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This is a lengthy but very funny and insightful article, it's also an apt satire portraying the hypocrisy of Nigeria politics and politicians... And I felt I should share

This is an exclusive never before seen comprehensive guide to running for President of Nigeria … it was firstly commissioned in 1999 and since then it has evolved into a powerful document. And for the first time ever … thanks to the awesome research team at ofilispeaks.com (even Eric Snowden could not enter this team) we have all 9 steps needed to run for President of Nigeria.

Step #1: Run But Don’t Run
Now before you can run for President of Nigeria, you first of all have to prove that you cannot run physically. Let me explain … if you can run a 100 meters dash in less than 20 seconds, then your Cholesterol is too low, your Pot-belly too small and you are probably too young to be President of Nigeria. Wait 4 more years … because Nigerians respect old age, if you can’t even run and have to move around in a wheelchair your chance of being President increases. Remember “run but don’t run.”

Step #2: Don’t Buy* A Nomination Form
Now that you have passed the first step … the next step is to buy the Presidential nomination form. Now this form is expensive, like 27.5 million Naira …but as a politician that is chicken change for you. But if you go and buy the form with cash Nigerians will think you are rich and there is nothing that Nigerians hate more than a rich politician. Nigerians want to know that their politicians are very poor, very very poor! So when it comes to nomination form … buy the form but with a loan.
After that, let Nigerians know how you struggled to get the loan … how you put your only house up as collateral and how broke you and your family are now. If you cannot get a loan, you can always get a set of poor organizations like the Cattle Breeders Union or the Market Women Association to come together to buy your nomination form for you. Nothing says “poor” better than hundreds of poor people coming together to buy a 27,000,000 Naira nomination form for you!

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Step #3: Create A Captivating Campaign Slogan
Now that you have your nomination form filled out and accepted by INEC the next step is to find something to campaign on. Don’t pick serious stuff like unemployment or jobs … who are you kidding! Not even Jesus can solve that shit.
Instead pick something that all Nigerians can relate to … like Rice … every Nigerian has to eat so sprinkle that rice seed all over the nation and watch as your votes grow. And if rice is too controversial, remember you can always run literarily on shit…

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Step #4: Whatever You Do Don’t Debate
If you want to be President of Nigeria…avoid all forms of debates. What! You want to expose the fact that you don’t know anything or expose your brutal army dictatorship background or even face the scrutiny of the lazy Nigerian media?
Please…Debates are for Oyinbo people … ndi obodo oyibo … don’t debate because debates are dangerous and they could reveal your evil past or incompetent present!

Step #5: Fake the Primaries
Women fake orgasms so their men feel good about their sexual prowess. Well as a Nigerian politicians you have to fake Primaries to make Nigerians feel good about their Democratic process.
So please by all means do the Primaries, smile in front of the cameras, make it seem like the results are unknown … but you know that is bullshit because there are really no Primaries, just Godfather’s.
So find your party Godfather andbuy get his blessing … then act through out the Primaries until the final vote is complete. As long as the correct Godfather is on your side you are guaranteed a victory. But remember to act surprised and shocked after the results are announced wink wink…

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This is the limit I can share, please get the remain steps here >>
ofilispeaks.com/how-to-run-for-president-of-nigeria-in-9-easy-steps-pdp-apc/

sorry

@op, are u indirectly referring to buhari?



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I will b back to comment

buy ur godfather 20000#
nd ill make u vice president

a leader leads my example

abeg: no fit indulge in wetin no de tested n trusted abeg make person test n see

Udehpaschal1:
@op, are u indirectly referring to buhari?

and who is he? I stay in France you know

It is not as difficult as you may think. All you need do is start stealing and telling lies from childhood and improve on it consistently up to adulthood ; and you have just qualified to contest. So easy.

princesa:
and who is he? I stay in France you know

if u stay in france and u dont know who buhari is then u must be a JJC

And since someone has already used the phrase "I had no shoes", you can use another phrase like "I had no uniform or I had no parents". No matter what you say, just make sure to convince us of ur former wretched life!!

Neduzze5:
And since someone has already used the phrase "I had no shoes", you can use another phrase like "I had no uniform or I had no parents". No matter what you say, just make sure to convince us of ur former wretched life!!

lol...YOU're so on point. It always works like magic

princesa:
This is a lengthy but very funny and insightful article, it's also an apt satire portraying the hypocrisy of Nigeria politics and politicians... And I felt I should share
sorry

My sister I wrote about the primaries earlier.
https://www.nairaland.com/3408542/why-did-nigerians-chose-between