₦airaland Forum

Namaster:
Your sister is 31-year old and DESPERATE.
She's been WAITING for a man to call her OWN for nearly a DECADE.

Plus, she's clearly one of those people born with a built-in NGO software—ALWAYS on the lookout for a project to FIX.

Add that to being CHURCHY and you have a HORRIBLE decision maker like your sister.

The "brother" is banking on the CHURCHINESS of your sister to perpetrate his SCHEME.

His declarations of becoming a "Pastor" is also a RUSE.
With that frame perfectly established from the get-go, he can use BIBLICAL platitudes like being the "head of the family" and "wives submitting to their husbands" to SCAM your sister.

She will make the money.
And be FORCED to let the SCAMMER decide how it's spent.

Your sister is about to learn a very HARSH lesson.
By the time she's done with her education, she'd have become a Single Mother of THREE at 40.

Unfortunately, there is NOTHING you can do.
Women love FORBIDDEN love.

Telling her she's making a TERRIBLE mistake will just HARDEN her resolve.
Plus, it's going to make it more DIFFICULT for her to approach you for HELP when the man INEVITABLY starts showing her PEPPER.

Also, logic will NOT work with her.
Let her LEARN.

It's only MADNESS (and DESPERATION) that'd drive a Master's Degree Holder to be UNEQUALLY YOKED with a 35+ person with ONLY Primary 6 certificate and a VAGUE forward-looking statement of becoming a Pastor.

MADNESS!

UkoAnnang:


Mr. Op, I may disagree with you that this story of yours is fake and nothing but a mere story to engage nairalanders comments. Here is my fact. 1. The young man has no further education and accepts a primary six (FSLC) certificate. That could not be true. No man or parent gets certified if his/her children haven't gone beyond primary six, no matter how poor the family may be. If you have said the young man has completed his secondary school, I would have believed you.



At this I declare your story void.



Thank you.

JuanDeDios:
Unfortunately, most people have still not realized the one thing to look it for in a future partner. Kindness.

That's why they talk and fret and talk.

Tflex01:
That gap in education will cause a lot of problems. Eventually.

Angelfrost:
Your concerns are valid, but an adult over 30 should be in the best position to decide her life or the direction of her life.

In all you mentioned, they might both be able to make it work once there is true love and mutual respect.

Besides, who said being well educated (formally educated) is a sure guarantee for success in anything including marriage?!!

bentenny:
Men date/marry down,women date/marry up!
Summary of hypergamy!

Lanre1st:
Good one guy!!

I think long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together should carry more weight than love.

Love is psychological emotional, it can fade into tiny air with time if some core things are not in place.

At 31, she may be eager to marry, and that's the reason she herself ignored the err in social and career gap. So your mum is not doing a wrong thing but she need to be soft on her, to let her see the reasons they are against it.

Though, girls are emotional and do things first before reason. But she still need to take the desion for her future not being forced. She just need their guide

Angelfrost:
Your concerns are valid, but an adult over 30 should be in the best position to decide her life or the direction of her life.

In all you mentioned, they might both be able to make it work once there is true love and mutual respect.

Besides, who said being well educated (formally educated) is a sure guarantee for success in anything including marriage?!!

Lithiumite:
I can already tell what tribe you're from with your analogy but you can only genuinly air your concerns or advise your sister the best you can but dont do anything deliberate to break the relationship.

callthefred:
Education is important but doesn't define a man and his future. However, the most important is that is the man willing to develop himself or always looking to push into new grounds? Wanting to be a full time Pastor to be is just a lazy excuse for idleness. Nothing even wrong if he has no job but he's always willing and trying to get into something. Any man who isn't pushing to increase his income doesn't have business with marriage. Even if things haven't worked out for him, the fact that he has it in him to push is a very important factor that must never be overlooked.

jurjes:
Pls are you Kanwulia, I used to enjoy reading from her many years ago on this forum especially on the family page!
You kind of write like her

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

TheStoriesOfMan:
That marriage will not work.

No woman will be loyal to a man she's better than. Can't you see that?

Your sister must continue to search for a man that is better than her, be able to guide her, and be able to steer the family to greater heights.

A man who doesn't have education, skills, intelligence, foresight, will, preserverance and psyche to marry or take care of a woman will be the downfall of himself and those around him.

Enough said!

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

JuanDeDios:
Now, this raises serious concern.

muyico:
Loves matters is different things entirely
U fit get billions
Make woman no loves you
And loves shoemaker

MrSly:
He is saying that if your sister was the stark illiterate with not job and the man the well learned one, you would not create a thread here lamenting. So why the double standard? That is his submission.

Gentlesoul2021:
This same guy has been advised by the general pastor to upgrade to the latest aluminium window fabrication which he didn't take serious but wanting to be a pastor.

SoliBayNG:
So many children on nairaland these days. Back in the days, you will see mature and constructive inputs.

Brah, women are focused on achievements these days. Fulls making someone that's 31 seem like she's 60. Only boys talk like that. New studies even show that men should be as wary, as quality of sperm reduce as they get older.

Brah, the signs are there. In her circles, there are many guys that are more suitable. Just cos someone wants to get married doesn't mean they should settle for someone that lacks focus or doesnt wanna upgrade himself. As a man, I get irritated with directionless women, talkless of being a woman and carrying the weight of the home.

She should not start what she can finish. A man with vision and dreams that isnt well off isnt a problem. But how will a man leave what's giving him money to go run errands? He cant think? Cant tell his mom he will do it later?

What happens when they get married? He would still tell her she's trying to change him, and she saw him the way he was. Motivating him to greatness will be termed nagging.

If I was a woman, I rather get a sperm donor, focus on my career and be happy, than be married to many men these days, that aren't worthy of being called men.

Being a man isnt a title, it's about the ability to lead, command the respect of your wife, not by coercion, but by actions.
No one can follow who isn't more knowledge than them, or they struggle to respect.

This is Africa, men are still providers and supposed to lead. If he cant do that, he's still a boy.

Age is irrelevant. Better to be married to a 45 year old lady that suits your vision and gives you peace, than a 25 year old that still has her eyes outside and leaves you restless, all in the name of marrying young.

Guys on nairaland are super embarrassing. Lots of learning to do. 15 years or so ago, you wouldn't see these comments calling a 31 year old, old. Funny enough, many of these dudes at 35, haven't achieved what this lady has achieved when she was 27.

Girls, dont be afraid to have standards. Stick to it and focus on your personal growth.

There are still fantastic guys out there that age means nothing to.

jogojogo:
It will be in your sister's interest to avoid this dude. Not because he is financially poor but because he is visionless and directionless

engrajoo1:
This is one of the best and realistic response I've seen so far... Let me share a bit if my experience

I'm a civil engineer in which I own my own construction firm and equally has a farm that I own too. On one of the projects I undertook two years ago. I met this beautiful Igbo lady in owerri. She's a BSC holder and very hardworking. She owns a thriving restaurant. Long story short we started a love affair. She's 31 at the time. Two months after our relationship she wanted us to start wedding preparation. I told her we should chill a little so we can get to know each other and culture better aa I'm yoruba and she's igbo. One month later when I traveled back to Lagos to ṣee my other projects. With in one month that I went to Lago she said she's with another person now that I don't seems serious.
I laughed and when I assess the person she wanted to get married to. The person is a jobless and skilless 33years old man. They got married two months later and she set up a shop for her beside her restaurant. Lo and behold the marriage didn't last five months.

The lady undertook 99% responsibility in the marriage rite. Infact she indirectly paid her own bride price.

I told my workers then that the marriage can't last because the guy is a gigolo.
Someone that can't take responsibility of their life up until 30+. What magic do u want to perform at that age

To the poster. Trust ne your sister will learn in the hard way and she'd wish she had waited a little longer

MrSly:
He is saying that if your sister was the stark illiterate with not job and the man the well learned one, you would not create a thread here lamenting. So why the double standard? That is his submission.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

michlins:
Your sister will make the biggest mistake of her life by giving into this desperation. The man is yet to detach from his mother yet he wants to add another woman

It's actually worse than getting a second wife when your first wife is highly interested in you

MrPresident1:
Can two work together unless they are in agreement? How can a bird marry a fish?

You sister is going to suffer

Robertgreene1:
Marry her yourself then. Case closed. Next!!!

Sonnobax15:

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want to crash

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at