₦airaland Forum

Positive new from our Arewa people.

Bulabam:
Muniru you're doing well.

He is doing very well for himself and the country that will benefit almost entirely from his intellect while Nigeria continues to get worse in all areas of human endeavour dud to japa brain drain syndrome.

anonimi:
David Hundeyin
May 4, 2022


I want to sell a script to a Hollywood studio. The story is about a guy who owns a farm that constantly runs at a loss but never quite shuts down.

The farm is massive and underutilised, and the protagonist has all the opportunities in the world to improve its output and get a bumper harvest.

He has access to credit, machinery, free irrigation and gifts from neighbouring farmers, but all he ever does with these things is drink and smoke them away while his family suffers.

Nigeria has refused to grow up and achieve something, but it somehow feels as if it is living vicariously through the achievements of its estranged children around the world

Apart from drinking, smoking and generally being utterly useless, his other pastime is to pump out children at an industrial rate. Needless to say, he takes no care of his children whatsoever, and many of them fail to survive childhood.

Those who do survive have to leave the farm and hire themselves out as hired labour to the neighbouring farmers, having picked up some survival skills from home.

With time, a number of them rise through the ranks and become senior managers, directors and even shareholders in these other farms while their father continues mismanaging his farm.

When good news about some of these successful children gets home, their father is filled with pride and joy, but when they end up on the wrong side of life, he acts as if he never knew them.

The successful ones make efforts to revamp their childhood home by sending back money and volunteering their skills and time, but all this guy ever wants to do is be a 62-year-old underachieving idiot carried through life by charity and luck.

Famzing” diaspora success is dishonest
I’m sure before the end of the second paragraph, you figured out whose story I was telling. The 62-year story of post-independence Nigeria — which the Hollywood studio would surely reject for being too sad with no redemption — is that of our fictional antihero.

Nigeria has refused to grow up and achieve something, but it somehow feels as if it is living vicariously through the achievements of its estranged children around the world.

Remember how everyone from corporate brands to Abike Dabiri made a big song and dance about supporting Anthony Joshua the “Nigerian,” whose only chance to become someone in life came when his parents emigrated from Nigeria?

Remember how things turned when he somehow lost against that chubby Mexican dude whose name I can’t remember? Remember when the Super Falcons won the female AFCON title and received a congratulatory tweet from the president, only for them to have to stage a protest before being paid their camp allowances?

That’s what we do in Nigeria. We try to live vicariously through the achievements of people who have achieved great things under their own steam, simply because said people happen to be called ‘Ifeoma,’ ‘Efe’ and ‘Ayotunde.’

Even when Nigeria had absolutely nothing to do with said success, or in fact happened in spite of Nigeria, as with Divine Oduduru, we bask in the reflected glory of their personal achievements.

Sometimes when those people wear a Nigerian flag or post something about Wizkid or Jollof Rice on Instagram, we go crazy with the Nigerian flag emojis because oh my god, they identify with us!

This is not about being a Killjoy
Somehow, the complete failure of Nigeria and our complicity in its failure is more bearable when we point at Nigerian immigrants doing great things in life and say “I knew Femi before he started calling himself Anthony.

His father and I were classmates in Aiyetoro.” It is unclear how exactly this helps our situation but hey, it’s also unclear how chugging the amount of alcohol we do helps either.

Escapism is a key part of our culture, and anyone who dissents must be a non-Jollof-eating, vegetarian heretic, and possibly also an atheist.

Now while all this is painfully cringey to my eyes, some will also point out that Nigeria is not the only country that has a weird obsession with its diaspora population.

Even ‘first-world’ countries like Ireland continue to have deep emotional and economic connections to their diaspora, and in any case Nigerians proudly supporting Anthony Joshua or the NBA’s Giannis Ante…African-sounding-name is basically harmless fun. They’re not hurting anyone. Why be such a killjoy, David?

The reason this matters can be found in a quote that has been dubiously attributed to Russian President Vladmir Putin, where he describes Africa as the place where its diaspora does not invest in, but returns to only to die and be buried with their ancestors.

While there is no concrete evidence that Mr. Putin ever actually made that comment, the truth in it is painfully poignant.

For diaspora success to be meaningful to Nigeria, it must correlate to on-ground results in Nigeria. The example of Somalia shows that having a well-educated, globally successful diaspora while being an absolute basket case are both possible at the same time.

I’d imagine we do not aspire to be Somalia.

I can see many of you thinking he is from northern nigeria but he is not...
Yaquub is from wextern Nigeria OYO state

Congratulations Dr. Muneer.

He should have gone to Iran to get his PhD, you can't he shouting death to America and you can't do without them

bewla:
pls let's respect the intelect in this person
To achieve this faith in this short time

Short time?

I finished my degree at 21, and I got my MS at 22, going to 23 from the UK without doing NYSC. I obtained my PhD at 26 from France.
What do you mean by short time?

goatandyam:
Well I hope he doesn't use his brain to help terrorist organizations.

While using your own empty dead brain for islamaphobic activities and ethno-religio-tribal egocentricity and bigotry

We have brilliant people like this fellow.

Yet we have moronic politicians and government officials looting and mismanaging the country.

Bulabam:
Muniru you're doing well.

This is a version of the name Mourinho in Yoruba language.
Hope him no go shoot people as a best graduating student?
There is a spirit of shooting in AMELIKA

amnesty7:
Haters and children of hate will pretend not to see this outstanding achievement.
Congratulations, Doctor!

What is there to hate? Koshii jare.
Congrats to him.

If na for naija e for don grow white hair before e for get that PhD....

Heffalump:
One will think that while pursuing formal education, they will consciously choose Iran or Pakistan, even Saudi Arabia while struggling to escape from Northern Nigeria, but America they all hate is the fastest destination to achieve their greatest ambition. Isn't that an irony?

Wanted to post this but you beat me to the punch.

Nwaikpe:
Short time?

I finished my degree at 21, and I got my MS at 22, going to 23 from the UK without doing NYSC. I obtained my PhD at 26 from France.
What do you mean by short time?

Good for you who have perant and opportunity to read abroad

Kenobsky:
This is a version of the name Mourinho in Yoruba language.
Hope him no go shoot people as a best graduating student?
There is a spirit of shooting in AMELIKA

I thought I heard

Muneer Yagub? Or Muniru Yakubu?

armyofone:
I thought I heard

Muneer Yagub? Or Muniru Yakubu?

Yes I mean a Yoruba Man want to pronounce Mourinho but instead said Muniru.
We call it the version of the name by jibes.