₦airaland Forum

raumdeuter:
This my friend grew up in extreme poverty too but now doing very well in the US, the moment he got to US, he dedicated his earnings and life to bring up his siblings. Paid for abroad masters in Canada, bought cars for them, setup different businesses for them, Gave Proof of Fund to UK, Paid for multiple IVFs etc And today they do not speak to each other anymore, because they believed he could have done more.
My friend says if he was never successful and they all remained on the same level, they would be friends and have a better relationship today


For full disclosure, An incident happened years ago

His dad while they were growing up, married a new wife and the kids never forgave him, so when one of the sisters was getting married, she decided that her dad must not be the one to hand her over, she will rather it be her elder sisters husband, My friend didn't know about this, So on the day of the event, he was shocked to see their father sitting at the backrow at the entrance to the hall, while his brother in-law was sitting as the father of bride seat. My friend being the first son insisted that you cannot humiliate their dad like that regardless of his faults and that the father must sit in his rightful position. He confronted the brother inlaw that you too be man, what will you feel if your daughter does that to you. He got his way and the father sat as the father of the bride. The bride was on the stage, couldnt come down to dispute the changes, fumed all day and after the event laid severe curses on this my friend. That was what caused the family crisis

The father is long dead but till today they dont speak anymore

That's a madness. With age you will come to realise that siblings are just extended family. What really matters is your children and help for siblings should never impede the progress of your children substantially.

Worst request I ever got from Nigeria is an obese relative asking for help to purchase Ozempic because her obesity is leading to health complications. She said the Ozempic is N1.6m and she has N600k of it. I was too shocked to even vex

Kimbeast:
Leave his father wealth. How much is the Geoffrey Ogunlesi worth? Probably less than $20M. He is marrying into money and influence. I am surprised she even took his last name.

Even if she's worth more than Musk, how my wife ex go be my wedding minister?

raumdeuter:
This my friend grew up in extreme poverty too but now doing very well in the US, the moment he got to US, he dedicated his earnings and life to bring up his siblings. Paid for abroad masters in Canada, bought cars for them, setup different businesses for them, Gave Proof of Fund to UK, Paid for multiple IVFs etc And today they do not speak to each other anymore, because they believed he could have done more.
My friend says if he was never successful and they all remained on the same level, they would be friends and have a better relationship today


For full disclosure, An incident happened years ago that finally damaged their fragile relationship

His dad while they were growing up, married a new wife and the kids never forgave him, so when one of the sisters was getting married, she decided that her dad must not be the one to hand her over, she will rather it be her elder sisters husband, My friend didn't know about this, So on the day of the event, he was shocked to see their father sitting at the backrow at the entrance to the hall, while his brother in-law was sitting as the father of bride seat. My friend being the first son insisted that you cannot humiliate their dad like that regardless of his faults and that the father must sit in his rightful position. He confronted the brother inlaw that you too be man, what will you feel if your daughter does that to you. He got his way and the father sat as the father of the bride. The bride was on the stage, couldnt come down to dispute the changes, fumed all day and after the event laid severe curses on this my friend. That was what caused the family crisis

The father is long dead but till today they dont speak anymore

That your friend is mad. Who does he think he's is to invalidate her feelings and wishes. Just look at the audacity.

Ibeme:
Worst request I ever got from Nigeria is an obese relative asking for help to purchase Ozempic because her obesity is leading to health complications. She said the Ozempic is N1.6m and she has N600k of it. I was too shocked to even vex

Ozempic cost like that

Bombblacks:
That your friend is mad. Who does he think he's is to invalidate her feelings and wishes. Just look at the audacity.

Will you be okay to have your dad sit at the back row at your sisters wedding?

Ibeme:
His father has been a billionaire for donkey years and only has 2 children. I would be surprised if he is not worth 8 figures himself, and definitely would be a billionaire when all is said and done in the future.

Leave money talk, my main issue is not their disparity in age but the fact he allowed her ex husband to officiate the wedding. That's a violation blood!

Age is not the issue as she bore him a child this year therefore fulfilling the criteria for which you would want to marry a woman of child bearing age.

But this is not just an ordinary Ex. It's Tobey Maguire and they are reportedly still friends after the divorce so am not seeing the big deal. They are co parents so they will both be seeing each other alot and for their children seek it's good thing they still have a close relationship. Their children were also In attendance at the wedding. It's not a big deal.

Bombblacks:
That your friend is mad. Who does he think he's is to invalidate her feelings and wishes. Just look at the audacity.

Leave matter abeg. I always tell my friends who have any beef with their parents to forgive immediately because God knows how many countless thousands of hours they have spent caring for you as a child, worried sick for your health etc.

When you become a parent and start spending those hours on your children, worried to death anytime they get ill etc, you will start to reason how parents who fell out with their children must have done all this same work only for children to stop speaking to them over a trivial matter

She was out of line for that stunt. And if she had sense, she would have asked her senior brother instead of her brother-in-law, and that one would have knocked sense back in her head.

GloriousGbola:
Ozempic cost like that

I don't even know. I started laughing as she was calling the number and told her to start walking 10k steps per day.

raumdeuter:
Will you be okay to have your dad sit at the back row at your sisters wedding?

If its what she wants then why not. She has a reason and nobody has any right to invalidate them, imagine the audacity from your friend.

Kimbeast:
But this is not just an ordinary Ex. It's Tobey Maguire and they are reportedly still friends after the divorce so am not seeing the big deal. They are co parents so they will both be seeing each other alot and for their children seek it's good thing they still have a close relationship. Their children were also In attendance at the wedding. It's not a big deal.

No bro. It's a very big deal. Someone is joining you in holy matrimony that has done unspeakable things to your wife countless of times in the bedroom. That's a big violation bruv

raumdeuter:
This my friend grew up in extreme poverty too but now doing very well in the US, the moment he got to US, he dedicated his earnings and life to bring up his siblings. Paid for abroad masters in Canada, bought cars for them, setup different businesses for them, Gave Proof of Fund to UK, Paid for multiple IVFs etc And today they do not speak to each other anymore, because they believed he could have done more.
My friend says if he was never successful and they all remained on the same level, they would be friends and have a better relationship today


For full disclosure, An incident happened years ago that finally damaged their fragile relationship

His dad while they were growing up, married a new wife and the kids never forgave him, so when one of the sisters was getting married, she decided that her dad must not be the one to hand her over, she will rather it be her elder sisters husband, My friend didn't know about this, So on the day of the event, he was shocked to see their father sitting at the backrow at the entrance to the hall, while his brother in-law was sitting as the father of bride seat. My friend being the first son insisted that you cannot humiliate their dad like that regardless of his faults and that the father must sit in his rightful position. He confronted the brother inlaw that you too be man, what will you feel if your daughter does that to you. He got his way and the father sat as the father of the bride. The bride was on the stage, couldnt come down to dispute the changes, fumed all day and after the event laid severe curses on this my friend. That was what caused the family crisis

The father is long dead but till today they dont speak anymore

While the father may have been a dead-beat at some point after his second marriage , I fault the sister for trying to use her brother-in-law in place of her father on her wedding day .

I think the brother-in-law was fooolish to have ever considered the suggestion sef . If I was in his shoes , I would’ve decline the suggestion and would’ve left them to sort their family palava long before the day of wedding ceremony . I believe if he had done that , the lady would either have find ways to tolerate the man for that day or look for an elderly male relative that will stand in for the man .

Ibeme:
Leave matter abeg. I always tell my friends who have any beef with their parents to forgive immediately because God knows how many countless thousands of hours they have spent caring for you as a child, worried sick for your health etc.

When you become a parent and start spending those hours on your children, worried to death anytime they get ill etc, you will start to reason how parents who fell out with their children must have done all this same work only for children to stop speaking to them over a trivial matter

She was out of line for that stunt. And if she had sense, she would have asked her senior brother instead of her brother-in-law, and that one would have knocked sense back in her head.

These are gaslighting tactics to force children to forgive abusive parents. All what you have listed are cheap excuses. For a child to say he/she doesn't want this or that person to do that at wedding she must have a very good reason for it. Your child doesn't owe you anything if you haven't earned it or done anything to deserve it.

Ibeme:
Worst request I ever got from Nigeria is an obese relative asking for help to purchase Ozempic because her obesity is leading to health complications. She said the Ozempic is N1.6m and she has N600k of it. I was too shocked to even vex

The way you were shocked & laughed it off is the same way most Nigerian family members will laugh off the idea of paying for your child’s flight ticket to go for NYSC camp 😂

That’s what I was letting you know that day .

Ibeme:
Leave matter abeg. I always tell my friends who have any beef with their parents to forgive immediately because God knows how many countless thousands of hours they have spent caring for you as a child, worried sick for your health etc.

When you become a parent and start spending those hours on your children, worried to death anytime they get ill etc, you will start how parents who fell out with their children must have done all this same work only for children to stop speaking to them over a trivial matter

She was out of line for that stunt. And if she had sense, she would have asked her senior brother instead of her brother-in-law, and that one would have knocked sense back in her head.

My guy just had a baby and he is doing serious night vigil all night baby sitting in addition to work, he said one of his shoulder is numb from baby weight, dancing all night

I come tease am say imagine this baby grow up and said "Daddy never cared for me"

Most parents did what they thought was best for their kids, they might have had some failings and its likely based on the knowledge they had at that time. (The parents too were in their 20s to 30s being parent for the first time) and just winging it like we are today or just prioritizing discipline and strictness

Also wen you consider what they gave you, its way better than what they got from their parents.

Bola drives his kids to every activity(swimming, taekwondo, coding class) even after school and weekend
which is better than what Bola dad did cos Bola dey use leg waka and take bus from Ikorodu to Ikeja on his own every day
which was better than what Bolas grandpa gave his dad which is send him to a Lagos without any communication for years

and so on

You do better than you said your parent did. Cos one day in the future your own kids will also complain about how you didnt do this and that

Ibeme:
No bro. It's a very big deal. Someone is joining you in holy matrimony that has done unspeakable things to your wife countless of times in the bedroom. That's a big violation bruv

You are overthinking things. Nobody thinks about or cares about those trivial things. At this rate, you will also ask him not to let her other kids visit her because they will remind him of Maguire doing unspeakable things to her in the bedroom.

BlueRayDick:
The way you were shocked & laughed it off is the same way most Nigerian family members will laugh off the idea of paying for your child’s flight ticket to go for NYSC camp 😂

That’s what I was letting you know that day .

I never intended that you ask for flight ticket hoha. There are ways of coding things and raising money to get where you want to go. In my case, my grandmother has a school that my uncle and cousin could have made the request from, and that's the entity that ended up funding her flight ticket. They never had the confidence to make such a request from their own grandmothers school because poverty is a mentality.

BlueRayDick:
While the father may have been a dead-beat at some point after his second marriage , I fault the sister for trying to use her brother-in-law in place of her father on her wedding day .

I think the brother-in-law was fooolish to have ever considered the suggestion sef . If I was in his shoes , I would’ve decline the suggestion and would’ve left them to sort their family palava long before the day of wedding ceremony . I believe if he had done that , the lady would either have find ways to tolerate the man for that day or look for an elderly male relative that will stand in for the man .

That was why my friend went to the Brother inlaw that you sef be man. Think am that its your own daughter doing that to you

I told my friend that if your sister felt that way about the dad she should not have invited the father in the first place, but she wanted the Pain served back to be extreme, Invite him, make him believe things will go as normal then push the dagger in and humiliate him in public telling him to sit at the back

Speaking for myself, No one can convince me to sit for another man who is alive because his daughter is angry with him, even if na my relative. Its better to put cardboard on the chair than for me to join to humiliate a father

Kimbeast:
You are overthinking things. Nobody thinks about or cares about those trivial things. At this rate, you will also ask him not to let her other kids visit her because they will remind him of Maguire doing unspeakable things to her in the bedroom.

Bro the Priest in a wedding gives a lecture/prayers about the sanctity and exclusivity of marriage, and you are having such sermon delivered by someone who has entered the holy of holies hundreds of times. Same priest will now finish with "and you may kiss the bride" in the same mouth. . . . where. . . .I am trying to avoid ban for saying what he has disposed in that mouth. . .. . Nah!

Ibime:
I never intended that you ask for flight ticket hoha. There are ways of coding things and raising money to get where you want to go. In my case, my grandmother has a school that my uncle and cousin could have made the request from, and that's the entity that ended up funding her flight ticket. They never had the confidence to make such a request from their own grandmothers school because poverty is a mentality.

The point was that most of the NYSC members are from poor families and their parents could not afford flight ticket. You suggested they seek help from family members who may have to fund ransom payment should they be kidnapped while travelling by road.

It was on that premise I told you that most relative will not only be too shocked to vex for u, some may even cuss u before blocking u. The same way u find the idea of funding a relative's Ozempic request ridiculous is the same way relatives of those NYSC members will laugh their parents if they had requested financial support from them for flight ticket.

Ibeme:
Bro the Priest in a wedding gives a lecture/prayers about the sanctity and exclusivity of marriage, and you are having such sermon delivered by someone who has entered the holy of holies hundreds of times. Same priest will now finish with "and you may kiss the bride" in the same mouth. . . . where. . . .I am trying to avoid ban for saying what he has disposed in that mouth. . .. . Nah!

Why are your posts getting deleted lol.

I know the angle you are coming from and I partially agree but you are still overthinking it. According to her Geoffrey and Maguire are friends so Maybe they are close.

Bombblacks:
These are gaslighting tactics to force children to forgive abusive parents. All what you have listed are cheap excuses. For a child to say he/she doesn't want this or that person to do that at wedding she must have a very good reason for it. Your child doesn't owe you anything if you haven't earned it or done anything to deserve it.

One of the glaring problems of westerners who live in a society that works is they are able to take parents for granted and disregard their sacrifices.

To be fair this applies to adults as well.

What your parents 'owe' you is a roof over your head and basic secondary school education.

Everything else is Jara that they could have spent on themselves.

This is why I read of situations on reddit where divorced/separated parents of disrespectful pikin sometimes ask their kids to leave the home once they turn 18. No legal obligation after that.

I spent all of Saturday with my daughter at unilag looking for accommodation for her. We went there with public transport because I wanted her to understand the route for herself. I could have spent that time on myself.

My old man was in the middle east for 10 years. That choice gave us an upper middle class life,but he effectively spent 10 months a year living alone.

So it is not all cut and dried. Yes some parents are terrible. But most did the best they could

Bombblacks:
These are gaslighting tactics to force children to forgive abusive parents. All what you have listed are cheap excuses. For a child to say he/she doesn't want this or that person to do that at wedding she must have a very good reason for it. Your child doesn't owe you anything if you haven't earned it or done anything to deserve it.

That the brother thinks he deserves the handover and has done handover for the other siblings without this issue coming up shows that it's probably an overreaction from his daughter. Divorce is a messy subject but no parent deserves to have their years of sacrifice for their children poopooed because they separated from their spouse. Without knowing the details, I will say her siblings have the right of it, and she has overreacted. Very often in modern society, we see young adults mad at their fathers for divorcing their mother. Some young adults don't forgive and can't separate his duties to them as a father from his duties to their mother as a husband, I know of a few instances.

GloriousGbola:
Ozempic cost like that

That's his point

Ibeme:
I don't even know. I started laughing as she was calling the number and told her to start walking 10k steps per day.

You are wicked
You want an obese person to be walking 10k per day, you want her to suffer heart attack

GloriousGbola:
One of the glaring problems of westerners who live in a society that works is they are able to take parents for granted and disregard their sacrifices.

To be fair this applies to adults as well.

What your parents 'owe' you is a roof over your head and basic secondary school education.

Everything else is Jara that they could have spent on themselves.

This is why I read of situations on reddit where divorced/separated parents of disrespectful pikin sometimes ask their kids to leave the home once they turn 18. No legal obligation after that.

I spent all of Saturday with my daughter at unilag looking for accommodation for her. We went there with public transport because I wanted her to understand the route for herself. I could have spent that time on myself.

My old man was in the middle east for 10 years. That choice gave us an upper middle class life,but he effectively spent 10 months a year living alone.

So it is not all cut and dried. Yes some parents are terrible. But most did the best they could

I get the point you are raising. According to what Raumdeuter shared, the father married a second wife and abandoned his first family or something along those lines. It must have been really bad for her and her siblings for her to take a stand and say she doesn't want him to hand her over during her wedding. No child would cut off their parents over trivial or silly things. For a child to go that far, something must have happened that left a really, really deep scar. Only for a silly friend to come along and invalidate and undermine her feelings and wishes. He's lucky she is a calm person who probably didn't want to cause a scene. Who knows what would have happened if she was hot headed and reacted angrily.

raumdeuter:
That was why my friend went to the Brother inlaw that you sef be man. Think am that its your own daughter doing that to you

I told my friend that if your sister felt that way about the dad she should not have invited the father in the first place, but she wanted the Pain served back to be extreme, Invite him, make him believe things will go as normal then push the dagger in an humiliate him in public telling him to sit at the back

Speaking for myself, No one can convince me to sit for another man who is alive because his daughter is angry with him, even if na my relative. Its better to put cardboard on the chair than for me to join to humiliate a father

I think the man actually did hurt the lady by his actions and inactions; so her anger at him is very valid. I also think maybe she shouldn't have invited the father in the first place .

My mum has a friend whose mother abandoned her with the father while she was few months old. The mother just walked out of the marriage leaving the father to cater for the child with the help of his aged mother. According to my mum, that her friend grew up knowing just her father. The father tried as best as he could to fill the void left by the mother. The mother got married to another man and started another family while the father remained single till the lady was out of secondary school.(The man feels if he marries another wife while the daugther was still young, she will be maltreated by the new wife)

When it was time for the daughter to get married, she insisted she doesn't want her mum at her wedding . Her groom is from a very strong Christian family, so the groom's family started preaching about forgiveness, reconciliation ....blah blah.....She insisted she doesn't want the woman at her wedding. Then people started talking about dangers of going into marriage without her mother's blessing and all.

Las Las, na the father's sister sit in place of the mother and the marriage was fruitful (They had 3 boys). Tho she later reconciled with the woman years later, but according to my mum anytime she sends the woman money she dey always let her bear that guilt. She lets her know she doesn't deserve anything she does for her as a daughter.

The bottom line is....


TINUBU MUST GO 2027

Ibeme:
That the brother thinks he deserves the handover and has done handover for the other siblings without this issue coming up shows that it's probably an overreaction from his daughter. Divorce is a messy subject but no parent deserves to have their years of sacrifice for their children poopooed because they separated from their spouse. Without knowing the details, I will say her siblings have the right of it, and she has overreacted. Very often in modern society, we see young adults mad at their fathers for divorcing their mother. Some young adults don't forgive and can't separate his duties to them as a father from his duties to their mother as a husband, I know of a few instances.

In Nigeria children are a woman's revenge. If you don't have strong a-game as a father and you and your wife fall out, 90% of the time she will poison your pikins mind against you.

raumdeuter:
My guy just had a baby and he is doing serious night vigil all night baby sitting in addition to work, he said one of his shoulder is numb from baby weight, dancing all night

I come tease am say imagine this baby grow up and said "Daddy never cared for me"

Most parents did what they thought was best for their kids, they might have had some failings and its likely based on the knowledge they had at that time. (The parents too were in their 20s to 30s being parent for the first time) and just winging it like we are today or just prioritizing discipline and strictness

Also wen you consider what they gave you, its way better than what they got from their parents.

Bola drives his kids to every activity(swimming, taekwondo, coding class) even after school and weekend
which is better than what Bola dad did cos Bola dey use leg waka and take bus from Ikorodu to Ikeja on his own every day
which was better than what Bolas grandpa gave his dad which is send him to a Lagos without any communication for years

and so on

You do better than you said your parent did. Cos one day in the future your own kids will also complain about how you didnt do this and that

This is my own personal story,I am 30years old, and there is something I have been struggling with emotionally for a long time. I need the honest opinions of people here, especially those who have experienced something similar.

My biological mother abandoned me when I was just eight months old and left me in the care of an elderly woman who took me in and raised me as her own child. This woman had married my biological mother but could not have a child of her own, so she accepted the responsibility of raising me.

Today, I can confidently say that this woman gave me the love, care, and support that many people who grew up with their biological parents might never fully appreciate. She stood by me, did her best for me, and gave me a sense of belonging. Despite the challenges of life, I have never felt that she failed me in the role of a mother.

Unfortunately, she is now almost 100 years old.

My biological mother, who is still around 50, has recently been making efforts to reconnect with me. She wants to become a part of my life, and I honestly do not know how to handle the situation.

On one hand, people keep reminding me that she is the woman who gave birth to me and that I should not forget her simply because she abandoned me. On the other hand, I cannot easily erase the reality that she was absent during the years when I needed a mother the most.

The woman who actually raised me is the one who sacrificed for me, showed me love, and supported me through life. Even now, I am still hustling to establish myself financially, just like many other Nigerians, but I remain grateful for everything she has done for me.

Sometimes, I lie awake at night thinking about my biological mother, wondering what I should do and whether I am wrong for struggling to accept her back into my life.

My questions are these:

1. If you were in my position, would you forgive your biological mother after she abandoned you at just eight months old?


2. Does giving birth to a child automatically make someone more deserving of the title of mother than the person who actually raised that child?


3. Should I feel obligated to accept my biological mother simply because she gave birth to me, even though another woman made the sacrifices of motherhood?


4. Is it possible to forgive my biological mother without immediately accepting her as a mother in the same way I regard the woman who raised me?

GloriousGbola:
In Nigeria children are a woman's revenge. If you don't have strong a-game as a father and you and your wife fall out, 90% of the time she will poison your pikins mind against you.

Correct even if you have strong a game, i don't know how they do it the father is still at the receiving end