₦airaland Forum

Many wives ask the same question in silence. When did things change. Why does he feel distant. What happened to the connection we had.

Feelings in marriage do not vanish suddenly. They weaken over time. Love fades through habits, not single mistakes. A husband loses feelings when emotional connection breaks down and stays broken.

The most common cause is emotional neglect. This does not mean absence or cruelty. It means a lack of response. Conversations feel one sided. Concerns feel dismissed. Appreciation feels rare. Over time, a husband stops sharing what he thinks and feels. He learns it leads nowhere. Emotional withdrawal starts quietly.

Another cause is repeated conflict without repair. Arguments alone do not damage a marriage. What causes harm is the tone inside those arguments. Sarcasm. Harsh words. Constant criticism. When conflict turns personal, respect erodes. Attraction struggles to survive where respect feels lost. A husband who feels belittled stops leaning in.

Unresolved resentment plays a major role. Issues that never get addressed do not disappear. They build pressure. A husband may stop bringing things up because past attempts failed. He withdraws to protect himself from more disappointment. This distance often gets mistaken for peace. It is not. It is emotional shutdown.

Identity drift also matters. People change after marriage. Responsibilities grow. Priorities shift. Problems start when couples fail to talk about those changes. One partner grows in a new direction. The other feels left behind. The marriage starts feeling out of sync with real life. A husband loses feelings when the relationship no longer reflects who he is now.

Sexual disconnection follows emotional distance. It rarely leads it. When intimacy feels forced, rejected, or avoided, emotional closeness weakens further. A husband who feels unwanted stops trying. Desire fades after connection fades.

Many assume losing feelings means love is gone. That assumption blocks healing. In most cases, emotional detachment follows many failed attempts to reconnect. By the time feelings seem absent, warning signs existed for years.

Marriage does not break because people stop loving. It breaks because they stop repairing. Emotional connection responds to behaviour. Change the pattern and feelings often respond.

This understanding matters. It shifts focus from blame to action. Marriage survives through awareness, effort, and honest repair.

A Lady is a:

L - Lazy
A - And
D - Disgusting
Y - Yanch


But as for Ladies, it is:

L - Lazy
A - And
D - Disgusting
I - Irritants
E - Emotionally
S - Sick

Makelele004:
loving. It breaks because they stop repairing. Emotional connection responds to behaviour. Change the ..pattern and feelings often respond.
This understanding matters. It shifts focus from blame to action. Marriage survives through awareness, effort, and honest repair.

Nonsense! Why should it be the wife's responsibility to police a grown- arsed man's emotions for him? If a man emotionally disconnects from his marriage, it should be his responsibility to detect and immediately correct himself.

Abeg normalize divorce and stop pretending men are adult children women need to take care of in marriage...the same marriage these men are supposedly leaders/heads of. No wonder sex goes out the door after a while with women eventually realizing their husbands are no different from their own children in that they too need raising.😩😩😩😩

Normalize divorce make women freely exit such relationships. A grown man still unable to do the basic inner work required of all adult humans needs a mother and not a wife and no woman's child should be burdened with such nonsense. 😩😩😩

[i][/i]

essentialone:
A Lady is a:

L - Lazy
A - And
D - Disgusting
Y - Yanch


But as for Ladies, it is:

L - Lazy
A - And
D - Disgusting
I - Irritants
E - Emotionally
S - Sick

Mr, should I call you Mr…?

Why are you gea?

Leni ojo odun ?

Proserpina:
Leni ojo odun ?

Na women dey scatter full man brain pass.


odun will not feel like it...if the home is not peaceful

Double0h7:
[i][/i]

Mr, should I call you Mr…?

Why are you gea?

How?

Kobojunkie:
Nonsense! Why should it be the wives responsibility to police an grown arsed man's emotions for him? If a man emotionally disconnects from his marriage, it should be his responsibility to detect and immediately correct himself.

Abeg normalize divorce and stop pretending men are adult children women need to take care of in marriage...the same marriage these men are supposedly leaders/heads of. No wonder sex goes out the door after a while with women eventually realizing their husbands are no different from their own children in that they too need raising.😩😩😩😩

Normalize divorce make women freely exit such relationships. A grown man still unable to do the basic inner work required of all adult humans needs a mother and not a wife and no woman's child should be burdened with such nonsense. 😩😩😩

The exact point the OP is trying to make is what you have just displayed!! Outsmarted yourself being too smart!
🤣🤣🤣

jaszplus12:
✓ The exact point the OP is trying to make is what you have just displayed!! Outsmarted yourself being too smart!
🤣🤣🤣

you ain't even half as smart as you think yourself to be if you were not able to figure that instead of OPs suggestions that women labor in vain/suffer in marriage with such obviously immature specimens, I would rather women be encouraged to seek divorce from such marriages. 🥱🥱

2026 is a brand new opportunity to prioritize acquisition of language comprehension skills.🥱🥱🥱

jaszplus12:
The exact point the OP is trying to make is what you have just displayed!! Outsmarted yourself being too smart!
🤣🤣🤣

Wow......................................

Makelele004:
This understanding matters. It shifts focus from blame to action. Marriage survives through awareness, effort, and honest repair.

If men know this, perhaps they, men, wouldn't be asking Why does she feel distant. What happened to the connection we had.

After all, its not only wives who ask the questions you posed, since women too distance themselves from men who lack awareness, and don't put effort in, and who don't honestly repair their relationship with their wives.

Kobojunkie:
you ain't even half as smart as you think yourself to be if you were not able to figure that instead of OPs suggestions that women labor in vain/suffer in marriage with such obviously immature specimens, I would rather women be encouraged to seek divorce from such marriages. 🥱🥱

2026 is a brand new opportunity to prioritize acquisition of language comprehension skills.🥱🥱🥱

You see, the smart you didn't proffer solution, what you did was to take away the scaffolding that would be used to guide any marriage. But I don't really blame your sense of comprehension of marriage or even the logical reasoning put forth by the OP, your one direction mind just engaged gear and roared off!!
I like your advice though, cos it floats around yet only the regretful will or would need to it!
Yeah, awaiting a brand new year so you can have a rethink when asked to advice on marriage.
Good girl...

Nothing more can be said

jaszplus12:
You see, the smart you didn't proffer solution, what you did was to take away the scaffolding that would be used to guide any marriage. But I don't really blame your sense of comprehension of marriage or even the logical reasoning put forth by the OP, your one direction mind just engaged gear and roared off!!
I like your advice though, cos it floats around yet only the regretful will or would need to it!
Yeah, awaiting a brand new year so you can have a rethink when asked to advice on marriage.
Good girl...

Why are you replying to that deeply hurt personality?

9

budaatum:
If men know this, perhaps they, men, wouldn't be asking Why does she feel distant. What happened to the connection we had.

After all, its not only wives who ask the questions you posed, since women too distance themselves from men who lack awareness, and don't put effort in, and who don't honestly repair their relationship with their wives.

Thanks for being objective. Marriage involves both parties PUTTING IN and not just one party.
Many are the things that buffet marriage. Unfortunately many enter into it thinking it's a bed of roses! Soon the honeymoon period is over and marriage begins the journey that only the mature can foresee and forestall any negative actions consciously or otherwise!
Pride and arrogance will drown the harmony, patience and positive determination to keep up together will help sail couples through.

Encouraging one another helps rather than listening to "smart" people who tell you to dump your partner because he or she didn't meet your expectations!
Go ask those who have left their marriages, there's a lot to contemplate...

Dogalmighty17:
Why are you replying to that deeply hurt personality?

I really contemplated not replying but on second thoughts, her response further showed how deeply damaged the personality in whoever he/she is!!
Hopefully help will come his/her way!!

jaszplus12:
✓ You see, the smart you didn't proffer solution, what you did was to take away the scaffolding that would be used to guide any marriage. But I don't really blame your sense of comprehension of marriage or even the logical reasoning put forth by the OP, your one direction mind just engaged gear and roared off!!
✓ I like your advice though, cos it floats around yet [b]only the regretful will or would need to it! Yeah, awaiting a brand new year so you can have a rethink when asked to advice on marriage. Good girl...[/b]

Divorce is a legally valid solution to marriage. It has been around since the very first marriage between humans and remains a solution that marriage even to this day. 🥱🥱🥱

Again, endeavor to develop your language comprehension skills and also work on opening your mind so you don't continue to miss out the obvious even when right in front of you.🥱🥱🥱

2. Only the regretful seek divorce yet year in, year out, the number of those who keep embracing divorce continues to increase with some folks doing it several times in their one lifetime? Your summation on divorce obviously doesn't match the reality of things. Seems more like many more consider divorce the logical escape from a regretful situation in marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Divorce is a legally valid solution to marriage. It has been around since the very first marriage between humans and remains a solution that marriage even to this day. 🥱🥱🥱

Again, endeavor to develop your language comprehension skills and also work on opening your mind so you don't continue to miss out the obvious even when right in front of you.🥱🥱🥱

2. Only the regretful seek divorce yet year in, year out, the number of those who keep embracing divorce continues to increase with some folks doing it several times in their one lifetime? Your summation on divorce obviously doesn't match the reality of things. Seems more like many more consider divorce the logical escape from a regretful situation in marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

My dear, thank you for your comments. I understand you even better now...your domain remains deep in an abyss of trauma troubled transition. Its understandable.

jaszplus12:
✓ My dear, thank you for your comments. I understand you even better now...your domain remains deep in an abyss of trauma troubled transition. Its understandable.

This from someone who never understood divorce for the solution that it has always been in marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
This from someone who never understood divorce for the solution that it has always been in marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

FYI, dated 8 years, married for 24 years to the same woman, therefore YOUR advice will never be at the forefront whenever I'll counsel anyone in marriage.

jaszplus12:
Go ask those who have left their marriages, there's a lot to contemplate...

Or better still, ask the children who suffer from the divorce.

Kobojunkie:
Seems more like many more consider divorce the logical escape from a regretful situation in marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

I wouldn't myself call divorce the first or obvious solution.

How about marriage counseling first? They'd teach both parties to communicate their issues to each other and they just might find an amicable solution.

jaszplus12:
FYI, dated 8 years, married for 24 years to the same woman, therefore YOUR advice will never be at the forefront whenever I'll counsel anyone in marriage.

And I can guess, you are the kind of man written of in the OP too 😩😩

budaatum:
✓ I wouldn't myself call divorce the first or obvious solution.
✓ How about marriage counseling first? They'd teach both parties to communicate their issues to each other and they just might find an amicable solution.

Marriage counseling only works when you have two capable adults in a marriage. When a woman is married to a man who is dead set on her being a mother to him as in she literally has to manage and help him regulate his emotions, she is literally married to her OP and not a mature adult. Best for her to do is get out of the way so the man can either mature or look for himself a different victim.

2. Just imagine having to literally possibly pick up after and train--- as you would a child ----someone who believes himself leader over you in marriage. That is not a marriage but a prison. 😩😩😩

Kobojunkie:
And I can guess, you are the kind of man written of in the OP too 😩😩

As you can see, you failed again to see OPs points and even comprehend his simple logic!!
Your responses really exposes your inner being, you're finding it very hard to hide it...

budaatum:
Or better still, ask the children who suffer from the divorce.

Thank you sir!!

jaszplus12:
As you can see, you failed again to see OPs points and even comprehend his simple logic!!
Your responses really exposes your inner being, you're finding it very hard to hide it...

I failed or my responses revealed that you are exactly the kind of immature excuses for men detailed in OP's write up where he expects women to raise and emotionally regulate men who they are supposedly married to. 🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Marriage counseling only works when you have two capable adults in a marriage.

Two adults in a marriage means they are capable.
They showed their capability by dating and saying "I do".

Kobojunkie:
When a woman is married to a man who is dead set on her being a mother to him as in she literally has to manage and help him regulate his emotions, she is literally married to her OP and not a mature adult. Best for her to do is get out of the way so the man can either mature or look for himself a different victim.

I disagree very strongly.

If a married woman has children who are "dead set on her being a mother to them as in she literally has to manage and help her children regulate their emotions", she is a bad mother, because she shouldn't be regulating her dead set children's emotions but should be teaching her dead set children to manage their own emotions by themselves.

It's the same way she shouldn't be regulating her dead set husband's emotions, but should be educating (or guiding) her husband to manage his own emotions by himself.

Kobojunkie:
she is literally married to her OP and not a mature adult

If he is not a mature adult, then perhaps she shouldn't have married him in the first place. But she did, and perhaps should lay in the bed she made instead of running from it in divorce.

Kobojunkie:
2. Just imagine having to literally possibly pick up after and train--- as you would a child ----someone who believes himself leader over you in marriage. That is not a marriage but a prison. 😩😩😩

A prison, or a school? Why pick up after him when you can train him to pick up after himself if you yourself are mature?

Now, if after you've tried to train him and he refuses to learn, then divorce. After all, you will 'divorce' a child after you've tried to train it for like 18 years and it refuses to learn. But until then, you'd likely try, try, try, try and try again, instead of giving up after the first couple of tries.

Now, I foresee you asking what I mean by training a dead set husband, but think about how you'd likely train a dead set dog without whipping it since you can't literally whip your husband, and you'd get my drift.

budaatum:
✓ Two adults in a marriage means they are capable. They showed their capability by dating and saying "I do".
✓ I disagree very strongly. If a married woman has children who are "dead set on her being a mother to them as in she literally has to manage and help her children regulate their emotions", she is a bad mother, because she shouldn't be regulating her dead set children's emotions but should be teaching her dead set children to manage their own emotions by themselves.
✓ It's the same way she shouldn't be regulating her dead set husband's emotions, but should be educating (or guiding) her husband to manage his own emotions by himself.
If he is not a mature adult, then perhaps she shouldn't have married him in the first place. But she did, and perhaps should lay in the bed she made instead of running from it in divorce.
✓ A prison, or a school? Why pick up after him when you can train him to pick up after himself if you yourself are mature?
Now, if after you've tried to train him and he refuses to learn, then divorce. After all, you will 'divorce' a child after you've tried to train it for like 18 years and it refuses to learn. But until then, you'd likely try, try, try, try and try again, instead of giving up after the first couple of tries.
✓ Now, I foresee you asking what I mean by training a dead set husband, but think about how you'd likely train a dead set dog without whipping it since you can't literally whip your husband, and you'd get my drift.

1. Children date too, does that make them capable? Come on now! 🥱🥱🥱

2. Children need caregivers to raise them so they can become capable adults. It's not the children being deadset on having their caregivers to give them these needed training but a responsibility on the part of the caregivers to do this for those children. 🥱🥱

It is however not a wife's place to help regulate the emotions of her husband. That there is indicative of foundational problems in that union that can only be resolved if and when the husband becomes an adult. 🥱🥱

3. A wife should have no hand in helping guide or regulating her husbands emotions for him. One of the signs of maturity is ability to regulate ones own emotions and properly guide oneself into managing emotional energy in the right direction. Being an adult is more than simply meeting set age requirement. 🥱🥱


4. So because she made a mistake in marrying an immature man, she shouldn't them divorce him? What you are telling us is that when you realize you are lost, rather than accept the mistake and then work towards retracing your steps so as to get yourself back on the right track, you will instead continue on on into the wilderness wherever it will take you? 🥱🥱🥱

5. Train another woman's child who happens to be "head over you" because you believe this adult child will one day change to begin pleasing you like children do their mother's, abi? 🥱🥱🥱

6. Wrong! There is no such thing as your deadset husband. Any man who does not realize he has to always put his best foot forward for the women he supposedly loves is a man who does not love that woman but is around her for what he benefits from her. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
I failed or my responses revealed that you are exactly the kind of immature excuses for men detailed in OP's write up where he expects women to raise and emotionally regulate men who they are supposedly married to. 🥱🥱

Don't need a soothsayer...you're "it"!

jaszplus12:
Don't need a soothsayer...you're "it"!

You don't need to be a soothsayer to realize what is right in front of you. 🥱🥱🥱