₦airaland Forum

Stephen0mozzy:
Till today, nobody from my family knows my salary.

If they don't know your salary, they can't raise their expectations or feel entitled to asking more than you give.

You need to stand well before you can help another person stand. This doesn't mean you should be stingy, it just means you should be calculative in disbursing your earnings - always, always work within a budget.

Have a budget for what you give to parents, to siblings. Random gifting only comes if you get money from side hustles.

Also the first time anyone shows entitlement to your money, block them - good parents will never do this though.

Secondly, nor to dey show off. If you dey struggle, but dey show off with lifestyle wry pass your net worth, then you dey find trouble... To attract parasitic expectations.

Deeaka:
I have been thinking about something that I believe many salary earners can relate to.

Sometimes, once people know that you have a good job, they automatically assume that you have money.

You become the person they call when school fees need to be paid, when someone needs urgent assistance, when there is a family problem or when an unexpected bill comes up.

And honestly, helping people you care about is not a bad thing. Most of us want to be able to support our parents, siblings and other loved ones.

But there is something people don't always consider: earning a good salary does not mean that all your money is available to spend.

You have your own bills, savings goals, responsibilities and plans for the future. Some of us are also trying to build a life that will make us less financially dependent on our salaries someday.

The tricky part is that when you start saying no, people may think you have changed, become proud or forgotten where you came from.

Meanwhile, you may simply be trying to make your own money last until your next payday.

So I want to ask:

1. Do you think earning a good salary automatically makes someone responsible for helping extended family?
2. Have you ever had to choose between helping someone and meeting your own financial goals?
3. How do you set boundaries without damaging family relationships?

I'd genuinely like to hear people's experiences, especially from those who support family members while trying to build their own financial future

itzadorable333:
Family is first and last. However a family that does not appreciate you when you don't have won't appreciate you when you have. And a family that appreciates you when you don't have, will also appreciate you when you have. Understanding and Loyalty are not bought with money. A family that respects, understands and is loyal to you does so whether you are poor or rich. What you owe your family is loyalty and duty. Loyalty is always within your power so it should not lack. Duty, on the other hand, is not always within your power because duty requires means to fulfill it. And the financial/economic means has a huge share in the ratio of means. And this is not always in your power. Now you, in fulfilling your duty, are the best person to know how huge or how small your means are for you alone are earning it. And You alone know the size of your obligation, in the family duty quota. You alone know, how many other plans you have for yourself and for your family ( if at all). In fact you alone are wearing the shoe. If your shoe size is 48 and what you have is 45, if you decide to manage the 45 and endure the pain because you are currently preparing to acquire 48 or 50 in the future. It's all good, all your toes and your heels have to do are to acclamatize to the condition, they don't have to understand your choice or decision. And if you decide to acquire the 48 now by any means maybe due to the volume of complaints (pain) coming from your feet region. It's still all good, so far you get the means and it all ends well in the end for you, the new shoe and your feet.
Simply put, you hold the yam and the knife. You decide how it's cut, for the greater good (i.e both your personal good & the general good- in your case, family).

Deeaka:
This is very profound. Your examples are quite interesting and I honestly appreciate your take.

Thank you

I like

Deeaka:
I have been thinking about something that I believe many salary earners can relate to.

Sometimes, once people know that you have a good job, they automatically assume that you have money.

You become the person they call when school fees need to be paid, when someone needs urgent assistance, when there is a family problem or when an unexpected bill comes up.

And honestly, helping people you care about is not a bad thing. Most of us want to be able to support our parents, siblings and other loved ones.

But there is something people don't always consider: earning a good salary does not mean that all your money is available to spend.

You have your own bills, savings goals, responsibilities and plans for the future. Some of us are also trying to build a life that will make us less financially dependent on our salaries someday.

The tricky part is that when you start saying no, people may think you have changed, become proud or forgotten where you came from.

Meanwhile, you may simply be trying to make your own money last until your next payday.

So I want to ask:

1. Do you think earning a good salary automatically makes someone responsible for helping extended family?
2. Have you ever had to choose between helping someone and meeting your own financial goals?
3. How do you set boundaries without damaging family relationships?

I'd genuinely like to hear people's experiences, especially from those who support family members while trying to build their own financial future

Jtownperspectve:
I am facing this problem, seriously, sometimes I am scared to pick certain phone calls.
My inlaws believe I am the god answered prayers.

Deeaka:
I have been thinking about something that I believe many salary earners can relate to.

Sometimes, once people know that you have a good job, they automatically assume that you have money.

You become the person they call when school fees need to be paid, when someone needs urgent assistance, when there is a family problem or when an unexpected bill comes up.

And honestly, helping people you care about is not a bad thing. Most of us want to be able to support our parents, siblings and other loved ones.

But there is something people don't always consider: earning a good salary does not mean that all your money is available to spend.

You have your own bills, savings goals, responsibilities and plans for the future. Some of us are also trying to build a life that will make us less financially dependent on our salaries someday.

The tricky part is that when you start saying no, people may think you have changed, become proud or forgotten where you came from.

Meanwhile, you may simply be trying to make your own money last until your next payday.

So I want to ask:

1. Do you think earning a good salary automatically makes someone responsible for helping extended family?
2. Have you ever had to choose between helping someone and meeting your own financial goals?
3. How do you set boundaries without damaging family relationships?

I'd genuinely like to hear people's experiences, especially from those who support family members while trying to build their own financial future

Deeaka:
I have been thinking about something that I believe many salary earners can relate to.
Sometimes, once people know that you have a good job, they automatically assume that you have money.
You become the person they call when school fees need to be paid, when someone needs urgent assistance, when there is a family problem or when an unexpected bill comes up.
And honestly, helping people you care about is not a bad thing. Most of us want to be able to support our parents, siblings and other loved ones.
But there is something people don't always consider: earning a good salary does not mean that all your money is available to spend.
You have your own bills, savings goals, responsibilities and plans for the future. Some of us are also trying to build a life that will make us less financially dependent on our salaries someday.
The tricky part is that when you start saying no, people may think you have changed, become proud or forgotten where you came from.
Meanwhile, you may simply be trying to make your own money last until your next payday.
So I want to ask:
1. Do you think earning a good salary automatically makes someone responsible for helping extended family?
2. Have you ever had to choose between helping someone and meeting your own financial goals?
3. How do you set boundaries without damaging family relationships?
I'd genuinely like to hear people's experiences, especially from those who support family members while trying to build their own financial future

Stevosty:
Guide, invest and empower the members of your family, just you doing well and trying to hide it is not a good idea, sooner than later you will also become poor.

anonimi:
How soon do you expect Dangote, Otedola, Rabiu, Adenuga and other SOLID billionaires to become extreme poverty paupers? Perhaps because of Tinubu stagflation policies

Apogee14:
Yes because giving brings blessings

anonimi:
Neo-black Problem: Must Blacks Be Ruled by Whites in Order to Prosper?

In short, the neo-black dilemma may be framed as follows: is it better to live under white rule without political dignity but with basic life-sustaining standards for many;

or to live under black rule with illusory political dignity and without basic life- sustaining standards for the majority?
@
@
The path forward for Africa lies in cultivating higher and adequate levels of personal and communal agential integrity as well as full personal responsibility and productivity. Not to mention creativity (including epistemic creativity), productive justice (such as merit and freedom), harmony and reconciliation at local and international levels, and a proper domestication of capitalism and other related values and institutions.

Africa must stop wasting her time on dreams of socialism because it is a system of wealth distribution primarily. Whereas, capitalism is a system of wealth creation primarily, and wealth has to be produced before it can be distributed.

https://www.thisdaylive.com/index.php/2024/10/12/neo-black-problem-must-blacks-be-ruled-by-whites-in-order-to-prosper/

Stephen0mozzy:
Till today, nobody from my family knows my salary.

If they don't know your salary, they can't raise their expectations or feel entitled to asking more than you give.

You need to stand well before you can help another person stand. This doesn't mean you should be stingy, it just means you should be calculative in disbursing your earnings - always, always work within a budget.

Have a budget for what you give to parents, to siblings. Random gifting only comes if you get money from side hustles.

Also the first time anyone shows entitlement to your money, block them - good parents will never do this though.

Secondly, nor to dey show off. If you dey struggle, but dey show off with lifestyle wry pass your net worth, then you dey find trouble... To attract parasitic expectations.

itzadorable333:
Family is first and last. However a family that does not appreciate you when you don't have won't appreciate you when you have. And a family that appreciates you when you don't have, will also appreciate you when you have. Understanding and Loyalty are not bought with money. A family that respects, understands and is loyal to you does so whether you are poor or rich. What you owe your family is loyalty and duty. Loyalty is always within your power so it should not lack. Duty, on the other hand, is not always within your power because duty requires means to fulfill it. And the financial/economic means has a huge share in the ratio of means. And this is not always in your power. Now you, in fulfilling your duty, are the best person to know how huge or how small your means are for you alone are earning it. And You alone know the size of your obligation, in the family duty quota. You alone know, how many other plans you have for yourself and for your family ( if at all). In fact you alone are wearing the shoe. If your shoe size is 48 and what you have is 45, if you decide to manage the 45 and endure the pain because you are currently preparing to acquire 48 or 50 in the future. It's all good, all your toes and your heels have to do are to acclimatize to the condition, they don't have to understand your choice or decision. And if you decide to acquire the 48 now by any means maybe due to the volume of complaints (pain) coming from your feet region. It's still all good, so far you get the means and it all ends well in the end for you, the new shoe and your feet.
Simply put, you hold the yam and the knife. You decide how it's cut, for the greater good (i.e both your personal good & the general good- in your case, family).

wisdomkid:
Some people in UK, Australia, UK, Canada has conned a name for it, "Black Tax", where people at home will tax you because they're expecting you to provide for them financially, and some people expect it on a monthly budget.

Deeaka:
I have been thinking about something that I believe many salary earners can relate to.

Sometimes, once people know that you have a good job, they automatically assume that you have money.

You become the person they call when school fees need to be paid, when someone needs urgent assistance, when there is a family problem or when an unexpected bill comes up.

And honestly, helping people you care about is not a bad thing. Most of us want to be able to support our parents, siblings and other loved ones.

But there is something people don't always consider: earning a good salary does not mean that all your money is available to spend.

You have your own bills, savings goals, responsibilities and plans for the future. Some of us are also trying to build a life that will make us less financially dependent on our salaries someday.

The tricky part is that when you start saying no, people may think you have changed, become proud or forgotten where you came from.

Meanwhile, you may simply be trying to make your own money last until your next payday.

So I want to ask:

1. Do you think earning a good salary automatically makes someone responsible for helping extended family?
2. Have you ever had to choose between helping someone and meeting your own financial goals?
3. How do you set boundaries without damaging family relationships?

I'd genuinely like to hear people's experiences, especially from those who support family members while trying to build their own financial future