₦airaland Forum

Dregs:
➜We should be careful with whom we choose to have a child with, get married to, and spend our lives with in this period. To be honest, I don’t buy into the idea of growing distance between me and my child, nor with her mother, who has been the worst-case scenario in my life. I do my best to provide for my daughter’s needs, but recently she got sick and her mother has been dealing with the situation alone—caring for the child—while I provide the finances. It hasn’t been easy on my end either.
With all this happening, she is disrespecting me and building resentment, as if I’m happy with our current situation. I’m working hard to bring my child closer to me, but her mom being in the picture makes it a long and difficult process. I didn’t get it right with this one, and I feel like I shot myself in the foot by going with the “baby mama” approach as a way to have a child. Man, it’s one of my biggest mistakes. I’d rather wait a long time and be well settled in life than follow that path for raising a child.
➜ Sometimes I don’t blame men who choose that lifestyle, because women these days often don’t honor their men or respect the sacrifices we make to keep the family happy. I love my child, and I hate to see her upbringing go this way.

Kobojunkie:
You went with the baba mama approach, yet you blame the woman for being wary of you?

Anyways, your child is sick, and you want us to believe you are "working hard to bring her closer". How many hours hanging out and playing with your daughter does this translate into daily?

2. Well, most of them will likely end up with the same issue you are here complaining of, and for no fault of anyone else's.

Onegai:
(could have sworn that all the wisdom-filled gurus here and offline said that marriage na scam, men don't benefit and baby mama is the way. Anyway, that's bad advise for you: very sweet to espouse for others to foolishly fall into).

Dregs,

I'm pretty sure she didn't want to be a Baby Mama. She wanted to be a wife and a mother but you had other plans. So now she's pissed at you.

It is horrific to be alone with a very sick child and be imagining the father of that child having the time of his life somewhere else. You send money, well that takes precisely 5 mins versus days and weeks of sleepless nights with a sick baby. Yes, you worked hard to make the money, but wouldn't you have worked hard to make that money if you were not a father?

So sending money ain't it.

Now, before you get even further bad advise about forcefully taking your child from her or ignoring her and moving on with your life because the child will look for you when she/he grows up, please stop right there.

Firstly, apologize to her. Single Parenthood is hard and unless you're paying every single bill and sending extra money, she too is handling bills plus a child, all by herself. Apologize sincerely to her for putting her in this situation.

Secondly, be polite and respectful in your conversations with her. Always acknowledge her sacrifice.

Thirdly, any plans you want to bring your child over to you, better factor in the Mother. Ask her if it will be okay, explain the pros and cons of the child coming to you. And give yourself sense: how old is this child? Because you shouldn't take young children from their mothers unless their lives are in danger. If you want the child to relocate abroad, better ask the mum if she wants to relocate too. If you want the child closer to you, plan on renting a place closer to you for her mum.

If the Mother won't give you the child, there's nothing you can do. Legally, na she own the pikin.

dominique:
Team babymama see as e dey go. Selfish, lazy men that want children but don't want to he actively involved in looking after the child. You think it's all about dropping money? Children need the presence of the mother as much as the father in their formative years. It can be very frustrating being the one to tend to the child all the time especially now that the time is ill. No matter how busy you are, try and take some time to go and check on the child

nonny1212:
Na so women advise dey be..

Read between the line and see how she is trying to manipulate you into being a MuMU to your baby mama.

E don be, be say e don be.. she is a baby mama, and the hard truth be say you no go wife am. Baba, focus on your life for now as you no too guide. Honour your responsibility of the child's father but no kill yourself in the process.

In everything, know that you're the number 1 character. If you die while trying to please your baby mama and your child, life no go pause o.

So do your best, but don’t overthink or overstress yourself. Journey still far.

Also note that Nigerian women always use their children as a weapon against their father.

Be responsible but don't be foolish

dominique:
Team babymama see as e dey go. Selfish, lazy men that want children but don't want to he actively involved in looking after the child. You think it's all about dropping money? Children need the presence of the mother as much as the father in their formative years. It can be very frustrating being the one to tend to the child all the time especially now that the time is ill. No matter how busy you are, try and take some time to go and check on the child

QuinQ:
Unintended consequences. They think life is 2+2=4. Have you ever seen a very successful man who did baby mama to have his children??

Dregs:
We should be careful with whom we choose to have a child with, get married to, and spend our lives with in this period.

To be honest, I don’t buy into the idea of growing distance between me and my child, nor with her mother, who has been the worst-case scenario in my life. I do my best to provide for my daughter’s needs, but recently she got sick and her mother has been dealing with the situation alone—caring for the child—while I provide the finances. It hasn’t been easy on my end either.

With all this happening, she is disrespecting me and building resentment, as if I’m happy with our current situation. I’m working hard to bring my child closer to me, but her mom being in the picture makes it a long and difficult process. I didn’t get it right with this one, and I feel like I shot myself in the foot by going with the “baby mama” approach as a way to have a child.

Man, it’s one of my biggest mistakes. I’d rather wait a long time and be well settled in life than follow that path for raising a child.

Sometimes I don’t blame men who choose that lifestyle, because women these days often don’t honor their men or respect the sacrifices we make to keep the family happy. I love my child, and I hate to see her upbringing go this way.

Dregs:
We should be careful with whom we choose to have a child with, get married to, and spend our lives with in this period.

To be honest, I don’t buy into the idea of growing distance between me and my child, nor with her mother, who has been the worst-case scenario in my life. I do my best to provide for my daughter’s needs, but recently she got sick and her mother has been dealing with the situation alone—caring for the child—while I provide the finances. It hasn’t been easy on my end either.

With all this happening, she is disrespecting me and building resentment, as if I’m happy with our current situation. I’m working hard to bring my child closer to me, but her mom being in the picture makes it a long and difficult process. I didn’t get it right with this one, and I feel like I shot myself in the foot by going with the “baby mama” approach as a way to have a child.

Man, it’s one of my biggest mistakes. I’d rather wait a long time and be well settled in life than follow that path for raising a child.

Sometimes I don’t blame men who choose that lifestyle, because women these days often don’t honor their men or respect the sacrifices we make to keep the family happy. I love my child, and I hate to see her upbringing go this way.

Dregs:
We should be careful with whom we choose to have a child with, get married to, and spend our lives with in this period.

To be honest, I don’t buy into the idea of growing distance between me and my child, nor with her mother, who has been the worst-case scenario in my life. I do my best to provide for my daughter’s needs, but recently she got sick and her mother has been dealing with the situation alone—caring for the child—while I provide the finances. It hasn’t been easy on my end either.

With all this happening, she is disrespecting me and building resentment, as if I’m happy with our current situation. I’m working hard to bring my child closer to me, but her mom being in the picture makes it a long and difficult process. I didn’t get it right with this one, and I feel like I shot myself in the foot by going with the “baby mama” approach as a way to have a child.

Man, it’s one of my biggest mistakes. I’d rather wait a long time and be well settled in life than follow that path for raising a child.

Sometimes I don’t blame men who choose that lifestyle, because women these days often don’t honor their men or respect the sacrifices we make to keep the family happy. I love my child, and I hate to see her upbringing go this way.

Diamond098454:
You don't want to marry but have a baby mama now you had one you still complain.

QuinQ:
Unintended consequences. They think life is 2+2=4. Have you ever seen a very successful man who did baby mama to have his children??

Leepeak:
➜Make I count them
Here is a list of prominent, highly successful men who have expanded their families through co-parenting relationships....

Kobojunkie:
I see say, Cut your coat according to your size, na abomination to the lot of you. No wonder you remain bound to repeat the mistakes of those before you. Na wa oo!