₦airaland Forum

This is long...
My father died in 2017, I was 17years old and from that point, my life changed completely. I became the one carrying the responsibility of this family far earlier than I should have.
When it was time for me to go to school, my late father’s family agreed to sponsor my education. Instead of supporting it, my mother blocked it completely. Because of the hatred she had for my father and his family, she rejected their help and continued to paint my father in a bad light even after his death. That decision alone altered the course of my life.
Instead of school, she pushed me into serving an oga and learning sales against my will. I stayed there for about two years, and it did not work out. When I came back, I was 20 years old, already behind my mates.
From there, I started working in factories, struggling to earn money and bring it home. I denied myself basic things I didn’t buy clothes, didn’t enjoy my youth everything went into the house. At some point, she even wanted to be holding my salary, controlling it completely.
Eventually, I found a place where I started making a reasonable amount of money. At the time, where we were living was terrible, so with the little progress I made, I paid rent for a room-and-parlour apartment, bought furniture, bought her a big bed, bought a TV, and tried to give the family a better standard of living.
I was 22 years old, doing all of this.
I told my mother I wanted to save money and set myself up properly so I wouldn’t depend on one source of income forever. Instead of support, she insisted that I must “settle her” first before thinking about my future.
When I told her I wanted to leave the house to seek greener pastures, she refused unless I gave her money. Eventually, I counted ₦300,000 and gave it to her to start a business.
Mind you, at this point:
I was handling feeding
rent
clothing
and most household expenses
My brother was contributing nothing, and I never complained or pressured anyone. I carried everything alone.
Later, I lost my job and entered a broke phase again. I was still managing to make money online without structure, and we survived partly on the business I opened for her. That business eventually crashed, and as usual, she took no accountability for it.
After that, she went fully into farming. I clearly told her I hate farming and begged her not to involve me in it. Despite that, she kept forcing me, threatening that if I didn’t help, I would not eat from the farm produce.
This hurt me deeply, because when I was the one providing, I never once threatened my family with hunger.
THE INCIDENT THAT LED TO EVERYTHING
Today, she was pounding fufu. I was not in the mood and clearly told her I didn’t want to pound. I said she should find another means and I would help in other ways but pounding was a firm no.
Her response was that I would not eat from the food.
I stepped out to hustle for money as usual and came back later to eat. When I got to the kitchen, my mother stopped me from eating. At that point, everything inside me snapped. I told her that if I would not eat, then nobody would eat.
In anger and frustration built over years, I carried the pot of soup and threw it away.
She immediately started laying curses on me calling me a cursed child, saying I would never make it in life despite the fact that I have carried her and this family since my father died.
After struggling over the pot, she ran outside, called neighbors, and threatened to have me arrested. She told everyone I was wicked and cursed. As usual, it was me against her and the world. The neighbors only saw an angry son, not the years of sacrifice behind it.
She openly said she no longer wants anything to do with me.
The painful irony is this:
I am broke today largely because she has always made decisions for my life, blocked opportunities, and drained what little progress I made. My brother, who obeys everything she says, is also suffering silently but cannot speak.
HOW I FEEL NOW
I am exhausted.
I feel used, manipulated, and painted as a villain.
I feel like the more I sacrifice, the more control is taken from me.
I am fed up.
I don’t feel like I have a mother in this situation I feel like I have an opponent.

Let this be a starting point for you.

Locate your father's people and ask them to help you.

I pray, they still have your interest at heart.

Else.........

Sometimes when i read things like this i thank God for the kind of family where I'm from, even though we dont have money but at least there is love. Like Where do you guy get this kind of parents from?

Anyways you don see am now, you can't blame yourself for having such a mother, you just have to accept your fate, hustle harder and give her some space

Agozskey:
This is long...
My father died in 2017, I was 17years old and from that point, my life changed completely. I became the one carrying the responsibility of this family far earlier than I should have.
When it was time for me to go to school, my late father’s family agreed to sponsor my education. Instead of supporting it, my mother blocked it completely. Because of the hatred she had for my father and his family, she rejected their help and continued to paint my father in a bad light even after his death. That decision alone altered the course of my life.
Instead of school, she pushed me into serving an oga and learning sales against my will. I stayed there for about two years, and it did not work out. When I came back, I was 20 years old, already behind my mates.
From there, I started working in factories, struggling to earn money and bring it home. I denied myself basic things I didn’t buy clothes, didn’t enjoy my youth everything went into the house. At some point, she even wanted to be holding my salary, controlling it completely.
Eventually, I found a place where I started making a reasonable amount of money. At the time, where we were living was terrible, so with the little progress I made, I paid rent for a room-and-parlour apartment, bought furniture, bought her a big bed, bought a TV, and tried to give the family a better standard of living.
I was 22 years old, doing all of this.
I told my mother I wanted to save money and set myself up properly so I wouldn’t depend on one source of income forever. Instead of support, she insisted that I must “settle her” first before thinking about my future.
When I told her I wanted to leave the house to seek greener pastures, she refused unless I gave her money. Eventually, I counted ₦300,000 and gave it to her to start a business.
Mind you, at this point:
I was handling feeding
rent
clothing
and most household expenses
My brother was contributing nothing, and I never complained or pressured anyone. I carried everything alone.
Later, I lost my job and entered a broke phase again. I was still managing to make money online without structure, and we survived partly on the business I opened for her. That business eventually crashed, and as usual, she took no accountability for it.
After that, she went fully into farming. I clearly told her I hate farming and begged her not to involve me in it. Despite that, she kept forcing me, threatening that if I didn’t help, I would not eat from the farm produce.
This hurt me deeply, because when I was the one providing, I never once threatened my family with hunger.
THE INCIDENT THAT LED TO EVERYTHING
Today, she was pounding fufu. I was not in the mood and clearly told her I didn’t want to pound. I said she should find another means and I would help in other ways but pounding was a firm no.
Her response was that I would not eat from the food.
I stepped out to hustle for money as usual and came back later to eat. When I got to the kitchen, my mother stopped me from eating. At that point, everything inside me snapped. I told her that if I would not eat, then nobody would eat.
In anger and frustration built over years, I carried the pot of soup and threw it away.
She immediately started laying curses on me calling me a cursed child, saying I would never make it in life despite the fact that I have carried her and this family since my father died.
After struggling over the pot, she ran outside, called neighbors, and threatened to have me arrested. She told everyone I was wicked and cursed. As usual, it was me against her and the world. The neighbors only saw an angry son, not the years of sacrifice behind it.
She openly said she no longer wants anything to do with me.
The painful irony is this:
I am broke today largely because she has always made decisions for my life, blocked opportunities, and drained what little progress I made. My brother, who obeys everything she says, is also suffering silently but cannot speak.
HOW I FEEL NOW
I am exhausted.
I feel used, manipulated, and painted as a villain.
I feel like the more I sacrifice, the more control is taken from me.
I am fed up.
I don’t feel like I have a mother in this situation I feel like I have an opponent.

She hated your father and when he died she transferred the hatred to you.

All you do for her will never be enough.
She has shown her hand and what she is capable of...just leave the house and forget about her for the next seven years.

If she is still young enough to pound yam...she is strong enough to take care of herself.

If you no careful she go poison you one day...no think sey e no dey possible.

This is a sort of liberation for you. Try every means within you to go hustle far away from her ...from there, you will be way better off. If in the future you feel like reaching out, then do so. But for now If you continue being in her presence, this vicious circle will not end. It is well with you.

Hmm. I have seen similar case before. The woman hated the man to the extent of transferring the hatred to her own children. Meanwhile she was the trouble maker in the marriage.

You better run for your life. People without a mother are still living life.

She had shown you over the years who she is. Run before she kpai you, maybe like she did to your father.

Have you given your life to Jesus Christ
Do so and watch your life turn around

I hope to see you on the other side.

Did not read. Do not care. This is a Gen Z whose hobby is likely coming here to insult his generation.

It’s even a troll. Surely a made up story.

Agozskey:
This is long...
My father died in 2017, I was 17years old and from that point, my life changed completely. I became the one carrying the responsibility of this family far earlier than I should have.
When it was time for me to go to school, my late father’s family agreed to sponsor my education. Instead of supporting it, my mother blocked it completely. Because of the hatred she had for my father and his family, she rejected their help and continued to paint my father in a bad light even after his death. That decision alone altered the course of my life.
Instead of school, she pushed me into serving an oga and learning sales against my will. I stayed there for about two years, and it did not work out. When I came back, I was 20 years old, already behind my mates.
From there, I started working in factories, struggling to earn money and bring it home. I denied myself basic things I didn’t buy clothes, didn’t enjoy my youth everything went into the house. At some point, she even wanted to be holding my salary, controlling it completely.
Eventually, I found a place where I started making a reasonable amount of money. At the time, where we were living was terrible, so with the little progress I made, I paid rent for a room-and-parlour apartment, bought furniture, bought her a big bed, bought a TV, and tried to give the family a better standard of living.
I was 22 years old, doing all of this.
I told my mother I wanted to save money and set myself up properly so I wouldn’t depend on one source of income forever. Instead of support, she insisted that I must “settle her” first before thinking about my future.
When I told her I wanted to leave the house to seek greener pastures, she refused unless I gave her money. Eventually, I counted ₦300,000 and gave it to her to start a business.
Mind you, at this point:
I was handling feeding
rent
clothing
and most household expenses
My brother was contributing nothing, and I never complained or pressured anyone. I carried everything alone.
Later, I lost my job and entered a broke phase again. I was still managing to make money online without structure, and we survived partly on the business I opened for her. That business eventually crashed, and as usual, she took no accountability for it.
After that, she went fully into farming. I clearly told her I hate farming and begged her not to involve me in it. Despite that, she kept forcing me, threatening that if I didn’t help, I would not eat from the farm produce.
This hurt me deeply, because when I was the one providing, I never once threatened my family with hunger.
THE INCIDENT THAT LED TO EVERYTHING
Today, she was pounding fufu. I was not in the mood and clearly told her I didn’t want to pound. I said she should find another means and I would help in other ways but pounding was a firm no.
Her response was that I would not eat from the food.
I stepped out to hustle for money as usual and came back later to eat. When I got to the kitchen, my mother stopped me from eating. At that point, everything inside me snapped. I told her that if I would not eat, then nobody would eat.
In anger and frustration built over years, I carried the pot of soup and threw it away.
She immediately started laying curses on me calling me a cursed child, saying I would never make it in life despite the fact that I have carried her and this family since my father died.
After struggling over the pot, she ran outside, called neighbors, and threatened to have me arrested. She told everyone I was wicked and cursed. As usual, it was me against her and the world. The neighbors only saw an angry son, not the years of sacrifice behind it.
She openly said she no longer wants anything to do with me.
The painful irony is this:
I am broke today largely because she has always made decisions for my life, blocked opportunities, and drained what little progress I made. My brother, who obeys everything she says, is also suffering silently but cannot speak.
HOW I FEEL NOW
I am exhausted.
I feel used, manipulated, and painted as a villain.
I feel like the more I sacrifice, the more control is taken from me.
I am fed up.
I don’t feel like I have a mother in this situation I feel like I have an opponent.

Foodqueen:
Let this be a starting point for you.

Locate your father's people and ask them to help you.

I pray, they still have your interest at heart.

Else.........

She made me and my brother hate them, I don't even know where I'll start from reaching out to them

As a man,u need to go back to ur mum to ask her to forgive u.

The truth is,for the fact that u have allowed a woman who birth u to curse u...guy,no be moi moi,ur life can never balance.

U adamantly committed an abomination...a serious one. U chose to help ur mother when things were going on well for u and no-one forced u ,u chose to stay to instead of going away from her.

Most African parents are toxic and funny in ways u can't explain.

Go back to her,if possible repay her the cost of that pot of soup and ask her to take back her curses,next try and locate ur fathers people...look for ur fathers brother or elder one that is the most senior in ur fathers side.
Apologise to him and ask him to bless u...he is the symbol of ur father,the man who holds ur family mantle and thereafter,find a way and start a fresh from their and never u look back again.

Good luck to u and if u continue to stay in that house,ur mental health would be dealt with.

She said she doesn't want you...


I wonder what you are waiting for. Stop carrying the burdens of people, whether family or friends at your own detriment and peace of mind, especially to those who don't appreciate it and won't be there to lift you when the chips are down for you.


You had ample time to learn that but you didn't.

It's best you leave that place, find a job and pick up your life again from the scratch as you did in the past!

Agozskey:
She made me and my brother hate them, I don't even know where I'll start from reaching out to them

Look for them, they will understand that you were still a child at the time.

Try and ask her for forgiveness so that she can revert her curse,do not allow her toxic behavior affect you anymore and don't discuss your decisions and progress with her bcs her unnecessary attitude might start affecting you again, then look for your father's people and apologize to them and start a new phase of life again, just find one room and pack out there,start hustling a fresh, later seek your father's people help if they can this is your starting and turning point.

Nice2023:
As a man,u need to go back to ur mum to ask her to forgive u.

The truth is,for the fact that u have allowed a woman who birth u to curse u...guy,no be moi moi,ur life can never balance.

U adamantly committed an abomination...a serious one. U chose to help ur mother when things were going on well for u and no-one forced u ,u chose to stay to instead of going away from her.

Most African parents are toxic and funny in ways u can't explain.

Go back to her,if possible repay her the cost of that pot of soup and ask her to take back her curses,next try and locate ur fathers people...look for ur fathers brother or elder one that is the most senior in ur fathers side.
Apologise to him and ask him to bless u...he is the symbol of ur father,the man who holds ur family mantle and thereafter,find a way and start a fresh from their and never u look back again.

Good luck to u and if u continue to stay in that house,ur mental health would be dealt with.

Curse?? You think I'm scared of her curse, why haven't she blessed.e or her blessings worked.... Go warm eba chop abeg

kodix:
Try and ask her for forgiveness so that she can revert her curse,do not allow her toxic behavior affect you anymore and don't discuss your decisions and progress with her bcs her unnecessary attitude might start affecting you again, then look for your father's people and apologize to them and start a new phase of life again, just find one room and pack out there,start hustling a fresh, later seek your father's people help if they can this is your starting and turning point.

I will never ask for forgiveness

You no go school buh you sabi write near-perfect English.. your story no dey add up

Agozskey:
I will never ask for forgiveness

Oya naw all the best! Maybe your own mum side of the story will be contrary self.

Donsilase:
Sometimes when i read things like this i thank God for the kind of family where I'm from, even though we dont have money but at least there is love. Like Where do you guy get this kind of parents from?

Anyways you don see am now, you can't blame yourself for having such a mother, you just have to accept your fate, hustle harder and give her some space

You're not alone in this one.

As an speaking to you now, am literally doing nothing tangible to sustain myself but my family have a great emotional support since I find myself in this realm. Reason I try as much as possible to give them peace by denying myself some things.

The best thing that can happen to anyone is having parents that are ready/willing to learn and unlearn what they've been used to all there lives. Always ready to flow with the tide, correcting with love and mentally aware in putting their emotions in check.


Dunno if I made any sense, but that's my reality.

@Op,Like someone mentioned, build from this. You're way too young to be stuck emotionally like this. She's still your mother regardless.


Move out if you can, cut communications from her. There's more to life I promise you.

Folks just be going through the most 😩

IFuckWell:
You no go school buh you sabi write near-perfect English.. your story no dey add up

Didn't u learn anything when u went to secondary school

O

Agozskey:
I will never ask for forgiveness

I want to assume it is hurt from years talking.

This life ain't balanced and isn't fair.

Taking your story at face value, your mother is the toxic one. However, parents' curses whether you feel they are justified or not are quite potent.

Like that poster said, apologize to your mother, get her to reverse the curse, apologize to your father's people, gey their blessing and thereafter, take a looonnng break from your mother to find your feet and heal yourself mentally.

It is well.

Agozskey:
She made me and my brother hate them, I don't even know where I'll start from reaching out to them

Tell them that you had been used and told things to hate them but you now realized that they're not the problem and you would like to work with them.

From what I see you carry resentment for her refusing your father’s people help and that’s where all this came from. She may know your father’s people more than you. When you reach out to them you will find out that they are not perfect too. You are not too young to go back to school, get yours SSCE and work hard to sponsor yourself to school.

The good thing is you learnt how to sell, so you should find someone and sell for them to raise money. This time of your fight should be your opportunity to go into the world and make something of yourself. Only keep in touch with your brother so you can help him when you are more stable.

You are at your hustling phase and not meant to carry any unnecessary load talkless from an unappreciative person as it will weigh you down. Go far from her, hustle more and when you make it you can decide to come back to help as then you have enough and will be much matured to handle her excesses.

2mch:
From what I see you carry resentment for her refusing your father’s people help and that’s where all this came from. She may know your father’s people more than you. When you reach out to them you will find out that they are not perfect too. You are not too young to go back to school, get yours SSCE and work hard to sponsor yourself to school.

The good thing is you learnt how to sell, so you should find someone and sell for them to raise money. This time of your fight should be your opportunity to go into the world and make something of yourself. Only keep in touch with your brother so you can help him when you are more stable.

Trust me my dad's side are far better than my mom's side... My mom's side have not given me a pin or supported me in any way, rather they're the one milking me through my mom.... When my dad was still alive, he'll send money to us , my mom will carry the money and give her my uncle without considering us her kids.... Since my dad died they never helped on bit, at least my dad's side are offering to help not like they're perfect but they offered and and she blocked it... This same woman always curse my late dad... The story deep pass wetin I type

Op, who says you cannot go back to school if you want to? You can even combine it with your daily business, and before you know it, you will be done.

To the issue at hand...Your mom may be toxic, but you didn't have to throw the pot of soup away. I want to believe you didn't hit her as well.

Nonetheless, going by your narrative, her reactions was too extreme, and laying curses on you is a glaring proof of her toxicity. Just move out of the house when you can, and try to maintain a distance.

That being said, I have observed that poor parents have little or no love for their kids. They are one of the problems we have in this world. But if you advise people to hustle harder before birthing, they will bombard you with insults.

Agozskey:
Trust me my dad's side are far better than my mom's side... My mom's side have not given me a pin or supported me in any way, rather they're the one milking me through my mom.... When my dad was still alive, he'll send money to us , my mom will carry the money and give her my uncle without considering us her kids.... Since my dad died they never helped on bit, at least my dad's side are offering to help not like they're perfect but they offered and and she blocked it... This same woman always curse my late dad... The story deep pass wetin I type

Your mama no too bad like that. Just see it as she’s trying her best. You made a mistake giving her all the 300k and she did not do well by not managing it. As a child of a widow, you have to do your best to help her domestically. Whatever reason she refused to accept your papa people help, whether pride or resentment, forgive her. Marriage is deep and wide and you never know what a couple are going through. She should not have cursed you but maybe she’s frustrated. Try your best to help her at home even when you don’t feel like and on the farm. You can even sell excess produce and take your commission before giving her, her money. The woman is a decent human because some widow would have abandoned the children or start doing prostitution. She decided to enter farm to feed her children. She has never abandoned you, she only took actions based on how far her understanding reach. It’s up to you to do the rest.

Now that they have chased you from home, go forth and hustle. But ensure you forgive her and care for her to your capacity. You know her weakness is money management so you don’t tell her about all your money no matter how excited. Only tell her the one you know you can give her without it causing issue for you. Your mama de try, I no go lie. No one is too old to educate themselves so, focus on earning a honest living and finishing school.

I see people telling you to go back and beg because of 'curses' or 'naked prayers'. Please, do not let fear chain you to toxicity. You reacted to frustration; that does not mean your destiny is sealed.

Also, I saw a comment doubting your story because your English is 'too good' for a welder. That right there is your exit ticket. You are articulate and you write clearly. That is a skill, not a mistake.

Don't let your environment define your value. The reality is that toxic family dynamics thrive on dependency. The moment you can stand on your own two feet financially and move out, the 'power' she has over you disappears. Focus entirely on using your skills to gain that independence. Distance is the only cure for this.