₦airaland Forum

I am not one for sharing my family problems on the internet, but I really have to share this on Nairaland so that some men can learn a thing or two and for you guys to advise me, cos I am totally in the worst emotional state right now due to a serious problem within my family that had barely started. This is going to be a really lengthy read. Bear with me.

I got acquainted with a lady towards the end of the month of March last year, 2025. Prior to that time I had decided that it was time to settle down and start my own family. So, me and this lady started talking and getting to know each other around March and it grew into a relationship shortly afterwards.

Now, the greatest mistake I made and I wish for any man reading this to avoid at all cost was that I ignored the fact that she was a single mother, she said that her baby daddy was very abusive physically and gave her several wounds on her body with different weapons for no reason. She said she'd never cheated on him and never disrespected him. She also said that he had never bought her anything as a gift as he was unemployed throughout the period of their entanglement. He never gave her money for her upkeep.

Second red flag was that she is uneducated (didn't even sit for waec), thirdly, she has no real marketable skill and was only working as a lowly-paid salesperson in a clothing shop.


Though I was a little concerned at first, cos I was wondering how I would end up marrying an uneducated, skill-less single mother. I shrugged it off cos I thought she seemed well-behaved and meek, which are qualities I cherish in a potential wife, and that those would make up for the shortcomings.

I was totally wrong about her character as she has since displayed her true self and shown that she was playing chameleon all along. At the initial stage she was all over me, putting pressure on me to take the relationship to another level. She always wanted to visit me every day. Any time she told me wanted to come to my apartment and I told her I wasn't around, she would be very sad and even suspect that I didn't want her to come or that perhaps I had another girl over at my house. Sometimes she would just show up unannounced, without prior notice at my apartment. She never gave me chance to think about the whole thing. I hate to admit she bamboozled me and hoodwinked me.

I asked her the business or trade she wanted to do so that I could set it up for her last year. I made a lot of suggestions and she turned them all down saying that the skill she really had was culinary skill and that she wanted to have something like a restaurant or bar where she could sell food and drinks. I am a great cook and by my assessment she isn't really a good cook. And moreover, I didn't like the idea of my wife doing such a business, and told her so. I suggested she seriously considered the other options I initially listed. But it appeared to me that she was fixated on the restaurant/bar business of which I vehemently stood my ground against the idea.

So in the meantime around May of last year we both agreed that she should stop the lowly paid job she was doing, which came with a lot of disrespect from her employer, while we give serious thought to what business would be best fit for her. I was the one footing virtually all her bills. Giving her money regularly for her upkeep and that of her son, worst mistake of my life as the current situation has proven.

I had quite a healthy bank account last year and was willing to invest a reasonable amount in her. She said she didn't want to go back to school and update her education, and that it's only business that she wanted to do. Okay, later on we agreed on baking business and I gave her money to start it. It didn't reach a complete two months before she ran the business aground, giving flimsy excuses.

Meanwhile I was still spending profusely on her cos one thing about me which some guys might misconstrue as simping is that when I truly love a lady I spend a lot on her.

To cut the very long story short, we started talking marriage, we did the introduction and was about to perform other marriage rites before she took in and we had to suspend everything pertaining to marriage till after the delivery of the baby in accordance with the custom of their people.

Mind you, all along I was the one fully taking care of her, and later on when she took in and after the introduction, she moved in fully with me in my apartment. That was around December last year. That was when expenses became huge on me. I noticed how wasteful she was with food items and how she pressured me into spending extravagantly on exquisite food and takeouts and other stuff. My finances started bleeding profusely once she moved in with me and my business started floundering, contracts that I used to get many of them started dwindling and ebbing off completely. It was a most terrible period for me.

However I tried my utmost best to provide her everything she needed during the time she was pregnant, even over pampered her with love. Throughout the period her odious character was becoming evident, her rudeness and disrespectful nature started becoming obvious. She would wake up some days sulking for no reason and snapping at me. I kept my cool, never talked down on her.

Meanwhile, my financial woes were getting even worse. I sincerely suspect she has a bad luck/aura about her that affected any man that goes into a sexual relationship with her.

However, I managed to clear the exorbitant amount racked up at the hospital when she put to bed in July this year. She had a bit of a complication which made the bill to balloon. The baby thankfully came out fine. And I later brought them home after paying the huge hospital bill.

But the most painful part was that her attitude was getting even worse that I couldn't bear it anymore. The condescending and disdainful way she was treating me was becoming annoyingly frustrating. To survive in the house I was just avoiding her.

Then the last straw that broke the camel's back and that necessitated this whole write-up was that she invited her mum over for the customary omugwo without consulting me first. According to tradition of our people, her mother was not supposed to come for omugwo as the marriage rites have not been completed.

Fine, she invited her over. But the woman stayed for a week, two weeks, three weeks, going into the fourth week with no sign of leaving and I was seriously having difficulty carrying the expenses of running the house with her mother and my fiance's three year old son that her mother came along with, plus her and our baby. The expenses on the food they were consuming plus sundry expenses werr drilling serious hole in my pocket. They would be demanding tea and bread and eggs every morning, which cost quite a sum. There were some foodstuffs in the house but my supposed fiance would not cook them, she would demand I buy other expensive food items to cook. I am the sole provider and the whole expenses was seriously choking me. Then one day, I left for my hometown to inspect my project there.

An idea hit me whilst there. I decided I would stay back in the village till further notice and leave my supposed jobless fiance and her mother in my apartment to fend for themselves, since the woman has refused to go back to her husband's house despite seeing how tight things are at the moment.

That evening chaos broke out. They started calling me on phone asking why I wasn't back home yet by 7 pm. I calmly told them I went to the village to fix stuff and would be back soon. My fiance demanded to know why I didn't inform them before leaving, of which I apologized profusely and promised I would be back the next two days. I sent some money though.

Three days later, they didn't see me and started calling my phone again. And this time my supposed fiance started raining insults at me, including her mother. She was shouting like a lunatic. I asked her, in all the the time we've been together, have I ever insulted you or used a foul language against you, or abused you? Yet you had the guts to insult me just cos I left the house for you and your mother for some days just to cool my head, cos you people wanted to kill me. It was then I decided I won't come back anytime soon.

Let her and her mother take care of the bills for a while and feel how I've been feeling all along. While I was in the house, the way the mother would be reminding me every morning about what and what to buy was getting on my nerves. I was wondering, is this woman blind to see that things are not smiling around here? Besides, there are major foodstuffs in the house, just a little money to buy simple stuff in the house, and her mother was shouting down at me on the phone, telling me she cannot feed my family for me, that I should come back home and take up my responsibility. I asked her, ever since I met your skill-less dumb daughter, haven't I been the one mostly feeding her and taking care of her, just because I left for a few days, you couldn't take care. I was furious, they were even more furious, but I didn't bloody care.

For the next one week I didn't pick their call. They called my mom and even went with our baby to my mum's house and said I abandoned the family for days. They also reported me to several people in our street who know me and they were calling me asking me to return home. Me that had consistently maintained a good guy figure in the street till I let an ungrateful and jobless single mother into my life in the name of marriage. Now my reputation is ruined.

I am so pissed off right, knowing that I wasted close to two years with a useless lady with no skill, who has a terrible and sordid past that I cannot mention here and who has turned out to be an ingrate, disrespectful and vile. Her baby papa abandoned her for years. When she gave birth to the first son, the baby daddy didn't even pay the 50k hospital bill they were charged 4 years ago. He said he had no money and ran away. They didn't go to his house to harass him to come and pay. They stayed in the hospital for up to a month until the family rallied around within themselves to sort out the bill and bail them out of the hospital. Yet, my ungrateful fiance and her jezebel of a mother have ganged up against me and are calling me all sorts of name just cos I left for a few days.

I have decided that I am no longer proceeding with the marriage. I feel sorry for my daughter who would grow up without her real mother cos I've decided I am taking custody of her. I can never allow them bring up my daughter in a public yard where they live. They would ruin my daughter there.

I made a most costly and terrible error of my life putting up with a single mother with no tangible skill, who is extremely lazy, who is possessed by a dark force. I sincerely feel so bad right now and wish I could turn back the hands of time to go back to when I first met her and tell the dumbo that I have no interest in marrying her. I remember all the money I've wasted to please her and impress her and I bite my fingers in deep regret.

Men, learn from my terrible mistake, never marry a jobless woman, especially a single mother who is jobless. Cos, that's the major bone of contention. If this lady had sustained the business I started for her, she wouldn't be short of cash to support the family in this trying times.

I deliberately left out some details from the write up, cos if I attempt to write down all the terrible experiences I've had in the hands of this terrible, marine spirit possessed single mother, you would weep for me.

Let me stop for now.

manitobor:
➜Now, the greatest mistake I made and I wish for any man reading this to avoid at all cost was that I ignored the fact that she was a single mother, she said that her baby daddy was very abusive physically and gave her several wounds on her body with different weapons for no reason. She said she'd never cheated on him and never disrespected him. She also said that he had never bought her anything as a gift as he was unemployed throughout the period of their entanglement. He never gave her money for her upkeep.
➜ Second red flag was that she is uneducated (didn't even sit for waec), thirdly, she has no real marketable skill and was only working as a lowly-paid salesperson in a clothing shop. Though I was a little concerned at first, cos I was wondering how I would end up marrying an uneducated, skill-less single mother. I shrugged it off cos I thought she seemed well-behaved and meek, which are qualities I cherish in a potential wife, and that those would make up for the shortcomings.
➜ I was totally wrong about her character as she has since displayed her true self and shown that she was playing chameleon all along. At the initial stage she was all over me, putting pressure on me to take the relationship to another level. She always wanted to visit me every day. Any time she told she wants to come to my apartment and I told her I wasn't around, she would be very sad and even suspect that I didn't want her to come or that perhaps I had another girl over at my house. She never gave me chance to think about the whole thing. I hate to admit she bamboozled me and hoodwinked me.
➜ I asked her the business or trade she wanted to do so that I could set it up for her last year. I made a lot of suggestions and she turned them all down saying that the skill she really had was culinary skill and that she wanted to have something like a restaurant or bar where she could sell food and drinks. I am a great cook and by my assessment she isn't really a good cook. And moreover, I didn't like the idea of my wife doing such a business, and told her so. I suggested she seriously considered the other options I initially listed. But it appeared to me that she was fixated on the restaurant/bar business of which I vehemently stood my ground against the idea.
➜ So in the meantime around May of last year we both agreed that she should stop the lowly paid job she was doing, which came with a lot of disrespect from her employer, while we give serious thought to what business would be best fit for her. I was the one footing virtually all her bills. Giving her money regularly for her upkeep and that of her son, worst mistake of my life as the current situation has proven.

1. You have yet to learn the real lesson here... so what makes you think anyone should attempt to learn anything from you or your experience? 😒😒

2. Again, you continue to hyperfocus on the mundane, completely ignoring the major... How does anyone learn anything tangible from you here? 😒

3. E be like say accountability no too dey your dictionary, as you stopped short of accepting full responsibility here. 😒

4. I knew it! This is another captain-save-a-hoe tale on Nairaland come to tell us that it is all the fault of the woman whom he chose to date and eventually tried to force into business, knowing full well she had no business education or background, to begin with. How do you make that make sense? 😒😒

5. E be like say na the same place dem dey train all of you Nigerian men wey dey think say una fit save a woman who no even make effort on her own. Na wa oo! 😒😒

manitobor:
➜I had quite a healthy bank account last year and was willing to invest a reasonable amount in her. She said she didn't want to go back to school and update her education, and that it's only business that she wanted to do. Okay, later on we agreed on baking business and I gave her money to start it. It didn't reach a complete two months before she ran the business aground, giving flimsy excuses. Meanwhile I was still spending profusely on her cos one thing about me which some guys might misconstrue as simping is that when I truly love a lady I spend a lot on her.
➜ To cut the very long story short, we started talking marriage, we did the introduction and was about to perform other marriage rites before she took in and we had to suspend everything pertaining to marriage till after the delivery of the baby in accordance with the custom of their people.
➜ Mind you, all along I was the one fully taking care of her, and later on when she took in and after the introduction, she moved in fully with me in my apartment.
➜ That was around December last year. That was when expenses became huge on me. I noticed how wasteful she was with food items and how she pressured me into spending extravagantly on exquisite food and takeouts and other stuff. My finances started bleeding profusely once she moved in with me and my business started floundering, contracts that I used to get many of them started dwindling and ebbing off completely. It was a most terrible period for me.

1. Within 2 months, you already proved what you had already known before you even started talking her into starting a business, which is that she had no business education or knowledge and would not do well if thrown into any business. OK! 😒😒

2. In 2026, you thoiught to have a baby first before resolving other issues? 😒😒

3. Of course you talked her into quitting the one job she had, so why would you not expect to be the one taking care of her then? 😒😒

4. Oh, now your blame her for the mishandling of your finances? Oh boy!! You really haven't learned anything, have you? 😒😒

manitobor:
➜However I tried my utmost best to provide her everything she needed during the time she was pregnant, even over pampered her with love. Throughout the period her odious character was becoming evident, her rudeness and disrespectful nature started becoming obvious. She would wake up some days sulking for no reason and snapping at me. I kept my cool, never talked down on her.
Meanwhile, my financial woes were getting even worse. I sincerely suspect she has a bad luck/aura about her that affected any man that goes into a sexual relationship with her.
However, I managed to clear the exorbitant amount racked up at the hospital when she put to bed in July this year. She had a bit of a complication which made the bill to balloon. The baby thankfully came out fine. And I later brought them home after paying the huge hospital bill.
➜ But the most painful part was that her attitude was getting even worse that I couldn't bear it anymore. The condescending and disdainful way she was treating me was becoming annoyingly frustrating. To survive in the house I was just avoiding her. Then the last straw that broke the camel's back and that necessitated this whole write-up was that she invited her mum over for the customary omugwo without consulting me first. According to tradition of our people, her mother was not supposed to come for omugwo as the marriage rites have not been completed.
Fine, she invited her over. But the woman stayed for a week, two weeks, three weeks, going into the fourth week with no sign of leaving and I was seriously having difficulty carrying the expenses of running the house with her mother and my fiance's three year old son that her mother came along with, plus her and our baby. The expenses on the food they were consuming plus sundry expenses werr drilling serious hole in my pocket. They would be demanding tea and bread and eggs every morning, which cost quite a sum. There were some foodstuffs in the house but my supposed fiance would not cook them, she would demand I buy other expensive food items to cook. I am the sole provider and the whole expenses was seriously choking me. Then one day, I left for my hometown to inspect my project there.

1. You complain about paying for the cost of delivering your own child, too? 😒😒

2. Again, I see a lack of accountability here. All she could do was make demands, and you could have easily said, "No!" But it seems like you are here to blame your wife for your inability to approach your finances honestly. 😒😒

Single mother or no single mother, man no suppose marry if u actually want peace. There are happy marriages and thats when you are always dropping money. Once a man is broke aswear nothing like happy marriage cos the man is surely gonna see hell. Bro if they give u the child fine, if they dont, leave her with them so that they wont use that to control you.

manitobor:
➜ I am so pissed off right, knowing that I wasted close to two years with a useless lady with no skill, who has a terrible and sordid past that I cannot mention here and who has turned out to be an ingrate, disrespectful and vile. Her baby papa abandoned her for years. When she gave birth to the first son, the baby daddy didn't even pay the 50k hospital bill they were charged 4 years ago. He said he had no money and ran away. They didn't go to his house to harass him to come and pay. They stayed in the hospital for up to a month until the family rallied around within themselves to sort out the bill and bail them out of the hospital. Yet, my ungrateful fiance and her jezebel of a mother have ganged up against me and are calling me all sorts of name just cos I left for a few days.
➜ I have decided that I am no longer proceeding with the marriage. I feel sorry for my daughter who would grow up without her real mother cos I've decided I am taking custody of her. I can never allow them bring up my daughter in a public yard where they live. They would ruin my daughter there.
➜ I made a most costly and terrible error of my life putting up with a single mother with no tangible skill, who is extremely lazy, who is possessed by a dark force. I sincerely feel so bad right now and wish I could turn back the hands of time to go back to when I first met her and tell the dumbo that I have no interest in marrying her. I remember all the money I've wasted to please her and impress her and I bite my fingers in deep regret.
➜ Men, learn from my terrible mistake, never marry a jobless woman, especially a single mother who is jobless. Cos, that's the major bone of contention. If this lady had sustained the business I started for her, she wouldn't be short of cash to support the family in this trying times. I deliberately left out some details from the write up, cos if I attempt to write down all the terrible experiences I've had in the hands of this terrible, marine spirit possessed single mother, you would weep for me. Let me stop for now.

1. Nothing you said in your long epistle shows that these faults you tabled are from the woman, yet here you are certain that she should be blamed for what are clearly bad financial decisions made by you. My advice to you is that you completely focus your energy on raising your child and avoid women entirely until after you have learned what it means to take accountability for your actions and decisions in life and relationships. 😒

2. I don't recommend that you take full custody of that child. Rather, work towards shared custody with your woman there so the child can have both her father and her mother in her life, even if part-time. Don't ruin that child's life because you are too immature to own up to your own decisions and mistakes. 😒😒

3. My guess is that it is going to take you a long time to come to terms with the fact that no one, not even this woman, forced herself on you. You chose her, knowing her background and past... You chose to invest money in started a business for her, knowing she literally had no business acumen whatsoever... You chose to have her quit her job, knowing it would mean that she would need to depend on you 100% from then on... You chose to impregnate her, knowing she had no other way of contributing financially to her child. Yet you want us to somehow believe she is the one to blame for how you ended up and feel?? 🙄🙄🙄

4. You didn't bother to learn from your own situation, but you are desperate to have others learn from you? Tufiakwa! If na curse, make you stop am! 🙄🙄

People should stop making babies until they have fully discovered how compatible they are with their intended spouse.
Stop bringing innocent children to face the strife of a broken home!

I don't pity you,I pity the innocent baby involved in all of this.

Another person will read your post and still have the same experience.

People don't learn because they put their feelings first before common sense.

If you fail to see signs,you will see wonders!

The good thing is that you have learnt from your mistakes. Though it would have been better to take the lesson from the experiences of others before you.

If I were to be honest with so I'd say you have some of the blame also, if not most of it. You probably spent too much on her that it's difficult for her to understand you can go broke. And maybe also over pampered her in order to get her to like you.
Unfortunately there's a child in the picture now and you're forever tied together, whether you marry her or not. My [unsolicited] advice would be don't go ahead with the marriage, but you can't the child away from her mother completely. Either she stays with her, or you do shared custody.
Ensure you apply the valuable lessons you've learnt here to your next relationship.

No football match starts from 1:0 or 2:0, same as marriage.

Leave single mother’s for single father’s to love themselves and remarry when necessary for them and kids.

No matter the cost, walk away without looking back with immediate alacrity. Where there’s no peace, love and respect is death or prison ahead.


Love yourself by doing DNA for the girl child to be certain cos that single mother with her mother can never be trusted.

No man with wisdom dates single mothers, na only bleeping with benefits per match.

Most of the single mother’s are damaged beyond repair cos they will destroy you with their past bitterness.

Better remain single than marry a single mother.

Hmm long write-up, but very deep. While I feel for you and hope everything you wrote is 100% true, the fact remains that money seems to be the main issue here cos you saw her before sleeping with her and impregnating her.

Now that she has a baby for you and you guys are connected for life through your daughter, my advice for you is to work on your finances and see how you can earn more money. Raising a child and starting a family is no joke, it will open your eyes to reality, love go clear comot for your eye...

LAMENTATIONS of a sugar boy. To be honest with you, NOT all illiterate, half-baked single mother/even single lady behave like that your' wife". .
Hope you've recovered all now

Well, they say don't kick a man when he's already down.

I'm only sorry for the child you've both birthed. Which will now be forced into the confusing dynamics of this cat and rat race.

Unless you pay her bride price, it'll be hard for you to legally get full custody of that child - unless you have money to pursue Court cases and evidence of the irreconcilable difference and abuse by her and her mother.

One thing you failed to set during the whole time you were engulfed with poohsay was boundaries. I'm a lover boy myself, I spoil my woman, but you MUST let her know that you also have this evil side - I'm the most humble and kind wicked person you can ever meet - if you had done that there are some lines she wouldn't even attempt to cross.

Anyways, you owned up to the fact that you saw all the signs, you ignored them and now you've seen wonders.

Educated or not, single mother or not. If you're a financially ambitious person, DON'T EVER TRY TO TALK ANOTHER PERSON INTO A BUSINESS THAT THEY DID NOT INITIATE BY THEMSELVES. It always never ends well.

If what you've said about the family is true, find ways to get your child from them.

I wish you the best. Learn your lesson... In the next relationship/life.

Captain save a hoe. You are not serious sir go back to your family. Who you wan leave them for?

Bro s. You were played. Love hit you for all directions and you yielded to it. Now, reality is setting in. The best is go back home. And sit down to discuss the way forward. You already knew her situation before going in the relationship and now lamenting about your finances. She birthed a baby for you in the process so know everything involves money.
It's your decision if you want to break up but know that you definitely aren't ready for marriage yourself. It's not about your partner. It's what marriage is all about. Compromises, lessons, regrets but We learn everyday. Love will disappear but with seeds sown, it would appear again.

ceeceeuwa:
People should stop making babies until they have fully discovered how compatible they are with their intended spouse.
Stop bringing innocent children to face the strife of a broken home!

I don't pity you,I pity the innocent baby involved in all of this.

Another person will read your post and still have the same experience.

People don't learn because they put their feelings first before common sense.

If you fail to see signs,you will see wonders!

Don't know why guys make this mistake, there is nothing a woman will do that will make me sleep with her raw thafuturely left with the woman I will marry, my ex even gave me ultimatum that she will break up, madam go ahead I don't do unprotected sex with an unmarried partner as a matter of fact I have never done unprotected sex before and will only do it with the woman I will marry.

Dudes don't take charge of their lives at all, you only produce a child when you are very sure of the woman you are with not with what she says but her actions for a long time.

The moment I even hear women Castigating their ex I'm off that relationship, that same woman will say the same thing about you to another person in the future.

Bros don’t mind those people saying you refused to take accountability for what happened to you!.

Wicked ladies become chameleons to attract good men. Any man can fall victim because all men love gentle and harmless looking lady.

Dont beat yourself up.

Also whether she is a single mother or not her behavior is that of a modern woman. Naso dem dey do.

The only mistake you made is running away from responsibilities, nothing else. You should not have run away from them. Your intention to marry her is not a mistake it's a good intention. It only failed. If we start a business and it fails, it is not a mistake, it only failed.

Lastly, nothing has spoiled yet, you have have not married her yet. Take a stand and tell them you cannot continue with the marriage. Nothing will happen. No court of law will indict you. Period.

Wow.. can't believe I read the whole story. This is really touching and painful at the same time.

I watched a clip once where a man made bold the claim that most women only act nice to guys because they want marriage, that the moment the guy falls into their trap, he'll see their true nature. They will disrespect, disregard, insult and frustrate his life till the guy will start questioning how and why he fell into the lady's trap.

If not for procreation (having kids), most guys today won't have any business with women, because relationships drain guys emotionally and financially. Just imagine the ingrate the OP laboured to take care of for 2 years insulting him for leaving home to clear his head.
Any woman that is not educated and has no job is a big red flag, they are just leeches looking for the next guy to jump on and drain.
Forget se.x.. any woman can fvck you but not every woman can build with you.

Kobojunkie:
1. You have yet to learn the real lesson here... so what makes you think anyone should attempt to learn anything from you or your experience? 😒😒

2. Again, you continue to hyperfocus on the mundane, completely ignoring the major... How does anyone learn anything tangible from you here? 😒

3. E be like say accountability no too dey your dictionary, as you stopped short of accepting full responsibility here. 😒

4. I knew it! This is another captain-save-a-hoe tale on Nairaland come to tell us that it is all the fault of the woman whom he chose to date and eventually tried to force into business, knowing full well she had no business education or background, to begin with. How do you make that make sense? 😒😒

5. E be like say na the same place dem dey train all of you Nigerian men wey dey think say una fit save a woman who no even make effort on her own. Na wa oo! 😒😒

Boy, I have read some of your comment here on NL as regards some topics and I can conveniently say you are a disturbed soul. You need help help and that must come really fast.

bill never even start you just dey complain

Post summary.

A breezy suggestion for a happy ending – a little affection to keep the marriage healthy.

I can honestly feel your pain just reading this, and it really makes me sad. ❤️

The restaurant and bar business can be a good one, but I also wonder if she has enough experience to handle it, especially considering everything that has happened.

As for the bar business, I honestly feel it can be quite risky, particularly for someone who was preparing to get married. There can be a lot of temptations and situations that require a lot of discipline and maturity.

Looking back, I feel you may have overlooked some of the things she was doing before you fell in love with her. Sometimes love makes us ignore certain signs, and unfortunately, that may have contributed to where you find yourself today.

And honestly, I don't think having sex with her was the real issue. From everything you've shared, I feel the bigger problem was her mentality and the way she viewed certain things. I'm sorry to say this, but some of her actions don't come across as those of someone who truly understood the value of what she had.

For example, if there was already food at home and she was still demanding something else, I can understand why that would bother you. It may give the impression that she feels entitled to someone else's money, and personally, that's something I don't like either.

I'm just grateful that you're with your daughter right now. Please take good care of her and focus on giving her the love and stability she needs. ❤️

I wish I could say so much more, but for now, all I can tell you is that I'm praying you eventually find a good woman — someone who is not only intelligent but also knows how to manage a home, is understanding, supportive, and willing to build a peaceful life with you.

And honestly, hearing that things became abusive is really sad. What makes it even more frustrating is having her mother take her side instead of encouraging her to reflect on her actions.

Please stay strong. Don't allow everything that has happened to break you. Take care of yourself and your daughter, and with time, I believe things will get better. 🙏❤️

You must be a saint, whilst she's the devils advocate

Men of this generation is passing through different things in the hands of women or ladies because they lack or ignore the wisdom of their fathers.

There are some intelligent practices of our fathers that the way of the Europeans made foolish to us, but after all we will wake up to the reality that we are not living in Europe but in our culture.


Op should put himself together, check the paternity of the girl if he's in doubt, let go of the woman to avoid domestic violence and bitterness, draw out his plan for and in marriage and how to go about it before giving marriage another trial.
All will be well

People like you
We don't pity them
Infact
We need more men like u to get burnt
Cause the gospel we preach
Will go far


In ur writeup
You said
U were slapped with the truth
What truth is that
" Spending on her"
You were in a one sided relationship
But you convinced yourself that being stupid is the best way to go
Lol
U never see anything brother
More heart breaks to come

manitobor:
I am not one for sharing my family problems on the internet, but I really have to share this on Nairaland so that some men can learn a thing or two and for you guys to advise me, cos I am totally in the worst emotional state right now due to a serious problem within my family that had barely started. This is going to be a really lengthy read. Bear with me.

I got acquainted with a lady towards the end of the month of March last year, 2025. Prior to that time I had decided that it was time to settle down and start my own family. So, me and this lady started talking and getting to know each other around March and it grew into a relationship shortly afterwards.

Now, the greatest mistake I made and I wish for any man reading this to avoid at all cost was that I ignored the fact that she was a single mother, she said that her baby daddy was very abusive physically and gave her several wounds on her body with different weapons for no reason. She said she'd never cheated on him and never disrespected him. She also said that he had never bought her anything as a gift as he was unemployed throughout the period of their entanglement. He never gave her money for her upkeep.

Second red flag was that she is uneducated (didn't even sit for waec), thirdly, she has no real marketable skill and was only working as a lowly-paid salesperson in a clothing shop.


Though I was a little concerned at first, cos I was wondering how I would end up marrying an uneducated, skill-less single mother. I shrugged it off cos I thought she seemed well-behaved and meek, which are qualities I cherish in a potential wife, and that those would make up for the shortcomings.

I was totally wrong about her character as she has since displayed her true self and shown that she was playing chameleon all along. At the initial stage she was all over me, putting pressure on me to take the relationship to another level. She always wanted to visit me every day. Any time she told me wanted to come to my apartment and I told her I wasn't around, she would be very sad and even suspect that I didn't want her to come or that perhaps I had another girl over at my house. Sometimes she would just show up unannounced, without prior notice at my apartment. She never gave me chance to think about the whole thing. I hate to admit she bamboozled me and hoodwinked me.

I asked her the business or trade she wanted to do so that I could set it up for her last year. I made a lot of suggestions and she turned them all down saying that the skill she really had was culinary skill and that she wanted to have something like a restaurant or bar where she could sell food and drinks. I am a great cook and by my assessment she isn't really a good cook. And moreover, I didn't like the idea of my wife doing such a business, and told her so. I suggested she seriously considered the other options I initially listed. But it appeared to me that she was fixated on the restaurant/bar business of which I vehemently stood my ground against the idea.

So in the meantime around May of last year we both agreed that she should stop the lowly paid job she was doing, which came with a lot of disrespect from her employer, while we give serious thought to what business would be best fit for her. I was the one footing virtually all her bills. Giving her money regularly for her upkeep and that of her son, worst mistake of my life as the current situation has proven.

Single mother’s are damaged, uneducated, doesn't want to work (bar&restaurant na scam 😢). 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


You are not of same level and never. Trenches people will rip off till you are financially zero. They don't know when to manage, I'm glad you discovered it yourself. Single mothers are red flags and we scream it back to back on this forum.
Eject them from that house and take your baby girl away from her after like two years.

I checked your NL profile , u na senior Man 🙌