₦airaland Forum

eniolorunfe:
Your wife was 19/20 when you got married and you were 30/31 and you didn’t prepare for drama(s)? The age difference is a lot! 11 years?! More than a decade

As per your question, the ball is in your court. Your wife no send you.

So, older women don't display dramas in their marriages Why do you guys like lying about age difference being a cause of marital issues and wives' dramas? Just anything to discourage men from marrying younger girls!


@op, I'll advise you to do everything within your power to get your wife back. Attend the funeral and make sure your wife notices your presence. Do everything you can to help give your mother-in-law a befitting funeral.

After like one months of mourning, go back and do everything to get your wife back. Good thing that your father-in-law seems to be on your side. Remember that in our culture, men are usually the ones who marry off their daughters! Or did you pay her bride price to her mother?

Drop your ego at this point and beg your wife and in-laws, buy her favourite gifts and melt her heart. I'm sure that if she sees the seriousness in you, your wife will come around. The issue wouldn't have lingered for this long if not that you allowed your ego get a better part of you. So, drop that ego now, beg your wife and get your family back.

There's nothing serious in this issue to warrant the lingering separation. After reconciling with your wife, make sure you don't repeat this mistake of laying your hands on her ever again. Don't listen to all these people here advising you to move on. Many of them would crawl to their wives if they find themselves in similar situation!

brodalikeme:
You ma no try for plenty places.
1. You went too far with the slap thing. I know women can evoke the demons out of you but sine you know that you should keep your anger u de check.
2. Your wrong approach has been playing into their hands. When you are from a broken home, you don't follow order again. When your wife asked you to get people to fight for her abi, beg her mother, you should have obliged immediately and not be over analyzing thing.
3. You allowed the issue to linger for too long, the longer she was out of your house and exposed, the limited polluted she had become with evil counsel.
NB: The death of her mother has added another layer of complication to the issues. She will feel she needs to continue the fight her mother was fighting. Abandoning it may feel like betrayal. Grief manifest in different ways. She might feel men are not worth the stress. Remember is from a broken home.
4. Now that her mum is dead, you should have been the bigger man and sheath the sword, that is not even the time to be discussing the future of the marriage. By the good son in law and let the woman be buried then other things can come later.
4. Your response to your father in-law mostly after your mother-law's death were mostly wrong.

Seem you don't have good adviser sha.

The way misunderstandings are handled in our part of the world is such that if you don't manage it properly, people will forget the real reason for the misunderstanding and focus on the way issues were managed.
You've armed them with lots of ammunition against yourself. Drop pride and retrace your steps.

The world is breeding boys in men skin. So he would hv brought his whole villages and ancestors to beg her? As per what kwanu. Like d man would hv gone to d land of d dead and bring his ancestors to beg d woman he married wit his sweat, to beg an ungrateful woman? No wonder we are having too many simps days day

teeteepeejay:
Avoid people from broken homes una no go hear.

Na una two cup of tea be that

Honestly, daughter of eve from broken homes are toxic in nature and selfish too

TheDepressed:
1yr is too much a time.
Plus she's changed a lot....the things I refused her from doing is the exact things she's into now.
Accepting her back will be learning to know and train her again.

U fit elaborate more at d bolded, what are d tings u refused her doing. Abi u commit child abuse nii

TheDepressed:
Had to use a new account to tell it all.
Please find it interestingly to read and advice.

I was married in Feb 2023, I have two kids (a 5yr old daughter and a 2yr old son).
I own 2 houses ( one I built from scratch and another I inherited).
Long story short my finances are a battle after another, that's the best term I can describe it with.
So in Feb 2025, I had an argument with my wife and I angrily gave her a smack, she in turn angrily went to the living area and smashed in pieces our wedding photo exclaiming the marriage was over, that I should take her back to her father's, which I did angrily.

before we got to the juncture, my wife would randomly request to go to her mother's for a few days, sometimes week and one time almost a month. Things started to get worrying for me when she onetime while at her mother's told me, she was searching for a school for my daughter at her mother's. I was shocked as we have never had this discussion, she started to complain about the distance of our home from town where she can do businesses, this also came as a shock but I felt I was loosing my wife presence in my home, so I sat her down and asked to talk about everything happening and the way out? She mentioned we should go rent a house in town. Again I was shocked but after much enquiry and advices consign the rental matter, I obliged and we rented a 2bedroom apartment in town that is a 15mins drive to her mother's compared to our previous home a4bedRM that would take 1hr30mins to her mom's ( it's important to note that, through out her random stay at her mom's, her mother never one day called me to ask if I and my wife had issues at home that made her stay this long at her place, she never asked infact neither I nor she call the other on phone just for checkups)

So back to the home fight....that same night I moved her to her father's ( because her parents are separated, my wife's mom had 6girls for my father in law, the man did one away match and boom, the match birthed a boy, so MIL moved out of the marriage and hugged the streets) , that same night she moved to her mother's.
After a day or two, the loneliness hit me again, I felt I had done something really big and wrong, so I immediately went into apology mode. I begged my father in law, he said I had no problem I should go take my wife home, that it's one of those things in marriage if not controlled maturely. So I went to her mother's and the reception was hostile, I left, I tried several phone calls, they would ring out or she would end the call angrily once hearing my voice, I went back to the house, one tim she took her handbag and left the home immediately I arrived, another time she threw insults at me openly. I really tried to beg this woman to please let my wife come home.

I turned to my wife, she said "I should bring persons with me to come beg her mother", I found this a little too much to ask, would I call my kinsmen to come beg a woman? I didn't even pay my bride price to her, so months past and it became 10months my wife has being outside my home and 10months I didn't see my kids only video calls.

Well on the 10th month being Nov/Dec last year, I received a call from my wife, I could hear her crying and I was sure I hear the word children but my background was noisy. So I excused myself to a quiet corner and called back and that's when she told me her mother just passed away, I mean died and I should come take the kids.

I was busy at work so I sent someone to pick my kids up and take to my mother's.
So I called a meeting to speak about how I'm not seeing my kids enough ( mind you my wife suddenly distant from me, she don't even pick my video calls to see my kids, she insults my family and myself, she' just became strange unknown and weird). So after all agreements were mad consign the kids and their welfare, the meeting was pushed further to attempt settlement. For me I tot my wife has being outside too long and I won't lie, I miss my wife and having a full noisy home by the kids but this woman 10months after is not remorseful or missing her husband.
So she was asked firstly and she said I should go take my bride price back and I was asked and I said I will take the bride price back but as I write, I'm yet to do xo.

My reason for this write up is because a few days ago, my father in law called me and said the mother in law date has being fixed for this month. He called very late at night and I said I'll think and call him in the morning.
The next morning I called and said we'll your daughter doesn't want her marriage anymore, I don't see why I should be at the funeral plus I don't want a case where she would be there with her new man, if any. I don't want embarrassmeny or weird feelings but if I have anything to support I would send before the time.

So family Nairalander, would you support this kind of woman ( both the daughter and mother) with your finances?
Or would you go as far as attending?

Ps: my suppose wife did not call me to inform me of the funeral date but her father did. I'm sure she must have told her father she doesn't care if I am aware or not. She suddenly hates me out of the blue and today' makes it a year she's being outside and our marriage together lasted 2yrs.

Everyday I'm depressed, indoor for days, sometimes cry and sometimes can't sleep out of wild thoughts.
She has an elder sister, that till date has never called me even if to insult me for hitting her sister in the face.
I can't believe I have lost my marriage over a slap.

Better move on and stop crying over Spill milk. Don't attend the funeral, consider your marriage over and start looking for replacement.

If you bring her back or allow her back she will finish you up she is already a wounded lioness. Wise up and man up, shit happens.

I bet she’s not the first human being you’ve ever disagreed with, how many of them have you ever slapped?

I’d say you got away easy. All she did was leave. She didn’t press charges for assault and battery. Count your loss and move on.

Next time, I’m certain you will keep your hands to yourself!

eniolorunfe:
Your wife was 19/20 when you got married and you were 30/31 and you didn’t prepare for drama(s)? The age difference is a lot! 11 years?! More than a decade

As per your question, the ball is in your court. Your wife no send you.

I have been expecting to see someone that will say my mind until I saw your post ..

He got married to a woman that is not even ready or don't understand the journey called marriage

Jman06:
So, older women don't display dramas in their marriages Why do you guys like lying about age difference being a cause of marital issues and wives' dramas? Just anything to discourage men from marrying younger girls!


@op, I'll advise you to do everything within your power to get your wife back. Attend the funeral and make sure your wife notices your presence. Do everything you can to help give your mother-in-law a befitting funeral.

After like one months of mourning, go back and do everything to get your wife back. Good thing that your father-in-law seems to be on your side. Remember that in our culture, men are usually the ones who marry off their daughters! Or did you pay her bride price to her mother?

Drop your ego at this point and beg your wife and in-laws, buy her favourite gifts and melt her heart. I'm sure that if she sees the seriousness in you, your wife will come around. The issue wouldn't have lingered for this long if not that you allowed your ego get a better part of you. So, drop that ego now, beg your wife and get your family back.

There's nothing serious in this issue to warrant the lingering separation. After reconciling with your wife, make sure you don't repeat this mistake of laying your hands on her ever again. Don't listen to all these people here advising you to move on. Many of them would crawl to their wives if they find themselves in similar situation!

Another thing or issue is that he got married to a broken background home.

So this issue can't be settled ..

The man should just take heart and move on

Kingrshd3:
➜I have been expecting to see someone that will say my mind until I saw your post ..
He got married to a woman that is not even ready or don't understand the journey called marriage

Does OP himself seem to you like someone ready at his age for marriage? 🥱🥱🥱

Marriage is not meant for everyone.

Kingrshd3:
➜Another thing or issue is that he got married to a broken background home. So this issue can't be settled .. The man should just take heart and move on

Is OP himself from a better home? You think say broken home na people wey no live together with both parents? Wrong! A broken home is also living with immature or ignorant caregiver(s) or parents who don't see eye to eye, and many people who live in two-parent homes are, in fact, living in broken homes. 🥱🥱🥱

TheDepressed:
Had to use a new account to tell it all.
Please find it interestingly to read and advice.

I was married in Feb 2023, I have two kids (a 5yr old daughter and a 2yr old son).
I own 2 houses ( one I built from scratch and another I inherited).
Long story short my finances are a battle after another, that's the best term I can describe it with.
So in Feb 2025, I had an argument with my wife and I angrily gave her a smack, she in turn angrily went to the living area and smashed in pieces our wedding photo exclaiming the marriage was over, that I should take her back to her father's, which I did angrily.

before we got to the juncture, my wife would randomly request to go to her mother's for a few days, sometimes week and one time almost a month. Things started to get worrying for me when she onetime while at her mother's told me, she was searching for a school for my daughter at her mother's. I was shocked as we have never had this discussion, she started to complain about the distance of our home from town where she can do businesses, this also came as a shock but I felt I was loosing my wife presence in my home, so I sat her down and asked to talk about everything happening and the way out? She mentioned we should go rent a house in town. Again I was shocked but after much enquiry and advices consign the rental matter, I obliged and we rented a 2bedroom apartment in town that is a 15mins drive to her mother's compared to our previous home a4bedRM that would take 1hr30mins to her mom's ( it's important to note that, through out her random stay at her mom's, her mother never one day called me to ask if I and my wife had issues at home that made her stay this long at her place, she never asked infact neither I nor she call the other on phone just for checkups)

So back to the home fight....that same night I moved her to her father's ( because her parents are separated, my wife's mom had 6girls for my father in law, the man did one away match and boom, the match birthed a boy, so MIL moved out of the marriage and hugged the streets) , that same night she moved to her mother's.
After a day or two, the loneliness hit me again, I felt I had done something really big and wrong, so I immediately went into apology mode. I begged my father in law, he said I had no problem I should go take my wife home, that it's one of those things in marriage if not controlled maturely. So I went to her mother's and the reception was hostile, I left, I tried several phone calls, they would ring out or she would end the call angrily once hearing my voice, I went back to the house, one tim she took her handbag and left the home immediately I arrived, another time she threw insults at me openly. I really tried to beg this woman to please let my wife come home.

I turned to my wife, she said "I should bring persons with me to come beg her mother", I found this a little too much to ask, would I call my kinsmen to come beg a woman? I didn't even pay my bride price to her, so months past and it became 10months my wife has being outside my home and 10months I didn't see my kids only video calls.

Well on the 10th month being Nov/Dec last year, I received a call from my wife, I could hear her crying and I was sure I hear the word children but my background was noisy. So I excused myself to a quiet corner and called back and that's when she told me her mother just passed away, I mean died and I should come take the kids.

I was busy at work so I sent someone to pick my kids up and take to my mother's.
So I called a meeting to speak about how I'm not seeing my kids enough ( mind you my wife suddenly distant from me, she don't even pick my video calls to see my kids, she insults my family and myself, she' just became strange unknown and weird). So after all agreements were mad consign the kids and their welfare, the meeting was pushed further to attempt settlement. For me I tot my wife has being outside too long and I won't lie, I miss my wife and having a full noisy home by the kids but this woman 10months after is not remorseful or missing her husband.
So she was asked firstly and she said I should go take my bride price back and I was asked and I said I will take the bride price back but as I write, I'm yet to do xo.

My reason for this write up is because a few days ago, my father in law called me and said the mother in law date has being fixed for this month. He called very late at night and I said I'll think and call him in the morning.
The next morning I called and said we'll your daughter doesn't want her marriage anymore, I don't see why I should be at the funeral plus I don't want a case where she would be there with her new man, if any. I don't want embarrassmeny or weird feelings but if I have anything to support I would send before the time.

So family Nairalander, would you support this kind of woman ( both the daughter and mother) with your finances?
Or would you go as far as attending?

Ps: my suppose wife did not call me to inform me of the funeral date but her father did. I'm sure she must have told her father she doesn't care if I am aware or not. She suddenly hates me out of the blue and today' makes it a year she's being outside and our marriage together lasted 2yrs.

Everyday I'm depressed, indoor for days, sometimes cry and sometimes can't sleep out of wild thoughts.
She has an elder sister, that till date has never called me even if to insult me for hitting her sister in the face.
I can't believe I have lost my marriage over a slap.

Reading your posts it seems you still don't get it yet.
Your gender politics is all screwed up based on some of the things you have written in this thread, like "put money on her daughter's head".
You physically assaulted your wife. (You say it was the first time but that's rarely the case esp. given your gender politics). Either way it's a really big deal. And it's odd you wouldn't even do the minimum of going with someone to talk to the mom. "I found this a little too much to ask, would I call my kinsmen to come beg a woman?" - more of your chauvinistic gender politics.

Everything that stems from this is your fault because of your inability to control your temper and your hands.
And it seems you still don't fully seem to understand that fact.
As soon as you understand you are not the victim, you'll be better for it.

But, it may be a good time to work on yourself if you really want to fix your family. Think through some of the things you believe and why.
If not, that's ok. Just find someone who believes and whose parents believe that smacking/beating them/their daughter once in a while is OK.

I see the plusses and minuses of attending the Funeral.
If you don't go, you should probably arrange for your kids to go and say goodbye to their grandmother. Seems she was a good person to them.

Thank you all for your kind contributions.

I don't know if anyone has ever accepted a wife back after 12 months outside the marriage home.

The purpose of my write up was to create awareness of my marital background and most importantly weigh in on replies consign if or not to attend the funeral or support financially but a lot of you have digressed, which is typical of many Nigerians.

The woman some of you are clamouring for her reconcilation replied me with a video and a comment yesterday on Whatsapp

Xo I made a written post on my status, saying lads should not kill themselves on trying to please a lady with gifts because exactly this time last year, I used my last card to do a surprise gift for a certain she on Valentine's, that same week she rub me pepper 🫑🌶️ 4 eye"

She saw the post and sent me a message.
In her words,"na mumu go kill U"
Then a once veiw video which I never opened, I deleted it asap
Then another message, a better man did more".

The video obviously is a valentine gift from her new man 😅😂 but like I said I didn't open I deleted it and replied

"Who are you please?
Do I know you?

And no reply 😂😂😂😂

So pls niggas...na who wear shoe nowhere they pain am.
My question was simple!
Knowing what you all know now of a certain Mil and Daughter.
Should I support financially or attend physically?

Thanks all.... discussion continue

cococandy:
I bet she’s not the first human being you’ve ever disagreed with, how many of them have you ever slapped?

I’d say you got away easy. All she did was leave. She didn’t press charges for assault and battery. Count your loss and move on.

Next time, I’m certain you will keep your hands to yourself!

ar u saying one cant make mistake u act as if u are perfect can u sware dat ur hubby neva slap u once since u marry

jaksmillioniar:
ar u saying one cant make mistake u act as if u are perfect can u sware dat ur hubby neva slap u once since u marry

Those types of women na Dem their mouth be sword ⚔️ 😂😂😂😂

jaksmillioniar:
ar u saying one cant make mistake u act as if u are perfect can u sware dat ur hubby neva slap u once since u marry

A slap is not a mistake. That is what she and others are trying to get you to realize. The same way a woman can't mistakenly slap her husband, same way a man can't mistakenly slap his wife. A slap comes from the same place that a stabbing comes from and both are rightly labeled crimes of passion aka violent assault. 🥱🥱

When you slap a human being what you are doing is revealing so much about how little value and respect you have for that person whether it be a man or woman. That is your vote intention revealed. 🥱🥱

TheDepressed:
Uve spoken well.
I have halfway concluded I'll be visiting the father and offering him support financially even tho I know he won't be at the funeral either.
I can offer more but I will be offering what I can loose that I won't feel pained about for a woman of such.

Don't visit nobody. Use your money take buy chilled Heineken and peppersoup.