₦airaland Forum

Are you boring in communication?

It's very easy to look for where your partner is falling short. Don't forget to also look at where you are falling short.

No one is perfect. It's best to understand each other better and grow together. Learn what she likes and she should learn what you like too and become better for each other.

Chijeep:
Thanks so much. But she never deprived me of making love with her but just that she act very boring especially in communication

Why don't you do it instead of asking her to do it?

Chijeep:
Bro, I've tried.
Atimes, I'll even be encouraging her as a graduate that even if you don't know how to spark liveliness in a marriage, you can go mak research online and bring topics so we can be discussing but all my talk just go like that

Does she feel comfortable with you?

Again, see how you are contributing to the situation and think of what you can do better too. Don't only complain about her.

Chijeep:
Ok, lemme shock you.
We're attending marriage class already. And the teacher advised us to be open to each other in terms of health issue but do you know that this lady didn't inform me that she's having stomach issues until I brought out d talk of this her behaviour

Sonnobax15:

Na 3 months old marriage don dey experience traffic like this so

Bro,it seems you guys rushed into the marriage too early. The time you guys were supposed to use for dating and courting,una rush convert am into marriage.

Funny enough how you fell for the idea of her managing with you . Just pray that Tinubu shouldn't win his reelection . If not,na then the real Hulk Hogan spirit go take unleash for your wife body come out

Sorry but Tinubu is winning next years election.

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

The normal dating period is the packaging period for both parties, and this is normal where there is physical meeting of each other.

With marraige, the packaging ends, and both see the other for who they really are.

With an online relation, it is not a good foundation for marraige. You made a big mistake.

Chijeep:
What I mean is that, the way she feels unwqnting to eat self looks like she's seeing it as rubbish. Everyday no be Christmas na

Are you sure she is not pregnant already? That could trigger mood swings and make her lose interest in things.
Effective communication also matters. I understand you must have spent a lot for the traditional marriage and may be on your way to full recovery. Try and explain to her. She may also be finding it difficult blending with her new environment.

grandstar:
The normal dating period is the packaging period for both parties, and this is normal where there is physical meeting of each other.

With marraige, the packaging ends, and both see the other for who they really are.

With an online relation, it is not a good foundation for marraige. You made a big mistake.

He didn't make a mistake! It works for some
It worked for me. 12 years and still counting...
It is the mindset of the people involved that matters.
She is in the phase of marriage were realization just sets in. She needs love and understanding. People like her will end up making a good wife in the long run.
There is no blueprint for marriage. They should both have the mindset that they have to make it work!

A sitting baby is easier to play with than a sleeping adult. When u talk, talk n talk n no reply will u kip talking stil?

GuestInfinity:
Why don't you do it instead of asking her to do it?

EmpressTitan:
Sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her in a responsible manner. Lay out your grievances and listen to her feedback and both of you choose to address it as a team for collective best results. No reasonable woman who sees her husband hardworking trying in this Tinubu regime would not be appreciative of her husband. BTW 3months you are here running your mouth talking about divorce...all these ochanja markit marriage sef.

see through his write up bro.

This guy clearly deceived the girl on whom he wasn’t. He was probably showing her the rich man vibes while dating.

Now they ve married, the girl has probably realized his financial status. It good to come clean

If you never born pack your things and take off.

She is seeing something different from her expectations. Stop painting this story like you are the saint and she is the villain.
There must be something you are doing that's pissing her off.
Once a JOYFUL, jovial, lively woman go silent on you, my brother wahalaaa don surplus ooooo
E don surplus.

Tell us wertin you do her
No paint her bad here
She no dey here to talk her own

blackgold2018:
see through his write up bro.

This guy clearly deceived the girl on whom he wasn’t. He was probably showing her the rich man vibes while dating.

Now they ve married, the girl has probably realized his financial status. It good to come clean

Read and try your best to understand and if its not entering your head, let someone else read and think and understand for you . The Guy already said he told the lady during dating that he is not rich only managing so why do you say the guy was showing the girl rich man vibes ? Where u there? All this " i want to talk , I want to prove I am smart enough people " ; RUBBISHHHHHH

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

Brother to brother, I am not there with you guys to see things for myself and even if I am there physically, I am not there in her mind or yours to know what is really going on inside of both of you and your priorities, but going by what you said here if all is true , If I am the one, like I said , If I am the one, I will give it some time if I know I still love the woman , give it time and as you are giving it time , the only thing you shld be doing is just greetings, Good morning, good afternoon , good evening, don't talk anything else. If she replies your greetings continue with it and don't try to be the one to begin a discussion at all . If she doesn't reply to your greetings , no more greetings ... just wake up, go your work, drop what ever money you think you are dropping for home economics etc. If this persist for another one month , part ways with her ... such people are dangerous, before she unalive you and move on with her life. While this is going on , please do not eat any food she cooks , do not eat with her. Such woman's behavior shows no respect for a man , am not talking about love sef. Like I said , if its me , this is what I will do ....

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
[b]I've confronted her [/b]more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

To the bolded.. you don't "confront her".

You were supposed to sit down with her on a very good day and find out what the situation might be.. it might not even be what you were thinking.. it could also be it.. she might be overwhelmed of this marriage thing.. like so, she is out of her papa house like dis.. she can't just be going to hang out with her girls, jist etc..any time she want etc... it is normal to feel that way.. just like women experience post partum disorder.. some women sef experience post partum psychosis.. that is after giving birth, they change.. It seems like they went crazy..

Once you both understand the root cause.. then in unity, you both come up with plans to tackle the situation together.. this is also a learning moment for you both.. to understand yourselves better..

Not to pour kerosene in the fire.. but this is not the end.. ask anyone that have been in marriage 5, 10, 15, 20 ... years they will tell you.. there are moments that will make someone want to run away .. situations like this happens, even to Daddy and mummy GOs, they are not exempt.. this is part of human life.

The difference is, the longer you are in the union, the better you know how to handle/address situations like this. And the better you understand your partner and the best way to get the best out of them..

Cheers!!

Good luck!!

You are wasting your time talking to Kobojunkie. He's the most pointless fellow on this forum.

Stop interacting with him. He talks just for talks. Trust me on this.

Here's my point of view.

You did the right thing noticing the shift in energy in your relationship. It shows your heart is in this marriage.

And having had a discussion about it 3 times readily shows you're trying to fix the problem.

Now here's something you should understand: marriage is a union between two people.

Therefore, only you cannot solve the issue. The other party must be a willing participant especially when it's a 'fault' from their own end.

Now from my own end what I want you to find out is if she's genuinely an introvert. Some people are introverted and get excited but after a while such excitement dies down.

So try checking her background and see if she has a lot of friends before you guys met. Do this investigations yourself.

Secondly, you're providing to the best of your ability. As long as you didn't promise her heaven on earth before the marriage, you do not own her that.

She's not 'managing' with you, if she wants more then let her take up the task of doing more.

You cannot be providing for yourself and your partner and be talking with the mindset of them managing you. I want you to walk out of that mindset. Lose that mentality totally.

Otherwise you'll set yourself up running an uphill battle, working your ass off to death for someone with nothin to show for it in the end.

After losing that mentality, give only what you can afford.

Thirdly, like I said, marriage takes two to work. If she's no longer a willing participant, you start shunning her as well.

You know people feel important more than they are when you overinflate their ego with attention?

Deflate that ego. Remove your attention. Not because you don't care but because you too are a human being and should be important enough for your wife to want to hang out with you and make you happy.

Most times as a man, you're constantly running around, working, providing, buying for your family with little wondering if these people see you at all.

Whether they appreciate you at all.

I want you do this. Remove your attention totally. Reduce the need to converse with her.

I'm not saying you should bone your face. No. Instead only speak to her when she speaks to you.

Half the money you give to her for food and use the other half to eat your own food outside most of the time.

Start keeping late night. Start starving her of that attention. Only come home when you're ready to sleep.

You're doing too much to please instead of being the center of attention and attraction in your household.

Chijeep:
Let me break down my own POV.
1. I'm a lonely guy. No friends, just me.
2. She's not based here(JJC) That means it only me n her.
3. We go out to shop, sit down, do business and just stay.
4. Go home rest, and press phone then sleep.
So if it continues like this won't I be forced to be going out for pleasure?

This is nonsense and we all know it. You cannot "spice" things up with someone that doesn't want you or look down on you.

You can only spice things up with someone that wants the marriage to work.

For chrissake, y'all should stop with this spice things up nonsense talk.

And it's always the same thing. "spice things up, take her to a restaurant, buy her things" rubbish talk from shallow thinkers.

So until he spends money before his partner can be happy and willing to be with him?

Is she then married to the man or to his money? Na why most of una dey end up with badyart pikin be this.

Op if she's not willing to do those things that makes you happy as you're willing to do to make her happy then withdraw yourself from the marriage as well.

Oceanjagaban:
spice up the marriage , the little way you can. take her out sometimes .I didn't ask you to go and spend all your money .sometimes knack her well.e be like you dey pity her as if na your sister .

Chijeep:
Bro, I've tried.
Atimes, I'll even be encouraging her as a graduate that even if you don't know how to spark liveliness in a marriage, you can go mak research online and bring topics so we can be discussing but all my talk just go like that

Didn’t you see all this before you married ? From what I have been reading you are the one that seem to have been complaining, she has always been like that and you married and you suddenly want her to change? You keep using words like “timid “ to qualify your wife and saying you’d have to seek pleasures outside and what not


Rather than you trying to find out what interests her you seek to be enforcing things

Don't be mischievous, Tinubu is not the problem. One of the two parties involved is overacting. So Atiku and the incoherent Peter Obi who cannot solve his party's rancour will volunteer to resolve individual marital differences 🤷‍♀️

Sonnobax15:

Na 3 months old marriage don dey experience traffic like this so

Bro,it seems you guys rushed into the marriage too early. The time you guys were supposed to use for dating and courting,una rush convert am into marriage.

Funny enough how you fell for the idea of her managing with you . Just pray that Tinubu shouldn't win his reelection . If not,na then the real Hulk Hogan spirit go take unleash for your wife body come out

Chijeep:
To cut the long story short, I did my traditional marriage 3momths ago, though I met the girl online but before we even started talking about marriage, our chat always flow with fun and togetherness.

But the moment we return back to our base after the marriage this girl started behaving like introvert and a bit celibacy. Won't want to talk to me like in the aspect of gisting and barely share issues and decisions with me. Even the aspect of food she hardly find interest in eating what I'm able to provide.
I've confronted her more than 3 times and reminded her that I told you already before we go into this union that I'm not rich yet and I'm managing, and she assured me that she's also not from a rich home either and she'll be supportive. but now the girl will be acting as if I'm forcing her to eat the rubbish I provided.

I told her that she's free to quit the marriage if she's not that impressed and happy but she doesn't want to or maybe she's thinking of how people will see her.

PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO AS THIS IS AFFECTING MY EMOTIONS?, BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT DECIDED TO LIVE AND DO MY THINGS ALONE, SO THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE TIME WITH MY WIFE AND CHILDREN WHEN THE TIME COMES.

Looks like you didn't study or understand eachother very well before getting engaged

Since it's still engagement, the marriage can still be called off if you are not willing to go on again

But then , do you know how the next woman will turn out
Maybe even worse than this one
The point is theres no perfect union anywhere, both parties make adjustments to accommodate eachother
And if it doesn't work out dissolution is the best Solution

Badgers14:
To the bolded.. you don't "confront her".

You were supposed to sit down with her on a very good day and find out what the situation might be.. it might not even be what you were thinking.. it could also be it.. she might be overwhelmed of this marriage thing.. like so, she is out of her papa house like dis.. she can't just be going to hang out with her girls, jist etc..any time she want etc... it is normal to feel that way.. just like women experience post partum disorder.. some women sef experience post partum psychosis.. that is after giving birth, they change.. It seems like they went crazy..

Once you both understand the root cause.. then in unity, you both come up with plans to tackle the situation together.. this is also a learning moment for you both.. to understand yourselves better..

Not to pour kerosene in the fire.. but this is not the end.. ask anyone that have been in marriage 5, 10, 15, 20 ... years they will tell you.. there are moments that will make someone want to run away .. situations like this happens, even to Daddy and mummy GOs, they are not exempt.. this is part of human life.

The difference is, the longer you are in the union, the better you know how to handle/address situations like this. And the better you understand your partner and the best way to get the best out of them..

Cheers!!

Good luck!!

Good advice. I've come to learn that communication is very important in marriage and most people have problems in their marriage because they couldn't communicate with eachother very well

Sonnobax15:

Na 3 months old marriage don dey experience traffic like this so

Bro,it seems you guys rushed into the marriage too early. The time you guys were supposed to use for dating and courting,una rush convert am into marriage.

Funny enough how you fell for the idea of her managing with you . Just pray that Tinubu shouldn't win his reelection . If not,na then the real Hulk Hogan spirit go take unleash for your wife body come out

Dating or courting doesn't really cut it. This is just a moment of pretence where everyone is on their best behaviour. Even 3months into marriage is still too early to start experiencing frictions.
I suspect 2things:
The lady married out of pressure (how old is she?) or
The lady has another man she is considering
No woman would start acting like a witch under first 3months of marriage.
There will definitely be bigger problems soon.

Chijeep:
I'm not but I'm not just welcoming her behaviour. She's a good girl. She doesn't complain about anything but the flow isn't just there. What of when we start having kids?

That is when you will see the real shege.

You both just got married, and it's important to remember that you come from different communities, cultures, and backgrounds. Adjusting to married life takes time, especially when your relationship was mostly long-distance before marriage.

Please be patient with her. You have already described her as a good woman, so give her the opportunity to settle into this new phase of life. She may still be shy, trying to adapt, or even overwhelmed by the reality of being married.

Try using some of the same communication methods that helped strengthen your relationship before marriage. Send her messages during the day, call her when you can, and create opportunities for meaningful conversations. She may find it easier to express herself through those channels while she becomes more comfortable in person.

Most importantly, apply the same kindness, patience, understanding, and effort that won her heart and led her to accept your marriage proposal. Continue to nurture your relationship with love and consistency. With time, understanding, and good communication, things will become much easier for both of you.

Marriage is not for the weak. Get that into your head

The happiness of Nigerians has now been hinged on the not coming back of Tinubu in 2027 election.🤣🤣🤣🤣

That's so funny anyway but what's the guarantee that we wouldn't miss Tinubu when he eventually leaves next year, what's the guarantee that whoever is coming is going to make things better for Nigerians? I have learnt to be independent of any government, any leader. I regulate and determine my joy, my sadness and my success myself.

I actually don't buy the idea of casting my present and future happiness on people that aren't reliable, devilish and corrupt filled people. They would always disappoint you no matter what.....

However, the prayer of Nigerians should always be, oh God, don't let us miss Tinubu just as Buhari aids said we would miss him when he leaves.....we thought the worst was Buhari until emilokan comes in.....god forbid BAT things
.....

Sonnobax15:

Na 3 months old marriage don dey experience traffic like this so

Bro,it seems you guys rushed into the marriage too early. The time you guys were supposed to use for dating and courting,una rush convert am into marriage.

Funny enough how you fell for the idea of her managing with you . Just pray that Tinubu shouldn't win his reelection . If not,na then the real Hulk Hogan spirit go take unleash for your wife body come out

I would have loved to speak to you but there's no contact.

Young man listen to me. Don't take most of these advice you're seeing here.
These are what you should know. It's good you noticed these things earlier and to be sincere with you, that's the foundation of marriage. If you can fix those things you're complaining of now, congratulations you've got a wonderful marriage, if can't fix it now, you have a failed marriage in the future.

1. Women most especially the introverts are like that.

2. It may take her time to start sharing her life with someone like you because you were not part of her before now.

3. It's time for both of you to bond. That's both of you should be doing everything together, lay a strong foundation for your marriage with always being together, doing everything together, bathing, walking, eating etc. Gradually she will start loosening up. Always make yourself available for her and don't jubge her, however correct and direct her in love and she'll start seeing you as her leader and be loyal to you. Don't allow her to take to take decisions, take the decisions and she'll follow, that's leadership. And she'll always consult you whenever she was ts to do something.


You can also DM for more....

Congratulations your marriage is saved.

Goodluck