₦airaland Forum

Abeg àbeg, seun should hire another writer....this is a fairytale

More crybaby stories from the western world. Your Father had a child with another woman? Big deal, especially considering that he was separated from your mother when the child was born. Are you telling us this story so that we can shed tears for you?

Your father will be a terrible man to his children. How can he utter such hatred for his own biological child that he knew he is responsible for just because the child came from another woman, and despite that, he was still pestering your mother to accept him back. If truly he wants your mother and does not want the other woman, he can easily plead for forgiveness from your mom and let the other woman go, but that doesn't mean he should disown the innocent child from the other woman.
Your father doesn't worth the love of your mom or any woman for that matter.

Haha una no go kill person for this social media , make him zipped up because your mother didn’t accept sorry honey, I salute the man. If na me 6 months of pleading i don shuk someone daughter asap

Educationalserv:
kindly note the average Africa man is polygamous .you can't take him any where in Europe can't take the polygamy in him
In Africa even Catholic priest have secret kids .
His Nigeria family will encourage him to have a Nigeria kid to bury him so he genes will not be lost In Europe.
Like now you marry an European that might be the end of his lineage .
We are Africans we view life completely different ..
If you are mix race growing up in Nigeria and may be married to a Nigerians you dad will not any other kid outside.
Am African that how we oriented
Even inter marriage it's happens the man will still marry wethin his tribe

How can you defend all this you are saying! I don't agree with you!

Another forged tale...
We will drink over it

Oyinbogyal:
The difference is

1. She does not want him if she dates other people that’s not his business because she is seperated from him and does not want him back.

2. He is the one who wants her back, he doesn’t need to disclose who he dated because they are temporary but he absolutely MUST disclose a child, it is not optional because a child permanent and life changing even financially changing.

3. How can you even compare the two Did I not just say that she does not want him??

What then is your business with him Having another child as a single man?

What makes u think you or your mother are that important to the world?

He had a 9 years old son who is not from your mother. That is not a secret, he just didn’t tell you. You didn’t hear that he did drugs trafficking or money rituals, he just had a son by another woman.

Oyinbogyal:
I’m mixed and living abroad. My mother is European and my father is Nigerian. My parents separated over 10 years ago, but they never officially divorced — they were legally separated.

The separation happened because my father did something very serious to my mother. In Europe, you cannot be removed from the family home simply because of marital problems. A married person is only forced out by the courts if something very severe happens. That is all I can say for privacy reasons, but it’s important context.

About a year after they separated, my father started begging my mother to take him back. This wasn’t occasional — it went on for years. At the same time, he was involved with a Nigerian woman from his own tribe. Behind that Nigerian woman’s back, he was still pressuring my mother to reconcile. My mum refused, but he never stopped trying.

Fast-forward to December 2025. Even this year, my father again went to my mother and asked her to get back together with him.

Then on Christmas Day, he finally admitted — not to me, not to my mother, not to all of us directly — but to my youngest sister, that he has a 9-year-old son he has been hiding from everyone. He then made my sister pass the message on to the rest of us. He could not say it to our faces himself.

What shocked me most is that this child was born about a two years after my parents separated — meaning that all the years my father was begging my mother to reconcile, he already knew he had a child elsewhere. He deliberately never told her… bear in mind this child lives in the same country as us in Europe but he is just been hidden.

When I called him to confront him, he confirmed everything. He also said something that disturbed me deeply: that he feels no real affection for the child and that the boy will never replace his “real family,” meaning us. Hearing a man speak that way about his own biological child was horrifying.

This is a fully Nigerian boy, same tribe as my father. Knowing my father’s own childhood — where he suffered badly under a cruel stepmother — I would have thought he might see himself in that child. But instead, he has completely compartmentalised him.

Meanwhile, the child’s mother still wants to marry my father. From what I can see, he continues to keep her hopeful without fully committing, while still fantasising about getting back with his legal “European wife” who doesn’t want him. He seems to keep multiple realities open at once.

What made everything click for my mother — and for me — is this:
If my mother had agreed to reconcile, my father could have moved back into the house legally as her husband. Because he would not repeat physical violence, she would have had no immediate way to remove him again via legal system/court. Only after securing his place back in the home could he then reveal that he had a child all along — effectively trapping her in a marriage built on deception.

That realisation is terrifying.

I also feel deep cultural dissonance. I told my father plainly: my mother is European. This kind of secrecy is not culturally acceptable where we live. It’s not “family affairs” or something to be normalised. Trust matters differently. Consent matters differently. So he cannot assume my mother will want him after hearing the news, she is not like the Nigerian ex you had a child with - in Nigeria it is normal for a woman to beg or wait for a man to marry you, in Europe it is shameful so he needs to stop thinking my mom will accept this.

This entire situation has destroyed my respect for him. I don’t feel anger as much as disgust and shame. I’m embarrassed to even explain this to my European friends. I feel like I’ve lost faith not just in him, but in my ability to trust what I thought were shared values.

I’m now engaged to marry a loving European man, and if I’m honest, this experience has made me afraid. Afraid of repeating cycles if I marry a Nigerian man. Afraid of normalising things I don’t believe in. I don’t reject my Nigerian heritage — I love the food, the music, the culture — but when it comes to marriage, honesty, and responsibility, I feel completely disconnected from what I’ve seen modeled.

Right now, I don’t even want to be around my father. I feel like something fundamental has collapsed, and I don’t know how to rebuild respect where trust no longer exists.

I’m sharing this here because I genuinely don’t know how to process it alone, and I want perspectives — especially from people who understand Nigerian family dynamics — without judgement.

Your father is securing his heritage. If he hasn’t gotten any kid other than you guys his root is totally forgotten.

Educationalserv:
kindly note the average Africa man is polygamous .

I always hear this 'african man is polygamous' stuff when guys like op's father sleep around, when in our forefather's time, if a man wanted to marry another wife, he went through certain formalities..the same formalities he went through for his first wife...and second wife, and so on. He didn't just go and up and sleep with some random birgin, and then announce that he wanted to marry her. (infact virginity tests were part of many marriage ceremonies in many tribes self...so for any girl to be married, she had to be a virgin. Confam. It did not start with chreistianity)

Infact the way you guys throw around 'african men are polygamous'...it is almost as if you are basically saying that our forefathers were people that slept around aimlessly, and then didn't bother about the kids. Marriage was serious business before the white people came. Yet the way you nairalanders talk, it is almost as if people were sleeping around like rabbits in ancient times.

Oyinbogyal:
I’m mixed and living abroad. My mother is European and my father is Nigerian. My parents separated over 10 years ago, but they never officially divorced — they were legally separated.

The separation happened because my father did something very serious to my mother. In Europe, you cannot be removed from the family home simply because of marital problems. A married person is only forced out by the courts if something very severe happens. That is all I can say for privacy reasons, but it’s important context.

About a year after they separated, my father started begging my mother to take him back. This wasn’t occasional — it went on for years. At the same time, he was involved with a Nigerian woman from his own tribe. Behind that Nigerian woman’s back, he was still pressuring my mother to reconcile. My mum refused, but he never stopped trying.

Fast-forward to December 2025. Even this year, my father again went to my mother and asked her to get back together with him.

Then on Christmas Day, he finally admitted — not to me, not to my mother, not to all of us directly — but to my youngest sister, that he has a 9-year-old son he has been hiding from everyone. He then made my sister pass the message on to the rest of us. He could not say it to our faces himself.

What shocked me most is that this child was born about a two years after my parents separated — meaning that all the years my father was begging my mother to reconcile, he already knew he had a child elsewhere. He deliberately never told her… bear in mind this child lives in the same country as us in Europe but he is just been hidden.

When I called him to confront him, he confirmed everything. He also said something that disturbed me deeply: that he feels no real affection for the child and that the boy will never replace his “real family,” meaning us. Hearing a man speak that way about his own biological child was horrifying.

This is a fully Nigerian boy, same tribe as my father. Knowing my father’s own childhood — where he suffered badly under a cruel stepmother — I would have thought he might see himself in that child. But instead, he has completely compartmentalised him.

Meanwhile, the child’s mother still wants to marry my father. From what I can see, he continues to keep her hopeful without fully committing, while still fantasising about getting back with his legal “European wife” who doesn’t want him. He seems to keep multiple realities open at once.

What made everything click for my mother — and for me — is this:
If my mother had agreed to reconcile, my father could have moved back into the house legally as her husband. Because he would not repeat physical violence, she would have had no immediate way to remove him again via legal system/court. Only after securing his place back in the home could he then reveal that he had a child all along — effectively trapping her in a marriage built on deception.

That realisation is terrifying.

I also feel deep cultural dissonance. I told my father plainly: my mother is European. This kind of secrecy is not culturally acceptable where we live. It’s not “family affairs” or something to be normalised. Trust matters differently. Consent matters differently. So he cannot assume my mother will want him after hearing the news, she is not like the Nigerian ex you had a child with - in Nigeria it is normal for a woman to beg or wait for a man to marry you, in Europe it is shameful so he needs to stop thinking my mom will accept this.

This entire situation has destroyed my respect for him. I don’t feel anger as much as disgust and shame. I’m embarrassed to even explain this to my European friends. I feel like I’ve lost faith not just in him, but in my ability to trust what I thought were shared values.

I’m now engaged to marry a loving European man, and if I’m honest, this experience has made me afraid. Afraid of repeating cycles if I marry a Nigerian man. Afraid of normalising things I don’t believe in. I don’t reject my Nigerian heritage — I love the food, the music, the culture — but when it comes to marriage, honesty, and responsibility, I feel completely disconnected from what I’ve seen modeled.

Right now, I don’t even want to be around my father. I feel like something fundamental has collapsed, and I don’t know how to rebuild respect where trust no longer exists.

I’m sharing this here because I genuinely don’t know how to process it alone, and I want perspectives — especially from people who understand Nigerian family dynamics — without judgement.

You said that your parents are separated not divorced. In as much as that exists in theory it does not in practice. Marriage is communion which involves emotional support, sexual and psychological symbiosis and many more. The moment married couple are separated forcefully by some written degree that marriage is ended in reality, temporary.

So your father was married in theory just separated with his wife in theory but practically he was single. The other woman only tended to his mature needs out of love.

The only reason I am so pissed with him is that he has preference among his seeds to the extent of even voicing it. Every child is a blessing.

We don't view life the same way. If you don't want a partner divorce or stay. Nothing like separation and at the end you want to accuse someone of cheating while you have not commitment at that time.
Separation is a temporary divorce.

honor4me:
Your father is securing his heritage. If he hasn’t gotten any kid other than you guys his root is totally forgotten.

What heritage? A baby or human being is made with a total of 46 Chromosomes with exactly 23 of them coming from the mother of the child and the other 23 coming from the father of the child. So, why is a man having children with multiple partners considered him securing his heritage even in poverty when a woman having a child by any number of men is pretty much the same -- all the mitochondria in any human being (power house of the cell) comes from the mother and never the father? 🥱🥱🥱

Chai. I wish all parties the very best here

I feel you are being a little harsh on your father. This is just my personal opinion, and please don’t hate me for it.

I believe your father still loves your mother. When they separated, he may have found comfort in the arms of a Nigerian lady. It could honestly have been anyone. Men can be vulnerable too, not only women. It’s possible he was taken advantage of emotionally, and that the pregnancy happened in a way he didn’t fully intend or want.

I think he kept this a secret because he still loves your mother and didn’t want to jeopardize any chance of reconciliation. Carrying such a secret for so long must have weighed heavily on him, and that may be why he has finally come clean.

Telling you all now is not a sign of cowardice. I see it as a sign of deep embarrassment and regret for letting you, your siblings, and your mother down.

When he said he doesn’t have affection for the boy, I don’t believe that’s entirely true. I think what he meant was that he has no affection for the boy’s mother, not the child himself.

Again, this is just what I think. I could be wrong, but this is how it feels to me. Please don’t take this the wrong way as it comes from a place of understanding, not judgment.

Oyinbogyal:
Hello hi, before you assume. My dad is controlling and he is the one refusing to sign any divorce papers or help her pay for divorce. My mom does not want to be with any Nigerian man ever again and she will not take him back… Hope that helps lol

He was begging your mother, she refused. He found another lady and she had a child for him.

This shows he didn’t ‘cheat’ on your mother while still together, but her refusal for reconciliation made him available to their women.

Guess you’re a lady.
Has you mother not seen any other man ever since she got separated?

The man you described might actually love you all as family, but you see those gaps your mother created while he was asking for reconciliation? It led to this 9 year old.

why would your mother be asking your father money for the divorce?

I stopped reading this extra long epistle at paragraph 5. How entitled and arrogant of you to talk about your father in such condescending manner? I wouldn't know what he saw in your mother that made him insist on getting back to her but if I were close to him, I would advise him to move on happily. As for you the children, with time you would realize that you need your father and go looking for him or spend the rest of your lives in misery. Better go apologize to him and show respect.

DLuciano:
How can you defend all this you are saying! I don't agree with you!

He defends it because it's facts. Our culture is our culture and that's simply the way it is. I see nothing wrong with a man being polygamous, as long as he has the means to take care of his families.

That aside, African culture in general has been heavily traumatized in recent history. Our language, traditional systems, even our very identities as humans is marginalized by outsiders, so it is only fair that the man's family in Nigeria insist that he has pure Nigerian male heirs to continue his lineage. Or do you expect some mixed race boy somewhere that not only does not understand his fathers language, know where he originated from, but perhaps even believes that Nigeria is a jungle where half-humans club each other down from trees to give a rats ass about his Nigerian roots?

So the old man should not have s£x just because he and your mom had issues, right? Lol, like she wasn’t??
From your write-up I can say you’re a lady so well, you tend to take your mum side, o normal…

I get your points and your concerns about your father is valid. However, truth, trust and morality is what a society decide is true and just for them.

I find it sad and hypocritical when the west thinks that they have the moral obligation to determine what is just and moral for everyone.

A typical example, today almost all African countries are considered corrupt and are ranked high in corruption index, however, Switzerland and the likes of UK that are the HQ of receiving known-stolen funds from Africa don't make it to the list of corrupt nations. If I recall correctly in Europe hiding stolen goods also qualifies you as a criminal.

Someone said he was not with your mom and does not owe it to her to divulge that ( I agree with you not because he was wrong but because of how the existence of the child might rock a family stability) on the other hand, you said that your mom shouldn't divulge her past sexual relationships within this period. Well that also is an indication of the west choosing what is right for everyone.

Where I come from, technically they are still married she owes it to him as much as he owes it to her. In fact in most African culture he doesn't owe that to your mom.

I agree that this is Europe and that your mom still prefers her version of the truth and if it doesn't suits your dad he should look elsewhere. Granted but my issue is that you shouldn't sound as if your version of the world is superior to that of others.

As a matter of fact it doesn't and no culture as a superior moral value over the others.

If their version of justice, truth and equality does not match up with what you were taught, then let them go without trying to cast aspersion on other people's system.

I also agree that the other side should not try to manipulate others into accepting their own version of what has to be said or not to be said.

Lols

You must be the eldest daughter but you don't behave like one.

Have you asked your dad questions to know the reason why he decided to cheat on your mum. I guess he need to explain things to you before you conclude and start hating on him.

From the way you speak and deprives yourself from being a Nigerian, I can see vividly why your dad made the decision of having a child that will accept his culture and tradition, a child that will represent him in nigeria when he is dead, a child that will cover his pre-lost lineage.

My question to you is, have you questioned your mom to know what went wrong between her and you papa? Every man loves and share there secrets with there first daughter but your case is different, I think your last born is different that's why your dad entrusted the information to her.

Please try and go close to him and discover the truth from him, he is your father and will always be your father. If really you guys don't like Nigeria and have no business with Nigeria, I bet you, that's what made him do what he does to maintain his lineage in Nigeria.

... separated for 10 long years and you are shocked that a man in his active years had sex with someone else...... like your mother have not had sex in those ten years. I bet, the only difference is that she didn't take in ( no insult intended). common, family issues should be resolved as quickly as possible. Your biological father is begging for forgiveness for ten good years.
I understand your perfectionist idea about Europeans lifestyle and marriage, but we Africans are not perfect... Kudos to your sister through which the news came to your family. She must have been built differently.

See them
Typical character of Nigerian men
They would rather blame the woman for their bad character. God forbid a Nigerian man’s ego to be bruised over a woman.

Girl, tell your mama to go on with whatever decision she has made, Inshort she should never consider going back to him.

@op, why are you stereotyping all Nigerian men based on your father. As per your post, he has his issues. It does appear your father is weak with an inferiority complex which has framed the way you see him.

Cheating and domestic violence aren't also rare among European marriages which doesn’t make it any more acceptable.


This should serve as a lesson to some young Nigerian men here who have formed the habit of abusing their ladies in the name of redpill.. As a Nigerian man, its unlikely you'd have it better out there.

positivelord:
... separated for 10 long years and you are shocked that a man in his active years had sex with someone else...... like your mother have not had sex in those ten years. I bet, the only difference is that she didn't take in ( no insult intended). common, family issues should be resolved as quickly as possible. Your biological father is begging for forgiveness for ten good years.
I understand your perfectionist idea about Europeans lifestyle and marriage, but we Africans are not perfect... Kudos to your sister through which the news came to your family. She must have been built differently.

Wowwwww

What a wonderful justification
Then if he gets back to her mum, what happens to the second woman and her 9-year old son? It’s okay for him to also abandon that child too?

Oyinbogyal:
I’m mixed and living abroad. My mother is European and my father is Nigerian. My parents separated over 10 years ago, but they never officially divorced — they were legally separated.

The separation happened because my father did something very serious to my mother. In Europe, you cannot be removed from the family home simply because of marital problems. A married person is only forced out by the courts if something very severe happens. That is all I can say for privacy reasons, but it’s important context.

About a year after they separated, my father started begging my mother to take him back. This wasn’t occasional — it went on for years. At the same time, he was involved with a Nigerian woman from his own tribe. Behind that Nigerian woman’s back, he was still pressuring my mother to reconcile. My mum refused, but he never stopped trying.

Fast-forward to December 2025. Even this year, my father again went to my mother and asked her to get back together with him.

Then on Christmas Day, he finally admitted — not to me, not to my mother, not to all of us directly — but to my youngest sister, that he has a 9-year-old son he has been hiding from everyone. He then made my sister pass the message on to the rest of us. He could not say it to our faces himself.

What shocked me most is that this child was born about a two years after my parents separated — meaning that all the years my father was begging my mother to reconcile, he already knew he had a child elsewhere. He deliberately never told her… bear in mind this child lives in the same country as us in Europe but he is just been hidden.

When I called him to confront him, he confirmed everything. He also said something that disturbed me deeply: that he feels no real affection for the child and that the boy will never replace his “real family,” meaning us. Hearing a man speak that way about his own biological child was horrifying.

This is a fully Nigerian boy, same tribe as my father. Knowing my father’s own childhood — where he suffered badly under a cruel stepmother — I would have thought he might see himself in that child. But instead, he has completely compartmentalised him.

Meanwhile, the child’s mother still wants to marry my father. From what I can see, he continues to keep her hopeful without fully committing, while still fantasising about getting back with his legal “European wife” who doesn’t want him. He seems to keep multiple realities open at once.

What made everything click for my mother — and for me — is this:
If my mother had agreed to reconcile, my father could have moved back into the house legally as her husband. Because he would not repeat physical violence, she would have had no immediate way to remove him again via legal system/court. Only after securing his place back in the home could he then reveal that he had a child all along — effectively trapping her in a marriage built on deception.

That realisation is terrifying.

I also feel deep cultural dissonance. I told my father plainly: my mother is European. This kind of secrecy is not culturally acceptable where we live. It’s not “family affairs” or something to be normalised. Trust matters differently. Consent matters differently. So he cannot assume my mother will want him after hearing the news, she is not like the Nigerian ex you had a child with - in Nigeria it is normal for a woman to beg or wait for a man to marry you, in Europe it is shameful so he needs to stop thinking my mom will accept this.

This entire situation has destroyed my respect for him. I don’t feel anger as much as disgust and shame. I’m embarrassed to even explain this to my European friends. I feel like I’ve lost faith not just in him, but in my ability to trust what I thought were shared values.

I’m now engaged to marry a loving European man, and if I’m honest, this experience has made me afraid. Afraid of repeating cycles if I marry a Nigerian man. Afraid of normalising things I don’t believe in. I don’t reject my Nigerian heritage — I love the food, the music, the culture — but when it comes to marriage, honesty, and responsibility, I feel completely disconnected from what I’ve seen modeled.

Right now, I don’t even want to be around my father. I feel like something fundamental has collapsed, and I don’t know how to rebuild respect where trust no longer exists.

I’m sharing this here because I genuinely don’t know how to process it alone, and I want perspectives — especially from people who understand Nigerian family dynamics — without judgement.

ukaface:
See them
Typical character of Nigerian men
They would rather blame the woman for their bad character. God forbid a Nigerian man’s ego to be bruised over a woman.

Girl, tell your mama to go on with whatever decision she has made, Inshort she should never consider going back to him.

The scenario you described is NOT normal in Nigeria either. It is case by case. I know a Nigerian woman who is berating her husband till today because she taught he had phone affair (no sex) with a woman years ago!

Oyinbogyal:
If you don’t want to offer anything valuable to say then go away

If you are looking for our input on this issue, you have to actually consider our view not dismiss it.
To me you seem blinded by your love for your mother which is OK since have lived with her more. Your father has really done nothing to you personally, you're just fighting for your mother. I think you should allow them deal with their disagreement as ex lover and you deal with your dad as father, so you won't regret it in the future. The question you should ask yourself is did my father treat me well as his daughter?
Your mom separated from your dad so I don't think having a child and not telling her should make her angry. Your accusations that he deliberately hide the information because he wants to come back is based on assumptions. Those kind of information is not easy to throw at people at any time. Did you ever think that you guys (his children) might be the reason he wants to comeback?.
I love the fact that you are looking for means to deal with this. I know you are angry now but forgiving your father might help you alot in dealing with this issue. 🙏

ezegenigbonine:
Lols

You must be the eldest daughter but you don't behave like one.

Have you asked your dad questions to know the reason why he decided to cheat on your mum. I guess he need to explain things to you before you conclude and start hating on him.

From the way you speak and deprives yourself from being a Nigerian, I can see vividly why your dad made the decision of having a child that will accept his culture and tradition, a child that will represent him in nigeria when he is dead, a child that will cover his pre-lost lineage.

This is what you get when you marry a foreign lady.

Aaaaaahhhhhhhh

I don weak sef
Wetin be this one like this again?
Are there any justifiable reasons to cheat ?

Oyinbogyal:
I’m mixed and living abroad. My mother is European and my father is Nigerian. My parents separated over 10 years ago, but they never officially divorced — they were legally separated.

The separation happened because my father did something very serious to my mother. In Europe, you cannot be removed from the family home simply because of marital problems. A married person is only forced out by the courts if something very severe happens. That is all I can say for privacy reasons, but it’s important context.

About a year after they separated, my father started begging my mother to take him back. This wasn’t occasional — it went on for years. At the same time, he was involved with a Nigerian woman from his own tribe. Behind that Nigerian woman’s back, he was still pressuring my mother to reconcile. My mum refused, but he never stopped trying.

Fast-forward to December 2025. Even this year, my father again went to my mother and asked her to get back together with him.

Then on Christmas Day, he finally admitted — not to me, not to my mother, not to all of us directly — but to my youngest sister, that he has a 9-year-old son he has been hiding from everyone. He then made my sister pass the message on to the rest of us. He could not say it to our faces himself.

What shocked me most is that this child was born about a two years after my parents separated — meaning that all the years my father was begging my mother to reconcile, he already knew he had a child elsewhere. He deliberately never told her… bear in mind this child lives in the same country as us in Europe but he is just been hidden.

When I called him to confront him, he confirmed everything. He also said something that disturbed me deeply: that he feels no real affection for the child and that the boy will never replace his “real family,” meaning us. Hearing a man speak that way about his own biological child was horrifying.

This is a fully Nigerian boy, same tribe as my father. Knowing my father’s own childhood — where he suffered badly under a cruel stepmother — I would have thought he might see himself in that child. But instead, he has completely compartmentalised him.

Meanwhile, the child’s mother still wants to marry my father. From what I can see, he continues to keep her hopeful without fully committing, while still fantasising about getting back with his legal “European wife” who doesn’t want him. He seems to keep multiple realities open at once.

What made everything click for my mother — and for me — is this:
If my mother had agreed to reconcile, my father could have moved back into the house legally as her husband. Because he would not repeat physical violence, she would have had no immediate way to remove him again via legal system/court. Only after securing his place back in the home could he then reveal that he had a child all along — effectively trapping her in a marriage built on deception.

That realisation is terrifying.

I also feel deep cultural dissonance. I told my father plainly: my mother is European. This kind of secrecy is not culturally acceptable where we live. It’s not “family affairs” or something to be normalised. Trust matters differently. Consent matters differently. So he cannot assume my mother will want him after hearing the news, she is not like the Nigerian ex you had a child with - in Nigeria it is normal for a woman to beg or wait for a man to marry you, in Europe it is shameful so he needs to stop thinking my mom will accept this.

This entire situation has destroyed my respect for him. I don’t feel anger as much as disgust and shame. I’m embarrassed to even explain this to my European friends. I feel like I’ve lost faith not just in him, but in my ability to trust what I thought were shared values.

I’m now engaged to marry a loving European man, and if I’m honest, this experience has made me afraid. Afraid of repeating cycles if I marry a Nigerian man. Afraid of normalising things I don’t believe in. I don’t reject my Nigerian heritage — I love the food, the music, the culture — but when it comes to marriage, honesty, and responsibility, I feel completely disconnected from what I’ve seen modeled.

Right now, I don’t even want to be around my father. I feel like something fundamental has collapsed, and I don’t know how to rebuild respect where trust no longer exists.

I’m sharing this here because I genuinely don’t know how to process it alone, and I want perspectives — especially from people who understand Nigerian family dynamics — without judgement.

It's unfortunate that you have a lying father out there. Please no tribe or culture in Nigeria embrace lies as part of their culture.

There are some things we can't change in this life and our parents are one of them

You have a mischievous person as a father, don't allow this experience to affect your future relationship with other men/Nigrrians

Oyinbogyal:
The difference is

1. She does not want him if she dates other people that’s not his business because she is seperated from him and does not want him back.

2. He is the one who wants her back, he doesn’t need to disclose who he dated because they are temporary but he absolutely MUST disclose a child, it is not optional because a child permanent and life changing even financially changing.

3. How can you even compare the two Did I not just say that she does not want him??

Solomon had 300 wives and concubines, a significant chunk of Asians are said to have Khan's blood. Just live your life with your european husband, I sense that's where you are more leaned towards. I emppathatise with those who have to figure their ways between cultures especially when some of it seems sour.

PS

Sad to hear about the violence.
Maybe see your brother in the 9 yr old when you can.

Flangelo12:
He didn't owe her that information.

They were not together.

Good point on the surface....if all things are equal. He owes her that information... he is the one wanting to come back into the marriage ... he has to say what he's coming with ...which is ...an outside child. Is it if she allows him back... that's when he'll pop the child? ....and its mother always hovering in the background?

It just amazes me how people will find a way to fault the woman ... regardless of what the man does. Why doesn't she file for divorce?....is divorce cheap? Why doesn't he file for divorce and continue life with his child and child mother? @ OP ... trying to reason things out can cause a whole of headaches. Try to look at it through culture.... he has brought his "whatever the man says goes or is blows" upbringing to Europe ....thinking it's worldwide. Are all members of his tribe like that? ..no ...neither are all Nigerians. If your mother was aware of this ... she should've looked for ...and would've seen signs ...red flags ...danger. As. you try to pick a life partner .... pay attention to red flags ...your father type exists worldwide ...all tribes and nationalities. You now know ...thanks to your father ....that men can be abusive ....and can be deceitful ... be alert.

ukaface:
Aaaaaahhhhhhhh

I don weak sef
Wetin be this one like this again?
Are there any justifiable reasons to cheat ?

Travel to Europe or America marry any of the local and find out the truth yourself.