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I want to seize my children phone and stop them from communicating with their father.
Do you think it's the best decision? I initially allowed that communication so they don't feel his absence too much but he's saying wrong things to them behind me.


To be honest, it’s almost one year since my husband and I separated due to numerous issues.
And I thank God we are apart otherwise I would have been dead by now.
Since then, I have not been intimate with any other man. Not because I can’t or don’t feel tempted sometimes, but because I personally choose not to. I have never cheated.
We have two boys.
Lately, I discovered that he constantly calls them to question them about me and say hurtful things especially when I'm not around. Yesterday, he told my 12-year-old son that I’m having affairs with other men. that I’m cheating.
and was busy explaining it to him
That broke me.
My son didn’t even tell me. He just went to sit quietly watching TV until I asked him what was wrong. I overheard everything.
I work so hard to take care of my children alone. The bills are much, and everything rests on me. Nothing comes from his side.
When we separated, I moved back to my parents house. I'm still there. I've not been able to save enough for a decent accommodation till now, but God has been faithful.

I told him he is free to come for the children. I am not stopping him and he knows that.

But instead, he chooses to say hurtful things about me to my son.

If its a minor issue that made you leave your husband, you better go back. As far he is not inflicting injuries on your body which might lead to your death.

Family is everything. Persevere and change your man's behaviour through your lifestyle.

Love800:
If its a minor issue that made you leave your husband, you better go back. As far he is not inflicting injuries on your body which might lead to your death.

Family is everything. Persevere and change your man's behaviour through your lifestyle.

Did you read enough to see where she said she might have been dead by now? Abi you just wan rush contribute nothing

So sorry for your predicament. What I would advise is that you confront him personally and let him know that you are well aware of his theatrics and manipulation and that if he doesn’t stop, you reserve the right to stop him from coming over to see his kids. After that, make sure you are always around or within earshot the next time he comes to visit them.


As per the staying faithful part, well since you guys are separated but not divorced, I will advice that you still hold on (if you can), otherwise, you don’t owe anybody anything. We are humans and have blood running through our veins. It is all biological to satisfy a want/need, be it sexual, emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual, financial etc, so anytime you have the cravings to “get in the sack”, and you can’t hold it anymore, then have a mutual partner or “friend with benefits “ before you commit something grievous like rape or incest o.


Na separate/break-up, you NOR kill person o.


Best of luck madam !

Be dead means alot. Might be tired of the family plan, utility bills, children welfare, inlaw dramas, communication issues. It doesn't really mean she will be dead physically. She can tolerate all these. What is marriage without conflicts! You gat to brave-up.
My stand is if the man inflict physical injuries on her body which might cause death, then she can leave.

I have come to understand that most partners leave eachother on flimsy excuses.

KaLuCh:
Did you read enough to see where she said she might have been dead by now? Abi you just wan rush contribute nothing

Why don't you just accept the woman's position. You just read a few paragraphs. And you are already concluding that she needs to return. She was in it for at least 12 years. Do you know better than her? She had to return to her parents', start from the scratch and still hasn't found her feet yet. Despite all these, she said she still prefers being single. I can agree with her sef cos the man has to be really vile to slander and malign her to her own children. Very bad character.

Op. Talk to your children. They are the ones with you. They see you and see how hard you work and fend for them. Tell them not to believe whatever their Dad says and talk to their father to, warning him to desist from his malicious intent. I wish you all the best.

Love800:
Be dead means alot. Might be tired of the family plan, utility bills, children welfare, inlaw dramas, communication issues. It doesn't really mean she will be dead physically. She can tolerate all these. What is marriage without conflicts! You gat to brave-up.
My stand is if the man inflict physical injuries on her body which might cause death, then she can leave.

I have come to understand that most partners leave eachother on flimsy excuses.

She should tell us why she left then, not beating around the bush.

churro:
Why don't you just accept the woman's position. You just read a few paragraphs. And you are already concluding that she needs to return. She was in it for at least 12 years. Do you know better than her? She had to return to her parents', start from the scratch and still hasn't found her feet yet. Despite all these, she said she still prefers being single. I can agree with her sef cos the man has to be really vile to slander and malign her to her own children. Very bad character.

Op. Talk to your children. They are the ones with you. They see you and see how hard you work and fend for them. Tell them not to believe whatever their Dad says and talk to their father to, warning him to desist from his malicious intent. I wish you all the best.

I can't say the man did good by saying all those things about her to the little boy, but from what life and experience has taught me this past month is to not always believe a woman until you have heard from the man, not matter how ugly she supposedly paint it to seem, never believe her till you've listened to the other party.

so, madam, go call your exhusband to this forum so he can also tell us his part of the story before we can even consider the issue.

you might come for me and possibly call me all sorts of names... but since women began to use emotions to sell lies and propaganda, i have decided to use logic in anything concerning that gender.

Enjoy your day

Ittakescourage:
I want to seize my children phone and stop them from communicating with their father.
Do you think it's the best decision? I initially allowed that communication so they don't feel his absence too much but he's saying wrong things to them behind me.


To be honest, it’s almost one year since my husband and I separated due to numerous issues.
And I thank God we are apart otherwise I would have been dead by now.
Since then, I have not been intimate with any other man. Not because I can’t or don’t feel tempted sometimes, but because I personally choose not to. I have never cheated.
We have two boys.
Lately, I discovered that he constantly calls them to question them about me and say hurtful things especially when I'm not around. Yesterday, he told my 12-year-old son that I’m having affairs with other men. that I’m cheating.
and was busy explaining it to him
That broke me.
My son didn’t even tell me. He just went to sit quietly watching TV until I asked him what was wrong. I overheard everything.
I work so hard to take care of my children alone. The bills are much, and everything rests on me. Nothing comes from his side.
When we separated, I moved back to my parents house. I'm still there. I've not been able to save enough for a decent accommodation till now, but God has been faithful.

I told him he is free to come for the children. I am not stopping him and he knows that.

But instead, he chooses to say hurtful things about me to my son.

Madam can we also hear the one you said to them about their dad? When we have listened to both parties, we then judge. We dont want to take sides without gathering enough data on the subject matter.

HarunaWest:
Madam can we also hear the one you said to them about their dad? When we have listened to both parties, we then judge. We dont want to take sides without gathering enough data on the subject matter.

I can not tell them wrong thing about their father. For their mental, emotional and psychologically proper development I can't say bad things about their daddy to them.

KaLuCh:
Did you read enough to see where she said she might have been dead by now? Abi you just wan rush contribute nothing

Thank you. And I'm very grateful to God that I was able to take that step to leave and start all over again.

Ittakescourage:
I can not tell them wrong thing about their father. For their mental, emotional and psychologically proper development I can't say bad things about their daddy to them.

Okay. Since you say you cant, una go do family meeting be that. He has to come and state the reason why he is poisoning his kids mind. If he does that intentionally it makes him petty and he should be adviced to stop. Also, dont stop the kids from communicating with their dad, they should decide by themselves if they want to stop communicating with him or not. Kids of nowadays are quite smart and exposed to the world. Its better they are left to see things for their face value and take decisions based on their conviction. If you try to influence seperation from their dad now, they will chat later on facebook. Be wise

Ittakescourage:
I wen

If Tonto Dike can go back to her Husband after dragging her Husband all over social media including calling him 1 minute man etc etc , I don't see why you can't go back

From experience, I’ve chosen not to advise single mothers or divorced women because we often hear only one side of the story without understanding the man’s perspective.

OP, if it’s true that you have remained celibate, that reflects self discipline and virtue. If the man is not physically abusive, perhaps it may be worth setting pride aside and seeking peace. Sometimes, beneath the hurt and silence, love still exists on both sides even if both parties openly admits it.

If reconciliation is possible and healthy, consider rebuilding your home and allowing yourself to be cared for and supported. Life can be demanding, and carrying every burden alone can take a toll over time.

It will interest you to know that boy child often shares a deep natural bond with his father. If communication between them is cut off without serious cause, it may lead to regret in the future.
Where it is safe and appropriate, maintaining that relationship can be important for a child’s emotional well-being.

Bottom line, consider reconciliation if possible.

Love800:
If its a minor issue that made you leave your husband, you better go back. As far he is not inflicting injuries on your body which might lead to your death.

Family is everything. Persevere and change your man's behaviour through your lifestyle.

No sane woman will leave a good man over a minor issue. And aside physical assault, there are many other things a man can do to his wife which is unpardonable.

For instance, a man sexually molesting his children, or raping his maid is worse than physical assault.

We shall hear from the man first, then revert shortly!

No man will intentionally tells hs son about their mum infidelity withiout a reason. You might have cheated on him withiout knowing. Cheating in the marriage doesn't necessarily means sleeping with another man, being emotional attach to another man while in marriage is also a cheating. Besides, your attitude during the time you were together might have given him reason to think you are sleeping with another man.

If you are innocent, you can comfront him by call or invite him and ask him to tell you when you ever cheated on him in the presence of your sons. That is the only way they will believe you.

MarketDispatch:
If Tonto Dike can go back to her Husband after dragging her Husband all over social media including calling him 1 minute man etc etc , I don't see why you can't go back

When did Tonto dike go back to her ex husband...?


Talk Araba


Op no long talk. If your partner or ex- would transfer the misunderstanding between both of you and talk trash to your kids to undermine your relationship with them then cut him off if you have the opportunity to do so.

As long as everything you narrated here is the truth and nothing but the truth without hearing his own side of the story!

Ittakescourage:
➜I want to seize my children phone and stop them from communicating with their father.
Do you think it's the best decision? I initially allowed that communication so they don't feel his absence too much but he's saying wrong things to them behind me.
➜ To be honest, it’s almost one year since my husband and I separated due to numerous issues. And I thank God we are apart otherwise I would have been dead by now. Since then, I have not been intimate with any other man. Not because I can’t or don’t feel tempted sometimes, but because I personally choose not to. I have never cheated.
➜ We have two boys. Lately, I discovered that he constantly calls them to question them about me and say hurtful things especially when I'm not around. Yesterday, he told my 12-year-old son that I’m having affairs with other men. that I’m cheating. and was busy explaining it to him. That broke me.
➜ My son didn’t even tell me. He just went to sit quietly watching TV until I asked him what was wrong. I overheard everything. I work so hard to take care of my children alone. The bills are much, and everything rests on me. Nothing comes from his side.
➜ When we separated, I moved back to my parents house. I'm still there. I've not been able to save enough for a decent accommodation till now, but God has been faithful. I told him he is free to come for the children. I am not stopping him and he knows that. But instead, he chooses to say hurtful things about me to my son.

1. You would have been dead? What do you mean? I ask because the man communicates with his sons and has yet to show up to kill you. If he was violent, why are you still married to him and not formally divorced? Why are you allowing him communicate with your children, knowing he could easily plan to come down to where you are now and maybe continue his violence? Anyway, I had to ask. 🥱🥱

2. You are separated and not divorced from him? Why?

3. The man has probably moved another woman into his house, with whom he is not just sharing conversation, all while he is teaching his sons that a woman, however, has to remain loyal to a man she is separated from. That should give you a better idea of the sort of nonsense the man is intentionally drilling into the heads of your boys. The sort of jargon that aids in raising boys who are violent and irrational towards women they consider to be beneath them. So, I guess my question is, why are you still tied to this man and letting him get away with such nonsense? 🥱🥱

4. Why have you decided your ex has to be freed from the responsibility of raising and providing for the children whom he still claims as his own? Why are you not sharing custody of the kids with him? Shouldn't they ideally be spending 50% of their week with the man and the other 50% with their mother?

5. He should only come to take them if he agrees to shared custody, unless you are saying that you are not able to care for them at this time and would rather he have full custody until you can get your feet on the ground. Get a lawyer, get a divorce, sort yourself out as far as custody issues are concerned, and don't let him use you and your kids to his own benefit.

My recommendation is that you explain to your children that when a man and woman are divorced, not separated, they are free to date other people as they want. Teach your children right from wrong so they can more critically reason about what they hear, even from their father. Additionally, get a divorce immediately from this man so you can free yourself from such libel from him. Also, consider demanding shared custody of the children if he intends to continue keeping contact with them. If he is not able to afford it at this time(let the courts ideally determine this), then he should pay at least half of the grocery bill and upkeep for the kids every week until he can take on the shared aspect of raising his own kids. Don't let yourself be used for free labor and resources even after divorce/separation.

DeltaBachelor:
➜So sorry for your predicament. What I would advise is that you confront him personally and let him know that you are well aware of his theatrics and manipulation and that if he doesn’t stop, you reserve the right to stop him from coming over to see his kids. After that, make sure you are always around or within earshot the next time he comes to visit them.
➜As per the staying faithful part, well since you guys are separated but not divorced, I will advice that you still hold on (if you can), otherwise, you don’t owe anybody anything. We are humans and have blood running through our veins. It is all biological to satisfy a want/need, be it sexual, emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual, financial etc, so anytime you have the cravings to “get in the sack”, and you can’t hold it anymore, then have a mutual partner or “friend with benefits “ before you commit something grievous like rape or incest o. Na separate/break-up, you NOR kill person o. Best of luck madam !

1. Confront an adult who reasons himself intelligent in advising his own children to look down and hate the very mother who is responsible for raising and caring for them? Confront a human being whom she suggests may have led to her death had she remained with him?

2. Is the man staying faithful to the woman at the same time, or are you suggesting she remain faithful to a man who may have already moved in another woman into his house as we speak? Let's cut the crap about these things already. A woman had no reason to stay faithful to a man who was unfaithful to her. Granted, for the sake of her sons, she should seek divorce from the man at this point for their sake to render his accusations completely meaningless. 🥱

Kobojunkie:
1. Confront an adult who reasons himself intelligent in advising his own children to look down and hate the very mother who is responsible for raising and caring for them? Confront a human being whom she suggests may have led to her death had she remained with him?

2. Is the man staying faithful to the woman at the same time, or are you suggesting she remain faithful to a man who may have already moved in another woman into his house as we speak? Let's cut the crap about these things already. A woman had no reason to stay faithful to a man who was unfaithful to her. Granted, for the sake of her sons, she should seek divorce from the man at this point for their sake to render his accusations completely meaningless. 🥱

Please stop quoting me. I have noticed that your responses are always opposite , filled with feminist ideologies and out of point. I need rational thinkers please. Kindly ignore mentioning or quoting my comments in future, I beg you in the name of God. Thank you

DeltaBachelor:
➜Please stop quoting me. I have noticed that your responses are always opposite , filled with feminist ideologies and out of point. I need rational thinkers please. Kindly ignore mentioning or quoting my comments in future, I beg you in the name of God. Thank you

. You need rational thinkers, yet you continually post irrational ideas? 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
.

I read carefully. I don't want to start explaining all the things that happened, Draining. but I know walking away was one of the best decision I ever made. I'm thinking about proper divorce but I want to be financially stable alittle.

Ittakescourage:
➜ :PI read carefully. I don't want to start explaining all the things that happened, Draining. but I know walking away was one of the best decision I ever made. I'm thinking about proper divorce but I want to be financially stable alittle.

How exactly does separation, not divorce, help you in attaining financial stability? You are currently burdened with raising those kids alone and unable to have any free time or money put aside to help with your financial stability. Fortunately, you are living with your parents, but that probably only frees you from needing to pay rent alone(you probably wouldn't be able to afford that otherwise). So, please explain so I can better understand, please.🥱🥱

Why are you footing all the bills alone? No wonder he has time to be saying rubbish and nonsense to the kids. You better drag that man to family court or child welfare office (or whatever it is called) and let him know that until he starts fulfilling his own share of responsibilities, you will not allow him contact with the kids. Make everything formal, involve your state authorities. Dey play!!!

You better wise up!!! I won’t be surprised if it’s reverse psychology he is using - there’s probably a woman living with him now or he’s seeing a woman and he is deflecting. He’s busy spending his money on God knows what while you’re slaving away.

Una dey believe this yarn?

Una no get say she dey advertise herself?

Men, una no sharp at all

[quote author=Kobojunkie[/quote]I want to attain a certain level of financial stability before I begin the divorce process. I don’t have an issue with him not supporting me financially I don’t need anything from him. If he chooses to support his children, that’s fine, and I’m not stopping him.
I’m simply taking my life one step at a time.
My only concern is that he calls the children and says hurtful and horrible things about me to them. That is what truly bothers me.

[quote author=eniolorunfe post=138606790]The reason I am footing the bills is because he has never really been the kind of partner who shoulders responsibility, no matter how difficult things get. As for me, I will continue to do everything within my power to give my children a good life.
If he chooses to support them, that is entirely his decision. It is not something I am fighting over, and it is honestly not my main concern.
What truly bothers me right now is that he calls the children and says inappropriate and hurtful things about me to them. Because of that, I have decided to take control of their phone access. They will only speak with him occasionally, and only when I am at home, as someone previously suggested.

Love800:
If its a minor issue that made you leave your husband, you better go back. As far he is not inflicting injuries on your body which might lead to your death.

Family is everything. Persevere and change your man's behaviour through your lifestyle.

Thank you for your suggestions, but this is not about whether I should go back to him or not. I am not seeking advice on reconciliation. My decision in that regard is already clear

Ittakescourage:
✓ I want to attain a certain level of financial stability before I begin the divorce process.
✓ I don’t have an issue with him not supporting me financially I don’t need anything from him. If he chooses to support his children, that’s fine, and I’m not stopping him.
✓ I’m simply taking my life one step at a time.
My only concern is that he calls the children and says hurtful and horrible things about me to them. That is what truly bothers me.

1. I see! 🤔

My first question is, what do you gain from having children with someone, only to have to bear 100% of the burden all by yourself while he remains in communication with them? Why sign up for this sort of situation? 🥱🥱

If he is not at least supporting financially, then I see no reason why you should not cut him off at this point. Because of his action, the children will likely need some form of therapy to get over the lies he has been filling their heads with. And chances are he won't be paying for it. So, what do you think? 🤔

Ittakescourage, please be careful to ignore every poster above mine (trust me on this).

Now uhmmm,

The first year of Separation is usually the worst. The emotional fallout and craziness is enough for both of you to go full America vs Iran and be throwing bombs at each other in hatred. Nobody cares about the welfare of the kids. Not even you (and I'll tell you why later).

So here's what to do:

1. Breathe and start praying about your healing. Don't think of anything else except forgiving that man, I didn't say reconcile, I am very clear: FORGIVE HIM. It is for your own sake and your own peace of mind (because I know you feel relief but the pain is enormous and you have to put a brave face on. Even women that their husbands beat them, they still grieved over what could have been).

2. He's in a lot of pain. Yes, I know he's acting like an arsehole, but trust me: that man is missing his boys and he is blaming you for "ruining his life". He's not ready to take accountability for his own actions and the only thing that makes him feel better is hating you and attacking you. Even if he's dating another woman, it will be a rebound because he spent all his time talking about how evil you are and how you stole his boys.

3. Call his family and your family and put them on the same WhatsApp call. Now, Babe, listen up:

BE VERY RESPECTFUL AND POLITE ON THAT CALL. KILL YOUR EMOTIONS, DIE THEM, BURY THEM.

You need to calmly tell them what he's doing, that he's hurting the kids and they should rein their son in. That will be a hard pill for his family to swallow, they can get defensive. Which is why you're going to be polite like you're speaking to Dangote or Tinubu. Give them no ammunition. Tell them that boys need their father, so please anytime he wants to visit or call, he should do so. But he shouldn't let his emotions destroy his relationship with his sons. Tell them that you're never going to poison your sons' minds against their dad, but his behaviors may do so.

Children should never be used to fight the other spouse but it happens a lot because 2 adults are hurting and fighting like elephants and children are the grass.

After that call, start sending him weekly updates on the kids. Send their exam results for this term to him, in April. Even if he's not paying schoolfees, still send it.

Marriage may be over, but you and that man are joined till the day you die, he dies or those boys die. Repeat that to yourself everything you wanna lose your shi.t over something he's doing. Your husband cannot remember that right now but I pray he will one day.

By the way, you cannot file in Nigeria until one more year. You can find some unscrupulous lawyer to help you concoct something to file, but know that it will have a full custody battle in Magistrate Court and they will have to send Child Welfare officers (whom you'll foot the bill for) to visit your home and the kids school. Also know that Magistrates will not be lenient if they think you're using the kids against them. Which is why I'm asking you to do these things and document it all, with witnesses

And Divorce is filed in a different court, before a Judge.

Better ask that man calmly for money, before you kill yourself with stress or he foolishly decides to remarry one chick so he can get custody and then watch her deal with him and his sons. What do you think you're trying to prove, doing Superwoman, do you want to die of HBP


Breathe. Calm down. Get on your knees in prayer. And don't ask God to punish him , leave it to the Lord, both of you messed up and you never know how your story will end.

Doesn't mean that you will him because of his first act.
You need to tolerate. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance.

I appreciate.

We4all:
No sane woman will leave a good man over a minor issue. And aside physical assault, there are many other things a man can do to his wife which is unpardonable.

For instance, a man sexually molesting his children, or raping his maid is worse than physical assault.