₦airaland Forum

Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

16yrs?? How all of una dey cope in a horrible marriage for 16 yrs abi u pple just like over inflating the issue than it looks….

U pay bills together; thats successful team work
Yall moved abrod together: super expensive yet yall pulled it off together
Yall raised kids togeda through 16 yes : thats another kudos…
Yall ddnt kill each other: thats another plus…

I think u guys are a great couple but yall started taking each other for granted at some point…..
No intentional investment in the couple spark,
No appreciation for what both parties brings for the last 16yrs….
No spontaneous romantic gestures.. abi u want to lie u have initiated a romantic outing for u both that u paid for in the last 3 years??
Yal just complain…..i’m guessing you are the perfect one.. so its all his fault..

Yall should put aside your ego.. intentionally audit the relarionship ..see a therapist if u can… u pulled off nearly two decades togeda.. madam una go dey alright with just small intentional effort

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different. Madam make yourself happy.

You've been complaining about your husband and marriage since 2020. It's nobody's business to tell you whether to stay or leave. Only you know what's best for you and your kids.

My advice.

Do you know that FORREST GUMP movie? Kneel down and pray like Jenny did when she was running from her violent father.

Stay strong sis. 16 years of bad marriage must end. one of you garra go mehn

Chai. Pele. This later came to Front page

NotOfThisWorld:
You've been complaining about your husband and marriage since 2020. It's nobody's business to tell you whether to stay or leave. Only you know what's best for you and your kids.

Hahahaha. You just made me check.
I was feeling it is a troll. Because how will one man be this bad. Why then did they marry to start with and even knack to born.

Another cooked up stories to play on people emotion, I don't have advice for you because it's not real or share a picture of your family together let see.

Marriage is just not for everyone...

In all of this

Not one did you admit you could be the problem

Or say anything good about him not even the fact that he tries not to be lazy

Wow

When I listen to people I try as much to see how they define the other person

That way I know how honest they are


Even demons have a lot of good to say about the devil


Anyways since you are stainless and perfect and your husband is the problem


Leave please


You want to cut him off from friends or helping them. Is the call the cause of his job loss

What makes you think that’s what caused it

What if the trauma from the marriage makes him psycho tanks to you

lol

What even makes a wiman ever happy?

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

Who are you yourself!🤔🤔🤔. Important to look in that direction also.

Hahahahaha, no be small thing.


Op, marriage is cool if you marry right.


Have you traced back to the root, how you guys started?

Did you chose to marry him out of some selfish reasons? How did you guys met? When did you guys migrated abroad; were you both living overseas before marriage or you guys married in Nigeria and migrated abroad?



What makes him complain?



From my little understanding of women and after being married for some years now, I can confidently say that most black women (Nigerian women in particular) are hardly happy when they are splitting bills with their husband, or when they are the major financier of their marriage. This has always been the main source of marital issue in most Nigerian marriages, followed by cheating.



Most Nigerian women will forgive a cheating husband if he is the breadwinner of the family and if he takes very good care of the family financially but cheating becomes a very big deal for most Nigerian women if they are contributing immensely to the family's upkeep, at that time, their husband's cheating or suspected cheating becomes a death sentence and an abominable act that must never come up.



So the reason most Nigerian marriages abroad suffer marital crises is finance; splitting bills, so dear op, stop being unnecessarily angry that you are splitting bills with your husband, unfortunately that's the norm of the society you chose, accept it and stop comparing your husband with others and you will be fine; it's cold outside madame

marriage is not a joke my good friend.
before u marry commit it unto God's hand
. it's more spiritual than physical

You better die there. It's for better, for worse.

This is question only you can answer. What do you value? If this man capable of providing it ? If no, plan your exit.. If yes, discuss with him. Define your boundaries and stick to them. Marriage is a contract, and comes with terms and conditions. Define yours.

notoracism

1. Happiness is a Choice?
2. Before marrying him did you not notice these things?

My little advice stay loyal to your Marital Vows, and choose to make yourself Happy with other things by concentrating on the positives in your Marriage and Life.
Shalom

Most often than not in marriages, one has to be sheep and the other goat.

My advice: try not to be the goat..

BTW, what did you mean by: "My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope."

Marriage is not a joke, the couples are. Let that sink in

If you were truly enjoying yourself, no one would have known, but because you're in trouble now, you want everyone to be aware and share in your feelings 🥱🥱

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

/
Long epistle not necessary. Just move in with the man you have been sneaking around with. No need to justify your actions to strangers.

/

AIfamily7:
Seems marriage doesn't work like before

What about marriage of your immediate family? What is percentage of successful marriage vs unsuccessful ones?


Use that one to arrive at rational and logical conclusion and not figment of imagination, they are using to promote faceless forum.

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

You copy every characteristic of a feminist but refuse to copy their ability to stay stoic when the inevitable happens. Now, you are here disturbing us. Funny

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

Madam, go and sit down with your husband and settle your marital issues. Don't bring it to nairaland. Look how you are calling him names because he's not here. One funny thing about some of you is that you'll never mention the things you did wrong. I won't be surprised if you are doing this because you want to be free to do things best known to you which the marriage won't permit you to. Go and resolve your marital issues. That man needs you, don't back out and don't paint him bad.

I can't imagine someone stayed in an abusive relationship for 16 years 😕. Its never too late, its only late for the people in the graveyard. Think about it, it's only yourself that can advise yourself rightly.

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement. My kids are unhappy. I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years. I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know. Not for me anymore.
I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.
If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.
He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.
He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.
He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

The guy has been gaslighting you into remaining in the marriage so he can leave first and probably abandon you with the kids with nothing while you sit back claiming you will never allow him space in your life after he leaves? 🥱🥱

If you do not have a source of income, I suggest you go get one asap. Start saving up as much money as you can to get yourself a place and a life outside of married life. Make an appointment immediately for mental counseling(start working to rid yourself of some/all of the baggage from the last 16 years, which seems to be holding you back). Check your credit score to know how much it has been impacted by the marriage. Make sure all of your documents are in order. 🥱🥱

You say you don't dare to leave, yet he has already made clear that he will leave. So, you should probably spend your time better preparing yourself for the inevitable. 🥱

I believe you. It seems you are still clinging on to the marriage hoping for a miracle. Our prayers are with you. Be well

Madam you are fighting the wrong enemy, 2 Chronicles 7:14.
Let Jesus run your home.

notoracism:
Marriage is a joke. I have stayed in 16 years of hell, trouble, fight, arguement.

My kids are unhappy.

I have never stayed in my marriage happily for 3 days since almost 16 years.

I wish I could end this mess, and no family member would know.

Not for me anymore.

I dont know how to stay calm. My husband never smiles, he is a sadist. I do nothing right, always compalins, haaaaa. We split bills but still compalins, what else do I do? He keeps saying abroad marriages crashes, I am doing my best, I am trying, this man is so emotionally unstable. I am dying slowly, I dont have peace of mind.

If I leave, they would say abroad destroyed our marriage, but it is not true, we've been through alot, the trouble has always been there, we came here with bad baggages. My sister has had an experience with him before and she asked me how I cope.

He got a very good job, and lost it due to his negligence, he would stay and call all night without sleeping. Call all his friends, tell them about his job, send them link to the company website, despite all my warnings to remain humble.

He started struggling and lost the job. He is doing menial job now and started calling me names. The job issue is not why he is calling me names, he has always been an abusive individual, proud and impatient.

He is threatening to leave us, I dont care anymore, I would adjust and move on. Since I have not had the courage to leave if he leaves, I don't think I will ever allow him a space in my life. Neverrrr.

you are just trying to make your hubby into a monster whereas I suspect you made him like that. If you are not happy with the union just leave and don't demonize the poor man

theophorus:
notoracism
1. Happiness is a Choice?
2. Before marrying him did you not notice these things?
My little advice stay loyal to your Marital Vows, and choose to make yourself Happy with other things by concentrating on the positives in your Marriage and Life. Shalom

No sane human being would think it sensible to live with a mistake he/she made for the rest of their life. People who do that are actually people who were traumatized during their childhood. Staying in an unhappy/miserable situation is signs that one was not raised in love. 🥱🥱🥱