₦airaland Forum

It's a common thing for people

Disgraced son from a disgraced country

One prophet has likely poisoned his mind

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.

Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.

An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .

That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .

The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.

The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.

There are a lot of people in this situation. When they are in Nigeria, they stay close to their family and do everything possible. But once they travel abroad, they slowly stop communicating. Some won’t even call or check in anymore, especially when it comes to sending money. They just cut off completely.

guobe:
Your thoughts are the fairy tale here as less than 1 percent of parents have evil intentions towards the kids they brought to the world.

Just curious. How did you arrive at this 1%. I would love to see the research publication.

Lack of bond from family. Maybe he was not feeling connected to his family and was just putting up with them. Now that he has found an opportunity for himself, those bottlesd up resentment are beginning to show.
Some boys don’t love their father , most times because of the way their mother was treated.

When you are 18 years and above, you are practically on your own . I too was in Russia years ago, if I had forgotten Naija and focus on my own family in Russia, I would not go through the struggles I find myself going through this n Naija.

But the mistake he did was not to communicate with his parents.

budaatum:
One thing I've learnt is, siblings can assume they all got the same good treatment, when the truth might be that some are not treated as well as some. And though some may claim someone "was well treated as a kid", they don't know how the kid felt about its treatment.

I say the above to add rationality to the actions of this "kid". It is also possible that the kid's action might be irrational, and that he truly was treated well as a kid and now just does not care about his parent's no more, or it can be that his new location has its on hardships that have caused issues for him so his thinking is bent.

If we don't walk in his shoes we'd never know his journey, basically, and any judgement might be ill informed and hasty, and is definitely a "million dollar question", and "life".

Trash, straight to the dust bin

abroad some of the women are misinformed by stories of whoever is over there pay bills of those back at home

MemoriesAndMe:
That's not a way to measure people's success overseas, everyone's situation is different.
I know of a childhood friend based in Russia that had problems with his Russian wife. They had done some deals together and he ended up getting locked up in prison for 5 years.

When he got out was when he contacted all of his childhood friends for support. He couldn't even get a good job as a felon and said his passports were taken from him as part of his sentencing, so he couldn't leave Russia when we spoke. He had a Russian passport and a Nigerian passport,his Russian passport was taken from him and his Nigerian passport wouldn't take him to other European countries he wanted to try without a visa.

Someone like that is struggling with getting his life back, so its not entirely his fault that he got lost in Russia.

They gave out information they knew about him you also gave out information you knew about your childhood friend, the stories are not the same. Why should we assume their information is wrong and yours is correct? Flow with the info you are given, don't assume otherwise

pansophist:
They probably treated him wrong.

Most families are dysfunctional. Most families have not been to a therapist, and make effort to purge out unhealthy patterns.

It’s very difficult for a person to cut off with their biological families, and men typically do that when they create their own family.

Lots of dysfunction in families are revealed during adulthood, since the parents will take the backseat and the children will continue from there.

How the siblings will relate with each other especially with the differences in financial status, educational level, life challenges and past resentment will depend on the love they have for each other.


Since the siblings are adults with agency, they will iron out their past resentment which might lead to a permanent breakdown of the relationship.

In many cases, it is parents that are the glue to sibling relationships. Without a present parent, most siblings ain’t fan of each other.

And the more successful a sibling is, the more likely he would be the target of the others who ain’t successful, hence, a pressing need for the successful one to just cut off.

This is probably what’s going on here.

His siblings also treated him wrong, so also were his friends.
How many people do you know whose parents treated them wrong while they were sponsoring their education as medical students?

How did someone studying medicine switched to engineering?

I think that's the beginning of his problem, if at all, this story is true

Hope e wasn't sent to Ukraine?

Ki

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.

Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.

An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .

That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .

The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.

The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.

Why worrying yourself what he did to his his parents can never make him have peace till he will die,it is not a curse but promise he can never get it together till he leaves the surface of the earth dead "what goes around comes around."KARMA IS WAITING FOR HIM.I was born into a very poor family but whatever I becomes today I never one day disrespected my parents despite that I sponsored myself to school still I respect them.Anything you are doing always think of old age the time you will be alive but you won't be able to do anything for yourself,I fear old age.

Kobojunkie:
From your story, what is clear is that you were not an insider to this family and as such do not know the real reason behind why the man decided to go no contact with his parents after he left Nigeria. I suggest you focus your energy on finding out the truth, and stop going around telling these tales by moonlight that Nigerian airheads are notorious for.

Children who go no contact with their parents do so for very reasonable reasons, and most times, things are never as you think they se em.

Nor mind that guy. It's by the grace of God that some people abroad have not broken contact completely. Usually because of the parents.

The evil, envy and bad belle (even from some relatives doing ok in 9ja) is on another level. I believe less than 5% of relatives are worth communicating with. 9ja is in a mess for a good reason: Too many people who are far worse than they appear.

maasoap:
Trash, straight to the dust bin

That's what is usually done when a lack of understanding is inadmissible.

budaatum:
One thing I've learnt is, siblings can assume they all got the same good treatment, when the truth might be that some are not treated as well as some. And though some may claim someone "was well treated as a kid", they don't know how the kid felt about its treatment.

I say the above to add rationality to the actions of this "kid". It is also possible that the kid's action might be irrational, and that he truly was treated well as a kid and now just does not care about his parent's no more, or it can be that his new location has its on hardships that have caused issues for him so his thinking is bent.

If we don't walk in his shoes we'd never know his journey, basically, and any judgement might be ill informed and hasty, and is definitely a "million dollar question", and "life".

Some humans are just unfathomable. They assume traveling outside is a platinum achievement and the best thing to do is to cut ties. Time will always tell…

Dancebreaker:
✓ Nor mind that guy. It's by the grace of God that some people abroad have not broken contact completely. Usually because of the parents.
The evil, envy and bad belle (even from some relatives doing ok in 9ja) is on another level. I believe less than 5% of relatives are worth communicating with. 9ja is in a mess for a good reason: Too many people who are far worse than they appear.

From the much i know and experienced growing up, Nigerians are generally bad parents --- most of them believe abusing children in one form or another is the way to discipline and mold children into better people - with most believing themselves to be entitled to their children's attention and lives even at that.

Worse, the society also tends to take the side of the abuser and almost never the side of the abused, something OP (who literally does not seem to know what truly happened) seems to be doing here with his fairy tale take on what went down.

toprealman:
Some humans are just unfathomable. They assume traveling outside is a platinum achievement and the best thing to do is to cut ties. Time will always tell…

It can seem that way.

I myself recall my first few years abroad. I felt so much compassion for those I'd left behind and at one point found myself sending almost half my wages back home. Cutting ties is what saved me in the end, especially after travelling back home to find I was just an atm to some.

That said, half my November earnings go back home, as I have loads of old women in my family that I have compassion for. For though my father had my mother, his father had 13 wives, and many have children dear to me, as are many in my mother's family. Both my parents are from the same village too, so its like I'm related to everyone somehow.

SpencerForbes:
Possible reasons:

Fear of the Unknown: He might be genuinely afraid of spiritual interference or jealousy from people back home (village pipu )

The Pressure to Succeed: Not everyone abroad is "living the dream." He might be struggling quietly with finances or his mental health and feels he can't come home until he has "made it."

Painful Memories: There could be hurtful experiences from his childhood that make the idea of returning triggering or painful for him.

Quality of Life Differences: Once you get used to a system that works, it can be mentally difficult to prepare yourself for the stress and struggles of life back home.

Discouraging Stories: He might be reacting to scary stories he’s heard from friends—people who visited home and regretted it or faced danger.

New Family Bond: He is receiving so much love and support from his wife and her family that he no longer feels a strong void or need to reconnect with his extended family.

possible

otipoju:
Even if you don't want to talk to your parents...it is your duty to make sure that they are taken care of.

The Bible does not tell us to love our parents...instead it tells us to Honour them.
Meaning they are not perfect and are with major faults but you see to their well being not out of love but as a duty.

Parents do and say things that are downright nasty and unfair...but duty na duty, we don't have to be friends.

The same Bible warns parents not to do what to their children?

Responsibilities. He got the Russian girlfriend pregnant and now has to support the family. Oyibo land na work till you kpeme. Zero free time for yourself. You will sweat to make every penny. However, everything you worked for will come your way, no cheating unless you’re illegal.

The fear of confronting his parents’ death is also holding him back. He didn’t cause their demise. They would’ve died anyway. The only way he can help is by supplying funds for whatever is needed.

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.

Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.

An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .

That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .

The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.

The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.

budaatum:
One thing I've learnt is, siblings can assume they all got the same good treatment, when the truth might be that some are not treated as well as some. And though some may claim someone "was well treated as a kid", they don't know how the kid felt about its treatment.

I say the above to add rationality to the actions of this "kid". It is also possible that the kid's action might be irrational, and that he truly was treated well as a kid and now just does not care about his parent's no more, or it can be that his new location has its on hardships that have caused issues for him so his thinking is bent.

If we don't walk in his shoes we'd never know his journey, basically, and any judgement might be ill informed and hasty, and is definitely a "million dollar question", and "life".

Something terribly went wrong somewhere , and I can't foresee it being the fault of the parents in any way.

Porksupplyib:
Something terribly went wrong somewhere , and I can't foresee it being the fault of the parents in any way.

Well. I can only suggest you read my other posts in the thread to see that I see it can possibly be the fault of the parents or this kid. And not being able to interrogate either, I choose not to insist that how I see is how it is, since I've seen neither parent nor kid.

there is one in our area he went to russia and married a lady there when he come back he stopped going to mosque saying that its an oudated thing to pray to God

If Dem use juju call am back now his eyes will clear...
How can you abandon your family? Even if things aren't ok there still need to be someone you'll always communicate with within your families.

I m not comfortable reading the new,but the truth is that we even have men in Nigeria whose wives have successfully seperated them from their parents and siblings.,worst than the said story.Far long,I realised that male child relationship with his immediate family depends on wife.

budaatum:
It can seem that way.

I myself recall my first few years abroad. I felt so much compassion for those I'd left behind and at one point found myself sending almost half my wages back home. Cutting ties is what saved me in the end, especially after travelling back home to find I was just an atm to some.

That said, half my November earnings go back home, as I have loads of old women in my family that I have compassion for. For though my father had my mother, his father had 13 wives, and many have children dear to me, as are many in my mother's family. Both my parents are from the same village too, so its like I'm related to everyone somehow.

Your dad and mum deserve to be taken care of regardless. Your case is unique, bless you. I have nothing to say about externals that see you as a mugu/ATM…you gave them your access code..
Your dad is a legend bro!
Cutting ties from your father, mother and siblings( the rational ones) is strange.

guobe:
The sibling I spoke with told me he thought the wife was the cause but when he spoke with him he realised she was not as he acted on his own from their chat.

Did this sibling ask him why he did what he did? What was his response?

Some individuals may harbor feelings of dislike for their own family, but in many cases, major troubles prompt them to reach out to their family for support. This is because, in many instances, only family members will stand by you during challenging times, unless it's a dysfunctional family that fails to support one another. This lack of familial support may even be the root cause of the initial issue.

Druss:
The same Bible warns parents not to do what to their children?

Not to provoke them.

The honoring is the actions that you take after you have been offended.

It's hard to love someone that provokes you. But they fed you, accommodated you, and clothed you when you could not even if they provoked you.

That is why you must do the same even if you are not happy with them.

That guy might be manure in the eastern Ukraine 🇺🇦 by now.

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.

Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.

An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .

That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .

The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.

The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.