₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkieee:
Registry marriages are partnership marriages by default, where the man and woman are equal partners in the marriage. In contrast, your traditional and church marriages are configured as the man as the head(master) and the woman as the subordinate/helper/slave to the man. So, you can see where you are wrong in assuming they are the same.

Kobojunkie:
1. Women bring emotional, mental and physical labor— invisible labor that they are never really ever fully compensated for— to their relationships, and so, yes, when a rich man marries himself a woman, he knows he betters his life by doing so, even when she brings no kobo to the marriage.

2. Many feminists are married, so that one way you dey talk no even mean anything at all. I am against women continuing to give their labor away for free to men who don't value, benefit them, and their dreams, in relationships, whether she is a feminist or not. We all saw how our grandmothers and mothers carried struggle-love for head, only to end up with none of their dreams realized, financially abused, in many cases, also physically abused, and most of them abandoned in marriage at the end of the day. The one's among them who turned breadwinners worked themselves to the bone, propping up a man who literally did not value them. Many were hated by the very man they regarded as their husband— all to maintain the Mrs. badge. No sane human being would want to support seeing the same continue on to even our children and grandchildren out there.

This ain't about any bullsheet authority but about women getting compensated for their efforts in marriage, which is meant to work out also in their good, not just for the man.

stop generalizing and just simply state what your grandfathers did to your grandmothers and maybe, MAYBE, what your children's grandfathers would do to their grandmothers

SIRTee15:
so what about protein? fish, chicken, turkey.
fruits?
beef, goat meat?
half a cartoon of chicken is around 25k
5 pieces of croaker fish is around 15k. even common titus, 2kg is 10k.
dey play.

SpencerForbes:
If wealth alone guaranteed success, our society wouldn't be dealing with so many rich brats today. The evidence is overwhelming: the majority of our most successful leaders and innovators did not experience luxury at the early stages of their lives. If wealth was the key, figures like Elon Musk wouldn’t be having widely publicized issues with his own children.

The truth is simple: an average family life coupled with proper training and solid values will always yield better results than a life of spoiled luxury and parental neglect. The latter can leads to individual failure and societal decay.

How much is minimum wage and who told you a family earning 200k is poor??

Aceed:
why are you an advocate for poverty? or haven't you seen an average family with bad training and values? or an average family with parental neglect? or the pros you are giving to the average family can also be given to a wealthy family

on the poor side of life, on the wealthy side of life, you can find both good and bad families on both side...

even an average family would always choose that they have higher income...isn't it why they work and hope for promotions?

SpencerForbes:
The simple truth is that everything in Nigeria boils down to financial management and strategic planning. You don’t have to buy everything in bulk at once; you can start small, buying just chicken and fish to store in the refrigerator, because you have a plan to scale.

As your income strategically increases, the quantity and quality of your food item increase with it. It’s not about the initial size of the money, but what you are actively doing with it.

A married man, even one earning only ₦100k, can still run a POS business on the side. When you combine that stability with a smart budget, tell me why he wouldn't have more than enough money to feed his family?

SpencerForbes:
Are you seriously insinuating that a couple earning a combined ₦200k are 'poor'? You completely sidestepped my questions, but let’s clarify the economics. We are discussing the middle class here, while you seem fixated on the lower class. For the record, the 'poor' or lower class are those earning below the minimum wage; anyone consistently earning above that, falls into the middle-income or higher class bracket.

If we were to strictly follow your statistics, look around your immediate environment:

how many 40-year-olds are legally earning a personal income above ₦150k? Are you suggesting that procreation should be the exclusive reserve of the wealthy?

By your logic, the millions of people in rural areas earning less than ₦50k—who definitely don’t have ₦5 million in savings—should just go extinct (so we can have more landed property for the rich).

The bottom line remains: a family generating over ₦200k can absolutely raise a child comfortably. The danger lies not in the income itself, but in having more mouths than your specific capacity can feed.

SIRTee15:
Look here, its up to u if u and your family shares one piece of meat or a piece of fish head as protein in your meal.
what we are talking here is living and eating decently with the least satisfactory comfort expected for a family.
50k wont cut it. That's the simple truth.

I know because I send money home regularly.

SpencerForbes:
I’m sure the man isn't sitting idle, he's planning for his future! The ₦50k stipend is purely a starting point and a base. He can learn a digital skill or run a side hustle that will boost his income over time. I gave the scenario of the POS business, but you were so fixated on the low money that you missed the leverage point. Are you suggesting that by running a hustle alongside the ₦50k, the man still won't have enough income to afford protein?

The plain truth is that too many Nigerians are fixated on the starting figure and complacent about growth. What stops a man earning ₦100k from learning or doing something else? We prefer to blame the government, but financial growth is personal. Use your other funds to save up and launch something scalable—like a small betting shop—and you could easily be pulling in over ₦500k income within a year to buy all the proteins you want.

That is the definition of strategic planning.

Aceed:
why are you trying to reach conclusions I never reached?

a 200k income can not get you a keke napep in 2years and you say that is not poverty?

BTW, statistics have shown that low income families have loose control over the number of mouth they are obligated to feed, most low income families birth more than what they can comfortably feed, three balanced diet meals a day, that is

Aceed:
what guarentees the income growth after marriage?

SpencerForbes:
If you’ve followed this entire thread, my recurring theme has always been strategic planning and wisdom. When the mind is focused on building a serious future, should a Keke Napep even be the immediate priority?

That said, even low assets can be gotten with strategy. You can learn software development for ₦200k (two months’ salary), or if you prefer fixed assets, you can easily start a Keke Napep or Uber car hire purchase plan. A lot of people earning far lower incomes have successfully acquired these assets by paying in bits while driving. You truly have no grounds for your argument. When strategic planning is involved, everything will fall into place.


I am not trying to put words in your mouth; I am simply showing you the bigger picture of your own points and the overall effect of following your pattern of thought.

all those self development and investments and improvements that you advice after marriage, why can't they be made before marriage?

if they work fine, a better life
if they don't, you drink garri alone

the overall effect of my pattern of thought? a proper DJ

people should suffer alone for their decisions, let those who want to help, help

not making people suffer through fatherhood when they could have had way better options in life

even the Lord Jesus who was born in a manger, his father could afford a trip to egypt and back

Kobojunkie:
If you cannot struggle alone and make it on your own, what will adding more mouths(burdens) to your already stressed life do? Make una dey use una head abeg! 🥱🥱

2. Which population collapse? The world reached overpopulation levels back in 1970 when the population of the world crossed the 5 billion people mark. Since then, the only people that have benefited from the boom were corporations that need cheap slaves to make more money than they need. 🥱🥱

The last thing the world needs is more people.

ibechris:
This is how to know a poor man. I really pity u especially if u are still single.

U can use wrapper or plantain leaves to wrap ur children.

Luddite!

Aceed:
all those self development and investments and improvements that you advice after marriage, why can't they be made before marriage?

if they work fine, a better life
if they don't, you drink garri alone

SpencerForbes:
Family life is a continuous process, not an end product. You and your partner must constantly be building yourselves to the point where your children will genuinely be proud of your legacy. True security is found in self-development, not just employment.

Regardless of the job one finds, every man should always equip himself with at least three skills and actively plan for self-employment. While I didn't introduce the skill-building concept earlier, the reality remains: any man earning above ₦100k who fails to develop himself is simply not serious and is unfit for marriage.

Once you start a job, the first two months are for settling down, but by the third month, you should be enrolling for part-time studies, pursuing a second degree to boost your CV, or starting a profitable side hustle. Any man earning above ₦100k—even if his salary is ₦1 million—who doesn't prioritize continuous self-development is fundamentally unfit to be a husband.

Aceed:
all those self development and investments and improvements that you advice after marriage, why can't they be made before marriage?

if they work fine, a better life
if they don't, you drink garri alone

the overall effect of my pattern of thought? a proper DJ

people should suffer alone for their decisions, let those who want to help, help

not making people suffer through fatherhood when they could have had way better options in life

even the Lord Jesus who was born in a manger, his father could afford a trip to egypt and back

Aceed:
the question still, why aren't all these had before marriage rather than after marriage?

Because I don't see how a man can be engaged in all these and still think of marriage with an income of 100k not showing any significant improvement?

SpencerForbes:
It's clear you’re totally out of viable points, but I’ll still engage this final time. Normally, a focused man should have handled this self-development within the first two years of his employment. The only reason I purposely avoided adding this argument earlier was to work strictly within the initial context provided.

Let me give you my own example: I comprehensively learned graphic designing in six months for even less than[b] ₦100k[/b]. Now, consider this: a man dedicated to his goals should easily be able to save more than ₦500k within two years of consistent employment. Given that reality, why are you arguing that he wouldn't be able to learn any valuable skill with that kind of capital before or during his family life?

what I am saying is it is not understandable that a man chooses to upskill and develop himself and it is not paying off significantly, no significant change in income, he then decides to go marry?

now, I see that you are talking from YOUR perspective too which is alright by me

it is good that you have learnt graphics design, will you be willing to say how much percentage of your main salary that your graphics design brings it?

also, that you are able to make things work doesn't mean your category of individuals is the common occurence, there are much more people who took similar steps which didn't pay off or haven't paid off

so I still stand by the opinion that all these should be done before marriage

and any man or married man with 500k salary without contingency plans deserves what comes for him the day he finds himself being laid off

3Si69:
No, you will work in the office because the company also working for compines in abroad so, you have to be in the office to use the computer and the internet provided.

Kobojunkie:
It is better to clock 80 with money in your account and you being able to live a life of less suffering with that money— having friends in your bracket, and your healthcare needs taken care of with your money— than to be 80, sick and miserable with all your kids struggling every day to eke out a living and your wife stressing you that there is no food to eat. 🥱🥱🥱

Hhh4444:
➜Nice one,some of them are hoping their children would rescue them from porverty. Very uselezz mindset to have.

Aceed:
45k in 2016 is about $180 in 2016 which is almost 300k in 2025, using the current exchange rate

be realistic

Kobojunkie:
Children we dey struggle to keep themselves alive go get time for old papa who failed to save up for his own old age? Abegi! Most of those children worry instead that those old men are living past their usefulness. 🥱🥱🥱

Hhh4444:
➜Many people really need reorientation of the mind. How can someone still have this kind of mindset in this 2025 It's absurd.

Thomas1186:
➜PLS I NEED URGENT ADVISE AND SOLUTION! Each time our marriage breaks, my business gets stuck and all manners of evils happen to me at the same time.
We did a couple of business together before she suddenly became attractive to me one day when I saw her. I wooed her and we dated for just 2 months and got married the third month.
Few weeks into the marriage I discovered she had a traveling bag full of celestial materials like oils, crosses, perfumes, candles, to mention but a few. When I confronted her, her brother called and told me not to be angry that they are celestial members, whereas she told me she is a Roman Catholic. This was the beginning of discoveries.
Later on, I realised she lied to me about her parents, health condition, age and almost everything else. She is a lawyer. She hates everyone around her, doesn't forgive and she has no friend. When I'm sleeping, she search my phone, pockets and bags.
One night, she was watching a movie on her phone and she slept off, so as I picked it, I saw her chat with her male lawyer friend. I realised that everything we discuss at home, she chats it with the guy and also told the guy to prepare a prenuptial agreement for her, that would State that at the end of our marriage, everything we bought together would be hers. So, the lawyer asked her how she was going to get me to sign the agreement, and she said she was going to get me to sign it without knowing it. And a lot more. She began to accuse me of women, and infidelity.
Fast forward, there were so many problems that I had to send her away and immediately after that, everything was upside down for me: my business was stuck, I was duped of a huge amount of money. I had an accident and I couldn't walk. Everything was in jeopardy.
➜ We finally came back together and her character and attitude, disrespect for me, my family and friends etc, became times three. It got to a point that I was almost running mad. It became totally unbearable and I had to finally send her away. But before then, I calculated everything she has ever contributed financially to my life and I refunded her. Then I told her it can't work that I cannot continue. that she should leave.
➜ And that happened about 4 months ago. From the moment I gave her that money, everything becomes stuck. I either have a client who would agree to do business but after then, he or she would never call again or take my calls. But if he or she takes my call and is ready to pay, minutes before they make payment someone else would make the payment. I am into real estate. This has been the case for the past 4 months. The truth is that she doesn't eat catfish and sometimes make statements like can you come home I want to pray for you so that your business will work come and let me pray for you.
➜ Another problem is that her younger brother is like a god that sits for her. She reports everything that happened in our marriage to him. He was the commander and decision maker of everything. The one who sent her perfumes and oils once a little thing happens. I have prayed and prayed but still my business no longer works at all. It's just disappointment now. I have requested for my Downy and it's been refunded. Pls help.

Cromagnon:
you know poor men have more kids than you pretending to be rich

maasoap:
You need to sit down and re-examine your finances and adjust because it looks like you are living above your means. What is your wife doing because you only mentioned your own income? It would be difficult for you to grow financially (saving/investing) this way unless there are some missing information about your income

SIRTee15:
so what about protein? fish, chicken, turkey.
fruits?
beef, goat meat?
half a cartoon of chicken is around 25k
5 pieces of croaker fish is around 15k. even common titus, 2kg is 10k.
dey play.

Aceed:
45k in 2016 is about $180 in 2016 which is almost 300k in 2025, using the current exchange rate

be realistic

truthhurts2:
Look here...all those things can be achieved or gotten and/substitute for.

Is it that compulsory to eat chicken or turkey?

And if you want to eat fish must you go for the expensive one? We have the less expensive ones which for just family of 3 will eat a kilo or half for 4 days or more, and even, is it a must you must eat fish or meat or chicken every blessed day?

And I can see you mention fruits... I just want to ask you a question, DO YOU PERSONALLY EAT FRUIT EVERY DAY? WHEN LAST HAVE YOU EATEN ONE?

And please hope you don't forget what we are having discussion on... You said no way 50k will be enough to feed FAMILY OF 3. That's the sub-topic.