₦airaland Forum

Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want to crash

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at

Sonnobax15:

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want of crash

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at

Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

Gentlesoul2021:
Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

Footing which bill? You were the one who said the guy has a job. Even tho the job isn't that lucrative but at least he has something that's fetching him money.

Men dey suffer Cha. .

[quote author=Sonnobax15 post=139918733]Footing which bill? You were the one who said the guy has a job. Even tho the job isn't that lucrative but at least he has something that's fetching him money.

Men dey suffer Cha. . [/quote

He has little to no patronage as the general populace no longer consider that kind of window. He's now covering up with church work doing brother brother thing... I want u to know I am not faulting him but asking critical questions...

Your sister is 31-year old and DESPERATE.
She's been WAITING for a man to call her OWN for nearly a DECADE.

Plus, she's clearly one of those people born with a built-in NGO software—ALWAYS on the lookout for a project to FIX.

Add that to being CHURCHY and you have a HORRIBLE decision maker like your sister.

The "brother" is banking on the CHURCHINESS of your sister to perpetrate his SCHEME.

His declarations of becoming a "Pastor" is also a RUSE.
With that frame perfectly established from the get-go, he can use BIBLICAL platitudes like being the "head of the family" and "wives submitting to their husbands" to SCAM your sister.

She will make the money.
And be FORCED to let the SCAMMER decide how it's spent.

Your sister is about to learn a very HARSH lesson.
By the time she's done with her education, she'd have become a Single Mother of THREE at 40.

Unfortunately, there is NOTHING you can do.
Women love FORBIDDEN love.

Telling her she's making a TERRIBLE mistake will just HARDEN her resolve.
Plus, it's going to make it more DIFFICULT for her to approach you for HELP when the man INEVITABLY starts showing her PEPPER.

Also, logic will NOT work with her.
Let her LEARN.

It's only MADNESS (and DESPERATION) that'd drive a Master's Degree Holder to be UNEQUALLY YOKED with a 35+ person with ONLY Primary 6 certificate and a VAGUE forward-looking statement of becoming a Pastor.

MADNESS!

Mr. Op, I may disagree with you that this story of yours is fake and nothing but a mere story to engage nairalanders comments. Here is my fact. 1. The young man has no further education and accepts a primary six (FSLC) certificate. That could not be true. No man or parent gets certified if his/her children haven't gone beyond primary six, no matter how poor the family may be. If you have said the young man has completed his secondary school, I would have believed you.



At this I declare your story void.



Thank you.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

Unfortunately, most people have still not realized the one thing to look it for in a future partner. Kindness.

That's why they talk and fret and talk.

That gap in education will cause a lot of problems. Eventually.

Who be your sister wey we no go hear word for you 🙄
31 and unmarried suppose dey jump on any guy wey say hello 😁

Men date/marry down,women date/marry up!
Summary of hypergamy!

Good one guy!!

I think long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together should carry more weight than love.

Love is psychological emotional, it can fade into tiny air with time if some core things are not in place.

At 31, she may be eager to marry, and that's the reason she herself ignored the err in social and career gap. So your mum is not doing a wrong thing but she need to be soft on her, to let her see the reasons they are against it.

Though, girls are emotional and do things first before reason. But she still need to take the desion for her future not being forced. She just need their guide

Your concerns are valid, but an adult over 30 should be in the best position to decide her life or the direction of her life.

In all you mentioned, they might both be able to make it work once there is true love and mutual respect.

Besides, who said being well educated (formally educated) is a sure guarantee for success in anything including marriage?!!

I can already tell what tribe you're from with your analogy but you can only genuinly air your concerns or advise your sister the best you can but dont do anything deliberate to break the relationship.

una see reason y i no go ho wish my son to marry poor man daughter or poor woman wey dey do POS? a girl wey dey teach wey them dey pay 30k monthly will never, NEVER look at a fellow teacher for her workplace for love, but go put eyes don kokoroko for a yahoo boy, big boutique owner, building contractor, banker, lecturer, or big guy fashion designer owner, programmer, etc.your sister dey 31, which means the guy is more than 40. wait make she dey 36/37a when man close to 60 come for , cos no mam dey woo who no dey at least 12 years younger. make una pause eh

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

Education is important but doesn't define a man and his future. However, the most important is that is the man willing to develop himself or always looking to push into new grounds? Wanting to be a full time Pastor to be is just a lazy excuse for idleness. Nothing even wrong if he has no job but he's always willing and trying to get into something. Any man who isn't pushing to increase his income doesn't have business with marriage. Even if things haven't worked out for him, the fact that he has it in him to push is a very important factor that must never be overlooked.

Namaster:
Your sister is 31-year old and DESPERATE.
She's been WAITING for a man to call her OWN for nearly a DECADE.

Plus, she's clearly one of those people born with a built-in NGO software—ALWAYS on the lookout for a project to FIX.

Add that to being CHURCHY and you have a HORRIBLE decision maker like your sister.

The "brother" is banking on the CHURCHINESS of your sister to perpetrate his SCHEME.

His declarations of becoming a "Pastor" is also a RUSE.
With that frame perfectly established from the get-go, he can use BIBLICAL platitudes like being the "head of the family" and "wives submitting to their husbands" to SCAM your sister.

She will make the money.
And be FORCED to let the SCAMMER decide how it's spent.

Your sister is about to learn a very HARSH lesson.
By the time she's done with her education, she'd have become a Single Mother of THREE at 40.

Unfortunately, there is NOTHING you can do.
Women love FORBIDDEN love.

Telling her she's making a TERRIBLE mistake will just HARDEN her resolve.
Plus, it's going to make it more DIFFICULT for her to approach you for HELP when the man INEVITABLY starts showing her PEPPER.

Also, logic will NOT work with her.
Let her LEARN.

It's only MADNESS (and DESPERATION) that'd drive a Master's Degree Holder to be UNEQUALLY YOKED with a 35+ person with ONLY Primary 6 certificate and a VAGUE forward-looking statement of becoming a Pastor.

MADNESS!

Wish I can like this a million times.

That marriage will not work.

No woman will be loyal to a man she's better than. Can't you see that?

Your sister must continue to search for a man that is better than her, be able to guide her, and be able to steer the family to greater heights.

A man who doesn't have education, skills, intelligence, foresight, will, preserverance and psyche to marry or take care of a woman will be the downfall of himself and those around him.

Enough said!

He has little to no patronage as the general populace no longer consider that kind of window. He's now covering up with church work doing brother brother thing... I want u to know I am not faulting him but asking critical questions...

Now, this raises serious concern.

Loves matters is different things entirely
U fit get billions
Make woman no loves you
And loves shoemaker

So many children on nairaland these days. Back in the days, you will see mature and constructive inputs.

Brah, women are focused on achievements these days. Fulls making someone that's 31 seem like she's 60. Only boys talk like that. New studies even show that men should be as wary, as quality of sperm reduce as they get older.

Brah, the signs are there. In her circles, there are many guys that are more suitable. Just cos someone wants to get married doesn't mean they should settle for someone that lacks focus or doesnt wanna upgrade himself. As a man, I get irritated with directionless women, talkless of being a woman and carrying the weight of the home.

She should not start what she can finish. A man with vision and dreams that isnt well off isnt a problem. But how will a man leave what's giving him money to go run errands? He cant think? Cant tell his mom he will do it later?

What happens when they get married? He would still tell her she's trying to change him, and she saw him the way he was. Motivating him to greatness will be termed nagging.

If I was a woman, I rather get a sperm donor, focus on my career and be happy, than be married to many men these days, that aren't worthy of being called men.

Being a man isnt a title, it's about the ability to lead, command the respect of your wife, not by coercion, but by actions.
No one can follow who isn't more knowledge than them, or they struggle to respect.

This is Africa, men are still providers and supposed to lead. If he cant do that, he's still a boy.

Age is irrelevant. Better to be married to a 45 year old lady that suits your vision and gives you peace, than a 25 year old that still has her eyes outside and leaves you restless, all in the name of marrying young.

Guys on nairaland are super embarrassing. Lots of learning to do. 15 years or so ago, you wouldn't see these comments calling a 31 year old, old. Funny enough, many of these dudes at 35, haven't achieved what this lady has achieved when she was 27.

Girls, dont be afraid to have standards. Stick to it and focus on your personal growth.

There are still fantastic guys out there that age means nothing to.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

It will be in your sister's interest to avoid this dude. Not because he is financially poor but because he is visionless and directionless

What kind talk is this bikuno

Show us the man that want to marry your sister first

Is your father rich and educated also

Gentlesoul2021:
Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

He is saying that if your sister was the stark illiterate with not job and the man the well learned one, you would not create a thread here lamenting. So why the double standard? That is his submission.

Your sister will make the biggest mistake of her life by giving into this desperation. The man is yet to detach from his mother yet he wants to add another woman

It's actually worse than getting a second wife when your first wife is highly interested in you

Can two work together unless they are in agreement? How can a bird marry a fish?

You sister is going to suffer

Marry her yourself then. Case closed. Next!!!

Gentlesoul2021:
Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

I don't understand your concern. Even a madman can express love to a woman, it depends on the woman to use her brain. Your advice should go to your sister to use the brain God has given her to make the right decision.

Gentlesoul2021:
Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

If your sister loves him and he does love her too they can build a life for themselves. Age is no longer on her side. Don't regret missed opportunities in future. I know many ladies around my area who are unmarried and already getting old.
Don't regret missed opportunities.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

I would have love to know what you currently do for a living, how successful you're in it and your own educational background..... It would play a positive impact on balancing your objectives and opinion in the matter. Otherwise, I think based on your assertions about your sister, she's old enough, matured enough and smart enough to take a decision she's convinced would be Ok for her, and she should be allowed to take the greater possession in the decision making in the current circumstances.