₦airaland Forum

desthan:
My father's decisions were entirely his own, and I will never judge any of his choices as mistakes. We, his children, have made our own decisions, and we are living with the outcomes.

I don't believe there is such a thing as a mistake in the absolute sense. There are simply the things we choose to do and the things we choose not to do. Every decision is made based on the knowledge, understanding, and perspective a person has at that moment.

My father made his decisions at the level of understanding he possessed, and they were the best decisions he could make at the time. As for you, make your own choices carefully and wisely, and be prepared to live with the consequences they bring.

True words to an extent...

This thread is why Nairaland will forever be Nigeria's best information resource till the end of time. No other social media platform comes closer.

That said, I'm glad many are realising the folly in having too many children. Thank you Jesus! 🙌🏿

they were lessons I wouldn't want to experience not mistakes because at the time it's what he felt was the right thing to do and I don't blame him for anything because as a father myself now, I can see the struggles attached to fatherhood.

But you see polygamy.... Never!

Having more than 2 kid, pa had 6, legend

Unclebayo:
I’m 22 and the last time I heard from my dad was when I was 5, he is alive even in same state as my mom but only calls anytime he felt guilty (1 time in 4 years)

And that one time he calls he won’t even ask about my well being

He will be like , what level are you now( for tuition fee my mom is paying lol)

I’ve blocked him and I don’t want him anymore in my life

Abeg unblock him.
You can't judge him for decisions he took as a young man or a man seeking more happiness.
I just don't like to hear things like this no matter the circumstance of the situation.
Life as a man is hard enough on its own.
Don't contribute more pain to him.
Ejór

YoungLionken:
Polygamy is not the problem. The problem is lack of control and organization. Even the Bible says "train up a child.." It didn't state monogamy or polygamy..

Before you argue, have you not seen brothers and/or sisters of same parents tear each other up? The high rate of divorce today (home and away), is it not from monogamous homes? The Oni of Ife was initially monogamous and he was divorced, since he embraced polygamy, have you heard about such nonsense from his women again? Check polygamous men and how quiet their women are and compare with the monogamous loudmouths online, with some of them even bragging about how they dealt with their (monogamous) men..

There's no kind of problem you would hang on polygamy that you would not find in monogamy. It simply depends on the roles of the patriarch of the house.

Men (common with our fathers) always fail to be there to emotionally connect, unite and be there for their children when it matters. They just believe providing is all there is, nothing else. That's why four out of every five children of our typical African homes HARDLY have any emotional memory of our fathers, it was more of fathers being strict almost every time. But our generation of men are gradually changing that narrative as we play more with our kids now, be there for them on their graduation days, sport tournaments, vacation, etc. A rare privilege, many of us didn't get with our fathers while under them..

Everyone will walk their paths according to their unique experience; Some children from the so called monogamous homes would immediately start fighting over properties their father left, but they never for once fought for who will take care of the man when he was around and sick. Or is it when the wayward first son starts selling the inheritance as cheap articles with nothing tangible to show after sometime? My personal experience while growing up made me realize that You can have a good mother, who is not a good wife to your father...

make the man late first.
That's when the problem surfaces.
You think it's the hakunamatata and matching outfits.
Na the after martel....

Not EATING well, he sacrificed himself for his family...

Ubdavison:
My father was so obsessed with the
Second coming of Christ, there
Fore there was no need to make
Worldly wealth.

Chai

Emeskhalifa:
Read everything and I am so afraid of marriage right now

Take the good lessons out.
If you are paying attention to the pattern you'll see most of the issues is surrounded around polygamy

kestolove95:
Running from responsibilities

I was waiting for this comment.
But look at it, what else would you've him do?
Thank God you sef na man now and can see the struggles you had to go through to make your first one MiL.
In our father's era, the rich and middle class were the educated. Them nor born carpenter or tailor to rub shoulders with the educated
But now it's almost at par if those with handcrafts aren't even more financially stable than the educated now.
My point is: life and time have to be at a sweet union for great things to happen, if one falls shot from the other its a struggle that may graduate into old age and one na feels like a failure.

tiswell:
Yea,you have an (f) affix to your moniker.

😂

tonididdy:
Abeg unblock him.
You can't judge him for decisions he took as a young man or a man seeking more happiness.
I just don't like to hear things like this no matter the circumstance of the situation.
Life as a man is hard enough on its own.
Don't contribute more pain to him.
Ejór

but at least if he don’t have enough money to support me he should show sympathy and care and always available

I’m his first born btw.. I’m the one carrying the pain so I think nobody would understand me.

He has another so may god be it

Deo1986:
Marrying early with meager allowance as a police officer in the 70s and 80s
The man struggled real hard to keep his family of six together.
In the end he died broke and exhausted.

Kai this is the mistake a lot of men make.
We should learn from their generation and live differently.

They claim they love children , they love a large family , they now end up having too many children than they are able to conveniently cater for.

This becomes a burden.
They struggle to get by.
They struggle to feed and take good care of the same people they claim they love.

They end up always angry because a hungry man is an angry man.
They end up broke.
They end of possibly heartbroken and depressed because of their inability to meet up with their expected responsibilities towards their beloved family.

There is never a time you can say, they enjoyed their life.
Kaiiii

Unfortunately they end up dying sad and unfulfilled.

What a miserable life.

Except you are really blessed with good & sustainable wealth, there is nothing one is doing with more than 2 to 3 children.

Anything more is aseju baba asetę.

Unclebayo:
but at least if he don’t have enough money to support me he should show sympathy and care and always available

I’m his first born btw.. I’m the one carrying the pain so I think nobody would understand me.

He has another so may god be it

You feel you can replace him.
If you've sibling sisters, you don't see the need for a father because your him now?

Bro trust me, you'll wake up happier everyday if you straighten things with pops.

Start by unblocking him, leave a hi message and tell him of your wins randomly if you feel comfortable to.

If you're judging him financially, that's unfair esp if he has no means to contribute (at least he's even nice enough to ask about your schooling and not billing U because u dey yankee) but if otherwise "my guy bill your father, threaten him jokingly to provide what you want".

Maintain this relationship, come 9ja enter trouble first, na that time you go know say u get papa.

Deo1986:
Marrying early with meager allowance as a police officer in the 70s and 80s
The man struggled real hard to keep his family of six together.
In the end he died broke and exhausted.

95% of Nigerian police officers face or will face this fate
It's not your father's fault

Deo1986:
Marrying early with meager allowance as a police officer in the 70s and 80s
The man struggled real hard to keep his family of six together.
In the end he died broke and exhausted.

but marrying Early is good according to some people na 😭

tonididdy:
You feel you can replace him.
If you've sibling sisters, you don't see the need for a father because your him now?

Bro trust me, you'll wake up happier everyday if you straighten things with pops.

Start by unblocking him, leave a hi message and tell him of your wins randomly if you feel comfortable to.

If you're judging him financially, that's unfair esp if he has no means to contribute (at least he's even nice enough to ask about your schooling and not billing U because u dey yankee) but if otherwise "my guy bill your father, threaten him jokingly to provide what you want".

Maintain this relationship, come 9ja enter trouble first, na that time you go know say u get papa.

I Dey ilorin sir I never mentioned anywhere I’m in yankee

.

Unclebayo:
I Dey ilorin sir I never mentioned anywhere I’m in yankee

Claim it as a prophecy
Nevertheless I hope you get my point.

tonididdy:
Claim it as a prophecy
Nevertheless I hope you get my point.

yes thank you very much

GreatrAnalyst:
I give it to you.
You wrote insightful things here. For as much as I don't and can't consider polygamy as a person of faith and having seen what polygamy can do while watching close by, you shared great insights.

This thread in particular on nairaland is quite revealing. Fathers go through a lot, yet a little mistake here and there often undo their legacies.

Thank you, and on your last paragraph, yes true! They go through a lot without no one to share it with, as people (including, children, siblings, friends, etc) tend to fall off/loose connections as we grow older. So our fathers would have to keep everything to themselves...

Gerrard59:
The issues are the childcare associated with four children, not even the sexual comfort, that would push him to remarry. And because the woman he wishes to marry will be single, she would want her own children.

Nevertheless, the best prevention to ward off women pinning pregnancies on him is vasectomy. That way, no woman can prove she carries his child. He gets the sex he needs (very important and non-negotiable), but prevent having more children.

Then he focuses on childcare and raising.

Not many Nigerian men will agree to do vasectomy, including me

Black tax.
Taking care of too much extended family at the expense of his growth and investment.


Trusting outsiders more than his wife.
This made him lose a lot of money as he is a very easygoing person and doesn't sniff out envious or dangerous people.

I am happy we the girls are stable enough to make his old age more of receiving than giving. That man done try abeg.

Well, I never fully remember his activities cos I was rather too young when he died, was barely 6.
But his mistakes?
Well, he trust his friends too much according what I briefly saw and heard and that's what led to his death, as in his business partners poisoned him..
As tender as I was then, our house is a feast for his friends every weekend.
I'm friendly but won't ever trust my friends to that extent pf doing business with them.

My dad is a great father,

But I wish he supported my mum's education or he allowed her keep the aviation job she got in the 80's. My mum is very brilliant and eloquent.

I will support my wife oh when the time comes to the highest level of her career.

My dad had the opportunity to travel to Germany but he said no where is better than home(Nigeria). Now in his late 60s he is regretting that singular decision he made 40 years ago thinking that Nigeria will be better.

koladata:
He married four wives and died without doing will, the third wife without any child claimed the entire properties

And everyone else opened their eyes 👀 and were looking??
As how na??

Marrying a black woman.

If only life was straight forward and easy

PQuare come to my mind, they're identifical twins meaning they groom in one embrical cord. Now where are they. They re not of different mom. What happened. Is it because of polygamy. No. It is a choice they made.

YoungLionken:
Polygamy is not the problem. The problem is lack of control and organization. Even the Bible says "train up a child.." It didn't state monogamy or polygamy..

Before you argue, have you not seen brothers and/or sisters of same parents tear each other up? The high rate of divorce today (home and away), is it not from monogamous homes? The Oni of Ife was initially monogamous and he was divorced, since he embraced polygamy, have you heard about such nonsense from his women again? Check polygamous men and how quiet their women are and compare with the monogamous loudmouths online, with some of them even bragging about how they dealt with their (monogamous) men..

There's no kind of problem you would hang on polygamy that you would not find in monogamy. It simply depends on the roles of the patriarch of the house.

Men (common with our fathers) always fail to be there to emotionally connect, unite and be there for their children when it matters. They just believe providing is all there is, nothing else. That's why four out of every five children of our typical African homes HARDLY have any emotional memory of our fathers, it was more of fathers being strict almost every time. But our generation of men are gradually changing that narrative as we play more with our kids now, be there for them on their graduation days, sport tournaments, vacation, etc. A rare privilege, many of us didn't get with our fathers while under them..

Everyone will walk their paths according to their unique experience; Some children from the so called monogamous homes would immediately start fighting over properties their father left, but they never for once fought for who will take care of the man when he was around and sick. Or is it when the wayward first son starts selling the inheritance as cheap articles with nothing tangible to show after sometime? My personal experience while growing up made me realize that You can have a good mother, who is not a good wife to your father...

None. He gave us a perfect life. He struggled as a civil servant, but never allowed us to lack in all things. I’ll replicate his life but the circumstances are different.

yomi531:
Una Jonce big time oo. How did u allow that to happen?

The truth is, it was not just an ordinary eye.
That woman waka for them.
Don't be surprised that she did it in such a way that they would never show interest in the assets, like acting non challant about the whole thing.

They will only remember about it after many years.
And the memory will be like a flash and they will just conclude, abeg it is one of those things jare, let's move on.

Now that they are even remembering about it, they have simply moved on with their lives.

Lol.
Things they happen sha.