₦airaland Forum

Elzazzi:
You’re a very nice person. Imagine you still wan visit the parents with gifts.

I still see the family as my family, we ate together and spent time together as one big house, so I respect them a lot cos they took me in like one of them. My issue is with their son, not them. I speak to every other member of the family anytime we meet, so I'm good with them.

Arostar2023:
Life sometimes isn't so rosy with guys abroad. And some people can make seemly stupid mistakes because of depression and the pressure of life. Someone who borrowed money to go abroad is not in an enviable position, trust me. Some people cut off and ghost even close friends when depressed and in difficult...I don't know your friend and can't speak for him, anyway.

What you said is so apt!

I have witnessed this scenario first hand because when my cousin was in the UAE, he went through hell. He tried his possible best to shield me from his venoms ( His immediate family misunderstood him, he resorted to hostility and distancing).

People should tone down their expectations for their loved ones in the diaspora. Many are passing through a lot but can't even open up.

Ciao

Oracleee:
Peter comes to mind.


Early 2000s. We were kids close childhood friends. Our mums worked at the same place. We spent alternating weekends in each other’s houses. Him and his brothers would stay with us, we’d stay with them. We attended the same primary school. It was that kind of bond family-level closeness.
Then his mum got the opportunity to relocate to greater London. This was even before the whole japa wave became a thing. While she was sorting herself out, they stayed with us. Eventually she came back for her husband and kids, and off to London they went.
We lost contact for about a year.
One day, my mum said, “You people want to speak with the Babatopes?” We were excited me and my siblings. Childhood friends reconnecting after relocation? Sweet moment, right?
Wrong.
Peter and his siblings denied knowing us.
Flat out.
Asking “Who is this?” When I tried explaining, he acted like he had no idea who I was. My mum was shocked. I was a boy almost entering my teenage years, and my supposed best friend more like a brother that I already used to brag to my friends around erased me like I never existed.







That day stayed with me.
Fast forward about 15 years later. He wanted to come to Nigeria for something and needed help with security and accommodation. He reached out through my mum.
At that time, I was in the UK on course at Sandhurst.
I took my pound of flesh.
I feigned complete ignorance. Said I wasn’t even in the country. His mum called, acting surprised that I didn’t “know” them. The irony was loud.
Eventually I returned to Nigeria after my program. He was still around and tried reaching out to meet up. But that childhood hurt stuck with me. I cut ties completely.
Maybe people change. Maybe kids do silly things. But one thing I know is this if he had met me in a place where I wasn’t doing well, I doubt he would’ve wanted to reconnect.
Some people remember you only when you’re useful or successful.
I don’t hate him. I just believe in energy matching energy.

I love this story,it's a useful one...

Say 3 good points.

oluwaleokey:
I write in two parts A and B

A: they used to call us twin but we are not even from the same village, run things together till after service, he got a job in 1st bank and baba change am for me ooo
I started a business that I started seeing small money plus biz has got potential.... we jam for a function...he drove a Mercedes benz atleats I came with one of my Toyota... Baba realised sapa no dey again o, he instantly started marketing me, telling me how he could give huge loan access to support biz and we can even share profit blah, say him baa dey run am with plenty big biz men... afterwards, he started regular calling but for where... even if I need loan or anything like that I don sabi plenty bankers way we go fit run things lol

Part B
4 good friends, had strong dream to japa as at 2012/2013
2 was successful, Yankee and UK... the other got employed in the telecom industry but visits abroad often.
Initially, we do communicate via FB & email but afterall a shortwhile...no responses even when i notice they are active on FB posting pics, commenting etc... I realised na obvious snubbing... me jejely dey my dey.
Yes, I later japad too
Me come see wetin dey were seeing then and to be honest, me too couldn't keep communicating with everyone, its simply difficult and unrealistic... selected few for some reasons... I know some people go dey feel the same way I felt then but I pray God bless them and open way for them all... dey go still testify the matter diffcult pass ruling any African country as president.

Bro..keep working harder, no grudges, no worry yourself about anyone...just a tiny little success is good enough for them to recognise you...then you self go understand when u don dey important small... you can't change it...success identifies with success

This right there!

I kinda understood this very early and let everyone be, this is coming from a place of goodwill and harmony.

My two childhood friends are maintaining a reasonable distance for sometime now and trust me when I say, that's the greatest motivation I'm banking on everyday.

No one owes anyone zilch, make it happen!

no grudges you can't really blame anyone. Just because you see them and think they are doing fine doesn't mean they can help you.
You have absolutely no idea what they are facing..... One day, they will remember you but hopefully you will be doing much better yourself by then

3nity7:
I read the comments and oboy, I saw that my level of reasoning is different from the majority here. Lemme tell you guys a story I was told.

An acquittance told me about a young man who had nothing and was impoverished. Then out of no where a primary school friend abroad who has lost contact for years thought about him and came back to Nigeria to look for him. He remembered the times they were together, how they go to school together and began searching for him. He found him, did Visa for him and now he's abroad.

This is why I love Davido we rise by raising others. The friends you ignore today because of success you will need them tomorrow and may God help you they don't do likewise just like the illustrations we see here.

Yes you don't owe anybody anything but don't forget those who made you happy, stood by you, who helped you, encouraged you, advised you, and even prayed for you.

What you sow you will reap

I cherish your perspective on the issue chief, what can we do in our own little way too?

That should be a food for thought.

abuhusna1:
Till you are broke then you know self worth wont take you out of brokenness. 90% of successful people are rich remaining 10 are wealthy. I never see a self worthy person on Forbes but rich and wealthy people

You don't gerrit! Try and look up the meaning of self worth.

You don't need too much to be ok.

As for me, I'd say life happened- We grew a little apart after secondary school. We were still very good during our undergrad days in uni. We visited each other's school as well but life took a different turn after NYSC. Work took me to a different state, while he later japa. It's been like 7 years now, we just view each other's status on WhatsApp.

CertifiedGee:
Yes!!!
I have this guy I was friends with in secondary school. We literally do EVERYTHING together except maybe bathing. We do sleep in each other's bunks, as we were in the hostel. Our closeness even got our parents close till date. I'm from Ile Ife, he is from Lagos and our parents allow us spend alternate holidays with each other and he spent mid term holidays of SS1 to SS3 with us in Ife instead of going to Lagos.
We left school in 2010 and he got admitted into a Private university same year while I got admitted into School of Nursing the following year and by 2014, we were both done. All these time, we were still close and we talk everyday, we even create time to still go to each other's state.
Fast forward to around 2015 after his service, he got employed to a private firm in Abuja with an above the average income while me, I am struggling to enter OAU for my Degree through Direct Entry. My guy started seeing money and the detachment started, I initially thought he was busy and I was trying to be understanding, only for him to tell another mutual friend that I was bothering him with messages and he knows it's for money. Mind you, this is someone I have NEVER ask for #1, so where's the thought coming from. I didn't even take that much to heart since there wasn't really any proof of him saying such until during Easter of 2018 when this our mutual friend also called him where I was and the guy I was with asked if he heard about me, and he said he doesn't move with broke people who are beyond his level anymore and he's employed and doing well, while I'm still struggling with my life and he doesn't want anything that'll drag him back. I was just so disappointed.
Fast forward to 2022 when I posted my picture on FB in Customs Uniform (I was employed as a commissioned officer into Customs in 2021), Baba's message was the first thing that popped up in my messenger that I have forgotten him now that I have money abi and life should not be like that. That message is still unread till date.

So you now feel I belong to your class and you want to bring back the spark, Nah. Last year December, I took Rice and Frozen Turkey to his parents as Christmas gift, I saw him, greeted him casually and I drove off just after I was done with the parents. No friendship again abeg.

You still kind sending gift to his family....Great one to learn from you.... honestly

Elzazzi:
Unfortunately life nobe Nollywood. If anybody stop talking to you move on and wish them well. E no mean say something bad go happen to them and you come big and start ignoring them. Lol

Dem fit still get money pass you tomorrow even with the money you make. Lol

This una mentality sef.

u sound like those wicked men wey go dump there besties say levels don change guy I swear…

OlaOfLagos:
Why should you be bothered if someone is doing better than you? Na una dey put una sef for depression and unnecessary competition. If someone is doing better than you, you’re also doing better than someone else.

Stupid talk na wetin they keep una for one position be this , poor man consolation.

Not my friend actually, but my cousin, Miracle. Her dad's my dad's last brother and last born. My dad loved him so much that he sent him overseas (First to Malaysia I think and then to France), for love and the facet that my older siblings were still small. He wanted to create a pathway for us to be able to go overseas in the future. While he was abroad, my dad houses his family for more than two years I think( I was still small then). I used to eat from the same plate with miracle as my mum made us eat in pairs. After sometime,Her dad reached out and took his family with him when he was stable. That was how the door shut for over 10yrs. He never came back even from his mum's burial. My dad had an accident in 201w that affected his spine and this man didn't call. After some years, he suddenly called, saying that they lost my dad's number and that the wife miraculously swept a paper with the number from under the bed. During a video call session, I was called to talk with miracle. This girl denied ever knowing me. In her words, " my dad said you're my relative". Very hurtful. Her mum that my parents housed for over two years came back in 2018 and couldn't even sleep over for one day. She also came back last year and didn't even come near my father's house. Her dad came back in 2018 and coincidentally, I left uni for home. When I was going back to school, this man didn't give me a dime. If I tell you that my dad helped him and how much, I'm talking about 300k in the 90s! Yes, but my dad was that rich. My snr sister schooled at Pirogov university in Ukraine. That was when my dad started having issues in his businesses. She wanted to come home cos she was home sick. My dad then told her to go to France, to my uncle's house as it was closer compared to coming back to Nigeria. You guessed right.
My uncle refused. A man my dad gave a full flat in the village, a shop at Jimeta main market, housed his family after spending so much to send him abroad.

I know I'll still leave. I thank God for life. I and my siblings are all university graduates with good courses ( pharmacy, engineering , pharmacy, an environmental biologist and Engineering.) we're all doing well and that obodo oyibo, we must go am.

Nextjs:
The questions should be have u ever helped anyone including your childhood friends?


Because there are people u are successful more than in life

Exactly!

Lotsa folks are always looking for where they will benefit, nor who will benefit from them.

Edusouls:
u sound like those wicked men wey go dump there besties say levels don change guy I swear…

I’m a realist. I see things the way it is. Lol

Elzazzi:
I’m a realist. I see things the way it is. Lol

leave grammar and Confess are such type of person ?

Sirchiboy:
The rice no reach my side ooo

You go wait till December again be dt ooo

Lastpharoah33:
I cherish your perspective on the issue chief, what can we do in our own little way too?

That should be a food for thought.

thank you

ottajah:
You still kind sending gift to his family....Great one to learn from you.... honestly

The family never did anything wrong to me and his parents had helped me accommodate a fellow officer for around 4 months when he was posted to Lagos and had no accommodation. From start till he left there, this people gave him food twice a day (breakfast and dinner) without asking for a penny in return, so they deserve more.
So their son moving mad has nothing to do with them.

Midex88:
But why do people behave like this.. forgetting old times

Like, do you get? My first cousins, life is indeed terrible, I have learnt to Focus on myself and God. They owe me nothing. Life goes on.

babtoundey:
Well, I believe this is not the case of "20 children cannot be in touch for 20 years". It's rather a case of someone believing he/she cannot continuing associating with people they have outgrown or outclassed.
I have a friend like that. Then, we were more than friends we were very close. We met when we were both preparing for JAMB and since then we were like brothers. Probably because our attributes and goals complement each other. We both picked the same University, but he was able to secure admission in that school. I applied again the following year and I got admission into the same school but i had to go to another Federal University.
In spite the fact that we were in different schools, we communicated often. There were times he came to my school to stay with me for months when they were on strike. After graduation, we were still in touch. He was very lucky to be gainfully employed immediately after service. In fact he was doing very well for himself while i was struggling with low-paying job and other side hustles.
I thought we were still friends as we had always been, I didn't know he unfriended me as soon as he leaped into higher class. At this point, he stopped calling, started ignoring my calls, and when I messaged to enquire about his wellbeing (as before), he would leave the message unresponded to. When he came around, he would avoid me. Once i ascertained that he was doing these on purpose, I stopped reaching out to him for whatever reason. We still have each other's contacts, he checked my WhatsApp status often, i also checked his. I know one day he will make effort to reappear just as he disappeared. Anytime he does, I definitely will have my middle finger shoved on his fa
The point is, not everyone you call friend is truly a friend. Some associate with you for what they benefit or hope to benefit from you. That benefit may not necessarily be financial related, it could be emotional support, career upliftment etc. Onece they are able to source what they benefit from you elsewhere or once they've been able to use you to fulfil their purpose, they cease to ever exist.

Why do you guys watch the WhatsApp status of people you're not communicating with, especially those you have unsettled issues with
What do you really want to see about them??
I see that as childish

bobbiiee:
It is a function of perspective. When you live as if nobody owns you nothing, you don't feel hurt when those you have helped walk away and act as though your parts never crossed. The most important thing is not to be stagnant. God is the source, but He uses people.

There was a boy who grew up in my neighbourhood. The mother was based abroad and he never knew her because the father brought him here around 6 years old. He was maltreated by the "step-mother". At some point when he was in secondary school our house was where he ate lunch frequently. In 1998 his allowance was ₦40 daily. He was expected to go to where he was learning how to repair electronics. I made it my responsibility to pay his fare to work and home daily. Because my workplace was close to the shop where he was an apprentice, I would go there daily during break time to buy him fufu. The Dad who was a US citizen, comes and goes. He later thought it was time to bring him over. When he was travelling to the USA the stepmother bought him a Ghana must go bag. It was my elder brother who arranged where he passed the night and bought him the bag that he took abroad. He was later drafted into the army. He called me twice, sent two letters, and sent one email. It all ended in 2000. If it happens all over again I will do what I did. Got no regrets.

It's possible he lost your old contact and couldn't reconnect with you via the modern means of communication.
2000 is a long time ago, and major means of communication were land lines, letters and emails.

Truth is people are heartless just take it like that , no body owes anybody anytin but when we see our friends lack basic thing and we pretend we don't have ..it's becomes terrible ...as humans ....shame to all fake friends out there

Domgreat0212:
Not my friend actually, but my cousin, Miracle. Her dad's my dad's last brother and last born. My dad loved him so much that he sent him overseas (First to Malaysia I think and then to France), for love and the facet that my older siblings were still small. He wanted to create a pathway for us to be able to go overseas in the future. While he was abroad, my dad houses his family for more than two years I think( I was still small then). I used to eat from the same plate with miracle as my mum made us eat in pairs. After sometime,Her dad reached out and took his family with him when he was stable. That was how the door shut for over 10yrs. He never came back even from his mum's burial. My dad had an accident in 201w that affected his spine and this man didn't call. After some years, he suddenly called, saying that they lost my dad's number and that the wife miraculously swept a paper with the number from under the bed. During a video call session, I was called to talk with miracle. This girl denied ever knowing me. In her words, " my dad said you're my relative". Very hurtful. Her mum that my parents housed for over two years came back in 2018 and couldn't even sleep over for one day. She also came back last year and didn't even come near my father's house. Her dad came back in 2018 and coincidentally, I left uni for home. When I was going back to school, this man didn't give me a dime. If I tell you that my dad helped him and how much, I'm talking about 300k in the 90s! Yes, but my dad was that rich. My snr sister schooled at Pirogov university in Ukraine. That was when my dad started having issues in his businesses. She wanted to come home cos she was home sick. My dad then told her to go to France, to my uncle's house as it was closer compared to coming back to Nigeria. You guessed right.
My uncle refused. A man my dad gave a full flat in the village, a shop at Jimeta main market, housed his family after spending so much to send him abroad.

I know I'll still leave. I thank God for life. I and my siblings are all university graduates with good courses ( pharmacy, engineering , pharmacy, an environmental biologist and Engineering.) we're all doing well and that obodo oyibo, we must go am.

How about your dad?
Is he still alive?

Maybe he meant Monday the Edo State Governor

tojahh:
Yes.

I have a childhood friend, someone I even used my money (2,000 naira) to pay for him after secondary school so we can learn barbing. I used my mum's car to teach him how to drive and collected corresponding beating when he crashed the car. Today he is in the House of Assembly in Edo State. We chatted a few months ago on Facebook and he was even the one who recalled all these past events and asked what do I want from him. I told him what I wanted. He assured by Monday he was gonna get it done. Its been almost 5 months now and Monday is yet to come.

I no too reason am because as far as na politician. Make I d*e the matter.

Ronald007:
Like, do you get? My first cousins, life is indeed terrible, I have learnt to Focus on myself and God. They owe me nothing. Life goes on.

Hmmn.. it’s well.. only God never fail

Sure, but I got them disappointed

ChybuzzDD:
Why do you guys watch the WhatsApp status of people you're not communicating with, especially those you have unsettled issues with
What do you really want to see about them??
I see that as childish

Lol. I fee it is rather childish to delete such a person's contact.

As long as you have their contact, you don't have to consciously view their contacts before you see it.

Oracleee:
Peter comes to mind.


Early 2000s. We were kids close childhood friends. Our mums worked at the same place. We spent alternating weekends in each other’s houses. Him and his brothers would stay with us, we’d stay with them. We attended the same primary school. It was that kind of bond family-level closeness.
Then his mum got the opportunity to relocate to greater London. This was even before the whole japa wave became a thing. While she was sorting herself out, they stayed with us. Eventually she came back for her husband and kids, and off to London they went.
We lost contact for about a year.
One day, my mum said, “You people want to speak with the Babatopes?” We were excited me and my siblings. Childhood friends reconnecting after relocation? Sweet moment, right?
Wrong.
Peter and his siblings denied knowing us.
Flat out.
Asking “Who is this?” When I tried explaining, he acted like he had no idea who I was. My mum was shocked. I was a boy almost entering my teenage years, and my supposed best friend more like a brother that I already used to brag to my friends around erased me like I never existed.







That day stayed with me.
Fast forward about 15 years later. He wanted to come to Nigeria for something and needed help with security and accommodation. He reached out through my mum.
At that time, I was in the UK on course at Sandhurst.
I took my pound of flesh.
I feigned complete ignorance. Said I wasn’t even in the country. His mum called, acting surprised that I didn’t “know” them. The irony was loud.
Eventually I returned to Nigeria after my program. He was still around and tried reaching out to meet up. But that childhood hurt stuck with me. I cut ties completely.
Maybe people change. Maybe kids do silly things. But one thing I know is this if he had met me in a place where I wasn’t doing well, I doubt he would’ve wanted to reconnect.
Some people remember you only when you’re useful or successful.
I don’t hate him. I just believe in energy matching energy.

I assure you that that guy's attitude had a lot to do with his parents. How they viewed people "below" them, how they even considered u guys. Good energy man

Im not entitled to anything from them,so I never put mind...... There's this guy that used to be my Classmate back in secondary school...... We live in the same neighborhood now and he's a money man, and even in my Lowest I won't go to him

My friend from jss1,obinna.
I use to fund our canteen spendings.
Carry him along academically.
Then I went further to study engineering and he went to one Asian nation.
I think he was into drugs.
When he had problems with the authorities he told me and when it was resolved he also told me.
Then in 2023 he came back, informed me that he is back that I should come and see him.
I took leave from work to go and see him.
He showed me around.
His new house
His factory
His new car
I was happy for him.
Then the following year,I took my daughter to hospital,they said heart condition,I called everyone I can for help because the amount they were calling was too big.
I was earning 200k then and the maximum loan I could get from the company is 900k while the doctors were demanding for 8-9 million.
It was that situation that made me know that am on my own.
When I call him he will say he is driving,let him pack very well.
Or he is in a meeting,let them conclude the meeting.
My daughter just started school this January.
I adore every day.
Then she was 9 months old but now she is 2 years and some months.
Man is not God and God is not Man.

Ofcourse