₦airaland Forum

guobe:
It does not warrant cutting off completely even to your younger ones.haba check am na

So parents can rape their children, but the children should not cut off completely?

Why?

He's in a bad relationship.

budaatum:
So parents can rape their children, but the children should not cut off off completely?

Why?

I didn't mention parents raping here as that is extreme.

guobe:
I didn't mention parents raping here as that is extreme.

Fact is, there are extremes. And claiming there are none or kids must not cut themselves off from their extreme parents, is disregarding extremes exist, which they clearly do.

guobe:
He is alive and doing very well over there.
His counterparts that got same scholarship do come to Nigeria and go back.

I don't believe he is doing well. There is difference between not coming home, not communicating and lost,

OP, great and Beautiful Story indeed!
You see this life,some people are like that,they try to be funny but intricately Karma is waiting for such.
First,the excommunicate everyone - Worse - their Parents and Siblings,for no just reason!
They will soon becomes ' THE LOST GENERATIONS ' and their story is like Kunta- Kinte' - for they Don't Fit In Again!
Marrying A Russian Is Not An Excuse,he is lost it!

mmsen:
A lot of Nigerians abuse their own children. You are downplaying the problem.

They say it is discipline
Discipline wey even military men for Nigeria Dey thief ontop

Kobojunkie:
From the much i know and experienced growing up, Nigerians are generally bad parents --- most of them believe abusing children in one form or another is the way to discipline and mold children into better people - with most believing themselves to be entitled to their children's attention and lives even at that.

Worse, the society also tends to take the side of the abuser and almost never the side of the abused, something OP (who literally does not seem to know what truly happened) seems to be doing here with his fairy tale take on what went down.

I know a child who was abused by her mother. The mother reported her to her friends in church and they intervened and spoke to the child.

The child told them what the mother had been doing, which included telling the daughter she should have been aborted when she was conceived, and blaming her for the break up of her mother's marriage, though it was the mother herself who ran off with another man, amongst various other things over the years.

They still told the daughter to go and apologise to the mother. So she told them how unfair it was to tell her to continue turning the other cheek instead of telling the mother to stop slapping her!

They all shut up after that.

You guys should stop giving excuses or trying to reason with the man's decisions. The guy is plain up evil, simple!
They exist everywhere. This japa syndrome has really given room for some people to misbehave to their families. Just hope never to have bad children.

Good treatment is not enough, as a parent, you are only a guardian, only prayers can make you have complete fulfillment from your your children, if he had not acted wild as he did, who knows untimely death or other negative thing may have still denied them the joy of fulfillment from him!

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.

Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.

An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .

That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .

The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.

The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.

8

Bluntemperor:
OP, great and Beautiful Story indeed!
You see this life,some people are like that,they try to be funny but intricately Karma is waiting for such.
First,the excommunicate everyone - Worse - their Parents and Siblings,for no just reason!
They will soon becomes ' THE LOST GENERATIONS ' and their story is like Kunta- Kinte' - for they Don't Fit In Again!
Marrying A Russian Is Not An Excuse,he is lost it!

The exact word the sibling told me that there is karma.
Thanks.

Wealthyonos:
Those of you supporting children losing ties with their parents because of one reason or the other should prepare for old age as well, because what you sow, you will surely reap. Somebody travelled abroad and forgot his family totally. Mum and dad died, yet nothing from him. You think he will live happily ever after? Something is wrong somewhere somehow. I can confidently tell you that happiness is far from him.

On what basis do you say all this?.....who are you to judge the person in question and what do you know about him?.

bluefilm:
How did someone studying medicine switched to engineering?

I think that's the beginning of his problem, if at all, this story is true

Someone studying Medicine and Engineering have little or no difference as they are all science students.
Infact in my 100 level studying Engineering in the university, we did almost thesame courses with medical students.

Maybe the parents had committed some grievous offences against him which he doesn't want to disclose!

guobe:
She is heartbroken and now blaming herself when she is actually not the problem.
Alot of us as kids passed through worst things from our parents but still we didn't hold the grudges against them.
A kid that holds a grudge against their parents even to the grave is evil

Stop using disdainful words to describe a situation you know little or nothing about.... people react to things differently and not everyone must be like you.

Mattswaggz:
Stop using disdainful words to describe a situation you know little or nothing about.... people react to things differently and not everyone must be like you.

Are you taking to his path already by abandoning your parents too?
Even if your parents offended you,did your siblings also offend you too.

Charbliss90:
➜Did you read all his post at all? In the post he said the claim not to know why he behaved that way, so he's curious why he brought it here

Um... curious while absolutely concluding that the boy is indeed lost and a bad person for not visiting his parents? I am gonna guess you did not process the conclusions that OP reached in his OP and his subsequent posts.

kayusely70:
Maybe the parents had committed some grievous offences against him which he doesn't want to disclose!

They didn't,to me the guy is pure evil 😈.

What you just shared isnt new, its everywhere, folks who saw their parents and siblings see them through overseas thinking they will be a means to break the family out of poverty suddenly turns against them and blank the entire family
A few causes

1. Foreign influence e.g marrying a foreign spouse who is alien to family values
2. Family could turn him to a cash cow and he ends up breaking loose and blanks them
3. Village people, I know some people might dount this but it's a reality

Last last person wey go loss go loss, as you can't even advise them

guobe:
They didn't,to me the guy is pure evil 😈.

Vodka woman jazz am ?

budaatum:
➜I know a child who was abused by her mother. The mother reported her to her friends in church and they intervened and spoke to the child.
The child told them what the mother had been doing, which included telling the daughter she should have been aborted when she was conceived, and blaming her for the break up of her mother's marriage, though it was the mother herself who ran off with another man, amongst various other things over the years.
They still told the daughter to go and apologise to the mother. So she told them how unfair it was to tell her to continue turning the other cheek instead of telling the mother to stop slapping her! They all shut up after that.

There are literally many stories of abusive Nigerian parents out there; many of those from such homes are, to this day, yet to realize that they were in fact abused by the same parents whom they continue to worship as though gods and infallible.

It is people like OP, particularly those from traditional and/or religious backgrounds, who are most notorious for perpetuating the abuse with their twisted narratives and interpretations of events.

guobe:
Are you taking to his path already by abandoning your parents too?
Even if your parents offended you,did your siblings also offend you too.

Hardly can anyone offend me because I don't let things like this get to me.....and also I don't believe in holding grudge except in extreme cases like dealing with "murderers" and the likes....and lastly my principles and priorities and also reactions to things in life are different from others.

Unlike you I am smart enough to know that I shouldn't draw conclusions on situations I don't have first hand informations about and also that people differs a lot..... I've seen a very dedicated lady whom takes her work seriously and hardly make mistake left work and didn't come back just because the boss shouted at her for a mistake she made which was even her first time.....I found it surprising but I didn't bother much because I know that people react differently to issues.

If you must call him "evil" present the facts to back your testimony against or keep shut and stop the gaslighting....it won't work against me. .

Una sure say e still dey alive?

Don't be quick to say someone just left their birth parents like that.

Ah, I know a few who are still ignoring their siblings... Siblings not parents.
These few cases only happened because the parents are no more, so they cut Nigeria and whoever they have as family here out of their lives

LyfeJennings:
➜Not all the time bro. I once knew a guy who ghosted his mum when he went to America. As at that time, I was processing my visa too So the mum linked me with her son. Things were going smoothly but after a while the guy ghosted everyone including his mum. The mum was going from one Alfa to another. Nothing wey the woman no do finish but this guy didn't pick his mum's call or returned it for over 5 years. Somehow the mum died, Alaye still no show. I now sent an email to the wife saying the mum is dead. The guy now called me crying. Some kids are just heartless . Just cold hearted kids. May we not be them or birth them

This story of yours is very stewpid! Want to know why?🥱🥱🥱

All you know is that the man went abroad. You have no idea what he may have had to suffer through with that woman before he finally got himself abroad. You do not know what other people his mother (who may have been a huge burden on his life and path) may have connected him with—probably without his permission too—all because he finally succeeded in leaving for abroad. You don't know the temperature of their relationship before he left and afterwards. But here you are certain that because she was going from one alfa to another — you don't even know what her relationship and seeks with those alfas really were— she was definitely a good mother to her son? Do you realize how this paints you as having poor judgment as far as people and the relationship between that mother and son? 🥱🥱

This write-up of yours here is yet another reason why Nigerians remain, to this day, some of the worst when it comes to empathizing with their fellow Nigerians both at home and abroad.

Please spare me from any follows to this, abeg! 🥱🥱🥱

Goldbw122:
There are a lot of people in this situation. When they are in Nigeria, they stay close to their family and do everything possible. But once they travel abroad, they slowly stop communicating. Some won’t even call or check in anymore, especially when it comes to sending money. They just cut off completely.

is it right?

budaatum:
So parents can rape their children, but the children should not cut off completely?

Why?

The guy seems ignorant and lacking logically.....He can't assimilate that people are different and react differently....there are people who all it takes is do something to them that is unjust and use the power and authority you have over them to shut them up,deal with them and refuse them the chance to defend themselves (verbally) to make them hate "you" like forever and this are things that are prevalent in most African homes of which most Africans see it as nothing.... Parents usually abuse their power and they belief that they can't be wrong regardless.

If he can't substantiate that the guy was never treated wrong at any point in time and that his decision to cut off was without reason then he should stop judging the guy and calling him bad names. .

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.

Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.

An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .

That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .

The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.

The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.

Its a pity
Only him can explain how comfortable he is, staying far away without communicating with his family

Dont be surprise he will come how empty hand and without children any day that woman chases him out

pansophist:
They probably treated him wrong.

Most families are dysfunctional. Most families have not been to a therapist, and make effort to purge out unhealthy patterns.

It’s very difficult for a person to cut off with their biological families, and men typically do that when they create their own family.

Lots of dysfunction in families are revealed during adulthood, since the parents will take the backseat and the children will continue from there.

How the siblings will relate with each other especially with the differences in financial status, educational level, life challenges and past resentment will depend on the love they have for each other.


Since the siblings are adults with agency, they will iron out their past resentment which might lead to a permanent breakdown of the relationship.

In many cases, it is parents that are the glue to sibling relationships. Without a present parent, most siblings ain’t fan of each other.

And the more successful a sibling is, the more likely he would be the target of the others who ain’t successful, hence, a pressing need for the successful one to just cut off.

This is probably what’s going on here.

some siblings are just cats and rats waiting for the right time in adulthood to strike a fatal blow on themselves.

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.

Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.

An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .

That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .

The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.

The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.

Are you people sure he is still alive?

frozen70:
Its a pity
Only him can explain how comfortable he is, staying far away without communicating with his family

Dont be surprise he will come how empty hand and without children any day that woman chases him out

That's if he is still alive.

budaatum:
One thing I've learnt is, siblings can assume they all got the same good treatment, when the truth might be that some are not treated as well as some. And though some may claim someone "was well treated as a kid", they don't know how the kid felt about its treatment.

I say the above to add rationality to the actions of this "kid". It is also possible that the kid's action might be irrational, and that he truly was treated well as a kid and now just does not care about his parent's no more, or it can be that his new location has its on hardships that have caused issues for him so his thinking is bent.

If we don't walk in his shoes we'd never know his journey, basically, and any judgement might be ill informed and hasty, and is definitely a "million dollar question", and "life".

This may be true, but he was obviously well treated. Sent to school and all. Others got it far worse. If he really took the route of COMPARING his treatment with that of his siblings, I can only say Smh.