Just as someone said,where do you ladies meet men like this..

It baffles me how some people reason.

You know he's a trickster,yet you went ahead with the marriage,now you are crying foul..

Well,don't allow him push you to do things against your will. Stand firm,and have it in mind that you are going to take care of your child yourself..

Juzzybabe:
Here is my story...before he proposed,i had relocated to ghana to join my family,my husband who is based in Dubai proposed and i accepted knowing that I will come back to Nigeria for the wedding and stay with him wherever he is,as agreed by both of us.Before our wedding,my husband asked me when will I love to start having kids,I told him few years after our wedding because I needed to work as well to support him. He disagree and said he is getting old(6years difference),that he wants to leave me pregnant on returning to Dubai after the wedding,after which he would send for me,i agreed. When we both arrive Nigeria for our wedding,I asked him again if he was really ready for kids,he said yes,after we had had series of unprotected intimacy,he one day said hope I am taking precaution o because he has thought about what I said about having kids later and he thinks thats best. So I asked how will he say such a thing knowing well that am likely to be pregnant already? I asked him if I should take pills to avoid the pregnancy while it may still be early he said no that he's only kidding.he repeated again that he really want kids now. So we agreed,I miss that month but the very wedding month,indeed he left me pregnant. Since then my husband has been battling with me over the issue and many other making life unbearable for me.He left me to stay with his parents and told his parents he can't sent for me now because he didn't plan for the pregnancy,he told them he warned me to wait but I forcefully got pregnant. I tried explaining to his parents what actually happened but they believe all their son tells them over mine.My stay with my Inlaws has not been funny at all,it's been difficult but I try to make myself happy considering my condition.i asked my husband after the child is born what will be his plans for me? He said I will look after the baby for 6months then leave the baby with his mum and come to Dubai to work.i disagree and we started arguing but I had to let the case die as my pregnancy was still in its early stage. Now am approaching delivery,my husband has refused to rent an apartment for me to stay alone,so I asked him again,what is his plan for me and the coming baby as I will not like to remain staying with his parents after my baby gets strong,I advice he rent us a place to stay or let me go and join my mum if he is not ready to have me and the baby around him.he refused and insisted that his plan has not changed which is,I will give birth after 6months, leave the baby with his mum and travel to Dubai to work. I still refused.i told him I want to raise my kids myself and not to abandon my baby with his mum all in search of green pasture. I told him if catering for us is too much for him then he should let me work or seek help from my family. Even tho the baby is yet to be born but when the baby is born,and this issue arises,my mother and father inlaw will support their son in whatever decision he takes,that is why I want to start planing ahead. Note:My  husband is averagely ok,but he falls under the category of men that are extremely careful with every kobo they earn and spend. A 7 months old marriage and expecting our first issue.friends,am trying to keep my marriage but not at the expense of my unborn baby. Please give me a candid advice on what to do.

Hello,
Though, i only heard one side of the story, i still strongly believe that no matter what, DONT LEAVE YOUR CHILD and travel abroad. Well, leaving your husband alone over there also is not advisable. The best bet is for you to travel with ur child and also work there. Leaving ur child is very dangerous. I know how it feels. Dont end up looking like a stranger to ur child.

For now i would advice you to relax your still have more than 6months to think about everything. All i can say for now is try and rest your pretty little head and focus on the child you are going to welcome soon.

Worry about everything else later, your well-being and that of your unborn child is whats most important right now.

Why does he want you to lave your baby with his mother?

Cant you go to Dubai with your baby? Abi Dubai no get daycare ni?

Im sure he has ulterior motives

Haaa! that man is painting a future without you. You better have a back up future without him so that you are not taken by surprise and too hurt. Dont be shock that his plan is to strip you off your baby. He not only does not love you, he does not love is blood too. He is grooving his life in Dubai and you are confident he can leave you to grow old with his parents. Lets say the first was a mistake, if you allow that cunning husband of yours fool you again, then he saw clearly to tag you so.

Am learning a lot here...Its a good thing I shared this burden,am feeling relieved already.

Juzzybabe:

I understand your point and living alone isn't my desire only that living here isn't my joy either. My husband has money but he will do everything he can to avoid cost.I can bet my neck my husband will not send for me and the baby together,he's lookin at the general cost of accommodating his wife and kid. he knows if its just me,I must work either I like it or not but with the baby,it will either involves paying a nanny or me being a full house wife while he alone work.If I insist am not joining him without the baby,he wouldn't mind if I stay with his parents all my life! as it will rather save him much spendings.But I don't want to keep staying with his parents because his mum especially is a silent killer,she wud so agree with her son as she rules over her husband.why am eager to work is because my husband doesn't meet half of my needs.He takes care of hospital bills only. it was October and november he sent 10k each which he asked me to give full account of how its spent. I used it all on hospital bills. I just can't help staying in this house,my mother inlaw will torture me.

1Ok as in Pounds or dollars,if I hear say na 1OKnaira?

OP I think I have an idea of what you are saying about travelling or not.
Yes I don't know your husband but there are things you should know about the country he wants you to come to.
1. Where does he live? I think he lives in the company camp where they have about 6 of them in a room, There is a lean chance that he can accommodate you when you arrive the country (you wont live together as couples)
2. If he is living alone in a room then he should be paying about 120-200k per month (that's unlikely for him to be sending you 10K)
3. If he is almost comfortable then his company would have sponsored the visa for you and your child when you want to come so you can just come around and be a house wife while you nurse your baby. He cannot even afford a nanny in Dubai so don't think of it.
Now this is my deduction; You are coming to work, work and work out your ass, comfort might be far from you for a long time.
You will have some nights of weeping considering the fact that you left your baby, you might not have the comfort of lovey dovey husband, and a comfortable accommodation.
This is not to discourage you but clear your doubts by asking your husband some very important questions:
1. Where does he live? How is the apartment, will you people be staying alone?
2. How much does he earn (I know he wont tell you )
3.What is In place for you before the trip..


If you are uncomfortable with his parents go to your parents or siblings place and tell them you are just waiting for the baby to grow up so you people can travel together to Dubai . He will call himself to order, BTW women scare for Dubai even the ones ye dey like money like winch so no fear

I feel like the only reason your hubby wanted a baby in the first place is cos mama(your MIL) wanted a grand child to keep her company while your hubby spends his time hustling, in that case that would make you a pawn in this.. I am not a mother yet but the way I love kids ehhhnn nobody can ask me to choose money over my kid o, I'd advice you to take care of your baby and enjoy all those little moments you otherwise will miss out on if you choose to leave the baby behind. For now put those issues aside and try to stay healthy, mind and body. I pray for God's strength and peace in your marriage cos an unhappy marriage, is not healthy to raise a kid in.

THE STORY HAS CHANGED AND AM ABOUT LOOSING MY 9MONTHS OLD MARRIAGE
I posted the above story here last year seeking help but I came back to let u all know that the story has changed again! To God be the glory I had a baby girl 2weeks ago. My huby who said I will leave the kid after 6months which I didn't agree to,has changed his words again. Since I put to bed two weeks ago,my inlaws,has been furstrating my life. They are angry I had the baby through CS which wasn't my making. My huby as usual is on his family side.since I put to bed,I have soo troubled as my mother in law is doing everything in her power to frustrate me. My husband said even after 6months he will not be ready to sent for me. He has given me indefinite time. With the current development at home I told him I can no longer continue living with his parents but he says if I don't want to live with them I should leave his child with his mum and go wherever I want to go.
The thing is,since I got back from the hospital,I have had no peace of mind with my inlaws especially my mother inlaw. Am exclusively bossom feeding my baby and i realise the psychological effect of all this on me is affecting my baby as well.i have made up my mind am leaving the house with my baby.whenever my husband is ready,he can come and find me and if not the marriage is over. I don't want to die young all in the name of marriage. Financially am down,but my family are there to help.

I hope my decision is the best

We all know to get a dubai visa is the simplest
Maybe he doesn't really want you to move in with him.He might have somebody over there with him,he just wants you to be the Nigerian wife

The man deceived you oh.once your baby is a month old please go back to ghana without even letting his parents have an idea about your plans,cos they will take your baby from you.
I won't ever forgive you if you become so careless, thereby depriving your baby of a motherr.pls act fast

rolled:
We all know to get a dubai visa is the simplest
Maybe he doesn't really want you to move in with him.He might have somebody over there with him,he just wants you to be the Nigerian wife

The man deceived you oh.once your baby is a month old please go back to ghana without even letting his parents have an idea about your plans,cos they will take your baby from you.
I won't ever forgive you if you become so careless, thereby depriving your baby of a motherr.pls act fast

Am afraid one month seems too far,am scared! From the way things are going,my inlaws might be up to something too. I want to leave sonner and without their notice cuz they will surely take my baby from me. I consulted the rev. At the church we got married,but all his efforts to have my husband make a decision that would be best for us all seems abortive,so the Rev. Told me to do whatever I think is best for me and my baby.

Juzzybabe:

Am afraid one month seems too far,am scared! From the way things are going,my inlaws might be up to something too. I want to leave sonner and without their notice cuz they will surely take my baby from me. I consulted the rev. At the church we got married,but all his efforts to have my husband make a decision that would be best for us all seems abortive,so the Rev. Told me to do whatever I think is best for me and my baby.

please be fast with your plans, dont even let it reach a month because they also have plans to strip you of your baby. Had you left earlier, you would have save yourself of all these you were warned about but it is good you are seeing for yourself and there's not much damage yet. Move to your parents quickly, you need all the support you can get this period. I hope you understand early enough that your hubby never loved you.

wait, is dis a true life story abi am watching nollywod movie. which kind action film marriage is this, y ur hubby dey behave like dis. am a guy and wont support dis kind thing even if na nollywood script.

rolled:
We all know to get a dubai visa is the simplest
Maybe he doesn't really want you to move in with him.He might have somebody over there with him,he just wants you to be the Nigerian wife

The man deceived you oh.once your baby is a month old please go back to ghana without even letting his parents have an idea about your plans,cos they will take your baby from you.
I won't ever forgive you if you become so careless, thereby depriving your baby of a motherr.pls act fast

Dubai visa is the simplest but living in Dubai with a wife if you are not earning well is the most difficult part of travelling abroad.
I doubt if he has a wife in Dubai..

Juzzybabe what are you waiting for to escape?
Plan the escape without trace or sign, Not to worry your family will welcome you

..

@juzzybabe it's really sad that you have to go through this, especially with your surgery (btw what is this constant stupidity Nigerians display over CS? Why would anyone in their right mind assume people will rather take a surgery than natural birth willingly??)

After surgery is not the time to be jumping like chicken, so I will ask do you have any relatives who can come get you? Can't your mum suddenly show up and say "oh my daughter had surgery and a baby, I'm here to do Omugwo or visit her for a bit, I won't stay in your house but a guesthouse close to you? "

This gives a legitimate cover to leave rather than looking like you ran away from your in-laws (justified or not, people will blame you later and say you acted unreasonably). Your mum-in-law cannot threaten you when she knows your mum is a street away from you (why hasn't your family come since to check up on you during your pregnancy?)

You need a strong relative nearby, and you're not fit to travel until you are healed, so get on the phone and scream and cry till a relative who is female and strong (your mum or elderly aunt) arrives the next day. Because right now, you're isolated and you may not have enough funds to even move, talk less of the strength.

Where in Nigeria are you, perhaps some NLers can be going to visit her daily (so as to give the appearance she has people in her life and from her family checking on her, which, if there is a nefarious plan underfoot to take the baby from her, would give caution to whoever planning it).

Don't assume your marriage is over yet,for now tell yourself "this is a bad patch and I must take steps to protect my family (hubby and baby)" but be cautious and dont keep letting yourself be isolated.

This situation should be handled with caution.

okay so you've stated you're financially down right now, so running in your condition is hard, we need to plan a strategic retreat. Where are you located and please can someone take time today to visit and claim to be "an elder one from her family who came to wish her well" (just buy small fruit as show to give her). She needs to give the impression she has people checking on her (juzzybabe, start calling your mum to come to Nigeria right now, leave all and come for a 3-day trip).

Juzzybabe:
THE STORY HAS CHANGED AND AM ABOUT LOOSING MY 9MONTHS OLD MARRIAGE
I posted the above story here last year seeking help but I came back to let u all know that the story has changed again! To God be the glory I had a baby girl 2weeks ago. My huby who said I will leave the kid after 6months which I didn't agree to,has changed his words again. Since I put to bed two weeks ago,my inlaws,has been furstrating my life. They are angry I had the baby through CS which wasn't my making. My huby as usual is on his family side.since I put to bed,I have soo troubled as my mother in law is doing everything in her power to frustrate me. My husband said even after 6months he will not be ready to sent for me. He has given me indefinite time. With the current development at home I told him I can no longer continue living with his parents but he says if I don't want to live with them I should leave his child with his mum and go wherever I want to go.
The thing is,since I got back from the hospital,I have had no peace of mind with my inlaws especially my mother inlaw. Am exclusively bossom feeding my baby and i realise the psychological effect of all this on me is affecting my baby as well.i have made up my mind am leaving the house with my baby.whenever my husband is ready,he can come and find me and if not the marriage is over. I don't want to die young all in the name of marriage. Financially am down,but my family are there to help.

I hope my decision is the best

Juzzybabe, please let us know how we can help you, I'm really scared for you, Nigerian inlaws can be brutal.

Where are your people na, pleaaaaseee let them know the severity of your condition, I just can't imagine being in such a hostile environment after just having a baby . Let your mum come true stay then find a way to leave without them knowing. The Lord is your strenght.

I will be happy to contribute my widows mite if you need funds

Onegai:
okay so you've stated you're financially down right now, so running in your condition is hard, we need to plan a strategic retreat. Where are you located and please can someone take time today to visit and claim to be "an elder one from her family who came to wish her well" (just buy small fruit as show to give her). She needs to give the impression she has people checking on her (juzzybabe, start calling your mum to come to Nigeria right now, leave all and come for a 3-day trip).

Humm...speaking of relatives around,I have! I even have an aunt few blocks away but my aunt doesn't like getting involved for reasons I quite understand. My mum,my mum is with me in the house,I had to plead with my mum to come and stay with me after delivery even tho my inlaws and huby are not happy about it. My mum is here but my mum is a very very calm person,she has always been pleading with my inlaws to take things easy with me especially after my operation but they refused to let me be and as a result my mum has gotten so fed up. She thinks it's best I leave the house,she is worried about the effect the situation is having on me. My baby will be having her second vaccine in a months time,and it cost some money,so since I am not financially buoyant,mum is suggesting I wait until then as my huby wud surely paid for the baby's vaccine and in the mean time we will start gathering money to transport us all. A good friend of mine is also volunteering to accommodate us anytime we leaves the house.

Ok good, I am glad your mom is there please do not under any circumstance let her leave that house without you. But wait o must you wait for vaccination money can't you leave before then, and then your parents help you sort out the vaccination money? Or you borrow from a friend. You already feel your inlaws are up to something please leave ASAP abeg!

I want my marriage,I love my husband but if I don't leave this house,am afraid the worst wud happen. I lives in Ogun.

Modified: my inlaws will not let any relatives take me in. My father inlaw always make a statement that they married me and so my family has no right over me. My only way out is escape.

mrssho:
Ok good, I am glad your mom is there please do not under any circumstance let her leave that house without you. But wait o must you wait for vaccination money can't you leave before then, and then your parents help you sort out the vaccination money? Or you borrow from a friend. You already feel your inlaws are up to something please leave ASAP abeg!

Trying to convince my mum on that but mum is saying since we don't have enough to leave,while we wait,we can also wait til my Baby have her vaccine. But trust me I am ready to leave. I need to get my sanity back

Juzzybabe, don't tell me you are still in that house. Take your baby and LEAVE as fast as you can. Don't listen to that rubbish they are saying about your family not having any right. I repeat, take your child and run. Some in-laws are heartless and very selfish. This story is just so depressing.

Hmmm.It's sad that ladies in this generation don't know how to make the right decision when it comes to marriage.The handwriting has been there boldly written,yet you still went into the marriage.Your father-in-law is even saying they married you and you don't have that right.No be from one family you waka come?

You need to leave that house and move somewhere to be on your own.You don't need to wait for immunisation in that house,you can always get it done elsewhere.There should be a way to raise funds.I believe some Nairalanders are willing to offer help in that aspect.

I won't say your marriage is over and that you should pack it up.Give room for your husband to do the right thing.You just need to move out of your in-law's place first.

thorpido:
Hmmm.It's sad that ladies in this generation don't know how to make the right decision when it comes to marriage.The handwriting has been there boldly written,yet you still went into the marriage.Your father-in-law is even saying they married you and you don't have that right.No be from one family you waka come?

You need to leave that house and move somewhere to be on your own.You don't need to wait for immunisation in that house,you can always get it done elsewhere.There should be a way to raise funds.I believe some Nairalanders are willing to offer help in that aspect.

I won't say your marriage is over and that you should pack it up.Give room for your husband to do the right thing.You just need to move out of your in-law's place first.

My able doctor,na my life be this ooo. Since delivery,it's not been easy. Escape is the only way out of this situation.

fem29:


Juzzybabe, please let us know how we can help you, I'm really scared for you, Nigerian inlaws can be brutal.

Where are your people na, pleaaaaseee let them know the severity of your condition, I just can't imagine being in such a hostile environment after just having a baby . Let your mum come true stay then find a way to leave without them knowing. The Lord is your strenght.

I will be happy to contribute my widows mite if you need funds

Like my late dad used to say,you don't eat crab with shame. At this point I have no choice left,I will appreciate any help rendered to get out of this situation.

Juzzybabe:


Like my late dad used to say,you don't eat crab with shame. At this point I have no choice left,I will appreciate any help rendered to get out of this situation.

Ok please can you post your account details. I will send you something. I hope other good people of nairaland will contribute to this cause.

@Op, where in Nigeria do they pay for routine vaccination. Thought it was free. You better leave immediately before they take your child, raise her, cut you off from her and fill her with hate against you. I wish you the best

soonest:
@Op, where in Nigeria do they pay for routine vaccination. Thought it was free. You better leave immediately before they take your child, raise her, cut you off from her and fill her with hate against you. I wish you the best

It's free in government hospitals but it's not free in private hospitals.

Juzzybabe:




My able doctor,na my life be this ooo. Since delivery,it's not been easy. Escape is the only way out of this situation.

Yes,you need to move.

She can give birth in private hospital but I advice her to go to health center for routine immunization.
It's free.
Collect immunization money from ur husband and ask around for the nearest health center.
Be smart and good luck.