₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
Trying to use the rare cases attributed to people who may have sociopathic tendencies, a severe minority in every population, to gauge occurrences among the majority is what is a lie, i.e., of falsehood. Nothing that I stated confirms any of your claims. Please, work on your language comprehension skills. I think I have said this to you many times before.

Tell me what 4% of 7 billion is. I'm waiting!

Great topic. Logged in late.

Has any of thought of the fact that some older men, fathers, actually look forward to being alone at older age. Especially between the ages of 55 and 75 when they are still physically fit.

Having been surrounded by people-family members- all through my life, i can't wait to be be alone in the house at age 60 or thereabout. Being alone is not the same as being lonely.

Once the money is available, a man can have a very enjoyable life living alone. Babes, fine wine, music and exquisite cuisine. Besides, you can always employ a maid for household chores.

Having enough money and not worrying about rent is the key.

Lovelydaisies:
I love your comment. There's no heaping blames on the wives as the cause of men's loneliness. Just good advice for them.

I'll add : be good to your wives, because they'll often return the energy you gave them early on.

Wives, be good to your husbands, don't say bad things about them, when they are not around, to the children. They'll eventually see for themselves who their father is. Help your men, they're doing a lot for the family.

Let love lead.

It is true that some men treat their wives badly while they were younger couples (when they are strong, virile and have the aura of invincibility around them. Their is money, strength etc) and it is only natural that wives want to return the same energy when men become older and the Tables turned. It is okay but it is not good.

We can write tomes on such behavior from now till Kingdom come but one thing I have noticed and experience is that Love, Friendship and Companionship can make the situation change. As a man, extend that to your wife and children and if after that, they cling to their Mother, lay it not to heart, this things are bound to happen. So, be prepared.

Build support systems, be active in the life of your nephews, Nieces etc.

Cherish your friends, support them in any way you can, the investments will also come back whether it is negative or positive.

And above all, be prayerful that God put in their hearts mercy and kindness towards you. We all we need it.

Be prepared.

Eventually, we all will be lonely someday.

Kobojunkie:
The male loneliness epidemic affecting the world today impacts both married and single men alike. If you choose to blame Marriage, then why do single men also suffer the same problem of loneliness?

2. The problem has been studied and said to be caused by men's refusal to connect on an emotional, social, and mental level with friends, wives, and children. It is all linked to some unhealthy relationship many men have with their emotions in the way of identifying, relating, and managing them.

3. No matter how many wives and children a man has, he is still likely to end up alone and die alone, even then if he refuses to do the needful. Go village today, and you will find many lonely men like the one described by the OP. The family will likely show up after his death to perform whatever is necessary for them to get their hands on anything the man left behind, though.

How can a man have such level of connection with the kids....when:
1. He is out of the home before Dawn to work his butts off and get back late at Night
2. He has to face massive daily Stress and tension at work for 40Years
3. He has to enact discipline whenever he is around to prevent the kids from derailing morally


it's really a sad story for men to end this way

Bahamas95:
When you plan your life very well no child would forget you in old age. Parenting is not only about providing food and shelter for your children. Build that conscience and connection with them at a young age.

with which time?
when you leave home before Dawn and come back at 10pm daily?
for 40 years?

66uvie:
Make sure you have money or you are financially comfortable at old age.

Wow, in this terrible economy,
is this really Achievable?

Orlandoo:
The question is, will you also do the same to your husband, just like your mom is doing for you dad, without bringing up the jezeblic tendencies?

A touching Question!

Shikena:
In my opinion people just have to broaden their minds and horizon.

Stop thinking that your happiness comes from others. Find happiness from within and that's what understanding and embracing solitude is all about. Learn solitude from early days, embrace it and thrive in it.

If you are easily bored then you are not deep enough. Stay still and dig deep or else old age will be tough even if you are surrounded by 20 people. The history of life is loaded with mastery of the art of solitude. It makes everything fun in a quiet way!

You are Absolutely Right!
Be Independent as a Man before old age.

Be able to do everything your wife does for you by yourself, and be happy to do it.
and pray against life threating illnesses

professore:
And how we love, show up, and stay connected today determines whether later years feel full… or painfully hollow.

i wish men could Abandon their job in that case...
and focus on connection by staying at home.

what do you think?

correctguy101:
Its normal na.

Hope you're treating ya own father differently?

Personally, I don't think I mind it all. I've always been one that loves being alone. I might miss someone but to constantly have people around me? It's somehow na.... When I can't get things done and will be needing someone all the time, will be when I'll expire. Gods forbid badt thing..

Kobo said some strange people studied whatever and their conclusion is to blame men. Chai.... Men don suffer for these people hands...

living alone is really nice. But the only Worry is ill heath.

I remember a Scene at the general hospital some time ago....

The man was alone on Admission (on bed, cannot move)....
The nurses were asking him.... don't you have kids, wife or relatives that can help go get/buy the Injections you'll need at the pharmacy?
He was told: when you get the injections, let us know!

I cringed at the realization that you will need relatives COMPULSORILY.
Old age alone is Scary!!

maasoap:
I enjoyed your unbiased contribution. I'm for polygamy but if it doesn't work out, I'm equally open to adoption. I have been thinking about the two in recent time. I want kids in my house for as long as I can train and handle them

To train , na money o

school, transport, feeding, medicals, including your own at old age too
its not an easy task financially

ultraviolet27:
I am surprised many male nairalanders are even blaming the men thank God many of you be man too and you go old I pray you no go jam manipulate wives and seriously seun needs to do something about this spam bot that will just be banning people anyhow if not your forum members will reduce drastically imagine one can't express herself again even when your comment had no insults you will be banned!

Back to the topic I am a woman and I wonder how a Dad whose job description doesn't permit him closing before 7 will bond with the kids on weekdays if not only on weekend my mum was a retired teacher later became a principal who closes by 2:30 to 3 at times while my dad a lecturer and sometimes Hod closes by 6 and even after that organises meetings and seminars too so who will have time to bond with the kids more if the job description were reversed won't it be our dad who will bond with us more? still doesn't make my mom not loving us too especially as my mum also have holidays which will make her available to the kids more compared to my dad who even in his 8 years of lecturing I didn't think he had sabbatical more than 3 times and that was to further his studies

It's the job of a good wife to still impart in the kids that despite their dads job schedule doesn't allow him have enough time doesn't mean he isn't still caring for them more kids value things that are physical to them even though it's minute and perishable than more important things that will last more and will better their future my mom buys clothes and shoes for us yet we we will appreciate it more and even complained that my dad don't do this for us my mom will then caution us that so our dad who pays our school fees,buy books,take us for medical care ,and buys foodstuffs don't also care for us?or are they not even more important than shoes and clothes that will fade and tear and that we should always appreciate him the more also but you know some other wife's will never correct their kids and let them assume their father isn't loving or caring to them?
I am a mom now also and I understand better I take care of both my parents even my dad more because I understood his sacrifices for us.

even when he started living with an hereditary delibitating illness which exhausted him and was later involuntarily retired,was owed his pension and arrears for few years before he was paid and my mum became the sole breadwinner she never made it known that all the tuition fees and materials she bought for us while in the higher institutions didn't come from my dad, even though we knew the reality then never did she rub it on his face or let it potray to her own family.
my mum could never leave her husby and travel for a week even when we had grown up and could cook she could never travel then more than a week probably because they are destined for each other when my brother wanted to name his son in Ibadan and my mum was invited both my parents couldn't go because of dads health and he couldn't drive his car at a long distance again I even thought my mum will stay like 3 weeks to familiarize with the baby mbah o after 6 days she ran back to ekiti though her in-law (my brothers wife mum) was there too despite she knew I and our last born was with my dad then: we were keeping him company and still taking care of him we were even old enough to be married too then oo

my mum will warn us that if any of us is abroad and wants her to come visit or live permanently she isn't going without her husband but many of our nowadays mother's can never do that how can you abandon your man at old age to go live with your kids?if I use the correct word now bot will ban me and it isn't as if it's because she was my dad's only wife even that was how her grandmother whom she took after her character was she was loving,loyal,and devoted till the end and she wasnt her great grandpa's only wife.
society isn't fair on men so I prefer they even marry more than a wife at least all of them won't neglect him for the kids at old age

I pray my son marries someone who will love him unconditionally as my mom loves my dad so also should you nairaland men pray to marry a woman like my mum who is also wise may you not jam a manipulative,unfeeling,self centered woman who will render all your sacrifices on your kids as a waste!!

This is no longer available o

OvertheTop:
To train , na money o

school, transport, feeding, medicals, including your own at old age too
its not an easy task financially

Yes. Both marrying additional wife and having kids again or adopting kid(s) is for people who have adequate resources my brother

OvertheTop:
living alone is really nice. But the only Worry is ill heath.

I remember a Scene at the general hospital some time ago....

The man was alone on Admission (on bed, cannot move)....
The nurses were asking him.... don't you have kids, wife or relatives that can help go get/buy the Injections you'll need at the pharmacy?
He was told: when you get the injections, let us know!

I cringed at the realization that you will need relatives COMPULSORILY.
Old age alone is Scary!!

Huh... I don't know what it'll be like. But I'm sure I'll prefer to kick jerrycan if I'm ever reduced to that. What's the point of living? I was once dependent
on mummy and daddy because I couldn't even think for myself let alone handle normal human matters. So after being able to take care of myself and others, I'll now let my own Royal Self revert to such helplessness? I might not tell anyone but I'll surely exit myself from existence...

I know I'm very casual with things like that as I've explored it before just to check something about myself back when I was younger.

correctguy101:
Huh... I don't know what it'll be like. But I'm sure I'll prefer to kick jerrycan if I'm ever reduced to that. What's the point of living? I was once dependent
on mummy and daddy because I couldn't even think for myself let alone handle normal human matters. So after being able to take care of myself and others, I'll now let my own Royal Self revert to such helplessness? I might not tell anyone but I'll surely exit myself from existence...

I know I'm very casual with things like that as I've explored it before just to check something about myself back when I was younger.

You think like me bro....if it ever gets to that point for me,I would gladly exit myself.

Hhh4444:
You think like me bro....if it ever gets to that point for me,I would gladly exit myself.

I always knew I can't be the only one with such thoughts.

I once knowingly did something to myself when I was younger. I for don go o... It was not our of helplessness but mad curiosity. Chai, I jhus look gentle for nothing, I no well abeg... Lols

correctguy101:
Huh... I don't know what it'll be like. But I'm sure I'll prefer to kick jerrycan if I'm ever reduced to that. What's the point of living? I was once dependent
on mummy and daddy because I couldn't even think for myself let alone handle normal human matters. So after being able to take care of myself and others, I'll now let my own Royal Self revert to such helplessness? I might not tell anyone but I'll surely exit myself from existence...

I know I'm very casual with things like that as I've explored it before just to check something about myself back when I was younger.

hmmm. i understand that feeling...
that means you Hate being a burden to others....

OvertheTop:
hmmm. i understand that feeling...
that means you Hate being a burden to others....

Ah..

You put it plain... And here I thought I was hiding things with many nonsense talk.... Smh

I really don't like the feeling of being like that. I've been there, and unless you kih me first, I'm not going back there.

From my teens, I've been a loner.

But I go have a mother and children wey just like to dey enter my space even when I want to be alone. Dem no send me and I can't change that. I confess I don't want to change that. That temporary change has never affected who I truly am. A proud comfortable loner. Ah, can't say that anymore as the internet is not like books, I can now interact with others who've read what I read. And many are wereys, some like myself, some like real wereys.

Lovelydaisies:
✓ I love your comment. There's no heaping blames on the wives as the cause of men's loneliness. Just good advice for them.
I'll add : be good to your wives, because they'll often return the energy you gave them early on.
Wives, be good to your husbands, don't say bad things about them, when they are not around, to the children. They'll eventually see for themselves who their father is. Help your men, they're doing a lot for the family. Let love lead.

Why do you feel the need to add this part even when the other posted knew not to add it? What makes you believe a woman must be under some sort of obligation towards the man she is married to in this? Don't you see that you are doing exactly what you pretended you loved of what the other commenter did which is to not to pretend the buck, as far as the man's loneliness in marriage, should stop at the door of the woman? 🥱🥱🥱

Why must you make the wife have some responsibility in raising the husband even when the problem stems from irresponsibility on his part as an adult? 🥱🥱

By the way, what is love? You do realize that the main issue behind loneliness is a lack of self-love? (And no, you can't blame that one the wife since only a man can give himself self-love - healthy validation that comes from within and not from without.). So, if the love you keep wishing on him is the external kind, doesn't this invariably mean you are yourself not mature enough to engage in discussions such as this?

OvertheTop:
✓ How can a man have such level of connection with the kids....when:
1. He is out of the home before Dawn to work his butts off and get back late at Night
2. He has to face massive daily Stress and tension at work for 40Years
3. He has to enact discipline whenever he is around to prevent the kids from derailing morally
it's really a sad story for men to end this way

Many women also work the long schedules outside of their homes that you pretend only men do and yes, they also manage to make out time for their children even then. Growing up, we had no cell phones or Internet yet, those fathers who valued their children always made time for them even if only on the weekends or an hour here and there during the week. Talk less of today were we have gadgets to help people stay in contact with loved ones even if during the work week. There are no excuses!

2. Every human being on this planet, including jobless and mentally ill people who can't work as a result of illness facts massive stress and tension on a regular basis. Still, those who are intentional about it all learn to cope and overcome the stress making sure it does not take them away from their duties and responsibilities. Those struggling with illness seek counseling/therapy or treatment for the stress and tension that plagues them on a daily basis all so as to improve quality of life for them and those around them. There exists no valid reasons fof why a father who is not the President of the greatest nation on the planet should insist that he is unable to connect to his own children living under the same roof which he sleeps in regularly.

3. In other words, he thinks it his place to enact this discipline and moral nonsense over children he, at the same time, refuses to connect with? Bullsheet!

If a man don't understand what it means to be at least a decent father to one's kids, there are more than enough books out there to teach one these things these days. Yes, instead of making up excuses for why common sense should not be expected of men who claim to be fathers, pick up books to learn what it means to be a father and how to be exactly that.

OvertheTop:
✓ with which time? when you leave home before Dawn and come back at 10pm daily? for 40 years?

The same 24 hours available to you in each day is the same available to the woman and to the children.

Most women now work either the same schedules their husbands work or more. Yet they make out time to connect with their children even at that. Learn from the women if you have to, and stop making excuses for why even as a human being, a man should not be held to the same standards that other humans are.

OvertheTop:
✓ You are Absolutely Right!
Be Independent as a Man before old age.
Be able to do everything your wife does for you by yourself, and be happy to do it. and pray against life threating illnesses

These are all things that single childfree men and women do too. So, what is the point in marriage and children for such men?

Many fathers made childhood so difficult. They pass anger to anyone. I think the most difficult one is beating of their mothers. Observing their mother's being beaten can be traumatizing to children.

Don't beat your wifey - for you will the price in your old age!

Kobojunkie:
These are all things that single childfree men and women do too. So, what is the point in marriage and children for such men?

armyofone:
➜Many fathers made childhood so difficult. They pass anger to anyone. I think the most difficult one is beating of their mothers. Observing their mother's being beaten can be traumatizing to children.

The saddest part of it all is that the trauma and emotional dysregulation that those children learn from their fathers is passed on to the next generation. If the man's contribution is mostly trauma, that becomes a generational curse of sorts, then I am all for encouraging more and more men to go without marriage and go childfree altogether.

Yea, excellent from you.

Thanks for bringing more light to it. You are very correct. Its not about brainwashing but showing genuine love.

Thanks so much.

Sorry for my late reply.

Kobojunkie:
What is described in the OP has nothing to do with nature, but the result of human action, or in this case, inaction. This is the typical end of men who refuse to bond emotionally, mentally, and physically with their children and wives, or with their siblings and friends. This phenomenon has been studied, and yes, there is a male loneliness epidemic today, a result of the pattern of refusal by many men to connect in meaningful ways with their very friends and family when the chance to do so was before them. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Trying to further brainwash your baby boys into worshipping you will not remove the problem. Men need to learn to become emotionally and socially intelligent human beings, like humans are supposed to be. The onus is on men to learn to become better human beings overall, so they can connect with their fellow human beings on a level that best works for the species; stop expecting that you can use others to do the work for you. 🥱🥱

From your write-up, your dad did alot of things that you could see the emotional bonding.

For the fact that daddy gave you naira-notes to take your babe out, that is the obvious picture of bonding with you. He was so intentional.

See, apart from the usual school fee, pocket money for school, feeding, textbooks, clothes, shelter, if your dad can gift you something(physical gift or mental advise which will see you through life) out of the usual things, you will tend to bond more with him. And fathers usually do the special lovings for only the girl-child.
You will observe dat apart from paying school fees, fathers can gift their girl-child iPhone dis or that, or they can rent very good apartment for their girl-child in school, while you will be staying in campus hostel that is dirty and overcrowded!

Almost anything the girl ask for, it will be delivered to her.
Fathers tend to abandon male-children to face life brutally, except some few fathers though.
That is why when niggas make it in life, they tend to praise their moms more because she was the one always providing that extra stuffs and replying to their attention fast.

Osiris12:
im not sure about what you wrote.
Mom died when I was young. Dad picked up both roles. Including cooking and going to the market. He go sneak into our bathroom to check on our toiletries. He once gave me money to take my gf on a date

Yea, you are correct.
Its just some.

I appreciate.

Flangelo12:
Your personal experience is not a yardstick for all fathers.

Some of us had the best fathers one could imagine.

I appreciate.

PepeXKermit:
rubbish talk

Yea, absolute nice from you.

Some percentage of Dads actually.

I appreciate.

TUANKU:
"Fathers really don not mark any presence in the boy-child life"
Speak for yourself...don't generalize your situation.

Yea, absolutely.

But they will always feel that sadness of hurting a good and friendly Dad!

I appreciate.

olabrad:
Some of them will still do shiit despite being intentional with their lives

Wow. Your father was a real gee. You can feel the bonding because it was very obvious.

I appreciate.

Dalohad:
My father raised me and was 100% present in my life..
While in school, he would visit unexpectedly.
Have a problem with a course, he would see the lecturer or seek counsel from the HOD.

He was there up till Doctoral level cheering me on all my wins.

When he sick, I was ready to empty all my saving on his hospital bills and I did. No regrets.

Only men can mould men. My father moulded men and women in all professions, including many that were not his own children.

Businessmen, Doctors, Economists, Scientists, Pharmacists, Engrs, Industrialists, lawyers he has had trained them all.

He loves education, even though he had little of it.

I told him yesterday, that his name will live longer him..He smiled.

Okay.

What i mean by intentional is doing things out of the usual.

Girls always get that special bonding from fathers, while the boys are left to their fate.

A girl can tell her dad she needs iPhone dis or dad or some sophisticated brands, dad will gift it to her, but the boys will be ignored.

Am talking about the extra-added stuffs which will aid you in life apart from the usual school fee, textbook, school pocket money, food, shelter.
Those extra stuffs are the real bonding/intentional, not the usual obligations.
It can also be honest and powerful words of advice which can propel you through life, not just physical gifts.

I appreciate.

maasoap:
And the daughters? Any theory on that? Because, some fathers have both while some have only the daughters