₦airaland Forum

This man!

elipheleh:
No she won't. Thats is too stressful for her.

She no even get strength to kill chicken.

I dey tell you say no get strength to even cut meat into pieces while cooking. I make sure the abbatttoir people cut the meats into sizes when I go to buy meat and other things for the house

And she is God fearing. Though my life is hidden in Christ

adebayosun02:
I can say that thank your God that she did not agreed to travel abroad with you. It would have been worst off.

But he also didn't get to travel.

elipheleh:
1. Good home maker is not an excuse not to develop one self. Its for her personal benefit and the children benefit.

2. How can you claim to love someone and you're comfortable letting them remain stagnated on thesame level year in year out?

3. What happens to my children if God forbid I am no more? Will she ship them out to become house boys and girls? How will she step up if she doesn't get it right now?

4. The linen is not dirty. Nothing secret about it. She didn’t commit any crime. It is reality. Women you girls hate being told the truth and you girls hate correction

5. I am not euphoric. Rather I contributed a piece of my mind as per the topic. Howbeit, let younger upcoming men learn from it and avoid making the same mistake

Education just isn't her thing. Just like a lack of education just isn't your thing.

Bet she's not giving you concerns on any other way. So why are you so hyper focused on that one little thing? She's a good woman. Just try to see it.

Mariangeles:
Have you ever brought up that discussion with her, @ the bolded?

What does she have passion for, at least?

The last time I brought it up was just last week. She started talking about how giving birth to my children is a big contribution.

Yes it is true. I don't contend that... But that can't be all you want for your life. Is it? She stormed out saying she will never give me another child in this life.
Next thing I started receiving calls from mum and every body to go calm her down and go reconcile.

We're reconciled yes. And today she has made attempt to supply her goods (zobo and kwulikwuli)

See there are less stressful ways she can make money that I can coach her. If only she is willing. For example, last year I was able to convice my foreign partner (company co-owner) who is from USA to make a moderator space for my brother's childhood friend.

And this position pays N1 million monthly. For just answering tickets every 30 minutes or 1 hr.
This is a very easy task o a lady can do and still have time for herself in the house. That is even the lowest salary we pay any staff in the company o.

Can you now tell me why my wife can't just agree to work such simple job? If she was willing will I give that role to an outsider? It pained me o.

At least if she gets 1 or 1.5 million every month she can do a lot with it for anything or her parents even if she builds a house for them. Or just put it in her account and I will be assured that there's backup for my children somewhere

elipheleh:
The last time I brought it up was just last week. She started talking about how giving birth to my children is a big contribution.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha
Before nko!🤭

Yes it is true. I don't contend that... But that can't be all you want for your life. Is it? She stormed out saying she will never give me another child in this life.
Next thing I started receiving calls from mum and every body to go calm her down and go reconcile.

Well, do you want another beautiful child or not? 🤣
At least, your mum likes her, and that is a major plus. Which means, she's a good daughter in-law, and by extension, a good person.

We're reconciled yes. And today she has made attempt to supply her goods (zobo and kwulikwuli)

For what it's worth, I'd buy from her.
I bet her zobo is darn good.

See there are less stressful ways she can make money that I can coach her. If only she is willing. For example, last year I was able to convice my foreign partner (company co-owner) who is from USA to make a moderator space for my brother's childhood friend.

And this position pays N1 million monthly. For just answering tickets every 30 minutes or 1 hr.
This is a very easy task o a lady can do and still have time for herself in the house. That is even the lowest salary we pay any staff in the company o.

Can you now tell me why my wife can't just agree to work such simple job? If she was willing will I give that role to an outsider? It pained me o.

At least if she gets 1 or 1.5 million every month she can do a lot with it for anything or her parents even if she builds a house for them. Or just put it in her account and I will be assured that there's backup for my children somewhere

Could your manner of approach be the issue?
Your wife seems to be a carefree person.

Don't worry.
She's just in her yummy mummy-achalugo-nwunye odogwu phase, and cannot be bothered.
She'll come around eventually when she gets bored.
Just be patient with her.

QuinQ:
I

Thanks, you too.
Questions:
What do you mean by STAND?
How do you get a lady to be "deeply in love with you"?
How do you make yourself "valuable man" to them?

What I meant when I said “STAND” is when you’re a resourceful person, successful in your field. You’re a man who commands influence. Women will draw to you. And mind you, no woman, I repeat no woman ever love a man. It’s only men that love. Women are only attracted to a man they deem fit to seek validation from him due to the man’s status in the society. Women are hypergamous in nature. And the moment women get attracted to you, always invest in yourself by upgrading yourself more, give them a little chaos. Women thrive in a place there is drama. When you date one, have side chicks, have another, let them fight over you. Women love fighting over a value man reason why they say stolen milk is sweeter. And never forget that a woman’s contribution in a relationship will determine if she wants the relationship to last. If you contribute more than a woman in a relationship, she won’t mind leaving you. But if she does more than you, she will fight tooth and nail to make sure the relationship lasts and no one taking you from her. I hope I’ve answered your 3-in-1 question. Peace✌🏻

Mariangeles:
Look at this one!
You ought to be ashamed.

Know this: when you point at people accusingly, the rest of your fingers are pointing back at you.

Na simple question I ask you:
HOW E TAKE CONSIGN YOU??!!!

Originalsly:
I'm not at all saying education should not be considered in choosing a wife .... I'm saying it shouldn't be a deal breaker. No doubt...it is more important in these times than yearssss ago ... but still shouldn't be a deal breaker. Would I marry an uneducated woman in 2026? Absolutely.We owe it to God to at least be productive ... so one cannot be productive unless he's educated. Typical example of how the "degree culture" has messed up our common sense . I guess the thousandsssss of uneducated poultry farmers ...fish farmers ... tomato farmers ... pig farmers ... welders ....fabricators ...carpenters .... bricklayers and soooo many more are not productive members of society. I'm not sure at this point if the educated or uneducated are more productive in the country. Sooooo many graduates alone are doing nothing ... not productive... liabilities...for over a year ..adding nothing to society ...but they are educated.
I'll have absolutely no problem in marrying an uneducated humble woman that is successfully running a tomato farm than an arrogant and proud graduate. If need be ... uneducated one can be sent to school and be educated ....what can you do with the proud one to change her status?

It boils down to education or character....which is your priority?

The Old me would have responded in a massively negative way but let me hold fire, Plz read what I wrote again and adjust your repone appropriately thank you.Pay attention to this bit Educated to the minimum and at least Learn a skill.

thomas2024:
What I meant when I said “STAND” is when you’re a resourceful person, successful in your field. You’re a man who commands influence. Women will draw to you. And mind you, no woman, I repeat no woman ever love a man. It’s only men that love. Women are only attracted to a man they deem fit to seek validation from him due to the man’s status in the society. Women are hypergamous in nature. And the moment women get attracted to you, always invest in yourself by upgrading yourself more, give them a little chaos. Women thrive in a place there is drama. When you date one, have side chicks, have another, let them fight over you. Women love fighting over a value man reason why they say stolen milk is sweeter. And never forget that a woman’s contribution in a relationship will determine if she wants the relationship to last. If you contribute more than a woman in a relationship, she won’t mind leaving you. But if she does more than you, she will fight tooth and nail to make sure the relationship lasts and no one taking you from her. I hope I’ve answered your 3-in-1 question. Peace✌🏻

Thanks, but only partially answered. Not everyone is high value or "resourceful person, successful in your field".
The question is, how do you get and keep while on your way to being high value??

marriage is about alignment

Originalsly:
I'm not at all saying education should not be considered in choosing a wife .... I'm saying it shouldn't be a deal breaker. No doubt...it is more important in these times than yearssss ago ... but still shouldn't be a deal breaker. Would I marry an uneducated woman in 2026? Absolutely.We owe it to God to at least be productive ... so one cannot be productive unless he's educated. Typical example of how the "degree culture" has messed up our common sense . I guess the thousandsssss of uneducated poultry farmers ...fish farmers ... tomato farmers ... pig farmers ... welders ....fabricators ...carpenters .... bricklayers and soooo many more are not productive members of society. I'm not sure at this point if the educated or uneducated are more productive in the country. Sooooo many graduates alone are doing nothing ... not productive... liabilities...for over a year ..adding nothing to society ...but they are educated.
I'll have absolutely no problem in marrying an uneducated humble woman that is successfully running a tomato farm than an arrogant and proud graduate. If need be ... uneducated one can be sent to school and be educated ....what can you do with the proud one to change her status?

It boils down to education or character....which is your priority?

I see that you showed ignorance from adjusting your write up based on a false narrative of my response. Yet we are here you claiming education and skills do not matter, I tell you what also does not steer good, half baked education like the one displayed here

QuinQ:
Na simple question I ask you:
HOW E TAKE CONSIGN YOU??!!!

THE SAME WAY WEY E TAKE "CONSIGN" YOU WHEN YOU ACCUSE ANOTHER PERSON ONTOP WETIN YOU SEF DO.

THE NERVE!

Mariangeles:
THE SAME WAY WEY E TAKE "CONSIGN" YOU WHEN YOU ACCUSE ANOTHER PERSON ONTOP WETIN YOU SEF DO.

THE NERVE!

Let that person handle his own. It's non of your business.
This one is your own, you deal with it. So explain to us:
HOW E TAKE CONSIGN YOU??!!!

Premiumbuy:
Premium peace Be Unto You
Nb: Everything I'll be typing here is learnt from you.
True, but these are rich people you are talking about. Life of a man isn't easy, hence you shouldn't have more than two kids. This is because as a man you have your life to live and enjoy. Now imagine getting married to someone whose life solely depends on you. If you have the money fine, but don't get married to a liability all in the name of "I'm a man". There's a reason why your wife is called your partner.

While you have strong points, to these men, they believe their wives should not stress themselves for "peanuts" when they have more than enough. As I grow older, I realise there is a certain kind of money/wealth a man would have that he would rather have a SAHM on paid salary than have her toiling outside. Obviously, as Mr Emmadoe.t stated, these women engage in simple businesses or even online work just to keep themselves busy and mentally active. But as long as the man and the woman are in agreement and it works for them, who else should say otherwise?

Marriage no get manual. People should do what works best for them. It is that having many children affects most families, even the very wealthy. It is why I focus on that aspect.

Rich4god:
As a man... Marry any lady that gives you peace and willing to stand with you...

Then over time, you upgrade her to any standard you want. If it's skill, enrol her. If it's education plan and send her to school.

The most important thing is to be with someone that gives you all you need in a woman.

A very useless advice!

It is never your role to upgrade any woman whatsoever. Be it your wife or girlfriend.

If at all you want to upgrade her, never upgrade her above your level to the extent she'll feel you're not in her level anymore.

I bet you don't want to hear the statement, what have you done for me before! Even your wife can say that to you!

Don't upgrade any woman! Go for a woman whose family already upgraded her or a woman who has already upgraded herself!

Peace ✌️

themountain:
I am currently in a logjam. Feel like I am trapped. I am married for a year now. She is a graduate, but without any skill or job. I have told her to look for for a job, perhaps in a supermarket to support herself, but she keeps saying she can't do that kind of work. She is too big for that kind of work.

She has tried different kind of business which she has failed in. Last year she wasted about 300k of my money without any result.

She is currently doing POS, and I still give her transport to go for the business, yet no profit.

I currently feel trapped. I have not been able to achieve anything since I married her.

Advise her to learn a skill. Could be tailoring, hair dressing, baking etc.

I detest par.asites and liabilities with passion

emmaodet:

It has to do mainly with the earning power of the man.
Tbh, i like stay-at-home mums.

SAHMs provide immense value to society as they are the best people to take care of their children, rather than outsourcing that work to private firms in the name of day-care centres. Historically, most women were SAHMs as the men worked outside. In return, the women cared for the households while the men brought up the spoils. I have read commentary upon commentary in the Financial Times of high-earning men, mostly White men, who work in commodities trading, private equity, oil and gas, elite law firms, etc., remarking how their wives are SAHMs and both parties like the arrangements. A significant proportion actually like it. Women no too like stress. Here in Japan, most relegate their corporate life to the homefront and take up lesser jobs while the men slug it in Tokyo, Osaka and Nagoya. Although as the cost of living shot up, the women had to start taking jobs with higher salaries.

However, things have changed as women have entered the workforce, thus competing for the same spoils as men. It is why I support men who demand or request their wives financially contribute to the household. Some women, after seeing the struggles in the corporate space, later opt to be SAHMs, especially if their husbands are financially comfortable.

But as women have tasted freedom and financial independence, it is hard to let go, and even men will do the same. So, we have many women still wishing to work rather than solely depending on their husbands because the truth is: he who pays the piper dictates the tune. The man fit change as some of these women's fathers did to their mothers.

They always have more time for the family - kids and hubby and fresh. Not stressed out.
Most wives in Lekki at stay-at-home mums or just doing one minor stress-free biz just to keep them slightly busy.
My wife is a stay-at-home mum and i give her with the 2 kids 500k per month for upkeep excluding me and i still have more than enough for myself.

I am not surprised about Lekki. Growing up in PH, there were tales and realities of such women whose husbands work in the oil industry. How much you wan pay oil worker wife as salary? To be fair though, such women should not even be in the workforce because their productivity levels will be low and hinder the company's output.

The question now is, how many men even earn the feeding money in a month?
How many house hold ( both husband and wife working) earn 500k a month?
Even if my wife is working or a woman decides to work, how many of them are even going to earn 150k to 200k a month to make a tangible contribution to the man?

I have seen drivers, plumbers, carpenters and mechanics whose wives are SAHMs. These men believe they have enough to cater for the households and don't want their wives to "stress themselves", especially when they, as men, know how it is for most women in the labour market and corporate world.

The solution, as usual, to co-opt this SAHMs model is to have a few children, except the men are unbelievably liquid. Honestly, every time I think about it, nothing beats having a few children in today's world.

Justicepluto:
I dont check those, but its quite a number..
From the moment i meet her my spending was out of pure intent.
Kindly remove the quote pls i intend to delete..

I am glad you have learnt the hard way. If other men like they shouldn't learn from your experience.

Your sacrifices means absolutely nothing to a woman. The only way to make a woman fall in love with you is to let her do things for you! Let her invest in you more than you invest in her!

Learn game or perish

pocohantas:
They didn't state otherwise either.
One claims to love medical doctors and programmers but was dating a 100L girl. What does she know about ambition or career?

Women that are ready to abandon their education or job for a man are rarely ambitious. No ambitious girl would get pregnant in 200L. They were only there because they didn't have a man. Once they get married, you won't see them with book or near an office again. The first man knew he was playing with fire. How can a 100L girl fool a supposed intelligent older man?

Since they say their wives are handling the home excellently, then they have to be firm on budgeting to avoid running into debt.

Every contribution mustn't be through a payslip and the actual issue is their wives are extravagant. Many women do not get that level of provision from their husbands and these ones are abusing it. Such is life. They can do whatever they wish with their wives. Other bachelors should take note.

your last statement really got me

elipheleh:
Marrying an unintelligent woman is really the worst mistake a man can make.

If I can reverse the Hands of clock I wont go for my current wife.

Well, I always loved an intellectually sound woman. It trips me. Something like a medical doctor or a programmer lady. At minimum a working class lady. Both intellect and beauty trips me.

I imagined a marriage where I'll be on thesame frequency.

I am a 1st class material but financial burden made me drop to second class upper in my 3rd year to 5th year.

I always knew I was going far in life and needed a woman who wanted to go far too.

When I met my wife she was very beautiful, speaks very well and in her 1st year. Each time I asked about her studies she would convince me how she was the best in her class and this and that.

Ask for her results, she would say results are not yet out.

By her 2nd year I married her after she got pregnant. As per the honorable man na

Do you know this girl after I2nd year, all her results were carry over. I mean ALL. Not even 1 pass.

Damn. Women fear women.

Now she just birthing beautiful kids. But now there's communication. Tge knowledge gap between us is too wide. Nothing to discuss about. Even when I try to communicate it frustrates me. I will speak and still explain my very own grammar. Then I will now explain the meaning and the etymology before continuing with the sentence. Its a real pain communicating.

You can imagine my regrets when I see an intelligent hardworking lady doctor outside.

Secondly, she doesn't want to work or even study to improve herself.

I am not poor by any means. I am a software developer. I earn about N4 million monthly.

But my wife is only happy selling ZOBO and kwulikwuli. Even at that she is not serious with it. Imagine this year she has not even started selling anything. January has passed.

I've told her to learn and IT skills. She says No.

Told her learn nursing, she said No

I did international passport for me, her and our 3 kids. She just came up and said she won't like to travel abroad. Her fears is that women there are likely going to be working on jobs.

Ok. Madam lets open Boutique for you - she no get the energy to run boutique.

Oya learn driving and be taking the kids to school - it is taking her almost 3 years to learn. Today she will drive, tomorrow she will forget it.

Oya madam go back to school and complete your education. She no want.

Every quarrel, she will threaten to commit suicide (informing random relations of mine to take care good of her children if anything happens to her) and accuse me of not seeing any value in her. Madam which value? You don't want to improve yourself and you now cry that I am improving.

She wants this and that and I spend so much. How can a man be spending more than 3 million every month? She want chop chop chop.

Since I met her, I have overworked myself.

Story long..

Sometimes, I always feel like quitting this marriage. But being a Christian, I feel trapped in this better for worse journey.

If only Madam can develop herself. I wish she can be just willing to learn or pursue knowledge. Let her drop this laziness about self-development and littleness mindset thing. Kai. No ambition. No dreams. I wish she can just have dreams for once in her life. And be a lover of wisdom.

I plan to go far in this life. But its difficult to do so when you're unequally yoked with an unambitious partner.

Only God can save my marriage at this rate things are going

give that woman space . You can move over to another state or even abroad , be sending her monthly allowance but make sure the money you send will be a little less than enough. If she complain, complain back and tell her things are difficult and money is hard to come by these days. By the time hunger wire her well , no be person go tell her to find something doing to support herself.

Host78:
Imagine a lady, no skill, no education. No handwork.

All waiting for a man to come save her from the gutter she called her father's house.

After you pick her and give her small hope, she go come dey call you misogynists.

That's how those smelling feminists are o. They are all here on nairaland creating threads upandan.

Nothing good is going on or will ever go on in their lives until a man shows up

Then you hear I am a strong and independent woman

I swear.

themountain:
I am currently in a logjam. Feel like I am trapped. I am married for a year now. She is a graduate, but without any skill or job. I have told her to look for for a job, perhaps in a supermarket to support herself, but she keeps saying she can't do that kind of work. She is too big for that kind of work.

She has tried different kind of business which she has failed in. Last year she wasted about 300k of my money without any result.

She is currently doing POS, and I still give her transport to go for the business, yet no profit.

I currently feel trapped. I have not been able to achieve anything since I married her.

Please try to exercise some patience with her, even though I don't have experience relating with a wife. It appears she's, at least, willing to do something.

We can make efforts but God ultimately determines success.

Rich4god:
Then over time, you upgrade her to any standard you want. If it's skill, enrol her. If it's education plan and send her to school.

This is not a good advice to give any man. It has NEVER worked well for men. It will only end in "what have you done for me?" "Did I force you to do it?"

Anytime a man upgrade a woman, he is only closing the gap that attracted the woman to him in the first instance. The woman will finally grow distant from him and look higher. HYPERGAMY is in every woman DNA. They can't even help themselves to beat the HYPERGAMY.

QuinQ:
I like what you said here:
Women find it hard to leave any relationship or marriage they’re deeply invested into. As a man, your status matters to your wife. When you act as a needy in a relationship, with only you making the relationship work, you’ll get played by your partner who will possess the belief that she has all the cards, with the guy having the mindset of nowhere to go simply because he wants to make the relationship work after he has invested time and resources into the relationship while on the other hand, the lady has only dropped just 10k.

But this part is easier said than done:
As a man, before you spend 2k on your woman or in a relationship, make sure you’ve collected 20k from her or she’s spend 20k in the relationship. Think or sink!

This is practical fact...but men with ego issues will see it as being less

virginboy1:
This is practical fact...but men with ego issues will see it as being less

True, but hard to do in real life. It is not easy to find someone that you really like, that checks all your boxes. When you finally meet such a person you'd be willing to do anything for her to stay, and it is very hard to pretend otherwise!