₦airaland Forum

Can't men leave peaceful in this world

pocohantas:
Well said. There is no way a supposed good man would watch his wife do things like this if he isn't doing same or worse to the child. Men have beaten up their wives for less. Sent her back to her father's house join. They cannot convince me they are blind to this or innocent. We know as e dey go.

And what happens in the all too common domestic incidents of rape and other sexual vices perpetuated by men (since we have decided to digress and make this a gender confrontation). Should the woman be arrested and charged. Won't the argument become one of, 'oh she wasn't aware he was doing all that'.

Why don't we all stick to the centre of the road and let the course of justice prevail. There are enough procedures and laws for this. There is no need for any other. If the other party is an accessory, he or she will be proven by facts, standard investigative procedures based on evidence and witness testimonies as we do here in Nigeria.

People who are accessories are charged with crimes in this country. But to say a person should be charged simply based on relationship or proximity alone is going too far. Start down that line and where does it end. You start measuring the distance of audible screams to find out which neighbors to arrest or you begin to investigate which relation visited and when.... doesn't make sense.

Just like the question of corruption and the question of the ecosystem around it. Saying that the banker who cashed the cheque, the gas station attendant who sold him fuel to drive to the airport , and the airline that sold him the ticket to flee the country should all be charged because they encountered the corrupt figure....

20yrs jail term which should run concurrently that is minimum of 10yrs each behind the bars is very okay for the woman and her husband.

Many are sexually abused as well by the husbands

Marry first you ll understand

Your wife only need to accuse you of sleeping with her and you will go back to vieing mode

Baba you are right. Have similar case. Called the father of the child to come pick up his child. Baba the story long o. Even this month the child head was broken. Me I deh mind my business but still do the normal talking. Since the biological father is okay with it

eepeepook:
I’m joking because your thread is pointless. Tradition dictates that men should be the head of the home. It is not so in many cases. There are some households where the abused child is the woman’s relative. Once the man tries to put things in order, a family meeting is called where her uncles and aunts will choose to berate his authority. We all know once bitten, twice shy. The man will look away and do his thing. Also, the husband wasn’t the one who did the abusing. What concerns him in the matter?

I believe they also take part in the abuse, just that in their own abuse can be both physical and sexual. Wives of men who sexually assault underage helps should also be arrested. In most cases they're aware but choose to look the other way because of chop money. That's called conspiracy and accessory to the crime

Should women, whose husbands assault helps also be arrested? I'm not responsible for what an adult human being does. Of course if I noticed she's maltreating a help I will definitely deal with her but it's her crimes, she should be the one who faces the consequences

Husbands are sexually abusing these little girls they use as maids while their wives physically abuse them.

That's why the men turn deaf ears and blind eyes.

chicfarmer:
My own be say once a woman starts maltreating the help, the husband should just return the child to its people/parents.

Besides, children should not be used as domestic help.

It's the way you want the husband look like a helpless victim in all these. What makes you think he's also not partaking in the abuse? A man can beat up his wife, his kids but not the help? Puhleeese! In fact, not only is he beating up the child help, he's tampering with her down below too. That's why such men would never want their wives to return the little girls.

Feldie:
Should women, whose husbands assault helps also be arrested? I'm not responsible for what an adult human being does. Of course if I noticed she's maltreating a help I will definitely deal with her but it's her crimes, she should be the one who faces the consequences

Yes.. Arrest her! Wives of men who assault helps are usually aware but keep quiet or even encourage it because of obvious reasons.

I have seen and heard women keep quiet and pamper their husbands who sexually abuse their own biological daughters.

It is almost impossible for a man to abuse a child once and his wife is not aware. They usually are,but do not report to the authorities because people like you will still blame the woman for not covering up her husband and saving her marriage,you will accuse her of denying the man sex hence pushing him to abuse little girls.

dominique:
It's the way you want the husband look like a helpless victim in all these. What makes you think he's also not partaking in the abuse. A man can beat up his wife, his kids but not the help? Puhleeese! In fact, not only is he beating up the child help, he's tampering with her down below too. That's why such men would never want their wives to return the little girls.

You get it
The sexual abuse from the man is even the first thing that happens.
The man is busying digging the child down there while the wife is causing her physical harm..
That's the case all the time.

dominique:
It's the way you want the husband look like a helpless victim in all these. What makes you think he's also not partaking in the abuse. A man can beat up his wife, his kids but not the help? Puhleeese! In fact, not only is he beating up the child help, he's tampering with her down below too. That's why such men would never want their wives to return the little girls.

reality is that most men (who can afford to bring extra kid to be caring for) aren't jobless, they leave in the morning and return home late in the evening. The child gets abused, she dares not report madam.

spiceadole:
Yes.. Arrest her! Wives of men who assault helps are usually aware but keep quiet or even encourage it because of obvious reasons.

I have seen and heard women keep quiet and pamper their husbands who sexually abuse their own biological daughters.

It is almost impossible for a man to abuse a child once and his wife is not aware. They usually are,but do not report to the authorities because people like you will still blame the woman for not covering up her husband and saving her marriage,you will accuse her of denying the man sex hence pushing him to abuse little girls.

no, I will never expect a woman to cover up for a husband who is abusing children. You people just want to demonize and rope men into women's crimes. Men just aren't violent to children, that's women's forte and the talk of the men being complicit is just insane cope because if that were the case the children will say so when the matter gets to the authority but they never do, it's just the women who maltreat children and the men are mostly never around and aren't aware because the child dares not report "madam"

Feldie:
no, I will never expect a woman to cover up for a husband who is abusing children. You people just want to demonize and rope men into women's crimes. Men just aren't violent to children, that's women's forte and the talk of the men being complicit is just insane cope because if that were the case the children will say so when the matter gets to the authority but they never do, it's just the women who maltreat children and the men are mostly never around and aren't aware because the child dares not report "madam"

You are not telling yourself the truth.
Men and women are fully aware of the other person abusing a child in their home.
While the men abuse these children sexually and sometimes, physically.. their wives are fully physically abusing the children.

They both cover up for each other .
They are both complacent

Feldie:
reality is that most men (who can afford to bring extra kid to be caring for) aren't jobless, they leave in the morning and return home late in the evening. The child gets abused, she dares not report madam.

Nah! That excuse is not going to fly. They don't see the bruises on the help? They down spend time at home on weekends or public holidays? The only ones that can be excused are the ones not living with the family. As long as they all live under the same roof, the husband is also a partaker in the abuse.

Why aren't the children saying the men sexually abused them when they are rescued? They only talk about the women torturing them.

spiceadole:
You are not telling yourself the truth.
Men and women are fully aware of the other person abusing a child in their home.
While the men abuse these children sexually and sometimes, physically.. their wives are fully physically abusing the children.

They both cover up for each other .
They are both complacent

LeopardX:
I believe that husbands whose wives abuse domestic helps should also be arrested and investigated.
Too often, we hear terrible stories of children and domestic workers being tortured inside homes. Recently, reports emerged of a woman who allegedly poured hot water and candle wax on a young child in her care. Such cruelty and evil act does not usually happen in one minute or in complete secrecy. Someone in the house often sees the signs, hears the cries, or notices the injuries.

A husband should not be allowed to simply say, "I didn't know." If a child is being abused repeatedly in a home, every responsible adult in that home should answer questions from the police. If investigations show that the husband knew about the abuse, ignored it, encouraged it, or failed to report it, then he should face the law alongside his wife.

Children and domestic helps are human beings, for crying out loud. A home should be a place of safety, not a place of fear and torture. Holding all responsible adults accountable will help discourage abuse and protect vulnerable people.
Silence can sometimes be as dangerous as the abuse itself.

And since this issue is common place in our society today, there should be a law holding husbands of these women equally responsible for these crimes against children and domestic help.

What do you guys think?

Wives of men who sexually abuse younger girls should also be arrested.

dominique:
Nah! That excuse is not going to fly. They don't see the bruises on the help? They down spend time at home on weekends or public holidays? The only ones that can be excused are the ones not living with the family. As long as they all live under the same roof, the husband is also a partaker in the abuse.

you are just trying to rope men into women's crimes. I have seen my sisters totally bodied their own children as though were doing some sort of guerilla warfare. Now imagine what they would do if they had strange kids living with them. In fact my eldest sister lived with my half sister as a child and she beat her up every day but didn't do it when the husband was around. Yes she'd still scold and berate her but won't go full commando when he's around. She still tells the story sometimes and never says anything bad about the man. She has no reason to lie since they're both dead. If these children were being abused by the men they would say so when being questioned by the police but they never do.

You can as well say wife's of the husband who abuse their domestic staffs should also be arrested. This double standard is making all of you maddd

Should the wife also be arrested If the man too is committing sexual assault with the maid because it's happening under their roof ?

You’re bringing up something that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but it’s real: abuse of kids + domestic helps behind closed doors.

On the idea itself:
Your logic is “silence = complicity”. And legally, that concept already exists in Nigeria and many countries. It’s called “failure to report” or “aiding/omission”. If an adult in the house knew abuse was happening, saw injuries, heard cries, and did nothing to stop it or report it, the law can hold them responsible. Police/NSCDC don’t just ask “who hit the child?” They ask “who else was in the house and what did they do?”

Where it gets tricky:
1. “I didn’t know” defense - Hard to prove. If the abuse happened when he was at work/traveling, investigators have to check timelines, call logs, CCTV, neighbor statements, medical records. The law tries to separate “genuinely unaware” from “chose not to see”.
2. Equal responsibility for all crimes? - Most legal systems don’t make husbands automatically guilty for wives’ crimes. Responsibility is tied to knowledge + action. But if he encouraged it, supplied the hot water/wax, locked doors, threatened the victim to keep quiet... then yes, he’s a co-offender, not just “the husband”.

The bigger point you’re making:
A home should be safe. And you’re right — abuse rarely happens in 1 minute with zero signs. Bruises, burns, fear, weight loss, a child flinching when adults move... someone notices. That’s why Child Rights Act 2003 + Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act 2015 both punish people who know and fail to report.

So “arrest every husband” is too broad. But “investigate every responsible adult in the home” is already how serious cases are handled. If evidence shows he knew/allowed it, he faces the law with her.

It’s a tough topic because it touches marriage, trust, and “what goes on in the house”. But vulnerable people can’t speak for themselves.

Honestly nothing we no go see for this country, wife commit una want make them arrest the man join 🤔 when Evans the kidnapper was arrested did they arrest the wife too ?
Make Una dey reason matter first…..

eepeepook:
I’m joking because your thread is pointless. Tradition dictates that men should be the head of the home. It is not so in many cases. There are some households where the abused child is the woman’s relative. Once the man tries to put things in order, a family meeting is called where her uncles and aunts will choose to berate his authority. We all know once bitten, twice shy. The man will look away and do his thing. Also, the husband wasn’t the one who did the abusing. What concerns him in the matter?

Why are Nigerians so shallow-minded like this for God's sake.

Can you smell what you wrote up there, c'mon man, the OP is 10000000000000000% correct about this. I'm a Man too. But he is totally on point 💯

eepeepook:
If a woman is abused by her husband, all parents involved should be arrested. The man’s parents and the woman’s parents. Police must chop for domestic matter.

what's this one saying? Can't you read and understand bed re commenting?

But you should also know that if a husband cannot do anything it might also be because he is also being abused by the wife. Didnt you think about that?

LeopardX:
I'm talking about child abuse here, man.
A child has no agency of his or her own.
At least a woman can walk away if she's had enough. She's an adult.
But a child? C'mon man!!!

I'm very sure you won't stand by and let your wife brutalize a child for any reason. So I believe you're just joking.

You are partly right and partly wrong. If that was a one-off incidence (that is, if that was the first time such incidence ever happened and the husband was not at home there would be no basis to arrest him. But if that was not the first time, if it has been happening and the man was aware of it but did nothing to stop it or made no attempt to report the wife to authority then he deserved to be arrested.

I understand that most of this abuse happen when the man is not at home. He only hear the story when he returns from work. However, both husbands and wives have responsibility of reporting abusive partners who maltreat and dehumanise anybody under their care to authority otherwise, they would be liable for the offence too.

Jman06:
There's no basis to arrest the spouse of the culprit in a domestic violence. It's just like saying that the spouses or relatives of those who commit crimes should be arrested. That doesn't make sense at all! When I heard of the husband of the Anambra woman being arrested, I immediately knew it was people like you who are always quick to call for the heads of men in every unpleasant situation that must have triggered his arrest. This is because, unless the woman was not there at the time and perhaps the police decided to hold the man pending when the woman gets arrested, there's no basis for arresting the man when the child already identified the one who abused him.

Soon men will run away to avoid being husbands

Please when we talk of abuse does this also include dropping melted plastics and candle wax, burning with electric iron or hot metals, using blades, beating with sticks to cause injury, dipping a child's fingers or feet in boiling water, etc?
Let's find another name for this level of wickedness to a child who innocently joined your family outside of their own will and has no bad intentions living with you and your children.
Abuse could mean, poor feeding, verbal assaults, occasional over spanking and inducement of fear, excessive chores or physical activities, no education or social engagements what so ever, and other deprivation from things your own children freely enjoy like games and TV.