₦airaland Forum

Hi All.

Please how do I help a difficult father change his character.

My father is a difficult person who has had issues with everyone around him including his family.

Myself, my siblings, my mum, and his family have talked to him but he is always adamant on wanting to do things his way. His actions aren't always well thought out and they end up leading to hatred from people.

His actions even led to my ex treating me badly due to some terrible things my father said to my ex and the unpleasant way my father treated him, e.g. my father refused to speak with him on the phone and when he spoke with him he insulted my ex for not sending him money.

Now, I'm dating someone else who is distancing himself. I noticed my new partner started distancing himself after a call my father had with him.

My partner refused to tell me the exact things my father told him, but I know from past experience that they're likely not to be good things. From the things my father said he discussed with my partner, I'm not happy myself.

How do I handle this situation because I've tried my best to forgive and tolerate. I can't take it anymore as it continues to affect my life daily.

Belzdossy:
✓ Hi All. Please how do I help a difficult father change his character.
My father is a difficult person who has had issues with everyone around him including his family.
Myself, my siblings, my mum, and his family have talked to him but he is always adamant on wanting to do things his way. His actions aren't always well thought out and they end up leading to hatred from people.
✓ His actions even led to my ex treating me badly due to some terrible things my father said to my ex and the unpleasant way my father treated him, e.g. my father refused to speak with him on the phone and when he spoke with him he insulted my ex for not sending him money.
✓ Now, I'm dating someone else who is distancing himself. I noticed my new partner started distancing himself after a call my father had with him. My partner refused to tell me the exact things my father told him, but I know from past experience that they're likely not to be good things. From the things my father said he discussed with my partner, I'm not happy myself.
✓ How do I handle this situation because I've tried my best to forgive and tolerate. I can't take it anymore as it continues to affect my life daily.

1. If your father is such an arsehole to you and your family, why then do you continue to involve him in that which concerns you, assuming you are already an adult? Why have you not taken steps to reduce your engagement with him for the benefit of your peace of mind and sanity? 🥱🥱

2. You blame him for it, but you never mentioned how or why, even with all you've come to know of your father's arseholery, you took it on yourself to introduce your partner to him? What was your goal? 🥱🥱🥱

3. By the way, coming from the background you described and given that you have yet to adequately deal with the scars and trauma from your childhood, added to the fact that you have yet to resolve your relationship with your father, I don't think I would recommend you continuing with any romantic relationships. You have a lot of work to do regarding self-awareness and self-love on your part. You have a long way to go in realizing that using your father as an excuse is not supposed to be a thing at all as an adult. I suggest you get yourself professional mental health counseling, and do the inner work to get you to where you can see yourself rising above this "my father this, my father that..." talk. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

4. The best way is to acquire self-love, greater emotional and social intelligence skills. 🥱🥱🥱

Thanks for sharing this.

Kobojunkie:
1. If your father is such an arsehole to you and your family, why then do you continue to involve him in that which concerns you, assuming you are already an adult? Why have you not taken steps to reduce your engagement with him for the benefit of your peace of mind and sanity? 🥱🥱

2. You blame him for it, but you never mentioned how or why, even with all you've come to know of your father's arseholery, you took it on yourself to introduce your partner to him? What was your goal? 🥱🥱🥱

3. By the way, coming from the background you described and given that you have yet to adequately deal with the scars and trauma from your childhood, added to the fact that you have yet to resolve your relationship with your father, I don't think I would recommend you continuing with any romantic relationships. You have a lot of work to do regarding self-awareness and self-love on your part. You have a long way to go in realizing that using your father as an excuse is not supposed to be a thing at all as an adult. I suggest you get yourself professional mental health counseling, and do the inner work to get you to where you can see yourself rising above this "my father this, my father that..." talk. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

4. The best way is to acquire self-love, greater emotional and social intelligence skills. 🥱🥱🥱

I co-sign Kobojunkie on this one.

Leave love matter and focus on her 4th point. You are not yet mature for a romantic relationship.

Why do you always minimizer the Truth? Call a spade, a spade.

Your father is the Dev... and you know it.

Then, you and your family could not even change him, is it now us?

There is no advice to give you oo.

Tell him exactly the kind of person your father is. Problem solved

Belzdossy:
Hi All.

Please how do I help a difficult father change his character.

My father is a difficult person who has had issues with everyone around him including his family.

Myself, my siblings, my mum, and his family have talked to him but he is always adamant on wanting to do things his way. His actions aren't always well thought out and they end up leading to hatred from people.

His actions even led to my ex treating me badly due to some terrible things my father said to my ex and the unpleasant way my father treated him, e.g. my father refused to speak with him on the phone and when he spoke with him he insulted my ex for not sending him money.

Now, I'm dating someone else who is distancing himself. I noticed my new partner started distancing himself after a call my father had with him.

My partner refused to tell me the exact things my father told him, but I know from past experience that they're likely not to be good things. From the things my father said he discussed with my partner, I'm not happy myself.

How do I handle this situation because I've tried my best to forgive and tolerate. I can't take it anymore as it continues to affect my life daily.

Sorry to hear but there's nothing you can do to change a grown man. You either live with it or you distance yourself and your affairs from him.