₦airaland Forum

Had to use a new account to tell it all.
Please find it interestingly to read and advice.

I was married in Feb 2023, I have two kids (a 5yr old daughter and a 2yr old son).
I own 2 houses ( one I built from scratch and another I inherited).
Long story short my finances are a battle after another, that's the best term I can describe it with.
So in Feb 2025, I had an argument with my wife and I angrily gave her a smack, she in turn angrily went to the living area and smashed in pieces our wedding photo exclaiming the marriage was over, that I should take her back to her father's, which I did angrily.

before we got to the juncture, my wife would randomly request to go to her mother's for a few days, sometimes week and one time almost a month. Things started to get worrying for me when she onetime while at her mother's told me, she was searching for a school for my daughter at her mother's. I was shocked as we have never had this discussion, she started to complain about the distance of our home from town where she can do businesses, this also came as a shock but I felt I was loosing my wife presence in my home, so I sat her down and asked to talk about everything happening and the way out? She mentioned we should go rent a house in town. Again I was shocked but after much enquiry and advices consign the rental matter, I obliged and we rented a 2bedroom apartment in town that is a 15mins drive to her mother's compared to our previous home a4bedRM that would take 1hr30mins to her mom's ( it's important to note that, through out her random stay at her mom's, her mother never one day called me to ask if I and my wife had issues at home that made her stay this long at her place, she never asked infact neither I nor she call the other on phone just for checkups)

So back to the home fight....that same night I moved her to her father's ( because her parents are separated, my wife's mom had 6girls for my father in law, the man did one away match and boom, the match birthed a boy, so MIL moved out of the marriage and hugged the streets) , that same night she moved to her mother's.
After a day or two, the loneliness hit me again, I felt I had done something really big and wrong, so I immediately went into apology mode. I begged my father in law, he said I had no problem I should go take my wife home, that it's one of those things in marriage if not controlled maturely. So I went to her mother's and the reception was hostile, I left, I tried several phone calls, they would ring out or she would end the call angrily once hearing my voice, I went back to the house, one tim she took her handbag and left the home immediately I arrived, another time she threw insults at me openly. I really tried to beg this woman to please let my wife come home.

I turned to my wife, she said "I should bring persons with me to come beg her mother", I found this a little too much to ask, would I call my kinsmen to come beg a woman? I didn't even pay my bride price to her, so months past and it became 10months my wife has being outside my home and 10months I didn't see my kids only video calls.

Well on the 10th month being Nov/Dec last year, I received a call from my wife, I could hear her crying and I was sure I hear the word children but my background was noisy. So I excused myself to a quiet corner and called back and that's when she told me her mother just passed away, I mean died and I should come take the kids.

I was busy at work so I sent someone to pick my kids up and take to my mother's.
So I called a meeting to speak about how I'm not seeing my kids enough ( mind you my wife suddenly distant from me, she don't even pick my video calls to see my kids, she insults my family and myself, she' just became strange unknown and weird). So after all agreements were mad consign the kids and their welfare, the meeting was pushed further to attempt settlement. For me I tot my wife has being outside too long and I won't lie, I miss my wife and having a full noisy home by the kids but this woman 10months after is not remorseful or missing her husband.
So she was asked firstly and she said I should go take my bride price back and I was asked and I said I will take the bride price back but as I write, I'm yet to do xo.

My reason for this write up is because a few days ago, my father in law called me and said the mother in law date has being fixed for this month. He called very late at night and I said I'll think and call him in the morning.
The next morning I called and said we'll your daughter doesn't want her marriage anymore, I don't see why I should be at the funeral plus I don't want a case where she would be there with her new man, if any. I don't want embarrassmeny or weird feelings but if I have anything to support I would send before the time.

So family Nairalander, would you support this kind of woman ( both the daughter and mother) with your finances?
Or would you go as far as attending?

Ps: my suppose wife did not call me to inform me of the funeral date but her father did. I'm sure she must have told her father she doesn't care if I am aware or not. She suddenly hates me out of the blue and today' makes it a year she's being outside and our marriage together lasted 2yrs.

Everyday I'm depressed, indoor for days, sometimes cry and sometimes can't sleep out of wild thoughts.
She has an elder sister, that till date has never called me even if to insult me for hitting her sister in the face.
I can't believe I have lost my marriage over a slap.

February 15th, update

Thank you all for your kind contributions.

I don't know if anyone has ever accepted a wife back after 12 months outside the marriage home.

The purpose of my write up was to create awareness of my marital background and most importantly weigh in on replies consign if or not to attend the funeral or support financially but a lot of you have digressed, which is typical of many Nigerians.

The woman some of you are clamouring for her reconcilation replied me with a video and a comment yesterday on Whatsapp

Xo I made a written post on my status, saying lads should not kill themselves on trying to please a lady with gifts because exactly this time last year, I used my last card to do a surprise gift for a certain she on Valentine's, that same week she rub me pepper 🫑🌶️ 4 eye"

She saw the post and sent me a message.
In her words,"na mumu go kill U"
Then a once veiw video which I never opened, I deleted it asap
Then another message, a better man did more".

The video obviously is a valentine gift from her new man 😅😂 but like I said I didn't open I deleted it and replied

"Who are you please?
Do I know you?

And no reply 😂😂😂😂

So pls niggas...na who wear shoe nowhere they pain am.
My question was simple!
Knowing what you all know now of a certain Mil and Daughter.
Should I support financially or attend physically?

Thanks all.... discussion continue

Don't go to the funeral, unless you would want to be disgraced publicly.

It seems your supposed wife has gotten herself a new man coz no married woman would happily stay out of her marriage for over a year and wouldn't want to come back,all because of a slap? . And to think that you had been remorseful over it but she doesn't feel the same.

She's even preventing you from seeing your kids .

No be small thing una dey see for inside this institution called marriage sha . Makes me wondering whether I should start considering selling tubers of yam instead of getting married

TheDepressed:
After a day or two, the loneliness hit me again, I felt I had done something really big and wrong, so I immediately went into apology mode. I begged my father in law, he said I had no problem I should go take my wife home, that it's one of those things in marriage if not controlled maturely. So I went to her mother's and the reception was hostile, I left, I tried several phone calls, they would ring out or she would end the call angrily once hearing my voice, I went back to the house, one tim she took her handbag and left the home immediately I arrived, another time she threw insults at me openly. I really tried to beg this woman to please let my wife come home.
I turned to my wife, she said "I should bring persons with me to come beg her mother", I found this a little too much to ask, would I call my kinsmen to come beg a woman? I didn't even pay my bride price to her, so months past and it became 10months my wife has being outside my home and 10months I didn't see my kids only video calls.
Well on the 10th month being Nov/Dec last year, I received a call from my wife, I could hear her crying and I was sure I hear the word children but my background was noisy. So I excused myself to a quiet corner and called back and that's when she told me her mother just passed away, I mean died and I should come take the kids.

Was the mother-in-law sick all of that time? What is the age gap between you and your wife? Is loneliness the major reason for you wanting your wife?

Kobojunkie:
Was the mother-in-law sick all of that time? What is the age gap between you and your wife? Is loneliness the major reason for you wanting your wife?

Her sickness was out of the blue, it didn't even last a week.
I'm 36 now my wife 25.
The major reason is I want my kids to grow up with mom and dad present. My kids are young and I'm scared they will forget about me esp my son, so I try to see them every now and then but I want more.

Toolegit123:
Don't go to the funeral, unless you would want to be disgraced publicly.

It seems your supposed wife has gotten herself a new man coz no married woman would happily stay out of her marriage for over a year and wouldn't want to come back,all because of a slap? . And to think that you had been remorseful over it but she doesn't feel the same.

She's even preventing you from seeing your kids .

No be small thing una dey see for inside this institution called marriage sha . Makes me wondering whether I should start considering selling tubers of yam instead of getting married

As an introvert.
Marriage really helped me.
These days I walk around with chest pains and doc says my bp is dancing, I should chill.

TheDepressed:
Her sickness was out of the blue, it didn't even last a week.
I'm 36 now my wife 25.
The major reason is I want my kids to grow up with mom and dad present. My kids are young and I'm scared they will forget about me esp my son, so I try to see them every now and then but I want more.

I want to buy my daughter a phone for her bday.
Initially my kids were getting sick from my absence, my wife said they would get over it and truly they did.
Everytime I go to pick them for a few days, they always have to reboot like a system.
Like from shy to extremely comfortable and then cries when it's time to go back to their mom's esp my daughter she don know her mama street, once we enter, its tears galore.
I have to bribe with all the sweets and snacks in the world.

Cock and bull

TheDepressed:
➜Her sickness was out of the blue, it didn't even last a week.
➜ I'm 36 now my wife 25.
➜ The major reason is I want my kids to grow up with mom and dad present. My kids are young and I'm scared they will forget about me esp my son, so I try to see them every now and then but I want more.

...

TheDepressed:
➜I want to buy my daughter a phone for her bday. Initially my kids were getting sick from my absence, my wife said they would get over it and truly they did. Everytime I go to pick them for a few days, they always have to reboot like a system. Like from shy to extremely comfortable and then cries when it's time to go back to their mom's esp my daughter she don know her mama street, once we enter, its tears galore. I have to bribe with all the sweets and snacks in the world.

1. Unfortunately, unless the mother was less than 5 years old, that is probably not the case. Your wife probably knew the mother had been sick for a while and had made visiting her part of her life. Did you ever ask or inquire about any of this before now?

2. Oh, I see!

3. OK! 🥱

4. So, your children miss you, so why not consider sharing custody of the children with your wife... she can have them for half of the month, while you have them for the other half of the month? They will still have both mother and father in the picture, only maybe not married or living together? 🥱🥱

Once there is violence of any kind in a marriage, the most reasonable thing to do would be for both parties to separate and the contract between them at that point. When two adults are so divided that one resorts to violence, the situation becomes unsafe for both to continue. (Assault is a crime.) They could each get individual counseling for the victim to heal from the abuse, and the perpetrator of the violence to understand the reason behind the violent assault on his partner. After they have both healed from their issues, they could consider down the line whether to come back together or simply maintain the status quo.

extra information

I'm no saint.
I have my own financial problems.
I made some money outside of Nigeria, then I met my wife and a year later my travelling routes blocked.
I have a gambling addiction.
I'm in and out of work and my major source of income is rents from my properties.

So during dating, I had to make my wife block this dude on fb. He was her ex, according to my wife, this dude made away with her then school fees to italy or xo but outside the continent.

I dunno maybe she reconnected with him and he promised her eldorado. Maybe he was in the country hence all the absence from my home.

I dunno

But some persons say, she must have fed her mother with the proceeds from another man and hence the consequences.
Many speculations....


But none of this matters now, I just wanted to create an awareness of where we are as a couple and the question at hand consign the funeral.

The marriage was already over before the slap. Move on with your life. Your presence at the funeral would be an error you won't forget in a short while

Kobojunkie:
...1. Unfortunately, unless the mother was less than 5 years old, that is probably not the case. Your wife probably knew the mother had been sick for a while and had made visiting her part of her life. Did you ever ask or inquire about any of this before now?

2. Oh, I see!

3. OK! 🥱

4. So, your children miss you, so why not consider sharing custody of the children with your wife... she can have them for half of the month, while you have them for the other half of the month? They will still have both mother and father in the picture, only maybe not married or living together? 🥱🥱

Once there is violence of any kind in a marriage, the most reasonable thing to do would be for both parties to separate and the contract between them at that point. When two adults are so divided that one resorts to violence, the situation becomes unsafe for both to continue. (Assault is a crime.) They could each get individual counseling for the victim to heal from the abuse, and the perpetrator of the violence to understand the reason behind the violent assault on his partner. After they have both healed from their issues, they could consider down the line whether to come back together or simply maintain the status quo.

I promised her heaven on earth but she doesn't care anymore.

I think I hindered her from a certain kind of lifestyle and just used our altercation as an excuse to leave her marriage but I have sha learning to live without her.

TheDepressed:
extra information ➜I'm no saint. I have my own financial problems. I made some money outside of Nigeria, then I met my wife and a year later my travelling routes blocked. I have a gambling addiction. I'm in and out of work and my major source of income is rents from my properties.
So during dating, I had to make my wife block this dude on fb. He was her ex, according to my wife, this dude made away with her then school fees to italy or xo but outside the continent. I dunno maybe she reconnected with him and he promised her eldorado. Maybe he was in the country hence all the absence from my home. I dunno But some persons say, she must have fed her mother with the proceeds from another man and hence the consequences. Many speculations.... But none of this matters now, I just wanted to create an awareness of where we are as a couple and the question at hand consign the funeral.

From your OP, it seems you had little to no respect for your wife's mother, so I wouldn't even say you should attend the funeral at all, as I don't believe you pretending to care now would change anything. 🥱🥱🥱

TheDepressed:
➜I promised her heaven on earth but she doesn't care anymore.
➜ I think I hindered her from a certain kind of lifestyle
➜and just used our altercation as an excuse to leave her marriage but I have sha learning to live without her.

Future-faking means absolutely nothing to any reasonable individual. 🥱🥱🥱

2. She has a right to whatever lifestyle she wants for herself. That isn't and shouldn't be an issue for you to concern yourself with. The issue here is your relationship with her, and from your post, it hasn't been doing so well for a while before you eventually ended it with a slap. 🥱🥱

3. WOW. You actually want to blame her for you slapping her? Yikes! 🥱🥱

TheDepressed:
➜My reason for this write up is because a few days ago, my father in law called me and said the mother in law date has being fixed for this month. He called very late at night and I said I'll think and call him in the morning.
The next morning [b]I called and said we'll your daughter doesn't want her marriage anymore, I don't see why I should be at the funeral plus I don't want a case where she would be there with her new man, if any. I don't want embarrassmeny or weird feelings but if I have anything to support I would send before the time.[/b]

This part of your post alone reveals so much about the relationship you had with your wife. That is why I had to ask if the only reason you want her back is so as to cater to your loneliness alone. Someone who cares for another person would not 😖😖😖

TheDepressed:
➜Everyday I'm depressed, indoor for days, sometimes cry and sometimes can't sleep out of wild thoughts. She has an elder sister, that till date has never called me even if to insult me for hitting her sister in the face. I can't believe I have lost my marriage over a slap.

You should probably consider getting yourself some mental health therapy to deal with your depression and loneliness issues, and also help you understand and resolve the emotions behind you slapping your wife.

By the way, you didn't lose the marriage over a slap. The slap happens to be the final straw that broke the camel's back. Give her time to heal, and then maybe you two can decide to discuss the way forward and how to ensure the kids get the best deal, no matter what. (P.S. Kids are never happy when living with either one or two unhappy parents.)🥱🥱

She does not want you, why force yourself... Don't attend any funeral..

as for the kids, go get a lawyer and see how you can proceed...

She doesn't love... you because love is patient, kind and tolerates..

TheDepressed:
extra information

I'm no saint.
I have my own financial problems.
I made some money outside of Nigeria, then I met my wife and a year later my travelling routes blocked.
I have a gambling addiction.
I'm in and out of work and my major source of income is rents from my properties.

So during dating, I had to make my wife block this dude on fb. He was her ex, according to my wife, this dude made away with her then school fees to italy or xo but outside the continent.

I dunno maybe she reconnected with him and he promised her eldorado. Maybe he was in the country hence all the absence from my home.

I dunno

But some persons say, she must have fed her mother with the proceeds from another man and hence the consequences.
Many speculations....


But none of this matters now, I just wanted to create an awareness of where we are as a couple and the question at hand consign the funeral.

Bro, don't ever make the mistake of attending the funeral . It seems like you're hellbent on receiving the greatest insults of your life . Coz I don't see any reason why you should be bothering yourself over something that doesn't concern you.

lordm:
Cock and bull

Here lies the truth

How can this go on the frontpage? @RoyalRoy

I want a wider discussion, advices and criticism

Toolegit123:
Bro, don't ever make the mistake of attending the funeral . It seems like you're hellbent on receiving the greatest insults of your life . Coz I don't see any reason why you should be bothering yourself over something that doesn't concern you.

Don't feel I should attend as long as she didn't invite me herself
But what about assisting?

TheDepressed:
Don't feel I should attend as long as she didn't invite me herself
But what about assisting?

No need for that.

More engagements please

Another episode on THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

stan4b:
Another episode on THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

...what made you come to this conclusion?
Why would I use a new username to address something that never happened.
Anyway Luke I said y'all welcome to comment but I'd really respect matured minds only.
Thanks for your efforts anyway

I don't see anything wrong with you going to her mother's funeral services to pay your last respect but it should be a quick in and out movement. Don't stay for the reception, leave immediately after she's put to the ground. If you happen to see your Brother and sister in laws there, sympathize with them and know when to sneak out without telling anyone.
Give your wife and her family some months to mourn their loss before deciding on your next plan which is collecting the bride price and moving on with your life

Going for the funeral should not be a problem but it should be view ones!
If you drive,,follow them to the morgue,attend the burial mass and leave immediately after the burial,no need to to wait for reception.
Greet her father and siblings then bounce….thats if they treated you well oh.

Just respect the man and go …he invited you.

You ma no try for plenty places.
1. You went too far with the slap thing. I know women can evoke the demons out of you but sine you know that you should keep your anger u de check.
2. Your wrong approach has been playing into their hands. When you are from a broken home, you don't follow order again. When your wife asked you to get people to fight for her abi, beg her mother, you should have obliged immediately and not be over analyzing thing.
3. You allowed the issue to linger for too long, the longer she was out of your house and exposed, the limited polluted she had become with evil counsel.
NB: The death of her mother has added another layer of complication to the issues. She will feel she needs to continue the fight her mother was fighting. Abandoning it may feel like betrayal. Grief manifest in different ways. She might feel men are not worth the stress. Remember is from a broken home.
4. Now that her mum is dead, you should have been the bigger man and sheath the sword, that is not even the time to be discussing the future of the marriage. By the good son in law and let the woman be buried then other things can come later.
4. Your response to your father in-law mostly after your mother-law's death were mostly wrong.

Seem you don't have good adviser sha.

The way misunderstandings are handled in our part of the world is such that if you don't manage it properly, people will forget the real reason for the misunderstanding and focus on the way issues were managed.
You've armed them with lots of ammunition against yourself. Drop pride and retrace your steps.

TheDepressed:
Her sickness was out of the blue, it didn't even last a week.
I'm 36 now my wife 25.
The major reason is I want my kids to grow up with mom and dad present. My kids are young and I'm scared they will forget about me esp my son, so I try to see them every now and then but I want more.

Your wife was 19/20 when you got married and you were 30/31 and you didn’t prepare for drama(s)? The age difference is a lot! 11 years?! More than a decade

As per your question, the ball is in your court. Your wife no send you.

Your ex-wife didn't invite you. I think her invitation is the only invitation that matters and if she didn't invite you, then I'm not sure you should attend.

TheDepressed:
Had to use a new account to tell it all.
Please find it interestingly to read and advice.

I was married in Feb 2023, I have two kids (a 5yr old daughter and a 2yr old son).
I own 2 houses ( one I built from scratch and another I inherited).
Long story short my finances are a battle after another, that's the best term I can describe it with.
So in Feb 2025, I had an argument with my wife and I angrily gave her a smack, she in turn angrily went to the living area and smashed in pieces our wedding photo exclaiming the marriage was over, that I should take her back to her father's, which I did angrily.

before we got to the juncture, my wife would randomly request to go to her mother's for a few days, sometimes week and one time almost a month. Things started to get worrying for me when she onetime while at her mother's told me, she was searching for a school for my daughter at her mother's. I was shocked as we have never had this discussion, she started to complain about the distance of our home from town where she can do businesses, this also came as a shock but I felt I was loosing my wife presence in my home, so I sat her down and asked to talk about everything happening and the way out? She mentioned we should go rent a house in town. Again I was shocked but after much enquiry and advices consign the rental matter, I obliged and we rented a 2bedroom apartment in town that is a 15mins drive to her mother's compared to our previous home a4bedRM that would take 1hr30mins to her mom's ( it's important to note that, through out her random stay at her mom's, her mother never one day called me to ask if I and my wife had issues at home that made her stay this long at her place, she never asked infact neither I nor she call the other on phone just for checkups)

So back to the home fight....that same night I moved her to her father's ( because her parents are separated, my wife's mom had 6girls for my father in law, the man did one away match and boom, the match birthed a boy, so MIL moved out of the marriage and hugged the streets) , that same night she moved to her mother's.
After a day or two, the loneliness hit me again, I felt I had done something really big and wrong, so I immediately went into apology mode. I begged my father in law, he said I had no problem I should go take my wife home, that it's one of those things in marriage if not controlled maturely. So I went to her mother's and the reception was hostile, I left, I tried several phone calls, they would ring out or she would end the call angrily once hearing my voice, I went back to the house, one tim she took her handbag and left the home immediately I arrived, another time she threw insults at me openly. I really tried to beg this woman to please let my wife come home.

I turned to my wife, she said "I should bring persons with me to come beg her mother", I found this a little too much to ask, would I call my kinsmen to come beg a woman? I didn't even pay my bride price to her, so months past and it became 10months my wife has being outside my home and 10months I didn't see my kids only video calls.

Well on the 10th month being Nov/Dec last year, I received a call from my wife, I could hear her crying and I was sure I hear the word children but my background was noisy. So I excused myself to a quiet corner and called back and that's when she told me her mother just passed away, I mean died and I should come take the kids.

I was busy at work so I sent someone to pick my kids up and take to my mother's.
So I called a meeting to speak about how I'm not seeing my kids enough ( mind you my wife suddenly distant from me, she don't even pick my video calls to see my kids, she insults my family and myself, she' just became strange unknown and weird). So after all agreements were mad consign the kids and their welfare, the meeting was pushed further to attempt settlement. For me I tot my wife has being outside too long and I won't lie, I miss my wife and having a full noisy home by the kids but this woman 10months after is not remorseful or missing her husband.
So she was asked firstly and she said I should go take my bride price back and I was asked and I said I will take the bride price back but as I write, I'm yet to do xo.

My reason for this write up is because a few days ago, my father in law called me and said the mother in law date has being fixed for this month. He called very late at night and I said I'll think and call him in the morning.
The next morning I called and said we'll your daughter doesn't want her marriage anymore, I don't see why I should be at the funeral plus I don't want a case where she would be there with her new man, if any. I don't want embarrassmeny or weird feelings but if I have anything to support I would send before the time.

So family Nairalander, would you support this kind of woman ( both the daughter and mother) with your finances?
Or would you go as far as attending?

Ps: my suppose wife did not call me to inform me of the funeral date but her father did. I'm sure she must have told her father she doesn't care if I am aware or not. She suddenly hates me out of the blue and today' makes it a year she's being outside and our marriage together lasted 2yrs.

Everyday I'm depressed, indoor for days, sometimes cry and sometimes can't sleep out of wild thoughts.
She has an elder sister, that till date has never called me even if to insult me for hitting her sister in the face.
I can't believe I have lost my marriage over a slap.

You didn't loose that marriage ove that slap

Send your support to the father, carry your children relocate, start new life and move on..
Before that woman enter your house again, do a ritual otherwise you’ll die early

A slap is JUST? You must be listening to relationship advice from NL boys still sucking yheir mama breast. Some of you hang out in romance and take advice from people you will never associate with in real life, online! Then when it blows up in your face, you crawl to family with a new name to ask for advice.

Well, it seems she has already moved on with her life. I suggest you move on too and in future learn to keep your emotions in check and keep your hands to yourself at all cost. Tell me, will you forgive someone who slaps you in your face at this your age? Why should she forgive you?

You sound so arrogant and childish, you can’t go to a WOMAN to solve your marriage issue. Oya na, solve it yourself. Your chance to use her mother to beg her is gone forever. Who wants to stay married to a chronic brokie gambler that is violent. She’s smart for running away early. I only pity the little kids.