₦airaland Forum

Good evening Nairalanders.
Admin pls approve this for front page for more reach.

Please I need matured, responsible and honest advice on this matter.pls pardon my long post and any errors.

I am a family man with wife and two young kids, married about 5 years ago.
We were living in a rented apartment in the same city with my family house. My family house had just my dad and mom staying.
My dad passed on and the house was almost deserted after the burial because my mom was always in my younger sister's (married) house in a nearby city.

I had to upgrade a few things in the family house and moved there at the expiration of our rent about 3 years ago.

Everything was going very fine because my mom was only around occasionally, sometime last year we had a terrible family issue that warranted my mom and younger brother to come back home fully.

Lately my wife has been complaining about my mom and brother which is only normal and expected. I am not always around because of work, I work offshore, 2 weeks in 2 weeks out in a nearby city.

I honestly don't know how to handle this situation because it's kind of absurd renting an apartment in the same location with my family house, since we are already established here , like children school and wife business.

Pls I need matured advice on how to navigate this situation before things go worse.

First off, "Some women have a very hard time actually living in harmony with their Mother-in-laws", and it's a mystery that I don't know why. These same women will actually be like angels to their own mothers, if it was their mother that was living with ya'll.

Now, to the issue at hand.
First off, you are right to point out that it is not financially prudent to get a house when you can actually live free in your family house. But if you want your wife to actually stay OKAY with the arrangement for the long term, then you must communicate with her that you want to use the money that should otherwise be used for paying rent, to secure a land and start building your own personal house.

If you put this plan to her, and she agrees. Then you go to the next phase.

Phase II: Establishing Your Authority as the Man of the Family
This is not a time to be neutral, or to side one person against the other. You love your wife and your kids (personal family), you equally love your mother and brother (extended family), you need to sit your wife down with your mother and broker peace and cooperation between them. You must insist that they get along together, because it means alot to you.

Make sure you let your mum know that if she mistreats your wife, she is mistreating you, and also let your wife know that you will not tolerate disrespect to your mother (No better pikin should tolerate it).

Alternatively, you can get a lower cost accommodation and start planning your building project too.

But generally, family house arrangement is hardly harmonious and long-term NOT healthy for a marriage.

Tybk:
Good evening Nairalanders.
Admin pls approve this for front page for more reach.

Please I need matured, responsible and honest advice on this matter.pls pardon my long post and any errors.

I am a family man with wife and two young kids, married about 5 years ago.
We were living in a rented apartment in the same city with my family house. My family house had just my dad and mom staying.
My dad passed on and the house was almost deserted after the burial because my mom was always in my younger sister's (married) house in a nearby city.

I had to upgrade a few things in the family house and moved there at the expiration of our rent about 3 years ago.

Everything was going very fine because my mom was only around occasionally, sometime last year we had a terrible family issue that warranted my mom and younger brother to come back home fully.

Lately my wife has been complaining about my mom and brother which is only normal and expected. I am not always around because of work, I work offshore, 2 weeks in 2 weeks out in a nearby city.

I honestly don't know how to handle this situation because it's kind of absurd renting an apartment in the same location with my family house, since we are already established here , like children school and wife business.

Pls I need matured advice on how to navigate this situation before things go worse.

My brother in the Lord, since your younger brother is with your mum and you are rarely at home... Please, get another apartment for your family for peace's sake!

Is she complaining for you to pack out of the family house or for you to pack her out?

Cos I'm sure the only people needing to do a pack out you visitors.

Tybk:
Good evening Nairalanders.
Admin pls approve this for front page for more reach.

Please I need matured, responsible and honest advice on this matter.pls pardon my long post and any errors.

I am a family man with wife and two young kids, married about 5 years ago.
We were living in a rented apartment in the same city with my family house. My family house had just my dad and mom staying.
My dad passed on and the house was almost deserted after the burial because my mom was always in my younger sister's (married) house in a nearby city.

I had to upgrade a few things in the family house and moved there at the expiration of our rent about 3 years ago.

Everything was going very fine because my mom was only around occasionally, sometime last year we had a terrible family issue that warranted my mom and younger brother to come back home fully.

Lately my wife has been complaining about my mom and brother which is only normal and expected. I am not always around because of work, I work offshore, 2 weeks in 2 weeks out in a nearby city.

I honestly don't know how to handle this situation because it's kind of absurd renting an apartment in the same location with my family house, since we are already established here , like children school and wife business.

Pls I need matured advice on how to navigate this situation before things go worse.

Get another apartment. You can control yourself but not your wife, mother or younger brother. Avoid unnecessary trouble.

Don't pack out stay put. Instead save the rent, use the savings to get land and start to build your own house. It is wise to rent out your house when your family is thereabout.

Most likely and common matters that bring issues are cooking together. So let your wife cook her own food and let your mom/brother cook theirs. And you have to give your mom/brother upkeep money, foodstuff and etc.

By doing this peace will reign

Tybk:
Good evening Nairalanders.
Admin pls approve this for front page for more reach.

Please I need matured, responsible and honest advice on this matter.pls pardon my long post and any errors.

I am a family man with wife and two young kids, married about 5 years ago.
We were living in a rented apartment in the same city with my family house. My family house had just my dad and mom staying.
My dad passed on and the house was almost deserted after the burial because my mom was always in my younger sister's (married) house in a nearby city.

I had to upgrade a few things in the family house and moved there at the expiration of our rent about 3 years ago.

Everything was going very fine because my mom was only around occasionally, sometime last year we had a terrible family issue that warranted my mom and younger brother to come back home fully.

Lately my wife has been complaining about my mom and brother which is only normal and expected. I am not always around because of work, I work offshore, 2 weeks in 2 weeks out in a nearby city.

I honestly don't know how to handle this situation because it's kind of absurd renting an apartment in the same location with my family house, since we are already established here , like children school and wife business.

Pls I need matured advice on how to navigate this situation before things go worse.

She is complaining about what? She needs to learn to co-exsist with them as long as they aren't giving her problem.

Women with there wahala I believe you have a full flat for your family there she got her privacy why the nagging. Na this nonsense dey make marriage tire me.

Thanks for your response.
I recently acquired a plot of 100x100 ft and I am about to start developing the land.
So I am a bit worried that renting an apartment would definitely affect my project.

Thanks.

Stephen0mozzy:
First off, "Some women have a very hard time actually living in harmony with their Mother-in-laws", and it's a mystery that I don't know why. These same women will actually be like angels to their own mothers, if it was their mother that was living with ya'll.

Now, to the issue at hand.
First off, you are right to point out that it is not financially prudent to get a house when you can actually live free in your family house. But if you want your wife to actually stay OKAY with the arrangement for the long term, then you must communicate with her that you want to use the money that should otherwise be used for paying rent, to secure a land and start building your own personal house.

If you put this plan to her, and she agrees. Then you go to the next phase.

Phase II: Establishing Your Authority as the Man of the Family
This is not a time to be neutral, or to side one person against the other. You love your wife and your kids (personal family), you equally love your mother and brother (extended family), you need to sit your wife down with your mother and broker peace and cooperation between them. You must insist that they get along together, because it means alot to you.

Make sure you let your mum know that if she mistreats your wife, she is mistreating you, and also let your wife know that you will not tolerate disrespect to your mother (No better pikin should tolerate it).

Alternatively, you can get a lower cost accommodation and start planning your building project too.

But generally, family house arrangement is hardly harmonious and long-term NOT healthy for a marriage.

The property is a 4 bedroom bungalow with all masters bedroom but only one kitchen.

Cum4me:
Women with there wahala I believe you have a full flat for your family there she got her privacy why the nagging. Na this nonsense dey make marriage tire me.

Tybk:
The property is a 4 bedroom bungalow with all masters bedroom but only one kitchen.

for peace of reign bro try rent house outside because more issues go arise with time. No be all women Sabi live in the same building with extended families.