₦airaland Forum

maasoap:
So males and females are actually hooking up through nairaland despite all these gender wars and biases? Wow!

You'd be surprised how NL has even broken families and caused scandals. Those who have been here since 05 know.

SixSeven:
Underemployed? Working below your capability, qualifications and skills?

Qualification and skill levels should be directly proportional to capability, so the best answer to your question is yes to all the three. Under employment means underpay

SixSeven:
I have a few questions on this. Do. You mind me asking?

please go ahead

queenbetsy:
please go ahead

queenbetsy:
I would not put up with a cheat just to stay married and I’d definitely not manage a man that doesn’t understand putting family first.

1. Imagine you were a woman who grew up in the 40s to 60s where polygamy was the norm, will you consider him marrying another woman after you as cheating or is cheating when a man has concubines instead of wives?

2. Will women consider a man who provides for family and puts family first but sleeps with another woman cheating? Remember that it used to be said that men take advantage of economic benefits to put women in line but in this case, she has her money but he still does his work and does not collect any money from her to run the house. Maybe I should rephrase the question. Will you consider a man who wants more families and still provides for you cheating?

3. Tell me what is cheating. Be it monogamy or otherwise. Thank you

And when you talk about slightest inconvenience in marriage, most of our parents really put up with shit just to stay married.

4. I know women then who married men who were lesser than them just as there were many women who did not have enough money so the husband was the caretaker. Today, alot of women can take care of themselves and don't need a man (though historically, before the British women in the south were enterprise owners too which led to riots because of taxes in market). Now to my question, would you say women today think a man still has an unfair advantage over women despite the situation where she can sing Pussycat Doll's I don't need a man? Or maybe I didn't understand what sheet meant, what is sheet now?

SixSeven:
1. Imagine you were a woman who grew up in the 40s to 60s where polygamy was the norm, will you consider him marrying another woman after you as cheating or is cheating when a man has concubines instead of wives?

The 40s and 60s was an era when women were as good as nothing. Women did not have a say anywhere. Women learnt to follow orders without defying. Women were expected to follow instructions without question. Fathers choose husbands for the daughters and nothing will happen. Women did not have options. Even when education was first introduced, the females were not considered. Most of the women married early. Cos once you start developing breasts and seeing period, you’re mature and this is mostly between 14 and 17. At that age, you are expected to be in a man’s house and be bearing children. Back then people rely heavily on farming and they create their manual labour themselves by giving birth to a large number of children. Obviously, one woman cannot give birth to more than 4-7, hence the need for other women. It’s not like there was nothing like cheating in those days. Even those that have multiple wives at home still have affairs with other women outside. Men have been cheating from time immemorial. If I was born in those days, we’ll go with what is considered normal in those days even if it’s not convenient.

SixSeven:
2. Will women consider a man who provides for family and puts family first but sleeps with another woman cheating? Remember that it used to be said that men take advantage of economic benefits to put women in line but in this case, she has her money but he still does his work and does not collect any money from her to run the house. Maybe I should rephrase the question. Will you consider a man who wants more families and still provides for you cheating?

The problem is most people do not understand what companionship means. Cheating is cheating. The fact that a man is providing for his family does not give him an excuse to cheat. Providing for your family is your responsibility as the husband and father. Cheating means you do not rate them, you do not love them as much as you think you do.

SixSeven:
3. Tell me what is cheating. Be it monogamy or otherwise. Thank you

In a relationship, cheating is a breach of trust involving emotional or physical intimacy with someone outside the established partnership. It centers on deception and the violation of agreed-upon boundaries. Whether through physical acts or emotional affairs, it undermines the foundation of loyalty and mutual respect.
You have chosen to be with somebody. You have decided to build a family with this person. This person is supposed to be “your person”. They trust you with everything, and there’s an agreement or covenant or promise between the two of you to be for each other alone and then you go out and betray that person. When you cheat, it means you’re not to be trusted, your words are not to be trusted and you lack common sense.

SixSeven:
4. I know women then who married men who were lesser than them just as there were many women who did not have enough money so the husband was the caretaker. Today, alot of women can take care of themselves and don't need a man (though historically, before the British women in the south were enterprise owners too which led to riots because of taxes in market). Now to my question, would you say women today think a man still has an unfair advantage over women despite the situation where she can sing Pussycat Doll's I don't need a man? Or maybe I didn't understand what sheet meant, what is sheet now?

When I said back in the days, women put up with shit just to stay married, I mean…
Men knew that women had limited options. There was little or nothing they could do on their own. Is it the ones that were “gifted” to their husbands? Or the ones that married for survival? Or the ones that were full time housewives dependent on the husbands? Where would they go? How would they survive? Or better still, staying to take care of their children themselves so another woman doesn’t maltreat them if they decided to leave.
There were men that were sexual abusers, drunkards, chronic womanizers, wife beaters, some can’t even provide adequately and most of the time, the women decided to stay. They didn’t want to be labeled as single mothers.

I’m not sure that there’s any woman that doesn’t need a man. Deep down, we all want a man, our own man but not just any man. If he wants to come, he should come correct. And a correct man doesn’t necessarily mean finances. Though it’s part of it but a correct man is kind, considerate, loving, supportive, responsible, MATURED, and has sense.

If you have further questions please, let me know.

queenbetsy:
The 40s and 60s was an era when women were as good as nothing. Women did not have a say anywhere. Women learnt to follow orders without defying. Women were expected to follow instructions without question. Fathers choose husbands for the daughters and nothing will happen. Women did not have options. Even when education was first introduced, the females were not considered. Most of the women married early. Cos once you start developing breasts and seeing period, you’re mature and this is mostly between 14 and 17. At that age, you are expected to be in a man’s house and be bearing children. Back then people rely heavily on farming and they create their manual labour themselves by giving birth to a large number of children. Obviously, one woman cannot give birth to more than 4-7, hence the need for other women. It’s not like there was nothing like cheating in those days. Even those that have multiple wives at home still have affairs with other women outside. Men have been cheating from time immemorial. If I was born in those days, we’ll go with what is considered normal in those days even if it’s not convenient.


The problem is most people do not understand what companionship means. Cheating is cheating. The fact that a man is providing for his family does not give him an excuse to cheat. Providing for your family is your responsibility as the husband and father. Cheating means you do not rate them, you do not love them as much as you think you do.



In a relationship, cheating is a breach of trust involving emotional or physical intimacy with someone outside the established partnership. It centers on deception and the violation of agreed-upon boundaries. Whether through physical acts or emotional affairs, it undermines the foundation of loyalty and mutual respect.
You have chosen to be with somebody. You have decided to build a family with this person. This person is supposed to be “your person”. They trust you with everything, and there’s an agreement or covenant or promise between the two of you to be for each other alone and then you go out and betray that person. When you cheat, it means you’re not to be trusted, your words are not to be trusted and you lack common sense.



When I said back in the days, women put up with shit just to stay married, I mean…
Men knew that women had limited options. There was little or nothing they could do on their own. Is it the ones that were “gifted” to their husbands? Or the ones that married for survival? Or the ones that were full time housewives dependent on the husbands? Where would they go? How would they survive? Or better still, staying to take care of their children themselves so another woman doesn’t maltreat them if they decided to leave.
There were men that were sexual abusers, drunkards, chronic womanizers, wife beaters, some can’t even provide adequately and most of the time, the women decided to stay. They didn’t want to be labeled as single mothers.

I’m not sure that there’s any woman that doesn’t need a man. Deep down, we all want a man, our own man but not just any man. If he wants to come, he should come correct. And a correct man doesn’t necessarily mean finances. Though it’s part of it but a correct man is kind, considerate, loving, supportive, responsible, MATURED, and has sense.

If you have further questions please, let me know.

I will come back to edit this comment and @ you. I stopped at the first response. I understand that story but women were independent enough to protest, to fight for their rights until the white man came to tell them differently. But let me stop here. I've not read everything. Thanks for your robust response.