₦airaland Forum

I am a devout Catholic. My partner (Yoruba) knows this from day one. We had known each other for 3 years prior to dating. From the first week we started talking, I mentioned to her that I would be having a Catholic wedding. Last year I was in Vatican as part of my holiday.

We started dating earlier this year and she has been pushing marriage conversations. She is now saying our doctrines are different and she would want a Redeem wedding. That she would want me to convert to Redeem and hope I see the light( this phrase annoys me).

I told her that our family will be a Catholic first family that I don’t have a problem with her going to her church. But she is saying she would want to be taking children to her church and that her church’s doctrine are way different from Catholic and won’t want that kind of confusion.

On the wedding stuff, she later said she had a conversation with her aunt, and she suggested that we first have a Redeem wedding and afterwards we can then have a Catholic wedding with a few friends and family. She even jokingly said that we would take a year break before the white wedding (after traditional and court wedding ) and during that time if she gets pregnant she will use that to get me to wed her in her Church.

Furthermore, she says her marrying an Igbo is already a lot that she is not sure her parents will agree for her not to wed in Redeem.

My annoyance is that she knew about my church from day one. We had discussed about these kind of things several times before we started dating. So why the goal-post shifting now?

You are about to marry a dictator. She is highly sentimental and filled with too much arrogance.

No be only Redeem wedding first, bear her papa name too.

One thing is clear, she doesn't value you as much as a woman should value her husband. That's why she is giving you the conditions. You will be the wife in the marriage because she will never be submissive to you. But why don't you want to leave her and go for someone that accepts your Catholic faith? Let her go for a Redeem brother for a Redeem wedding.

Greetings Sir.
You are going to be the head of your family, after God is you in that family.
If she isn't ready to do the marriage in your church then she should take a walk.

Don't bring problems into your marriage. Go and marry someone who is willing to take your stance in were you both will marry. She must not be Catholic like you but go for a woman who will understand your point of view and your spiritual responsibility to her and the home.

Just my 2 cents advice Sir. Do have a pleasant day ahead Sir.

I am considering moving on. I don’t have energy for all these. Beside I see this as a form of manipulation since I have been consistent with my faith with her from day one.

immortalcrown:
You are about to marry a dictator. She is highly sentimental and filled with too much arrogance.

No be only Redeem wedding first, bear her papa name too.

One thing is clear, she doesn't value you as much as a woman should value her husband. That's why she is giving you the conditions. You will be the wife in the marriage because she will never be submissive to you. But why don't you want to leave her and go for someone that accepts your Catholic faith? Let her go for a Redeem brother for a Redeem wedding.

Greetings Sir.
You are going to be the head of your family, after God is you in that family.
If she isn't ready to do the marriage in your church then she should take a walk.

And seriously even that statement she made to you leaving your church to her's so that you can see the light, it's so annoying and irritating to the ears seriously.

Don't bring problems into your marriage. Go and marry someone who is willing to take your stance in were you both will marry. She must not be Catholic like you but go for a woman who will understand your point of view and your spiritual responsibility to her and the home.

Just my 2 cents advice Sir. Do have a pleasant day ahead Sir.

I attend redeem, we are not better than catholics.
Infact it is tribalism
Cut her off now
Dont take those religious nonsense into your home
Your entire family should attend Catholic or nothing.
The hypocrisy is getting out of hand
Get some sanity,
End every marital discussions
And gradually cut off ties

As. For you converting to Redeem, BIG NO. You are 5he husband. If anyone has to even convert, it shouldn't be you.
For the wedding, The woman's family holds the ace. In Yorùbá land, na woman family get the wedding ceremony.

Even the white wedding? In our culture, after the traditional wedding ceremony, the wife gets wedded in the husband’s church. I understand there can be compromises around this. My sister married Yoruba. we never asked him to come wed her in our Church.

jaymichael:
As. For you converting to Redeem, BIG NO. You are 5he husband. If anyone has to even convert, it shouldn't be you.
For the wedding, The woman's family holds the ace. In Yorùbá land, na woman family get the wedding ceremony.

Igbo and Yoruba are the most unserious tribes we have.. they come online f!ght, abùsė, swear for each other then go behind and marry each-other. okay o..

@OP any church una finally decided to do una wedding sha no forget our own I.V

iamSamurai:
Even the white wedding? In our culture, after the traditional wedding ceremony, the wife gets wedded in the husband’s church. I understand there can be compromises around this. My sister married Yoruba. we never asked him to come wed her in our Church.

sure there should be compromise around this but the essence is to show her people and her congregation that "I am going o because I am married, if you see me with belle next time, I het am in the proper way."
I personally, don't hold church weddings in high regard. My traditional wedding and marriage under the Act (court) is okay by me.

What's the confusion here OP?

Weddings are done in the bride's church. After the wedding, she can join you or whatever you agree. In local parlance, na women get wedding. I got married in my parents church and joined hubby to worship in hhis church after the wedding.

You can skip church wedding to broker peace.

My cousin is married to a catholic and they didn't do church wedding. It was court and a date was fixed for a reception party and had ministers she (her family) invited.

She goes to mass with her hubby sometimes but she's allowed to attend Harvesters where she's a worker.

If you insist on a catholic wedding, please look for a wife among your catholic friends..... you both aren't agreeing and negating Amos 3:3 which is the foundation of marriage.

If something this simple is causing issues, you both should take a break from each other.

She's saying marrying an Igbo man is already a lot, then refusing to agree on where the kids will attend?

Firstly, I'm not a fan of all this "you must attend my church or na die". Both churches are Christian-based churches.

But if it's important to you and if it's important to her and both of you can't agree...maybe take a break and decide?

Like a poster said earlier, "neither of you is in agreement" and you should be. Marriage is really hard, even with people who attend the same church and are from the same tribe. If these are big issues to you two...maybe have a rethink? And either agree on what you will both do and then stick to the plan (no changing mind years later unless willingly) or gently let each other go.

You sound like there is a gun pointing at both of you that if the marriage doesn't take place, it will set off.🙄

iamSamurai:
I am a devout Catholic. My partner (Yoruba) knows this from day one. We had known each other for 3 years prior to dating. From the first week we started talking, I mentioned to her that I would be having a Catholic wedding. Last year I was in Vatican as part of my holiday.

We started dating earlier this year and she has been pushing marriage conversations. She is now saying our doctrines are different and she would want a Redeem wedding. That she would want me to convert to Redeem and hope I see the light( this phrase annoys me).

I told her that our family will be a Catholic first family that I don’t have a problem with her going to her church. But she is saying she would want to be taking children to her church and that her church’s doctrine are way different from Catholic and won’t want that kind of confusion.

On the wedding stuff, she later said she had a conversation with her aunt, and she suggested that we first have a Redeem wedding and afterwards we can then have a Catholic wedding with a few friends and family. She even jokingly said that we would take a year break before the white wedding (after traditional and court wedding ) and during that time if she gets pregnant she will use that to get me to wed her in her Church.

Furthermore, she says her marrying an Igbo is already a lot that she is not sure her parents will agree for her not to wed in Redeem.

My annoyance is that she knew about my church from day one. We had discussed about these kind of things several times before we started dating. So why the goal-post shifting now?

She is gradually hinting you what is about to happen. Know this and be ready, every goal post you both agreed on will be shifted further than this when the time eventually comes.

You people should learn to date within your faith and stop looking for outsiders to marry and then convert them. You have no business dating a non- catholic.

iamSamurai:
I am a devout Catholic. My partner (Yoruba) knows this from day one. We had known each other for 3 years prior to dating. From the first week we started talking, I mentioned to her that I would be having a Catholic wedding. Last year I was in Vatican as part of my holiday.

We started dating earlier this year and she has been pushing marriage conversations. She is now saying our doctrines are different and she would want a Redeem wedding. That she would want me to convert to Redeem and hope I see the light( this phrase annoys me).

I told her that our family will be a Catholic first family that I don’t have a problem with her going to her church. But she is saying she would want to be taking children to her church and that her church’s doctrine are way different from Catholic and won’t want that kind of confusion.

On the wedding stuff, she later said she had a conversation with her aunt, and she suggested that we first have a Redeem wedding and afterwards we can then have a Catholic wedding with a few friends and family. She even jokingly said that we would take a year break before the white wedding (after traditional and court wedding ) and during that time if she gets pregnant she will use that to get me to wed her in her Church.

Furthermore, she says her marrying an Igbo is already a lot that she is not sure her parents will agree for her not to wed in Redeem.

My annoyance is that she knew about my church from day one. We had discussed about these kind of things several times before we started dating. So why the goal-post shifting now?

Shebi you saw all the signs at the beginning, then you told yourself that when you get to that bridge, you will cross it, abi? Oya cross it.

Must she be the one you marry? Come on, there are many fish in the river. Possessing the grit of not minding to lose anyone/thing on principle is the highest and most fulfilling point of living - imbibe it.

capnies:
I attend redeem, we are not better than catholics.
Infact it is tribalism
Cut her off now
Dont take those religious nonsense into your home
Your entire family should attend Catholic or nothing.
The hypocrisy is getting out of hand
Get some sanity,
End every marital discussions
And gradually cut off ties

Good advice oh if she can't be submissive enough just let her go,Husband is the head of the wife as Jesus Christ is the head of the Church.if she can't accept to join you in your Church after marriage let her go & find someone that's willing to join her in her own church after wedding simple as ABC

immortalcrown:
You are about to marry a dictator. She is highly sentimental and filled with too much arrogance.

No be only Redeem wedding first, bear her papa name too.

One thing is clear, she doesn't value you as much as a woman should value her husband. That's why she is giving you the conditions. You will be the wife in the marriage because she will never be submissive to you. But why don't you want to leave her and go for someone that accepts your Catholic faith? Let her go for a Redeem brother for a Redeem wedding.

When a woman start giving you lots of conditions, it shows she doesn't value and respect you as you summarised.

Lastly, women don't have a religious base. They always align with the religion of their husband, same way most take up the surname of their husband. Op should just let her go, to marry within her religion, and tribe.

She bringing up ethnic differences even when she initially knew both of you come from different ethnic groups is enough headache for me.

This is why it's preferable to always marry within your ethnicity, religion and down to church denominations. In cases where the woman aligns seamlessly with the man even though she comes from a different denomination or ethnic group, it means she regard him highly and vice versa.

Humans are tribal and would always discriminate. So, find ways to lessen the differences.

iamSamurai:
I am considering moving on. I don’t have energy for all these. Beside I see this as a form of manipulation since I have been consistent with my faith with her from day one.

Good morning, i have one question for you: why are you still with her?

Marriage is different from boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

You are the one in love, not the woman.

As far as marriage is concerned, the woman should be the one reducing tensions and avoiding frictions.

A woman that loves and cherish you will burn down any stronghold that stops her from reaching you. She will construct any bridge no matter how long to reach you.

Neither doctrines, nor, religion, nor parents, nor principles can stop a woman from meeting you when she's genuinely interested in you.

You've known her for long but she doesn't "recognize" you.

And if both of you are already having this brief collision before wedding (over useless religious dogmas and ignorance at both ends), it may be a sign that the universe doesn't want both of you in a marriage union.

Probably, both of you still got secret options and are testing for the best one.

See people thinking religion is just like a apc/pdp/adc things. Continue when God comes una eyes go clear

Imindmybusiness:
You sound like there is a gun pointing at both of you that if the marriage doesn't take place, it will set off.🙄

My brother...
Na wa oo

This is an insignificant issue that shouldn't cause any problems. The essence of a church wedding is to receive blessings from a man of God. So let a catholic priest and a pastor officiate the wedding.

If the arrangement doesn't sit well with the priest or pastor, then they shouldn't be preaching about unity to their congregation. Life is simple, and people should stop making mountains out of a mole hill.

Dump her azzzzzz and go into another fresh relationship with a Catholic woman. She even has the audacity to tell you your kids won't be Catholics.

I'm also a staunch Catholic and I firmly oppose to the union.

iamSamurai:
I am a devout Catholic. My partner (Yoruba) knows this from day one. We had known each other for 3 years prior to dating. From the first week we started talking, I mentioned to her that I would be having a Catholic wedding. Last year I was in Vatican as part of my holiday.

We started dating earlier this year and she has been pushing marriage conversations. She is now saying our doctrines are different and she would want a Redeem wedding. That she would want me to convert to Redeem and hope I see the light( this phrase annoys me).

I told her that our family will be a Catholic first family that I don’t have a problem with her going to her church. But she is saying she would want to be taking children to her church and that her church’s doctrine are way different from Catholic and won’t want that kind of confusion.

On the wedding stuff, she later said she had a conversation with her aunt, and she suggested that we first have a Redeem wedding and afterwards we can then have a Catholic wedding with a few friends and family. She even jokingly said that we would take a year break before the white wedding (after traditional and court wedding ) and during that time if she gets pregnant she will use that to get me to wed her in her Church.

Furthermore, she says her marrying an Igbo is already a lot that she is not sure her parents will agree for her not to wed in Redeem.

My annoyance is that she knew about my church from day one. We had discussed about these kind of things several times before we started dating. So why the goal-post shifting now?

Is it church of groom's parents they normally do wedding or bride' parents?

Meanwhile, that type of girl is a religion fundamentalist, and is she doing more than doctrine of redeemed.

For talking about marry Igbo, the statement is not too big to say, most Nigeria parents always want their son/daughter to marry from their tribe.

.....but the red flag is her fundamentalism, she might become stubborn in future, also, her parents or pastor might be the one to control her if she marries you

Meanwhile, it's every denomination you will see a brainwashed Christians like her, they strictly following what their pastor saying and not necessarily what God/Bible say

Several of Catholic girls that cannot marry outside Catholic, at least I have met 2 in the past, and several Igbo ladies that cannot marry outside Igbo.

Aditkd:
Greetings Sir.
You are going to be the head of your family, after God is you in that family.
If she isn't ready to do the marriage in your church then she should take a walk.

Don't bring problems into your marriage. Go and marry someone who is willing to take your stance in were you both will marry. She must not be Catholic like you but go for a woman who will understand your point of view and your spiritual responsibility to her and the home.

Just my 2 cents advice Sir. Do have a pleasant day ahead Sir.

I guess it's his parents that want to give daughter out in marriage?

You people would never balance opinion for peaceful co-existence.

On this issue, the two are to blace though get carried more blame.

* Wedding should be conducted in redeemed
* Kids should be going to Catholic.

If both cannot agree on this, let them go their separate ways.

iamSamurai:
I am a devout Catholic. My partner (Yoruba) knows this from day one. We had known each other for 3 years prior to dating. From the first week we started talking, I mentioned to her that I would be having a Catholic wedding. Last year I was in Vatican as part of my holiday.

We started dating earlier this year and she has been pushing marriage conversations. She is now saying our doctrines are different and she would want a Redeem wedding. That she would want me to convert to Redeem and hope I see the light( this phrase annoys me).

I told her that our family will be a Catholic first family that I don’t have a problem with her going to her church. But she is saying she would want to be taking children to her church and that her church’s doctrine are way different from Catholic and won’t want that kind of confusion.

On the wedding stuff, she later said she had a conversation with her aunt, and she suggested that we first have a Redeem wedding and afterwards we can then have a Catholic wedding with a few friends and family. She even jokingly said that we would take a year break before the white wedding (after traditional and court wedding ) and during that time if she gets pregnant she will use that to get me to wed her in her Church.

Furthermore, she says her marrying an Igbo is already a lot that she is not sure her parents will agree for her not to wed in Redeem.

My annoyance is that she knew about my church from day one. We had discussed about these kind of things several times before we started dating. So why the goal-post shifting now?

I think she is already showing you the colours on her flag, so it's not only red that is on the flag but many other colours

If you are bold enough go with her to visit her family and let them know what you want in her presense

If she and the family doesn't want to cooperate with you, just let them know that you will get back to them

At that point it's either you follow their wish(she) or you find your way

Aditkd:
Greetings Sir.
You are going to be the head of your family, after God is you in that family.
If she isn't ready to do the marriage in your church then she should take a walk.

Don't bring problems into your marriage. Go and marry someone who is willing to take your stance in were you both will marry. She must not be Catholic like you but go for a woman who will understand your point of view and your spiritual responsibility to her and the home.

Just my 2 cents advice Sir. Do have a pleasant day ahead Sir.

Madam,

The church the couple wed has nothing to do with headship; it is cultural.

iamSamurai:
Even the white wedding? In our culture, after the traditional wedding ceremony, the wife gets wedded in the husband’s church. I understand there can be compromises around this. My sister married Yoruba. we never asked him to come wed her in our Church.

Strange.

He should have wedded your sister in her church; that's our tradition.

To the OP, since you feel so strongly about your version of Christianity i.e. Catholism; then look for a Catholic bride.

And ditto to your lady.... if she thinks Catholics need to see the 'light', then it is foolishness to marry one. Even the Bible says 'we should not be unequally yoked'.

In this big 2026, we don't want to hear these stories; just pick someone you align with in obvious areas.