₦airaland Forum

In the last two years, things have not been going well with my brother and his wife. My brother will call me and lament about his wife's behaviour, he told me that anytime they have a misunderstanding, this lady changes the key and locks him out in the cold. Though he's the one who pays the rent and all the bills, the lady gets child support and spends lavishly on unnecessary things while the apartment is given to his wife by the government.

But the last one she did, my brother left the house and swore never to have anything to do with her again. Even my brother did it to the extent that he requested the DNA of the son; unfortunately, he's the owner.

This lady has been begging everyone, and both her parents and some family members have travelled down to our place to plead on her behalf, but my brother insisted he's not interested in the marriage again.

He was scouting with one of our cousins before, and we thought that when he got tired, he'd move back home as usual, but this man has gotten an apartment and does not let anyone know the location.

The worst of it all is that he did not talk to his 7-year-old son and didn't take on any responsibilities for him again.

The boy keeps crying to see his dad, but my brother keeps saying her mother is only using him to get his attention, saying the boy will see him when it's the right time.

This lady called me last week and said he wanted to pack from the house and my brother should come move all his belongings, but my brother sent me back to her that she should throw everything away, he mentioned that the lady can frame him up or call the police for him and turn to legal battles.

I believe whatever happened between them, the boy did not cause it, and cutting off his only child emotionally and financially is not self-protection but abandonment.

I know marriage can end, but fatherhood should not. You can abandon marriage and still fully show up as a father. The two are not the same contract

All the family are tired, and even I, his closest brother, am tired. I only want him to be a responsible dad to his only child.

Please, what can I do? I really love my brother and want peace for him, however I pity his child.

Abbeytoy:
In the last two years, things have not been going well with my brother and his wife. My brother will call me and lament about his wife's behaviour, he told me that anytime they have a misunderstanding, this lady changes the key and locks him out in the cold. Though he's the one who pays the rent and all the bills, the lady gets child support and spends lavishly on unnecessary things while the apartment is given to his wife by the government.

But the last one she did, my brother left the house and swore never to have anything to do with her again. Even my brother did it to the extent that he requested the DNA of the son; unfortunately, he's the owner.

This lady has been begging everyone, and both her parents and some family members have travelled down to our place to plead on her behalf, but my brother insisted he's not interested in the marriage again.

He was scouting with one of our cousins before, and we thought that when he got tired, he'd move back home as usual, but this man has gotten an apartment and does not let anyone know the location.

The worst of it all is that he did not talk to his 7-year-old son and didn't take on any responsibilities for him again.

The boy keeps crying to see his dad, but my brother keeps saying her mother is only using him to get his attention, saying the boy will see him when it's the right time.

This lady called me last week and said he wanted to pack from the house and my brother should come move all his belongings, but my brother sent me back to her that she should throw everything away, he mentioned that the lady can frame him up or call the police for him and turn to legal battles.

I believe whatever happened between them, the boy did not cause it, and cutting off his only child emotionally and financially is not self-protection but abandonment.

I know marriage can end, but fatherhood should not. You can abandon marriage and still fully show up as a father. The two are not the same contract

All the family are tired, and even I, his closest brother, am tired. I only want him to be a responsible dad to his only child.

Please, what can I do? I really love my brother and want peace for him, however I pity his child.

My advice is to let him be. He will come around and play his role as a father but he needs time to think and get rid of the thought of the mum. He is a grown up man dont over advice him. Infact sometimes the best form of advice is not advising at all

Anyways, this one no be big issue to resolve. Wetin you go do na to support your brother in getting a divorce and cutting off the woman completely. Na who wear shoe na know where E dey pinch am. But advice your brother not to abandon his child, especially when DNA test don prove say he's the father. Wetin me go suggest be say make he take her to court make dem grant am access to the child once in a while. When I dey read about marriages online, I no go wan just marry again. But that aside sha, once again, try to support your brother because most men dey silently die for marriage and the society dey expect dem not to complain all because they're "the stronger vessel" according to gaslighting chapter 2.

What do I even know sef aside enlightening my fellow men nationwide with the good news of DNA test

Abbeytoy:
✓ In the last two years, things have not been going well with my brother and his wife. My brother will call me and lament about his wife's behaviour, he told me that anytime they have a misunderstanding, this lady changes the key and locks him out in the cold. Though he's the one who pays the rent and all the bills, the lady gets child support and spends lavishly on unnecessary things while the apartment is given to his wife by the government.
But the last one she did, my brother left the house and swore never to have anything to do with her again. Even my brother did it to the extent that he requested the DNA of the son; unfortunately, he's the owner.
This lady has been begging everyone, and both her parents and some family members have travelled down to our place to plead on her behalf, but my brother insisted he's not interested in the marriage again.
He was scouting with one of our cousins before, and we thought that when he got tired, he'd move back home as usual, but this man has gotten an apartment and does not let anyone know the location.
The worst of it all is that he did not talk to his 7-year-old son and didn't take on any responsibilities for him again.
The boy keeps crying to see his dad, but my brother keeps saying her mother is only using him to get his attention, saying the boy will see him when it's the right time.
This lady called me last week and said he wanted to pack from the house and my brother should come move all his belongings, but my brother sent me back to her that she should throw everything away, he mentioned that the lady can frame him up or call the police for him and turn to legal battles.
I believe whatever happened between them, the boy did not cause it, and cutting off his only child emotionally and financially is not self-protection but abandonment.
✓ I know marriage can end, but fatherhood should not. You can abandon marriage and still fully show up as a father. The two are not the same contract
All the family are tired, and even I, his closest brother, am tired. I only want him to be a responsible dad to his only child.
Please, what can I do? I really love my brother and want peace for him, however I pity his child.

This story get giant k-leg. How come your brother dey pay rent and all yet na government give them apartment and your brother pays child support ? Where in the world is this? 🥱🥱

The marriage should rightly end but since government no dey sleep for where dem dey, demand the woman go straight and ensure she file for divorce from the man in courts and ask that child support payments should be reviewed so that she can get more from your brother in the event that she is to raise the child all by herself and case closed. 🥱🥱🥱

As for the child, the woman should set him up to receive therapy and try her best to get him to accept what has happened now that he is still young and can maybe handle it much better. One thing she should absolutely never do is lie to him about the circumstances that led to the man also abandoning him. He gains more from knowing the truth and not having to have his brain diddle with lies for a long to only for him to be shattered later by the truth. 😩😩😩

Kobojunkie:
This story get giant k-leg. How come your brother dey pay rent and all yet na government give them apartment and your brother pays child support ? Where in the world is this? 🥱🥱

The marriage should rightly end but since government no dey sleep for where dem dey, demand the woman go straight and ensure she file for divorce from the man in courts and ask that child support payments should be reviewed so that she can get more from your brother in the event that she is to raise the child all by herself and case closed. 🥱🥱🥱

As for the child, the woman should set him up to receive therapy and try her best to get him to accept what has happened now that he is still young and can maybe handle it much better. One thing she should absolutely never do is lie to him about the circumstances that led to the man also abandoning him. He gains more from knowing the truth and not having to have his brain diddle with lies for a long to only for him to be shattered later by the truth. 😩😩😩

It happens in the UK, yes, they're staying in a government house, but pay the house rent, the difference is that it will be smaller than the other non-government housing. But my brother pays all the bills. Even the lady confirmed it and she claimed she'll suffer for the rest of her life for losing her caring man

The marriage is not legal over there though. They're just staying as partners. You know how they runs it over there na.

Abbeytoy:
✓ It happens in the UK, yes, they're staying in a government house, but pay the house rent, the difference is that it will be smaller than the other non-government housing. But my brother pays all the bills. Even the lady confirmed it and she claimed she'll suffer for the rest of her life for losing her caring man
The marriage is not legal over there though. They're just staying as partners. You know how the runs it over there na.

What about child support? Does your brother currently pay that? If he does pay only a portion , the woman can request more from him since he now requires she handles the child 100%. 🥱🥱

Lalami3232:
Anyways, this one no be big issue to resolve. Wetin you go do na to support your brother in getting a divorce and cutting off the woman completely. Na who wear shoe na know where E dey pinch am. But advice your brother not to abandon his child, especially when DNA test don prove say he's the father. Wetin me go suggest be say make he take her to court make dem grant am access to the child once in a while. When I dey read about marriages online, I no go wan just marry again. But that aside sha, once again, try to support your brother because most men dey silently die for marriage and the society dey expect dem not to complain all because they're "the stronger vessel" according to gaslighting chapter 2.

What do I even know sef aside enlightening my fellow men nationwide with the good news of DNA test

This happened in UK and they're not married legally under the UK law.

I this there's this thing they do to get government support.

Kobojunkie:
What about child support? Does your brother currently pay that? If he does pay only a portion , the woman can request more from him since he now requires she handles the child 100%. 🥱🥱

They did not even know where he stayed.

The government must not know she has a husband, else they will cut off all her support, and that would never favour her.

I think government support is one of the main issues that affects marriages in the UK. The women will get it and not share with their partners who still pay all the bills.

Abbeytoy:
✓ They did not even know where he stayed.
The government must not know she has a husband, else they will cut off all her support, and that would never favour her.
✓ I think government support is one of the main issues that affects marriages in the UK. The women will get it and not share with their partners who still pay all the bills.

1. Ah! Your brother and the women were leeching off the system before this? Oh..wow! 🥱🥱

Anyways, so long as the child belongs to him, she can file for child support using his name and I believe garnishing of wages is possible in the UK in the case of those who default on child support payments. 🤔

2. Why should a woman share support with man whose job it is to provide for the family, though? Worse, your brother and this woman were milking the system and you thing the support is to blame for their individual moral failings? 🥱🥱🥱

Your brother was paying next to nothing in rent and bills and didn't need to worry much about providing for his own child, thanks to government subsiding his living, yet you feel he should have been given even more? 🥱🥱

The best way to handle a woman’s eff up is to leave her. To walk away. Let her know she’s replaceable

Kobojunkie:
1. Ah! Your brother and the women were leeching off the system before this? Oh..wow! 🥱🥱

Anyways, so long as the child belongs to him, she can file for child support using his name and I believe garnishing of wages is possible in the UK in the case of those who default on child support payments. 🤔

2. Why should a woman share support with man whose job it is to provide for the family, though? Worse, your brother and this woman were milking the system and you thing the support is to blame for their individual moral failings? 🥱🥱🥱

Your brother was paying next to nothing in rent and bills and didn't need to worry much about providing for his own child, thanks to government subsiding his living, yet you feel he should have been given even more? 🥱🥱

How they earn is none of my business. I only want him to be present for his child.

And again, the woman can not go to thengovernment else she'll put herself in big trouble

CandyOps:
The best way to handle a woman’s eff up is to leave her. To walk away. Let her know she’s replaceable

I agree, but what about the Child?

Abbeytoy:
I agree, but what about the Child?

Collateral damage

CandyOps:
Collateral damage

Wickedness

Abbeytoy:
[/b]➜How they earn is none of my business. I only want him to be present for his child. And again, the woman can not go to they government else she'll put herself in big trouble

How would she get in trouble?

He's paying child support...why would he be living with her in the house? He's right to move ... she's already responsible for up keeping the child. He can always arrange for visitations. She's appealing because of the bills and no money to splurge. Leave your brother alone ...he goes back and she finds a reason to call the Police ... he gets locked up ...then what?

Abbeytoy:
Wickedness

Hopefully he comes around to supporting his child. But that’s the sad reality. Sometimes you have to leave what’s good for what’s better. He was a victim of circumstance

Your story is incomplete. What will give it completeness is the location of your brother and your families.

SixSeven:
Your story is incomplete. What will give it completeness is the location of your brother and your families.

UK and Nigeria

CandyOps:
Hopefully he comes around to supporting his child. But that’s the sad reality. Sometimes you have to leave what’s good for what’s better. He was a victim of circumstance

Hmmm

Your brother is bold &;smart man who doesn't tolerate any form of manipulation & disrespect.

Blood is blood....he knows if he dares, she gon fvck him up legally.

The wife should grow more sense or remarry.


People might hate your brother but I love him.

Your brother and his estranged partner should appoint a proxy or an intermediary between him and his son.

He must not shy away from his responsibilities as a father.

He is right to think of negative things the woman might do to him to get him into more trouble, but with an appointed intermediary between them, he may not necessarily have to contact the woman anymore. The intermediary can bring his son at times when he's chanced, either weekly or monthly so they can catch up.

His son is his descent and the one to sustain his DNA is alive in generations to come. It doesn't matter if he will have other children from other women. He must be a good father to all his children

gunners160:
My advice is to let him be. He will come around and play his role as a father but he needs time to think and get rid of the thought of the mum. He is a grown up man dont over advice him. Infact sometimes the best form of advice is not advising at all

Your thought is as good as mine.

2ndly, the son should be safe with the mom for now.

silibaba:
➜Your thought is as good as mine. 2ndly, the son should be safe with the mom for now.

Not if she decides to leave him in the system or orphanage. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Not if she decides to leave him in the system or orphanage. 🥱🥱🥱

Which ever one that suits her.

Life is not as hard as we think. I love the young man's decision.

Lets assumed the man died from depression. Will the wife and son stop living?

silibaba:
➜Which ever one that suits her. Life is not as hard as we think. I love the young man's decision.
Lets assumed the man died on depression. Will the wife and son stop living?

And then when we say that divorce should be normalized in Nigerian society so both men and women can choose their physical, mental, and emotional health over unhealthy/unfulfilling/unhappy/depressing/abusive marriages, we no go get your vote. 😏😏

Abbeytoy:
In the last two years, things have not been going well with my brother and his wife. My brother will call me and lament about his wife's behaviour, he told me that anytime they have a misunderstanding, this lady changes the key and locks him out in the cold. Though he's the one who pays the rent and all the bills, the lady gets child support and spends lavishly on unnecessary things while the apartment is given to his wife by the government.

But the last one she did, my brother left the house and swore never to have anything to do with her again. Even my brother did it to the extent that he requested the DNA of the son; unfortunately, he's the owner.

This lady has been begging everyone, and both her parents and some family members have travelled down to our place to plead on her behalf, but my brother insisted he's not interested in the marriage again.

He was scouting with one of our cousins before, and we thought that when he got tired, he'd move back home as usual, but this man has gotten an apartment and does not let anyone know the location.

The worst of it all is that he did not talk to his 7-year-old son and didn't take on any responsibilities for him again.

The boy keeps crying to see his dad, but my brother keeps saying her mother is only using him to get his attention, saying the boy will see him when it's the right time.

This lady called me last week and said he wanted to pack from the house and my brother should come move all his belongings, but my brother sent me back to her that she should throw everything away, he mentioned that the lady can frame him up or call the police for him and turn to legal battles.

I believe whatever happened between them, the boy did not cause it, and cutting off his only child emotionally and financially is not self-protection but abandonment.

I know marriage can end, but fatherhood should not. You can abandon marriage and still fully show up as a father. The two are not the same contract

All the family are tired, and even I, his closest brother, am tired. I only want him to be a responsible dad to his only child.

Please, what can I do? I really love my brother and want peace for him, however I pity his child.

You brother has totally had it. Anything that connects him with his wife he wants to cut, even his son.

The wife might bait him using their son, and that's why the son has to wait until he is 100% certain the wife won't use his son to her advantage.

I stopped reading at the part that his wife always lock him out from his house. That's first problem, some men are just weak. Simple.

Kobojunkie:
1. Ah! Your brother and the women were leeching off the system before this? Oh..wow! 🥱🥱

Anyways, so long as the child belongs to him, she can file for child support using his name and I believe garnishing of wages is possible in the UK in the case of those who default on child support payments. 🤔

2. Why should a woman share support with man whose job it is to provide for the family, though? Worse, your brother and this woman were milking the system and you thing the support is to blame for their individual moral failings? 🥱🥱🥱

Your brother was paying next to nothing in rent and bills and didn't need to worry much about providing for his own child, thanks to government subsiding his living, yet you feel he should have been given even more? 🥱🥱

You are saying you are not in 1960 but at the same time want zero accountability and zero responsibility as if you live in 1960 world wake up from your delusional state .

LeoThaGreat:
Your brother and his estranged partner should appoint a proxy or an intermediary between him and his son.

He must not shy away from his responsibilities as a father.

He is right to think of negative things the woman might do to him to get him into more trouble, but with an appointed intermediary between them, he may not necessarily have to contact the woman anymore. The intermediary can bring his son at times when he's chanced, either weekly or monthly so they can catch up.

His son is his descent and the one to sustain his DNA is alive in generations to come. It doesn't matter if he will have other children from other women. He must be a good father to all his children

This is where I wish he could understand.

I have been separated from my marriage for 4 years, but I don't joke with both my kids

Kobojunkie:
Not if she decides to leave him in the system or orphanage. 🥱🥱🥱

My fear too

silibaba:
Which ever one that suits her.

Life is not as hard as we think. I love the young man's decision.

Lets assumed the man died on depression. Will the wife and son stop living?

You have a point. I see some level of depression in him and I don't blame him for abandoning the marriage, but the boy deserves a father's care