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My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice - Family - Nairaland

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My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by hurthubby: 3:17pm On Aug 14
My story is too long but let me try to summarize everything.

(I have been a member of Nairaland since 2009, but i just created this account to hide my identity)

I got married in the year 2000 and wedded in Dec 2001. Before the actual wedding, my wife got a job in Abuja, where she stayed for one year before our wedding and her joining me in Ibadan. During the cause of that year, i have a friend who stays in Abuja that knows my wife very well, who reported about my wife's infidelity to me then, though i ignored it.

In the year 2005, my wife confessed to me that she committed adultery after our wedding. (She was actually about 2 months pregnant in Feb 2002 when she sought my permission to visit her sister in Lagos. I never knew that she actually visited one of her old boy friends and spent 2 days with him).

I was down cast for some days when i heard her confession before i got back myself and forgave and forgot everything.

She later got a job which made her travel often, sometimes spending weeks outside but i never suspected anything even though her boss, (A lady) called me several times to complain about my wife's behavior, which is contrary to that of a married woman but i didn't take her serious because my wife always complained of the harshness of the woman. She later lost the job and joined me in my business, but always going to Lagos to buy jewelry, which she sells in Ibadan.

In the year 2014, i got some texts from a concerned fellow about how my wife have been sleeping with his neighbor for over 2 years in Lagos. It happens that the fellow knows us very well and didn't want to cause any problem in our marriage but the the acts became too much, he had to let me know. When i confronted my wife with all the evidence and some dates, she owned up and pleaded for forgiveness. She confessed that the affair started when she was working for the lady i mentioned earlier and anytime she travels to Lagos for her jewelry business, she always go and sleep with the man. She promised to turn a new leaf.

In the year 2018, i discovered that she had been communicating with the same man, to the extent that he even knew that my wife traveled to Owerri for a wedding. I discovered that they had reconnected back and chats always. When i confronted my wife, she said that they have nothing, just chats, which i made her to stop (I don't know if they actually stopped).

Before i married her, a man actually dumped her and married her friend, 6 years earlier. The next boy friend left her and traveled abroad for over 2 years, without any communication (before i met and married her) but unfortunately, it didn't work out for him and he came back and discovered that shes married. He started pestering her,pretending that he wanted to marry her, that he traveled to make money for both of them, but been that she's already married, she introduced the man to her cousin and he married the cousin.

Now the issue is that my wife is flirting with her former boyfriends, sending pornographic pictures and nude pictures with dirty chats. I used to monitor her chat but to save myself from HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, i stopped checking her phone.

My wife even told the one that dumped her for her friend that she still loves him so much. She also tells the one that married her cousin the same thing and regrets that distance is so much between them. (The one that married the cousin is based in Kano while the one that married her friend is based in Abuja) Whenever i confront her, she will deny anything serious but when she sees my evidence, she will beg for forgiveness. My business is down and she provides about 70% of the house up keep (She is a teacher). We have 4 children, the eldest being 17. I have been trying to sell my house or land to reestablish my business but it has not been easy. My wife now does as she like, even having male friends here in Ibadan and keeps too much secret? What should i do.

I know this is long, but its just a summary. Forgive any typo.

57 Likes 19 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by Kingosytex(m): 3:20pm On Aug 14
cheesy

If after all these things happened you still can't take a tangible decision, it means that you are even more gullible than Timi Dakolo and your wife will always capitalise on that fact to manipulate you till thy kingdom come, can't you see she is using your brain to play bet9ja? ...Sorry for the harsh words but i just had to pour out my mind.


In your wife is the deadly combo of cheating, lying, deceit, nudist and promiscuity. Oga, you have a very big problem. Your wife has cheated and lied to you on many occasions yet you forgave her, i must commend you for that because it is only few men that can tolerate such excesses to the level you tolerated. I dislike liars with passion and i absolutely have no second chance to offer them.


Your wife is a perfect example that Okafor's law works. I will suggest you meet your in laws and table the matter before them though i don't believe anything positive will come out of such meeting, but you have to do that for the sake of formality. I advice you to break free from her bondage, send her away, divorce her. She is a cheat and she can't change. A leopard can't change its spots, Buhari is a perfect example about that. Your wife is prepared to ruin your life, she is willing to steal your joy and happiness and she might send you to your early grave.


Remember she has nothing to lose. If you die, she will move on with her lovers. Lastly, make sure you run a DNA test on those children to determine their paternity. Don't even think of selling your house, i advise you sell the undeveloped plots instead and grow your business. I believe you will overcome, i wish you good luck!

677 Likes 56 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by Isabellah: 3:20pm On Aug 14
Nigerian parents don't get enough credit. Most of them deserve endless praise and commendation for raising kids in a country bedeviled by economic hardship. Most people are not perfect, but I celebrate my parents everyday. I hope yours are worthy of celebration too.

139 Likes 14 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by FirstCounsel(m): 3:22pm On Aug 14
This is serious bro. What do you do? You're still asking despite the overwhelming evidence you have already?

51 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by fykes(m): 3:26pm On Aug 14
This guy u are lucky u are not dead yet.
A woman who can do all these either has u caged diabolically or thinks she has u caged...
How do u even manage to stay alive End her or she ends u ASAP

233 Likes 13 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by donbachi(m): 3:34pm On Aug 14
Bro no bad blood...but dis is d truth...we have different shapes and sizes of pvssies..ur wife own na d tray where dem sample others for sell...if u dont end dat manage u call marriage..sooner or later,she will get u infected with HIV or have u killed to enter into fulltime fvckadugbe.

115 Likes 8 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by Elsanchez: 3:34pm On Aug 14
Issa serious matter but i'm not married yet

so over to the married folks

4 Likes 4 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by Born2Breed(f): 3:35pm On Aug 14
She is planning your death...

54 Likes 5 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by KpagoGIN(m): 3:42pm On Aug 14
You ended up marrying other people's girlfriend and after going through your post the only thing I can tell you is try make heaven.

P.S All the singles in the house hope you can now testify to the wise saying " a leopard never shades it skin" and it goes both ways and all she did was to position all her cards around her by match making her ex's while you were her retirement plan and mind you nothing exonerates you from your own blame and your financial situation is now looking like the fly and scrotum legacy in fact you are the proverbial bird in the "beautiful ones are not yet born" (Chichidodo).

44 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by JudgeOGBUNABALI(m): 3:43pm On Aug 14
Errrm ... Who ever wrote this is under a spell. Can we meet? I mean, I need to have like five able bodied men descend on you for no reason till you pass out.
You are not human pls. Just go mark your grave site with your relatives cause you are a living dead.
What a shame to men!!

285 Likes 16 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by simplelex: 3:54pm On Aug 14
continue forgiving her..

35 Likes 4 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by kapelvej: 3:56pm On Aug 14
This story is not true. However if it is true, then what is really your problem. A woman cheating on you endlessly and you come here to complain. Please get out from here, go and divorce her, then come back to tell us the good news.

100 Likes 7 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by Jayslicky: 3:56pm On Aug 14
You obviously wifed a LovePeddler, no matter the number of times you keep forgiving her, she will still cheat on you.

I don't usually pity men like you, men like you can't think straight when a woman tells them a 'fake I love you', I am sure you saw signs of her whorish behaviour during courtship but you refused to let go.

You better divorce that woman before she leads you to an early grave, as it now she may plan with her lover to kill you, if you are wise please do away with her. If the children ask why you divorced their mum, tell them the truth, let them know who their mother is.

Lastly do a DNA test on those children.

123 Likes 10 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by deybholar(f): 4:05pm On Aug 14
This is definitely the height. shocked is this love or juju? How will your wife cheat repeatedly and all you can do is ask “what to do”?
If you are not scared of HIV, be scared of death. This woman can kill you. Don’t be emasculated because she’s the provider. You are a man bro, man up!!!

63 Likes 5 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by Safitu(f): 4:10pm On Aug 14
You got married in 2000 which means you are at least in your 40s and I’m assuming your wife is near that age too. Mr husband, your wife has left that stage of youthful exuberance, she’s a mother of 4 children and she’s still behaving like a shameless animal sleeping around with all manners of men outside your marriage. Newsflash: SHES NEVER GOING TO CHANGE! Even at 60, she’ll still be looking outside for someone to press her nipples. You guys have been together for two decades plus so it’s not going to be that easy to leave. No body here can tell you what to do, especially since she’s providing for you. You have to make a decision for yourself.

It’s either you endure her cheating and close your eyes. Or you slowly gain back your financial power and gradually make your way out. Do you want to spend your middle/old age miserable because your wife cannot stay in one place? Or are you going to keep fighting extremely hard to make this marriage work because of the kids and the time you have invested? You have to look in the mirror and make that decision. Nobody can make that decision for you. How humiliating it must be, knowing that your wife has no self control in public. She’s embarrassing you, making a fool out of you, cant you see? She probably belittles you to her concubines, and here you are trying to find a solution, Oga you are a good man. Pray. Pray. Pray. You will begin to see things that you were blind to before.

Remember sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone to see change.

142 Likes 7 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by Acidosis(m): 4:19pm On Aug 14
Your wife's juju is very strong. Where is she from?

24 Likes

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by GrammarNazi1(m): 4:22pm On Aug 14
Jayslicky:
Keep forgiving her since you are so good, when she brings her sex mate into your matrimonal bed, allow it and smile at least you're been relieved of your sexual duty or better still you can beg your wife to allow you join the sex feast, party with your wife's lover will not be bad and most importantly can I have your wife's number, I will like to mark her register also since her pussy is as cheap as a matchbox.
...you're being...

17 Likes

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by pocohantas(f): 4:22pm On Aug 14
Forgive her.

Women are polygamous in nature.

Don't allow those men win, she is your wife...they are the intruders.

Just focus on your children, she'll definitely get tired and come back to you. They always do...

Always remember, God hates divorce.
I wish you strength.

smiley

121 Likes 10 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by hurthubby: 4:24pm On Aug 14
Kingosytex:
cheesy

If after all these things happened you still can't take a tangible decision, it means that you are even more gullible than Timi Dakolo and your wife will always capitalise on that fact to manipulate you till thy kingdom come, can't you see she is using your brain to play bet9ja? ...Sorry for the harsh words but i just had to pour out my mind.


In your wife is the deadly combo of cheating, lying, deceit, nudist and promiscuity. Oga, you have a very big problem. Your wife has cheated and lied to you on many occasions yet you forgave her, i must commend you for that because it is only few men that can tolerate such excesses to the level you tolerated. I dislike liars with passion and i absolutely have no second chance to offer them.


Your wife is a perfect example that Okafor's law works. I will suggest you meet your in laws and table the matter before them though i don't believe anything positive will come out of such meeting, but you have to fulfil all righteousness. I advice you to break free from her bondage, send her away, divorce her. She is a cheat and she can't change. A leopard can't change its spots, Buhari is a perfect example about that. Your wife is prepared to ruin your life, she is willing to steal your joy and happiness and she might send you to your early grave.


Remember she has nothing to lose. If you die, she will move on with her lovers. Lastly, make sure you run a DNA test on those children to determine their paternity. Don't even think of selling your house, i advise you sell the undeveloped plots instead and grow your business. I believe you will overcome, i wish you good luck!

Thanks. Her parents are dead, and capitalises on it all the time, telling me to remember that she's an orphan.
Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by Safitu(f): 4:25pm On Aug 14
The man is not under any spell. The reality is that a lot of men endure cheating from their wives contrary to what you read on social media. Do you know what marriage entails? It’s not just a ceremony, it’s a physical and spiritual bonding, a soul tie that becomes extremely difficult to get out of, especially after many years and reproducing together. It just takes a lot of strength and grace to walk out. A lot of men do not come out to confess the problems their wives put on them because it’s a huge dent to their ego. Just pray that you marry a virtuous woman because it’s not easy.
JudgeOGBUNABALI:
Errrm ... Who ever wrote this is under a spell. Can we meet? I mean, I need to have like five able bodied men descend on you for no reason till you pass out.
You are not human pls. Just go mark your grave site with your relatives cause you are a living dead.
What a shame to men!!

123 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by hurthubby: 4:27pm On Aug 14
KpagoGIN:
You ended up marrying other people's girlfriend and after going through your post the only thing I can tell you is try make heaven.

P.S All the singles in the house hope you can now testify to the wise saying " a leopard never shades it skin" and it goes both ways and all she did was to position all her cards around her by match making her ex's while you were her retirement plan and mind you nothing exonerates you from your own blame and your financial situation is now looking like the fly and scrotum legacy in fact you are the proverbial bird in the "beautiful ones are not yet born" (Chichidodo).

I had the belief then that having gone through stormy relationships, she will settle down wholeheartedly

1 Like

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by hurthubby: 4:29pm On Aug 14
kapelvej:
This story is not true. However if it is true, then what is really your problem. A woman cheating on you endlessly and you come here to complain. Please get out from here, go and divorce her, then come back to tell us the good news.

This is no fiction. Am talking about my marriage.

4 Likes

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by RESHARPENED: 4:30pm On Aug 14
Good evening, Sir.

What disability do you suffer from?.
It looks like you feel you have no options but to consistently forgive a serial cheat. Even at great detriments to your mental health?.

What are you afraid of?


When you eventually sell your land and your business is up and running, take your kids for a DNA test.

32 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by Kingosytex(m): 4:32pm On Aug 14
hurthubby:


Thanks. Her parents are dead, and capitalises on it all the time, telling me to remember that she's an orphan.

Damn! Is that not emotional blackmail?


Please, do the needful. Remember she has nothing to lose, if you are gone she will definitely continue with her lovers.

16 Likes

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by hurthubby: 4:33pm On Aug 14
Safitu:
You got married in 2000 which means you are at least in your 40s and I’m assuming your wife is near that age too. Mr husband, your wife has left that stage of youthful exuberance, she’s a mother of 4 children and she’s still behaving like a shameless animal sleeping around with all manners of men outside your marriage. Newsflash: SHES NEVER GOING TO CHANGE! Even at 60, she’ll still be looking outside for someone to press her nipples. You guys have been together for two decades plus so it’s not going to be that easy to leave. No body here can tell you what to do, especially since she’s providing for you. You have to make a decision for yourself.

It’s either you endure her cheating and close your eyes. Or you slowly gain back your financial power and gradually make your way out. Do you want to spend your middle/old age miserable because your wife cannot stay in one place? Or are you going to keep fighting extremely hard to make this marriage work because of the kids and the time you have invested? You have to look in the mirror and make that decision. Nobody can make that decision for you. How humiliating it must be, knowing that your wife has no self control in public. She’s embarrassing you, making a fool out of you, cant you see? She probably belittles you to her concubines, and here you are trying to find a solution, Oga you are a good man. Pray. Pray. Pray. You will begin to see things that you were blind to before.

Remember sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone to see change.

I am 48 while she is 45

12 Likes

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by Safitu(f): 4:35pm On Aug 14
At 45 she’s still messing around, well she will never change I’m sorry to say that to you sir.

I want to ask though if you have been faithful to her all this while? You know, two wrongs do not make a right.
hurthubby:


I am 48 while she is 45

8 Likes

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by hurthubby: 4:36pm On Aug 14
RESHARPENED:
Good evening, Sir.

What disability do you suffer from?.
It looks like you feel you have no options but to consistently forgive a serial cheat. Even at great detriments to your mental health?.

What are you afraid of?


When you eventually sell your land and your business is up and running, take your kids for a DNA test.





I don't have any disability. Am just down financially, which i know will be sorted out very soon

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by JudgeOGBUNABALI(m): 4:39pm On Aug 14
Safitu:
The man is not under any spell. The reality is that a lot of men endure cheating from their wives contrary to what you read on social media. Do you know what marriage entails? It’s not just a ceremony, it’s a physical and spiritual bonding, a soul tie that becomes extremely difficult to get out of, especially after many years and reproducing together. It’s just takes a lot of strength and grace to walk out. A lot of men do not come out to confess the problems their wives put on them because it’s a huge dent to their ego. Just pray that you marry a virtuous woman because it’s not easy.
Well, this is my 7th yr of marriage. My main problem with man and woman is not cheating but disrespect. And cheating even comes under disrespect. I don't play with respect. I give it to people and demand 110% reciprocation.
Dude here has no respect for himself. So am sure nothing, not even his children will respect him. Not to talk of the so called wife and her bonobo friends. You see, my wife, my inlaws, my siblings knows I can kill demanding respect. So nobody crosses that line. You want to mess around? First quit the marriage. Otherwise the day I find you out. There'd be double funeral and nobody will know who is responsible. My respect is more important than any blood!
That's why I wish to encounter this louse called Op. The wimp seriously need some whip

81 Likes 8 Shares

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by LadySarah(f): 4:44pm On Aug 14
When did You notice this behavior first?What was ur immediate rxn?What did She give As excuse;small p..is,unsatisfactory sex,low libido on ur side,weight gain?
All these yrs what have You done to improve Where She complained?


Watch warroom movie cool cool cool.That is what they tell the women who complain here so You can find out If it Will Work for you. undecided undecided

Work on yourself ,ok?

5 Likes

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by hurthubby: 4:44pm On Aug 14
Safitu:
At 45 she’s still messing around, well she will never change I’m sorry to say that to you sir.

I want to ask though if you have been faithful to her all this while? You know, two wrongs do not make a right.

I was 100% faithful to her, for over 16 years till i discovered that she's something else, that she can't change, though i have been restraining myself

2 Likes

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by zeb04(f): 4:46pm On Aug 14
A lot of men will never open up to tell you their partner has cheated on them because of what society will say but it happens.

40 Likes

Re: My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice by missjo: 4:47pm On Aug 14
pocohantas:
Forgive her.

Women are polygamous in nature.

Just focus on your children, she'll definitely get tired and come back to you. They always do...

smiley
You're being funny right?

18 Likes 2 Shares

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