₦airaland Forum

By Faith Ajayi

•She says I must bathe every night – Husband
An Abuja-based church, Holiness Revival Movement Worldwide, has expelled a newly married woman, Oyiza, from its congregation for allegedly refusing to consummate her marriage with her husband, Isaac.

The couple, who were based in Ibadan, Oyo State, were joined in matrimony on September 6, 2025, after completing their traditional rites in Okene, Kogi State, and a court wedding in Ibadan, Oyo State.

Oyiza is from Kogi State.

However, shortly after the ceremony, the marriage ran into crisis as the bride resisted her husband’s attempts at intimacy, insisting that she did not love him.

She reportedly accused her mother of coercing her into the marriage.

Saturday PUNCH gathered that repeated efforts by both families and church leaders to mediate in the matter failed, as the bride allegedly remained adamant.

In a video posted on the church’s YouTube channel in February, the International Director of the movement, Pastor Paul Rika, announced the expulsion of Oyiza after five months of failed mediation.

During the announcement, he described her as a “demon” and declared that she must be punished.

While accusing her of spiritism, he urged members to pray for her “destruction,” alleging that she had brought shame to the assembly.

“So, we have delivered her to Satan. We have expelled, excommunicated her. You want to bring shame, what do you mean that you don’t love Isaac?” he queried.

The cleric referenced cultural practices of earlier times when weeping new brides were compelled to go to their husbands’ homes.

“Even the harlots, do they sleep with those that love them? It’s business. So, how do you say you don’t love Isaac after accepting him, and you say you don’t love? Demon!” he added.

Isaac, the husband, explained that Oyiza consented when he expressed his intention to marry her.

Based on this, the church’s marriage committee gave a nod to proceed with wedding preparations.

He, however, said some months before the ceremony, Oyiza began expressing doubts and indicated that she was no longer interested because she had lost feelings for him.

“(I) thought this could be spiritual and we should pray. The marriage committee also counselled her to go and pray. She returned and said she was convinced and that was how we proceeded,” he added.

According to him, the marriage was formalised after the completion of traditional rites and the court wedding.

Saturday PUNCH saw Facebook photos of the couple as Oyiza seemed happy while surrounded by some friends and church members.

But Isaac said the situation deteriorated almost immediately after the wedding.

“After the wedding, she started complaining again that she no longer had feelings for me. She had also started misbehaving, but because of the fervent love I had for her, I accommodated her deficiencies and lapses, thinking that things will change.

“After the marriage, in the hotel where we lodged, I touched her, but she said we should wait for a brief period of time. I asked for her reasons; she did not give me any cogent reason. She had also said she did not like sex all the time. I was also a virgin and was not involved in such things. I agreed we won’t make love in the hotel. So, we said when we get to Ibadan.

“We accompanied her, myself and her mother, to the park. She started crying at the park, saying, ‘Mummy, can you see now, when I said I don’t love this man, can you see it now. See the condition you pushed me into now’.”

Isaac said his in-laws pleaded with him to exercise patience and keep the matter private.

When the problem persisted, he said he reported to a church leader in Lokoja before escalating it to his pastor in Ibadan.

He said despite the intervention of his pastor and the wife, who reportedly broke down in tears during one of the counselling sessions, Oyiza remained resolute.

“She would tell me almost every time, ‘No love, no joy, no peace,’” he stated, adding that he became more confused and distressed as he had great love for her.

He further alleged that she accused him of attempted rape whenever he sought intimacy or initiated moves.

“It was a battle. Sometimes, she would just open up herself and say, ‘Do whatever you want to do.’ But I did not also know all these things.”

Isaac said counselling sessions organised by the church, including sexual guidance and support, yielded no positive result.

“It’s not just about sex. Even bathing. She said she loved me to bath at night. I bath virtually all night. But sometimes, if I don’t bath, she would hold my neck, telling me to go and bath. She would force me. Our leaders would intervene, asking her to release herself, but she refused.

“One day, she called some little children into our room to discourage me from touching her. But I ignored the children and continued touching her. A Muslim woman, who is our neighbour, saw us arguing as she was saying, ‘Do you want to rape me?’ She queried her for saying that. But she said, ‘No, I don’t love him. I have told him before. My mother forced me.’”

He described the marriage as suffocating.

“If I came back from work, to sit on the dining table, she would say no. I was not even free until I bathed and changed my clothes. It was a struggle.

“In the kitchen, if she was cooking and I returned home tired, she would ask me to come and join her because I promised to assist her in the kitchen. Everything was like I was in a cage.”

Isaac said he made series of efforts to show love and affection, but claimed that his wife did not reciprocate.

Oyiza was not in church to respond to the claims and allegations levelled against her by Isaac.

Efforts by our correspondent to contact her were also abortive.

Before the decision was announced, the church’s leader, Pastor Rika, said his wife had a revelation.

He said his wife discovered that Oyiza was “a marine girl who is married to a marine demon and they have children together.”

The cleric further stated that “this demon is a harsh type, highly jealous type that will never allow her marry another, and the covenant with the demon is that the day you allow a man enter into you, you will die, or that man will die.”

However, mental health professionals who spoke with Saturday PUNCH on the matter pointed to possible psychological and medical factors.

A clinical psychologist, Oluwakemi Akintoyese, said a range of issues could explain the woman’s behaviour.

She said, “Maybe she was forced into the marriage though parental pressure. So, she’s saying, ‘Oh, yes, you guys can force me to get married, but you cannot force me to have anything to do with him’. That could also be another explanation.

“And again, we also have some medical conditions or reasons why people will not want to have sex. But at least, the most common one that I know of is vaginismus. So, that is one. But for me, as I have said, if all of these are the reasons, I feel she should have opened up to her husband to talk about it. There is a need to explore more. There is a need to speak to her. There is a need to understand her perspective before conclusions can be made.”

Another psychologist, Afolabi Aroyehun, attributed the situation to gametophobia — the fear of sex.

“Gametophobia: those who are afraid of sex. A lot of things can make people afraid of sex. Upbringing is one of such issues. Past experience is another thing. Some of them have very terrible childhood traumatic experiences. They have been abused; sexual and psychological abuse.

“Then the society does not let them to be free. It is time for you to get married. Some people would rather not touch the concept called marriage at all. But society will not let you be. Society forces people to get into marriage, even when they are not prepared for the responsibilities and challenges of marriage.

“A lot have been abused sexually and traumatised. A lot of them must have had the complete sexual experience while they were growing up. For example, sadomasochism, where you see husband and wife, they would not enjoy sex unless they inflict injury on each other. And if they tried such sex while growing up, they will be afraid of sex. Well, apart from the fact that some of them have had near-rape experiences, some of them have actually had a real rape experience, and they do not discuss it with people because any attempt to discuss it, their parents will shut them off.”

A marriage counselor, Sunday Anani, said love is a critical foundation of any union.

He said, “Sex is an emotional thing. It’s physical, but before the physical comes to bear, there’s first of all an emotional, heart connection. When there is no heart connection between two people, it is difficult, especially in the confines of marriage; difficult, probably impossible, for both of them to agree that sex should happen. If you are pressured to get married to someone that you really do not want to get married to, it would be difficult for you to open up yourself to that person.

“Second thing that I can think of is probably that this person in question may have had some ugly sexual encounters in the past. For example, if this person had been raped or was almost raped or was sexually assaulted, it can make her close up her mind entirely to men. And, in fact, it even starts with she not being open to loving men. But, of course, because of family members, they say, you have to marry, you have to marry.

“Until she heals from that trauma, she will find it difficult because she will always remember the picture of when something similar happened to her. And when that remains in her mind, it will be difficult for her to even relax at all.”

Anani also wondered why Isaac went ahead with the marriage after the lady said she did not like sex.

“She already said she won’t want sex. If a woman already told you she would not like sex or she doesn’t want it, why are you going ahead to marry such a person?” he added.

Zionmdde:
Very good
Dissolve the marriage let everybody go their way

Next time they want to marry, let them date and court properly whom they intend to marry

Zionmdde:
Very good
Dissolve the marriage let everybody go their way

Next time they want to marry, let them date and court properly whom they intend to marry

PlayerMeji:
This is one of the things courts in Germany are advocating for. To stop conjugal rights.

Meaning the fact that you are married does not give you rights to the kitty or the candy stick....

During the announcement, he described her as a “demon” and declared that she must be punished.

While accusing her of spiritism, he urged members to pray for her “destruction,” alleging that she had brought shame to the assembly.

revelation2013:
What I think is that the church should have done is to continue to counsel both of them. And if she still refuse advise that she initiates the divorce proceedings so that the man can remarry and get someone suitable this time around.

The church should not label her a demon, that is wrong. They can also excommunicate her after the divorce so that another brother will not fall victim. But it is wrong for the church to label her a demon.

Zionmdde:
Very good
Dissolve the marriage let everybody go their way

Next time they want to marry, let them date and court properly whom they intend to marry