this is where Umunna comes in. Try and get a contact of any of your kinsmen and make the enquiry.

If it is valid, let your fiance deal as required. If not, they will caution him. He will be disgruntled. But he will be alright las las.

Thundafireseun:
Without reading the article, I knew you are from Delta state….

No reason am too much… A lot of Uncles are devilish… This happens all the time when the father of the bride is no longer alive

It is common in Akwa Ibom too.

A lot of u guys comments on this forum shows lack of knowledge of family affairs. marriage list is never free, a little token is collected before releasing a marriage list, a lots of u guys don't attend family meetings not to mention village meetings, if you received a free marriage list,then know that somebody pulled the strings

If u have any trusted person in ur village u can send them to collect the marriage list from ur kindred (umunna) them send it to u via email or even whattsapp but u have to send d person some money to buy bottles of dry gin/I carton of beer and some kolanuts as the tradition may demand but am sure those items won't pass 30k...
On a second note I don't think ur uncle is trying to extort u as u said I think d 100k he is asking ur fiancee to pay will cover his travel expenses to and fro ur villa plus the drink and kolanuts he will present to d village chiefs to obtain d marriage list u know how this tinubu economy has affected everything including feeding and transportation

Breaker001:
I partially diisagree with you on this. It is the man who intends to marry a woman in the family that initiates the friendship. His extended family members don't go around looking for someone in the bride's family to befriend, except there are "next door neighbors". 😎

The man should go to Delta to be initiating friendship when his wife-to-be doesn't seem to know the road to her village? Is it not the her that should show him which uncle is safe? Na wife e wan marry, not Gulder Ultimate Search.