₦airaland Forum

Dear Nairalanders, This happened to a former student of mine, now working in Lagos. He sent his experience to me via e-mail, I don't really know how to advise him but I trust you to do justice to the topic therefore I got his permission to paste the message here. Find the patience to read through his story and give your advice, God bless you all.
I met this lady on Facebook in 2012, she asked for friendship which I obliged even though I didn't know her from Adam. We chatted on Facebook for one year before I met her physically. She is a very beautiful matured looking lady. She didn't tell me she was married and looking at her, you wouldn't know she is a married woman. We started dating and after few weeks we had amorous affair. This continued for about two months, we actually had canal knowledge of each other thrice. The last time I met with her, she pleaded with me to remove condom so that we can "enjoy ourselves" better. I objected to this, she pleaded and suggested we do HIV test to prove we are negative, we did it in a nearby laboratory, we were negative. We went back to my flat and had a great time with ourselves. She told me that day that she is married to a company executive who is too glued to his job than to her. That she tried looking out for someone on fb out of frustrations from her hubby. I had earlier proposed marriage to her and she said she would be praying about it, she didn't tell me then that she was married. She left my apartment that evening around 8pm. I felt so bad for touching another man's wife. Few days after, I discovered that her number was no longer available and that she had blocked me on fb. I tried to forget her but it was difficult. I didn't see her for about 4 months. I went to her house and was told by an elderly woman in the compound that it was her uncle's house and that the uncle had move to his personal house. I was looking for her just to know if she lied to me since my mind was made on marrying her. Her beauty, good mannerisms, calm mien and decorous lifestyle was second to none. While our relationship lasted, I introduced her to my elder sister and two of my friends. Four months after that evening in my flat, one of my friends saw her in a private hospital with another man, she was pregnant. My friend avoided her because of the man. He called me on phone and I quickly left my office to the hospital. I saw her when she was coming out from doctor's office. I was sad to see her pregnant but had to pretend as if I wasn't bordered. She greeted me and in a lively manner introduced me to the man with her as her course mate at FUTA, Akure. She also introduced the man to me as her husband. I lied to her that I came to visit a sick relative in the hospital. She left the hospital and called me later that day with a private (hidden) number to ask about my sick relative, I lied again that he had been discharged . I knew an attendant in that hospital, she confidentially told me that she and her hubby had been coming to see doctor for two years and that all the nurses has been so happy she is now pregnant.
I am very sure the pregnancy is mine. I haven't heard anything about her since then, She used me to solve her Hubby's fertility problem, I am sad, I won't mind claiming my baby if I know her whereabout. She stopped coming to that hospital according to my informant. I am bitter, I hate women, I hate ladies now, they are deceitful, she used and dumped me, I will get back at her if I see her, please advise me Sir.

I'm speechless

WOW! I don't know what to say.
I think, you have to talk to her. She owes you answers.

Hmmm...

Yes, you were used but without a DNA test, you can't prove the baby is yours.

That aside, it's understandable that you're bitter, but look beyond that and ask yourself why you're now interested in the baby. Are your wishes now in the best interest if the child (assuming it's yours)? Are you financially capable of bringing up a kid comfortably?

You also did admit your doubts about wanting to marry her, prior to her disappearing on you. You also mentioned that she's a mature lady - so possibly older than you. The age gap obviously matters to you, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it in the first place.

Finally, unpalatable as this might sound, how do you know her husband isn't in on this and already knows the kid isn't his?

Tell your 'former student' friend to get over it, he fell in love with her and now he has to fall out of love as soon as possible, especially because she is a married woman.
I understand that he must feel used to father a love-child, but what is he planning to do?
Does he want to go claim the child?
If he doesn't plan on doing this, then he best get a grip, forget about it, and move on.

It's not unusual to come across some women who try to hide their married identity, which is especially easy to believe if she looks really young and attractive.
Guys just gotta learn to be less emotionally involved and more acutely aware/instinctive.

Pray this guy won't get himself into danger. If its true that the woman used you to achieve an aim, she may put up a fight if she sees any threat from your side. Its a risky game bro. Why not forget about it all and move on with your life.

Obviously she used U but don't endanger Ur life by going afta the Baby cos a woman ds desperate can do anythn to keep her secret.
From ur story u are still a young man, push everythn behind U and move on. Betterdaysahead.

#MYTOT

That lady is devil incarnate. She will hurt you of she discoverer that you are making moves to open the can of worms. It is more dangerous if her hubby know about it all along. Be very very careful.

Wow,this lady is something else...

I am short of words....

I didn't read a thing, can anyone tell me what's the lesson learnt from the story??

crackhaus:
Tell your 'former student' friend to get over it, he fell in love with her and now he has to fall out of love as soon as possible, especially because she is a married woman.
I understand that he must feel used to father a love-child, but what is he planning to do?
Does he want to go claim the child?
If he doesn't plan on doing this, then he best get a grip, forget about it, and move on.

It's not unusual to come across some women who try to hide their married identity, which is especially easy to believe if she looks really young and attractive.
Guys just gotta learn to be less emotionally involved and more acutely aware/instinctive.

i won't even bother looking for her.
the sëx was great while the affair lasted. it's 50-50. the boy should move on and forget about that phase of his life.

coogar:
i won't even bother looking for her.
the sëx was great while the affair lasted. it's 50-50. the boy should move on and forget about that phase of his life.

My very first and default response to things like this.

But the guy may just be one of those who love with all of their heart and none of their head.

Some women get mind sha.

Please, he should try as much as possible to forget about her and the baby.

Nemesis will catch up with her very soon, maybe during labour sef if actually the baby is his.

crackhaus:
My very first and default response to things like this.

But the guy may just be one of those who love with all of their heart and none of their head.

mumu boy!
instead of him to keep his mouth shut after servicing a sweet looking married woman, he's out there yapping his mouth.

the woman or her husband would soon send hired assassins after him to keep his mouth shut forever. heaven knows how long she's been looking for a child - yet this moaner wants to ruin her grand plan.

coogar:
mumu boy!
instead of him to keep his mouth shut after servicing a sweet looking married woman, he's out there yapping his mouth.

the woman or her husband would soon send hired assassins after him to keep his mouth shut forever. heaven knows how long she's been looking for a child - yet this moaner wants to ruin her grand plan.

The guy's ego is bruised because he feels used and dumped, Lol...

The moment he found out she's been married all along is when he should have clicked OFF/EXIT, and taken the sexual experience as one of those things that just happened.

All this unnecessary whining is counterproductive and very pointless at the end of the day.

crackhaus:
The guy's ego is bruised because he feels used and dumped, Lol...

The moment he found out she's been married all along is when he should have clicked OFF/EXIT, and taken the sexual experience as one of those things that just happened.

All this unnecessary whining is counterproductive and very pointless at the end of the day.

i hope he gets found & castrated for even whining. he was chopping a cute woman without paying her brideprice....instead of him to thank his stars that he didn't collide with magün while climbing her, he's still moaning about what was never his....

what kinda weak men are out there these days?

coogar:
i hope he gets found & castrated for even whining. he was chopping a cute woman without paying her brideprice....instead of him to thank his stars that he didn't collide with magün while climbing her, he's still moaning about what was never his....

what kinda weak men are out there these days?

The kind the modern-day feminists refer to as REAL men

crackhaus:
The kind the modern-day feminists refer to as REAL men

oh dear.....

we advice pple on things we can't do ourselves
Op go and claim your child except you want to be a bitter sad man all the rest of your life.

zeb04:
we advice pple on things we can't do ourselves
Op go and claim your child except you want to be a bitter sad man all the rest of your life.

it's actually easier on all the parties involved if he would just move on like all this never happened

zeb04:
we advice pple on things we can't do ourselves
Op go and claim your child except you want to be a bitter sad man all the rest of your life.

and be ready for any unpleasant consequence.

crackhaus:
My very first and default response to things like this.

But the guy may just be one of those who love with all of their heart and none of their head.

not saying he should go after the baby but I wish you guys will see it from his point of view. Apart from feeling used, it is not every man that can totally switch off and disconnect knowing that he could have a child out there who will never know of the true father's existence.

madamshepopo:
Pray this guy won't get himself into danger. If its true that the woman used you to achieve an aim, she may put up a fight if she sees any threat from your side. Its a risky game bro. Why not forget about it all and move on with your life.

Well said.

And this lady in question has gone to great lengths to avoid him contacting her at all...I.e: blocking him off on facebook, changing tel. nos, moving house, and even changing hospitals.

This boy should get over his bruised ego, wisen up, and read between the lines. He isn't wanted and he needs to back off if he knows what's good for him.

cococandy:
not saying he should go after the baby but I wish you guys will see it from his point of view. Apart from feeling used, it is not every man that can totally switch off and disconnect knowing that he could have a child out there who will never know of the true father's existence.

Well isn't that just it?
How does he know the child is even his?
How can he also be sure that he's the only one that woman was sleeping with in her search for viable seed?

I'm not prescribing that he totally switches off and disconnect from the idea that he may have fathered a love-child...but then what's the use holding on to something he isn't even sure of to the point of being miserable, a situation where the woman involved wants nothing more to do with him - he should dust his robes and step away jor.

How easy is it to just switch off and move on knowing ur child might be out there somewhere? Easy for some and impossible for some.

the only thing I'll do for now is to make sure I dont lose sight of her. I'll keep tabs on her but won't try to communicate especially since that's what she desires. the future will determine my next action. No irrational step for now.

crackhaus:
Well isn't that just it?
How does he know the child is even his?
How can he also be sure that he's even the only one that woman was sleeping with in her search for viable seed?

I'm not prescribing that he totally switches off and disconnects from the idea that he may have fathered a love-child...but then what's the use holding to something he isn't even sure of to the point of being miserable, a situation where the woman involved wants nothing more to do with him - he should dust his robes and step away jor.

Great thought

mamajohn:
Great thought

Thanks.

coogar:
i hope he gets found & castrated for even whining. he was chopping a cute woman without paying her brideprice....instead of him to thank his stars that he didn't collide with magün while climbing her, he's still moaning about what was never his....

what kinda weak men are out there these days?

hey, what is wrong with u if u are a judge eh, criminals are dead on arrival see what are typing, ah!






@op, tell him that anger and vengeance is a man's worst enemy. he will only end up hurting himself the more. i'm sure he still have loads of sperm in his sperm bank, we all get used at a point in our lives, we just have to learn from those bitter experiences.

crackhaus:
Well isn't that just it?
How does he know the child is even his?
How can he also be sure that he's the only one that woman was sleeping with in her search for viable seed?

I'm not prescribing that he totally switches off and disconnect from the idea that he may have fathered a love-child...but then what's the use holding on to something he isn't even sure of to the point of being miserable, a situation where the woman involved wants nothing more to do with him - he should dust his robes and step away jor.

Great point!

All this Facebook, Twitter, LIB... social media love can be deceitful. You met someone online, didn't bother to run a background check on them, only to find out that there are married after falling in love with them. This is one of the disadvantages of online dating.

To get your self together you'd need to keep your distance for now. Don't confront her yet until you are 100% sure the baby is yours.

kemiola89:
All this Facebook, Twitter, LIB... social media love can be deceitful. You met someone online, didn't bother to run a background check on them, only to find out that there are married after falling in love with them. This is one of the disadvantages of online dating.

To get your self together you'd need to keep your distance for now. Don't confront her yet until you are 100% sure the baby is yours.

good one