₦airaland Forum

Please read with an open mind and no judgment. I'm typing this with tears because it's still very painful, but I need to get it off my chest. Maybe it will help someone else going through something similar, or at least make me feel less alone.

I lost my mum when I was just 9. Life became tough. At 11, I started living with my dad and his wife (my stepmom). I had 3 siblings, but things changed when I turned 13.

My stepmom began molesting me sexually. As a 13-year-old boy who wasn't even thinking about sex yet, I didn't understand what was happening. It started, and somehow I got addicted—like I was possessed. I couldn't control the urges anymore, even though part of me knew it was wrong. It continued for years.

I was actually a bright kid—got scholarships, awards, people saw potential in me. But I couldn't focus or achieve anything meaningful because of the guilt and confusion inside.

Eventually, my dad found out. The look on his face broke me. His "best and gentle son" suddenly became the villain in his eyes. He blamed me heavily. After a while, he left the city after an accident, leaving me alone with her. Things got worse—she manipulated situations, made dad hate me more, and the abuse continued.

I endured it all just to finish secondary school. As soon as I could, I traveled far away to start over and break free. But the trauma followed me. The addiction and urges didn't just disappear.

Later, a distant uncle gave me a big opportunity: work in his modern bakery for 5 years, and he'd set me up with my own business afterward. Everyone in the house loved me. They had 3 young ladies, always indoors, and over time, the same pattern repeated. After a year or two, I lost control again. I was chased out, even though my aunt begged for me. That chance was gone too.

Now I'm grown, I've worked hard to control myself, and I'm holding down a job. But when I look back at everything I've lost—scholarships, family trust, opportunities, my dad's love, my future—I can't help but hate myself. Why didn't I fight harder? Why couldn't I stop it? Why did I let it ruin so much?🤧😭😭😭

I'm sharing this because male victims of sexual abuse (especially by women/family) are rarely talked about. People think boys can't be victims or that we "enjoyed" it. But the shame, guilt, and destruction are real.

This is pure evil..how can someone you lookup to and call a mother be this heartless..who knows how many young innocent boys experience this in past and presently.. they can't speak up cus the society won't listen leaving them all alone in this cold wicked world feeling depressed, dejected and traumatized.

So the big question is, where is she right now?

papiSNEH:
This is pure evil..how can someone you lookup to and call a mother be this heartless

I still don’t blame her but it’s kind of hard to forgive myself because I still feel sad deep down like I ruined myself and my family.

SpencerForbes:
So the big question is, where is she right now?

She died 2-3 years ago.

LordVoldemort02:
I still don’t blame her but it’s kind of hard to forgive myself because I still feel sad deep down like I ruined myself and my family.

No, you ain't ruined king... it's not your fault, she prey on your innocence.. keep head up it's not the end.

papiSNEH:
No, you ain't ruined king... it's not your fault, she prey on your innocence.. keep head up it's not the end.

Thanks a lot 💯 I really appreciate

You may need to see a therapist. If you believe, try seeing a deliverance minister too

Ameboperoo:
You may need to see a therapist. If you believe, try seeing a deliverance minister too

Maybe a therapist but as a child I went to different churches and did different fasting but the outcome was still the same.

LordVoldemort02:
She died 2-3 years ago.

I’m happy for her 😊, but my advice to you is simple: don’t dwell on it too much. Instead, focus entirely on rebuilding yourself. It might take some time, but you will be fine. The first step is to forgive yourself; understand that everything that happened wasn’t your fault. She failed in her duty as a mother.

Secondly, I’m sure there is a rift between you and your sibling. Whether they are older or younger, settling that conflict would be a good move. If there are ways to reconcile without bringing up their mother’s actions, I suggest you do so. Most children find it hard to believe their mother is capable of such things, and forcing the issue might only drive them away.

Thirdly, talk to your dad about this—if he is still around. He might still be holding onto some old grudges. Remember the story of Jacob and Reuben; family dynamics are complicated, but as for the rest of the world, don't worry about them. No one else is living your life, so their opinions don't matter.

You did not destroy your family. She simply gaslit you into feeling like you did. You might eventually need to forgive her just so you can move on with your own life, but the most important thing is this: Ensure you don't allow your own children to fall into the same trap.

The truth is, if this were a lady’s story, it would have reached the Frontpage by now. But as a man, you’re expected to just "man up" and do the dirty work yourself. That’s just the reality here.

See why Mothers need to pray seriously that they should be alive till their children are grown enough to fight for themselves. You see why Sophia is not a demon after all. A lot of people rush and marry monster as step parents and they ruin the lives of these children, while manipulating their spouse. Your father failed you completely. The heart of man is deep and you can’t know it all.

I am so sorry about your experience. I wish I could give you a hug. I have boys and I am deeply hurt by this. Male or female can be abused with serious repercussions in their lives and both sexes are capable of it.

This is why child absue should come with some life sentence or death penalty because it ruins a life and can never be reversed. You were a child, you did not like it. You were raped. Try to find a therapist who is very good counseling such issues. Go to a professional and not a faith based one. I wish you healing mentally, emotionally and physically and I pray you have peace. May your mother’s soul RIP.

This is why I don’t trust anybody with my kids. Don’t tell me you are this good person and I am over thinking things. I don’t know anybody and what they are capable of so, my default is to not trust anyone that much.

Thats not abuse, thats the milf paradox and almost every man has experience some sort of that.


Go and read about the oedipus complex by sigmund freud, it goes deep in what you have experienced.

Your dad is the problem, how will somebody blame a child for the sins of an adult? You claimed your dad loved you before, I don't believe that, the actions of your step mum created an opportunity for your dad to show his real colour and he didn't hide it. So sorry for such sordid experience.

The pains a male child goes through in life, turn into a tool used and abused in silence. Failed by both family and society.
The father could not even fight for his son but abandoned him in the dungeon of abuse but if it were to be a girl child, hell will break loose.

baby124:
See why Mothers need to pray seriously that they should be alive till their children are grown enough to fight for themselves. You see why Sophia is not a demon after all. A lot of people rush and marry monster as step parents and they ruin the lives of these children, while manipulating their spouse. Your father failed you completely. The heart of man is deep and you can’t know it all.

I am so sorry about your experience. I wish I could give you a hug. I have boys and I am deeply hurt by this. Male or female can be abused with serious repercussions in their lives and both sexes are capable of it.

This is why child absue should come with some life sentence or death penalty because it ruins a life and can never be reversed. You were a child, you did not like it. You were raped. Try to find a therapist who is very good counseling such issues. Go to a professional and not a faith based one. I wish you healing mentally, emotionally and physically and I pray you have peace. May your mother’s soul RIP.

This is why I don’t trust anybody with my kids. Don’t tell me you are this good person and I am over thinking things. I don’t know anybody and what they are capable of so, my default is to not trust anyone that much.

Thanks a lot 💯 I really appreciate. Evveryday be grateful you’re alive to see your kids. It’s a blessing because when you’re no more, a lot of things will take place. Thanks a lot. This really goes a long way.

Kaczynski:
Thats not abuse, thats the milf paradox and almost every man has experience some sort of that.


Go and read about the oedipus complex by sigmund freud, it goes deep in what you have experienced.

I’ll check it out, thanks 🙏

oz4real83:
Your dad is the problem, how will somebody blame a child for the sins of an adult? You claimed your dad loved you before, I don't believe that, the actions of your step mum created an opportunity for your dad to show his real colour and he didn't hide it. So sorry for such sordid experience.

Thanks a lot, it goes a long way. Maybe he loved my step mom more but I don’t really blame him because she was a narcissist and manipulator. If she wanted to make the world hate you, it would be carefully planned.

Crazy part is she was a church evangelist. I pray she finds peace.

MEGA4BILLION:
The pains a male child goes through in life, turn into a tool used and abused in silence. Failed by both family and society.
The father could not even fight for his son but abandoned him in the dungeon of abuse but if it were to be a girl child, hell will break loose.

Male children to need protection too but we’re conditioned to help the female more. That’s why I created this thread to create awareness and not gender war. I hope it gets to more people.

Cc: Nlfpmod, Mynd44

SpencerForbes:
I’m happy for her 😊, but my advice to you is simple: don’t dwell on it too much. Instead, focus entirely on rebuilding yourself. It might take some time, but you will be fine. The first step is to forgive yourself; understand that everything that happened wasn’t your fault. She failed in her duty as a mother.

Secondly, I’m sure there is a rift between you and your sibling. Whether they are older or younger, settling that conflict would be a good move. If there are ways to reconcile without bringing up their mother’s actions, I suggest you do so. Most children find it hard to believe their mother is capable of such things, and forcing the issue might only drive them away.

Thirdly, talk to your dad about this—if he is still around. He might still be holding onto some old grudges. Remember the story of Jacob and Reuben; family dynamics are complicated, but as for the rest of the world, don't worry about them. No one else is living your life, so their opinions don't matter.

You did not destroy your family. She simply gaslit you into feeling like you did. You might eventually need to forgive her just so you can move on with your own life, but the most important thing is this: Ensure you don't allow your own children to fall into the same trap.

The truth is, if this were a lady’s story, it would have reached the Frontpage by now. But as a man, you’re expected to just "man up" and do the dirty work yourself. That’s just the reality here.

Thanks a lot 🙏. This relieved the major part of the guilt I feel. My siblings are older and I’ll clearly have a quiet time with them and also talk to my dad.

trauma is the biggest Demon to overcome...
I hope you find peace

You have to visit a Shrink asap.

Nawaooo

MONEY247:
trauma is the biggest Demon to overcome...
I hope you find peace

Thanks a lot 💯

ruggedtimi:
You have to visit a Shrink asap.

Do you mean a shrine?

LordVoldemort02:
Do you mean a shrine?

He's right, a psychologist.

I'm a victim too, it's well.

Lastpharoah33:
He's right, a psychologist.

I'm a victim too, it's well.

Okay I understand now. I thought he meant African shrine.

Wow, I always thought I was the “new thing under the sun” can you give us a little gist so we can learn better?

We men need to rise and protect the male child especially those that have experienced it. I’m BS yew we have others facing it now and are feeling bad about themselves which can lead to suicide and self hatred. There should be a way they can communicate without feeling ashamed

LordVoldemort02:
I still don’t blame her but it’s kind of hard to forgive myself because I still feel sad deep down like I ruined myself and my family.

Why don't you blame her?

That's part of the abuse, to make you feel that you were a willing participant.

Please go for therapy, and go to Jesus.

In addition to healing you from the past, it will most importantly ensure that you don't let her keep ruining your future from the grave.

It is well.

bukatyne:
Why don't you blame her?

That's part of the abuse, to make you feel that you were a willing participant.

Please go for therapy, and go to Jesus.

In addition to healing you from the past, it will most importantly ensure that you don't let her keep ruining your future from the grave.

It is well.

Thanks a lot for this. This really goes a long way.

LordVoldemort02:
Do you mean a shrine?

i meant you should see a "SHRINK"....

ruggedtimi:
i meant you should see a "SHRINK"....

Okay I’ll do that. Thanks a lot

Please explain deeper how she sexually molested you