₦airaland Forum

Hello everyone. I hope you’re all having a good day.

I’m in a bit of a dilemma right now and I genuinely need advice from people with experience. I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.

I’ve been with this lady for almost a year. It has mostly been good, with some bad moments as well, you know how relationships can be. One issue I’ve noticed for a while now (and yes, you can blame me for tolerating it) is that she lacks a supportive spirit. By support, I don’t mean financial support, though that wouldn’t be a bad thing either, but that’s not what I’m expecting at all.

Let me give an example. She expects me to handle almost everything: making enquiries, figuring things out, taking initiative on all matters. In most situations, she hardly contributes ideas or offers suggestions. On top of that, she struggles with accountability. Whenever there’s an issue, she prefers to dismiss it rather than address it properly.

These issues have caused a lot of arguments in the past. At one point, we even broke up for a while. When we got back together, she promised to work on herself and make changes, and for some time, it seemed like she was trying. But now it’s starting to feel like this is just who she is, and that real change may not be possible.

Things have progressed quite far between us. I've met with her parents and vice versa, and her family has started asking that my family should come over. We had already agreed that this would happen early next year. However, in the past few days, she has started displaying those same behaviours again, and it has given me serious cold feet.

I’m honestly considering calling everything off. I know it would disappoint a lot of people, but at this point, I don’t even seem to care. I’m worried about committing to something I may regret later.

I really need sincere, brotherly or fatherly advice right now. If I were your brother or your son, what would you advise me to do?

P.S. Please, if you don’t have anything meaningful to contribute and only intend to insult or mock, kindly don’t comment. That’s the last thing I need at this moment.

Sophier:
✓ I’m honestly considering calling everything off. I know it would disappoint a lot of people, but at this point, I don’t even seem to care. I’m worried about committing to something I may regret later.
I really need sincere, brotherly or fatherly advice right now. If I were your brother or your son, what would you advise me to do?
P.S. Please, if you don’t have anything meaningful to contribute and only intend to insult or mock, kindly don’t comment. That’s the last thing I need at this moment.

Go ahead and call it off since you are already considering doing it again. You already said you had to break up because of the issue and now you are considering doing it again meaning this issue is a real red flag for you. 🥱🥱

It doesn't mean the girl is a bad person but that you both are probably not good for each other at this point and that is OK.

Sophier:
Hello everyone. I hope you’re all having a good day.

I’m in a bit of a dilemma right now and I genuinely need advice from people with experience. I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.

I’ve been with this lady for almost a year. It has mostly been good, with some bad moments as well, you know how relationships can be. One issue I’ve noticed for a while now (and yes, you can blame me for tolerating it) is that she lacks a supportive spirit. By support, I don’t mean financial support, though that wouldn’t be a bad thing either, but that’s not what I’m expecting at all.

Let me give an example. She expects me to handle almost everything: making enquiries, figuring things out, taking initiative on all matters. In most situations, she hardly contributes ideas or offers suggestions. On top of that, she struggles with accountability. Whenever there’s an issue, she prefers to dismiss it rather than address it properly.

These issues have caused a lot of arguments in the past. At one point, we even broke up for a while. When we got back together, she promised to work on herself and make changes, and for some time, it seemed like she was trying. But now it’s starting to feel like this is just who she is, and that real change may not be possible.

Things have progressed quite far between us. I've met with her parents and vice versa, and her family has started asking that my family should come over. We had already agreed that this would happen early next year. However, in the past few days, she has started displaying those same behaviours again, and it has given me serious cold feet.

I’m honestly considering calling everything off. I know it would disappoint a lot of people, but at this point, I don’t even seem to care. I’m worried about committing to something I may regret later.

I really need sincere, brotherly or fatherly advice right now. If I were your brother or your son, what would you advise me to do?

P.S. Please, if you don’t have anything meaningful to contribute and only intend to insult or mock, kindly don’t comment. That’s the last thing I need at this moment.

Have you tried thinking aback and you're sure that she hasn't offered at least one support or suggestion and how did you react to it?


I also know women that stop offering suggestions to their guys because the guy always wave it off and will prefer taking advice from a stranger rather than his woman.


I need you to sit her down and talk to her again and let her know her mistake, I'm sure she will try to fix it again.

Every human has their flaws, you can choose to overlook it and live with it forever or walk away.

RevenuesBoost:
Have you tried thinking aback and you're sure that she hasn't offered at least one support or suggestion and how did you react to it?


I also know women that stop offering suggestions to their guys because the guy always wave it off and will prefer taking advice from a stranger rather than his woman.


I need you to sit her down and talk to her again and let her know her mistake, I'm sure she will try to fix it again.

Every human has their flaws, you can choose to overlook it and live with it forever or walk away.

I appreciate your contribution, ma.

To answer your question, I know this may sound exaggerated, but I have thought deeply about it and I honestly cannot recall a single time she has offered any meaningful suggestions or opinions. It seems this is simply who she is, and she may not be willing to change. I have genuinely tried to overlook this out of love, but I’ve come to realize that these things are very important to me.

In fact, I am the kind of man who wants to do everything with his woman, to be friends, confidants, and partners in every sense. There is no situation in which I would dismiss her input; her opinions would always matter to me.

Kobojunkie:
Go ahead and call it off since you are already considering doing it again. You already said you had to break up because of the issue and now you are considering doing it again meaning this issue is a real red flag for you. 🥱🥱

It doesn't mean the girl is a bad person but that you both are probably not good for each other at this point and that is OK.

Hmm! Well, I guess you're right. Thank you.

He said he needs brotherly or fatherly advice

Strikes me as a person who is just looking for his fellow kinds to validate his already made up mind to call off everything


Although you didn't ask for sisterly or motherly advice

But iwill give my advice anyways
Kindly call it off

Let me be honest with you: some women were trained to believe that as a woman, they are mere spectators while the man is supposed to shoulder all responsibilities and take all the major decisions in a relationship. Would you blame her? Society has crowned men as the head, and she is just acting accordingly.

Perhaps she took after her mom. Funnily, there are men who don't mind women like that and would happily assert their authority. Since it's a big deal to you, and she isn't willing to change, then you might as well just call it quits or manage her like that.

Carndidlaydid:
He said he needs brotherly or fatherly advice

Strikes me as a person who is just looking for his fellow kinds to validate his already made up mind to call off everything


Although you didn't ask for sisterly or motherly advice

But iwill give my advice anyways
Kindly call it off

Sisterly or motherly advice is absolutely welcome as well. My bad for not including that earlier, and thank you for your input.

We4all:
Let me be honest with you: some women were trained to believe that as a woman, they are mere spectators while the man is supposed to shoulder all responsibilities and take all the major decisions in a relationship. Would you blame her? Society has crowned men as the head, and she is just acting accordingly.

Perhaps she took after her mom. Funnily, there are men who don't mind women like that and would happily assert their authority. Since it's a big deal to you, and she isn't willing to change, then you might as well just call it quits or manage her like that.

Hmm
You’re actually right. I’ve genuinely tried to understand her and accept that that’s just how she is, but I’ve come to realize that I really can’t.
Thanks for your input, sir.

Sophier:
➜Hmm You’re actually right. I’ve genuinely tried to understand her and accept that that’s just how she is, but I’ve come to realize that I really can’t. Thanks for your input, sir.

. As I said, your girlfriend — hopefully, now your ex—is not wrong to have her mind configured as it is, and you are not wrong for not wanting to deal with someone who will not be a partner in your relationship— someone looking to be a subordinate in the relationship— and that is OK too. Go out there and find yourself a woman who is looking for a partner and not a master/leader.

You are to have ideas of anything concerning the family. The woman can contribute some mental awareness but its optional and not mandatory/obligation.

Like are you really expecting a female to give out nice ideas! Lol! You go old!

Women stay with men who will direct, dictate to them and expand their ideas.

Her mindset is not really good and she needs a therapist she need serious counseling

Sophier:
Hello everyone. I hope you’re all having a good day.

I’m in a bit of a dilemma right now and I genuinely need advice from people with experience. I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.

I’ve been with this lady for almost a year. It has mostly been good, with some bad moments as well, you know how relationships can be. One issue I’ve noticed for a while now (and yes, you can blame me for tolerating it) is that she lacks a supportive spirit. By support, I don’t mean financial support, though that wouldn’t be a bad thing either, but that’s not what I’m expecting at all.

Let me give an example. She expects me to handle almost everything: making enquiries, figuring things out, taking initiative on all matters. In most situations,she hardly contributes ideas or offers suggestions. On top of that, she struggles with accountability. Whenever there’s an issue, she prefers to dismiss it rather than address it properly.

These issues have caused a lot of arguments in the past. At one point, we even broke up for a while. When we got back together, she promised to work on herself and make changes, and for some time, it seemed like she was trying. But now it’s starting to feel like this is just who she is, and that real change may not be possible.

Things have progressed quite far between us. I've met with her parents and vice versa, and her family has started asking that my family should come over. We had already agreed that this would happen early next year. However, in the past few days, she has started displaying those same behaviours again, and it has given me serious cold feet.

I’m honestly considering calling everything off. I know it would disappoint a lot of people, but at this point, I don’t even seem to care. I’m worried about committing to something I may regret later.

I really need sincere, brotherly or fatherly advice right now. If I were your brother or your son, what would you advise me to do?

P.S. Please, if you don’t have anything meaningful to contribute and only intend to insult or mock, kindly don’t comment. That’s the last thing I need at this moment.

my brother,

Most women are not too ambitious the way the average man out there is.
Most of them dnt care to pursue or put effort to win or get to the top either.

They are satisfied by attaching themselves to the person(the man) dt controls the cash flow. That is what matters to them. That is their bragging right.
".......Na my guy be that. Him be graduate",
"........Na my husband be that.he lives in uk"
".......my guy works in a bank"
"........my husband is the one dt owns that shopping plaza"

If you are expecting them to give you AI generated kind of response to your enquiries, you won't get it. You ask them hoping to hear their thoughts on an issue, they push it back at you to proffer answer or solution.

Even those ones dt claim to be graduate are the same. my ex saw me one time reading. I wanted to hand her a very good book she will gain knowledge from. she said the ones she read in sch is enough.

What I will advice you is dt you shud focus on developing ur own self wateva way and every way. Dnt stop.

If her condition is dt bad and you cnt tolerate it anymore, brk off .

That’s who she is. It would get worse in marriage and If you lose your source of Income. Expect shege.

Find someone else that values you enough to add input to your life no matter how small. You just have to find them. Forget the social media noise, they exist.

Flee!