Bekwarra:
My friend who's a worker in a new generation pentecostal church (I won't mention names) invited me to his church. Although I don't normally go to church VERY EARLY, he succeeded in persuading me to go early with him because as a worker, he should be in church very early and he knew fully well that if we didn't go together, I wouldn't go; so he succeeded in dragging me along.

When we got to church, they started their normal Sunday School like chit-chat and later praises, worship songs and the service started proper. Born into an Apostolic-inclined orthodox and later crossed over to RCCG, I wasn't at home with the mode and method of their service. I was getting bored and feeling out of place while silently praying for the service to end. Then it came to things like "run to five people and tell them greater things are coming your way this week, you must run o", "grab the person beside you and shake him happy sunday". I was getting tired and shaking my head in despair.

The worms in my stomach were not helping matters, they launched a massive #BringBackOurFood protest because I couldn't take breakfast before leaving for church. The only thing that kept on pushing me on was the hope that the pastor would soon say "run to 5 people and hug them happy sunday". I would gladly and patiently look for 5 beautiful sisters with their killing mini/pencil skirts and tight-fitting shirts to hug but unfortunately, that command never came. All those times, I was feeling frustrated already and whenever my eyes meet those of my friend where he was standing with the engines and mixers, he gives me that "padi no vex we go soon finish" smile.

Just as I was resigning to fate and hoping that the service would soon end and I would bolt home the worst of it happened. The pastor had been preaching for close to 45mins harping on the need to give and sow as good Christians. He gave several examples in the bible of people who gave and later reaped God's blessings. He urged us to give and test God. After that, it was time to give offering. The offering was going to be in two parts; normal Sunday offering and the commitment towards the church building because their auditorium is under construction. We gave offering and afterwards the pastor came back on the pulpit and started complaining why people refused to give generously despite taking us on a journey through the word of God about the essence of giving in a Christian life. He preached for another 10mins. I wasn't even listening to him again because I was gradually dozing off.

What actually jolted me back into reality were these words "now it's time for operation search your neighbour". I sat up immediately to listen well and that was when I heard the pastor saying

"this is time for operation search your neighbour, search your neighbour's bag, wallet, purse or pockets as need be and bring out the contents, if there is no money there return the bag but if there is money bring it out, we must learn to give to God. He gave us the money and we must return it to him".

After all those words, people took the bag of the person sitting beside them while the pockets or wallets of brothers were being searched.

The brother beside me was taking his hands towards my pockets about to begin his own search when I said with venom in my eyes and in a Russian mafian voice

"What do you think you want to do??"

He replied me

"You heard what the pastor said brother".

I told him not to even contemplate trying it. He was then trying to pacify me and cajole me telling me there is no harm in giving towards God's work. I told him I'm not against giving but I'm against collecting by force. This is no more giving, this is collecting. He smiled at my words and said

"My brother it's the same thing, God's blessing awaits the two"

and he made for my pockets again, I felt that my phonetics were not having any effect and I replied with

"Bros abeg no try that thing o, I swear I go change am for you".

He was shocked.

One usher noticed us and came to us and he was trying to calm me down because my voiced had changed as my face too.

My friend remained where he was to avoid being seen as the person that brought Orubebe to church. I don dey para for them like mad and the people sitting around us were trying to pacify me. I said "Okay, no problem," carried my bible and.............................with one last Dracula look I told the usher

"Please don't even try to follow me".

He remained rooted to the spot and I made my way out of the church and straight home.

Chai bros you funny no be small, am sure the ushers would be like, la wa oh this one they vex gan

Hahhhhhahhhaaa, which kain story b dis biko kwanu, op u too funny I swear ..... Hhhaahhhaaaaa, I cried while laffing .....

[quote
author=Bekwarra post=32889767]My friend who's a worker in a new
generation pentecostal church (I won't mention names) invited me to his
church. Although I don't normally go to church VERY EARLY, he succeeded
in persuading me to go early with him because as a worker, he should be
in church very early and he knew fully well that if we didn't go
together, I wouldn't go; so he succeeded in dragging me along.

When we got to church, they started their normal Sunday School like
chit-chat and later praises, worship songs and the service started
proper. Born into an Apostolic-inclined orthodox and later crossed over
to RCCG, I wasn't at home with the mode and method of their service. I
was getting bored and feeling out of place while silently praying for
the service to end. Then it came to things like "run to five people
and tell them greater things are coming your way this week, you must run
o", "grab the person beside you and shake him happy sunday". I was
getting tired and shaking my head in despair.

The worms in my stomach were not helping matters, they launched a
massive #BringBackOurFood protest because I couldn't take breakfast
before leaving for church. The only thing that kept on pushing me on was
the hope that the pastor would soon say "run to 5 people and hug them
happy sunday". I would gladly and patiently look for 5 beautiful sisters
with their killing mini/pencil skirts and tight-fitting shirts to hug
but unfortunately, that command never came. All those times, I was
feeling frustrated already and whenever my eyes meet those of my friend
where he was standing with the engines and mixers, he gives me that
"padi no vex we go soon finish" smile.

Just as I was resigning to fate and hoping that the service would soon
end and I would bolt home the worst of it happened. The pastor had been
preaching for close to 45mins harping on the need to give and sow as
good Christians. He gave several examples in the bible of people who
gave and later reaped God's blessings. He urged us to give and test God.
After that, it was time to give offering. The offering was going to be
in two parts; normal Sunday offering and the commitment towards the
church building because their auditorium is under construction. We gave
offering and afterwards the pastor came back on the pulpit and started
complaining why people refused to give generously despite taking us on a
journey through the word of God about the essence of giving in a
Christian life. He preached for another 10mins. I wasn't even listening
to him again because I was gradually dozing off.

What actually jolted me back into reality were these words "now it's
time for operation search your neighbour". I sat up immediately to
listen well and that was when I heard the pastor saying

"this is time for operation search your neighbour, search your
neighbour's bag, wallet, purse or pockets as need be and bring out the
contents, if there is no money there return the bag but if there is
money bring it out, we must learn to give to God. He gave us the money
and we must return it to him".

After all those words, people took the bag of the person sitting beside
them while the pockets or wallets of brothers were being searched.

The brother beside me was taking his hands towards my pockets about to
begin his own search when I said with venom in my eyes and in a Russian
mafian voice

"What do you think you want to do??"

He replied me

"You heard what the pastor said brother".

I told him not to even contemplate trying it. He was then trying to
pacify me and cajole me telling me there is no harm in giving towards
God's work. I told him I'm not against giving but I'm against
collecting by force. This is no more giving, this is collecting. He
smiled at my words and said

"My brother it's the same thing, God's blessing awaits the two"

and he made for my pockets again, I felt that my phonetics were not
having any effect and I replied with

"Bros abeg no try that thing o, I swear I go change am for you".

He was shocked.

One usher noticed us and came to us and he was trying to calm me down
because my voiced had changed as my face too.

My friend remained where he was to avoid being seen as the person that
brought Orubebe to church. I don dey para for them like mad and the
people sitting around us were trying to pacify me. I said "Okay, no
problem," carried my bible and.............................with one last
Dracula look I told the usher

"Please don't even try to follow me".

He remained rooted to the spot and I made my way out of the church and
straight home.[/quote]
LWKMH!

THERE ARE 2 KINDS OF PASTORS - THE REAL AND THE FAKE. THEY ARE MENTIONED IN THE BIBLE. REAL PASTORS ARE CALLED BY GOD AND REMAIN FAITHFUL. THE FAKE ONES ARE IN TO SWINDLE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT REALLY LOOKING FOR GOD BUT SOLUTIONS TO PROBLEMS. UNFORTUNATELY, THE FAKE ONES ARE THE ONES THE UNBELIEVING WORLD WOULD NOTICE AND BLASPHEM CHILDREN OF GOD, THE CHURCH OF GOD AND GOD HIMSELF. I URGE ANYONE READING THIS WHO IS YET TO RECEIVE CHRIST NOT TO MISS OUT ON SALVATION BECAUSE OF THE BAD AND THE UGLY WHO POSE AS SERVANTS OF GOD.

Bekwarra:
My friend who's a worker in a new generation pentecostal church (I won't mention names) invited me to his church. Although I don't normally go to church VERY EARLY, he succeeded in persuading me to go early with him because as a worker, he should be in church very early and he knew fully well that if we didn't go together, I wouldn't go; so he succeeded in dragging me along.

When we got to church, they started their normal Sunday School like chit-chat and later praises, worship songs and the service started proper. Born into an Apostolic-inclined orthodox and later crossed over to RCCG, I wasn't at home with the mode and method of their service. I was getting bored and feeling out of place while silently praying for the service to end. Then it came to things like "run to five people and tell them greater things are coming your way this week, you must run o", "grab the person beside you and shake him happy sunday". I was getting tired and shaking my head in despair.

The worms in my stomach were not helping matters, they launched a massive #BringBackOurFood protest because I couldn't take breakfast before leaving for church. The only thing that kept on pushing me on was the hope that the pastor would soon say "run to 5 people and hug them happy sunday". I would gladly and patiently look for 5 beautiful sisters with their killing mini/pencil skirts and tight-fitting shirts to hug but unfortunately, that command never came. All those times, I was feeling frustrated already and whenever my eyes meet those of my friend where he was standing with the engines and mixers, he gives me that "padi no vex we go soon finish" smile.

Just as I was resigning to fate and hoping that the service would soon end and I would bolt home the worst of it happened. The pastor had been preaching for close to 45mins harping on the need to give and sow as good Christians. He gave several examples in the bible of people who gave and later reaped God's blessings. He urged us to give and test God. After that, it was time to give offering. The offering was going to be in two parts; normal Sunday offering and the commitment towards the church building because their auditorium is under construction. We gave offering and afterwards the pastor came back on the pulpit and started complaining why people refused to give generously despite taking us on a journey through the word of God about the essence of giving in a Christian life. He preached for another 10mins. I wasn't even listening to him again because I was gradually dozing off.

What actually jolted me back into reality were these words "now it's time for operation search your neighbour". I sat up immediately to listen well and that was when I heard the pastor saying

"this is time for operation search your neighbour, search your neighbour's bag, wallet, purse or pockets as need be and bring out the contents, if there is no money there return the bag but if there is money bring it out, we must learn to give to God. He gave us the money and we must return it to him".

After all those words, people took the bag of the person sitting beside them while the pockets or wallets of brothers were being searched.

The brother beside me was taking his hands towards my pockets about to begin his own search when I said with venom in my eyes and in a Russian mafian voice

"What do you think you want to do??"

He replied me

"You heard what the pastor said brother".

I told him not to even contemplate trying it. He was then trying to pacify me and cajole me telling me there is no harm in giving towards God's work. I told him I'm not against giving but I'm against collecting by force. This is no more giving, this is collecting. He smiled at my words and said

"My brother it's the same thing, God's blessing awaits the two"

and he made for my pockets again, I felt that my phonetics were not having any effect and I replied with

"Bros abeg no try that thing o, I swear I go change am for you".

He was shocked.

One usher noticed us and came to us and he was trying to calm me down because my voiced had changed as my face too.

My friend remained where he was to avoid being seen as the person that brought Orubebe to church. I don dey para for them like mad and the people sitting around us were trying to pacify me. I said "Okay, no problem," carried my bible and.............................with one last Dracula look I told the usher

"Please don't even try to follow me".

He remained rooted to the spot and I made my way out of the church and straight home.

Fake pastors gone mad!

No wonder, many will give , give and give, yet , no blessing in return. Most of these so called pastors are not called of God, they are just running their own businesses. If they were actually called of God, they will trust God for provisions, they won't act like armed robbers

roymary:
Na Nigerian Police Church you dey go ni? Cause na dem dey do stop and search

u will not kill me with laughter o lolz

sexynabila:
pastors & money is like ...gurls & money...God will help dem pastors...

Girlee oo... You sure you're a gurl?

begwong:
Lol
what do u expect from end time pastors?
operation empty your pockets keh,operation fire-for-fire ni!

dem dey do am tey tey. appeal fund card na another way.

Bekwarra:
My friend who's a worker in a new generation pentecostal church (I won't mention names) invited me to his church. Although I don't normally go to church VERY EARLY, he succeeded in persuading me to go early with him because as a worker, he should be in church very early and he knew fully well that if we didn't go together, I wouldn't go; so he succeeded in dragging me along.

When we got to church, they started their normal Sunday School like chit-chat and later praises, worship songs and the service started proper. Born into an Apostolic-inclined orthodox and later crossed over to RCCG, I wasn't at home with the mode and method of their service. I was getting bored and feeling out of place while silently praying for the service to end. Then it came to things like "run to five people and tell them greater things are coming your way this week, you must run o", "grab the person beside you and shake him happy sunday". I was getting tired and shaking my head in despair.

The worms in my stomach were not helping matters, they launched a massive #BringBackOurFood protest because I couldn't take breakfast before leaving for church. The only thing that kept on pushing me on was the hope that the pastor would soon say "run to 5 people and hug them happy sunday". I would gladly and patiently look for 5 beautiful sisters with their killing mini/pencil skirts and tight-fitting shirts to hug but unfortunately, that command never came. All those times, I was feeling frustrated already and whenever my eyes meet those of my friend where he was standing with the engines and mixers, he gives me that "padi no vex we go soon finish" smile.

Just as I was resigning to fate and hoping that the service would soon end and I would bolt home the worst of it happened. The pastor had been preaching for close to 45mins harping on the need to give and sow as good Christians. He gave several examples in the bible of people who gave and later reaped God's blessings. He urged us to give and test God. After that, it was time to give offering. The offering was going to be in two parts; normal Sunday offering and the commitment towards the church building because their auditorium is under construction. We gave offering and afterwards the pastor came back on the pulpit and started complaining why people refused to give generously despite taking us on a journey through the word of God about the essence of giving in a Christian life. He preached for another 10mins. I wasn't even listening to him again because I was gradually dozing off.

What actually jolted me back into reality were these words "now it's time for operation search your neighbour". I sat up immediately to listen well and that was when I heard the pastor saying

"this is time for operation search your neighbour, search your neighbour's bag, wallet, purse or pockets as need be and bring out the contents, if there is no money there return the bag but if there is money bring it out, we must learn to give to God. He gave us the money and we must return it to him".

After all those words, people took the bag of the person sitting beside them while the pockets or wallets of brothers were being searched.

The brother beside me was taking his hands towards my pockets about to begin his own search when I said with venom in my eyes and in a Russian mafian voice

"What do you think you want to do??"

He replied me

"You heard what the pastor said brother".

I told him not to even contemplate trying it. He was then trying to pacify me and cajole me telling me there is no harm in giving towards God's work. I told him I'm not against giving but I'm against collecting by force. This is no more giving, this is collecting. He smiled at my words and said

"My brother it's the same thing, God's blessing awaits the two"

and he made for my pockets again, I felt that my phonetics were not having any effect and I replied with

"Bros abeg no try that thing o, I swear I go change am for you".

He was shocked.

One usher noticed us and came to us and he was trying to calm me down because my voiced had changed as my face too.

My friend remained where he was to avoid being seen as the person that brought Orubebe to church. I don dey para for them like mad and the people sitting around us were trying to pacify me. I said "Okay, no problem," carried my bible and.............................with one last Dracula look I told the usher

"Please don't even try to follow me".

He remained rooted to the spot and I made my way out of the church and straight home.

any person dat wants me to go to his or her church must first folow me to my church!

hahahaha . wonders shall never end

Bekwarra, are u from Bekwarra LGA of Cross River State?

Why all these church/religious article de always long lyk dis abeg i no get interest jare. i just finished one long story about pornography, i no know where dem copy dat one. dis one too happen for church, una no de try jare. MODs! de help dem de summarise na. i no go read dis one wallahi!

This is really funny
Did this really happen in a church?
It can't happen to me at all, I go to church with just my offering once is finished that's all you can search till next year [size=8pt][/size]
I won't even allow anyone search my bag sef

This is purposeful stealing under the guise of 'giving to God'. I wonder when people will quit being blinded by religion.

irunoobo:



Deeeekk is sweet in the pool

i love 96.... f.ingeri.ng is awesome in the cinema

I am surprised that most ppls think this is a false story.

Are you guys aware that most churches reportedly have POS machines for e-collection of requisite church takings?

Does that sound "normal"?

Bekwarra:
My friend who's a worker in a new generation pentecostal church (I won't mention names) invited me to his church. Although I don't normally go to church VERY EARLY, he succeeded in persuading me to go early with him because as a worker, he should be in church very early and he knew fully well that if we didn't go together, I wouldn't go; so he succeeded in dragging me along.

When we got to church, they started their normal Sunday School like chit-chat and later praises, worship songs and the service started proper. Born into an Apostolic-inclined orthodox and later crossed over to RCCG, I wasn't at home with the mode and method of their service. I was getting bored and feeling out of place while silently praying for the service to end. Then it came to things like "run to five people and tell them greater things are coming your way this week, you must run o", "grab the person beside you and shake him happy sunday". I was getting tired and shaking my head in despair.

The worms in my stomach were not helping matters, they launched a massive #BringBackOurFood protest because I couldn't take breakfast before leaving for church. The only thing that kept on pushing me on was the hope that the pastor would soon say "run to 5 people and hug them happy sunday". I would gladly and patiently look for 5 beautiful sisters with their killing mini/pencil skirts and tight-fitting shirts to hug but unfortunately, that command never came. All those times, I was feeling frustrated already and whenever my eyes meet those of my friend where he was standing with the engines and mixers, he gives me that "padi no vex we go soon finish" smile.

Just as I was resigning to fate and hoping that the service would soon end and I would bolt home the worst of it happened. The pastor had been preaching for close to 45mins harping on the need to give and sow as good Christians. He gave several examples in the bible of people who gave and later reaped God's blessings. He urged us to give and test God. After that, it was time to give offering. The offering was going to be in two parts; normal Sunday offering and the commitment towards the church building because their auditorium is under construction. We gave offering and afterwards the pastor came back on the pulpit and started complaining why people refused to give generously despite taking us on a journey through the word of God about the essence of giving in a Christian life. He preached for another 10mins. I wasn't even listening to him again because I was gradually dozing off.

What actually jolted me back into reality were these words "now it's time for operation search your neighbour". I sat up immediately to listen well and that was when I heard the pastor saying

"this is time for operation search your neighbour, search your neighbour's bag, wallet, purse or pockets as need be and bring out the contents, if there is no money there return the bag but if there is money bring it out, we must learn to give to God. He gave us the money and we must return it to him".

After all those words, people took the bag of the person sitting beside them while the pockets or wallets of brothers were being searched.

The brother beside me was taking his hands towards my pockets about to begin his own search when I said with venom in my eyes and in a Russian mafian voice

"What do you think you want to do??"

He replied me

"You heard what the pastor said brother".

I told him not to even contemplate trying it. He was then trying to pacify me and cajole me telling me there is no harm in giving towards God's work. I told him I'm not against giving but I'm against collecting by force. This is no more giving, this is collecting. He smiled at my words and said

"My brother it's the same thing, God's blessing awaits the two"

and he made for my pockets again, I felt that my phonetics were not having any effect and I replied with

"Bros abeg no try that thing o, I swear I go change am for you".

He was shocked.

One usher noticed us and came to us and he was trying to calm me down because my voiced had changed as my face too.

My friend remained where he was to avoid being seen as the person that brought Orubebe to church. I don dey para for them like mad and the people sitting around us were trying to pacify me. I said "Okay, no problem," carried my bible and.............................with one last Dracula look I told the usher

"Please don't even try to follow me".

He remained rooted to the spot and I made my way out of the church and straight home.

So In short you cheated the pastor out of his Private Jet. God dey look you o . Lol

But wait o...yesterday I was at fidelity bank's ATM in UNN at d message on d screen was " you can now pay your tithe and church levy from this machine "...olohun even church don start cashless policy?

OMG,lwkmd oh Lord funniest thread ever,chai

meimoks:

This is really funny
Did this really happen in a church?
It can't happen to me at all, I go to church with just my offering once is finished that's all you can search till next year [size=8pt][/size]
I won't even allow anyone search my bag sef

abeg help me summarise am, i no read am. wetin he talk say happen?

pastors have destroyed my vineyard so says the GOD of justice&pastors followers/bornagains don't know that God has said this about them and those of you who say pastor ride on dominate the churches and claim bornagain when in actual fact the basic things Jesuschrist promised which is peace and power they lack it but before any one can say jack they start blabbing I am bornagain whereas they can't even sleep@night and they continue to be oppressed@night by evil, witches an
d wizards? the true bornagain remains that you must be empowered to be above&destroy all forms of evil no matter who and where they are and with or without the so called pastors if truly Jesuschrist lives in you because many do not understand that there is a great difference between bornagain and Jesuschrist living in you?

EggovinMma:
If this story is true, I don't find it funny at all.
I can't imagine someone having the guts to go through my purse
I can't even imagine respecting a foolish pastor! I HAVE NEVER HAD REGARDS FOR MAJORITY OF THEM ANY WAY!

Just very few MOG I respect.Majority of them are hypocrites including their addict members .

what u said is so true my sister

"Bros abeg no try that thing o, I swear I go change
am for you".


This really got me laffin so hard. Just tryna have an imagination of how ur face looked like.. Lol

Fourcade:


That isn't a church but a business center.Why don't you paste the churches' address here? I feel they need more 'members' who will help them in their "Operation Stop and Search"?

Smh at gullible Nigerians who indulge in this.

I agree with you jare

Spare the rod = spoil the child if the OP has audio or video proof, share it with along with church's name and address

That's how they predicted someone would win , by their hustle we know them, except this story is an imagination, I advocate uncensored details of the office ...

I meant churchfice

I reluctantly read the post but enjoyed it zealously. I thank God that God finally brought Akpororo to NL.

Same thing usually happen in my former church,u give with pains lol according to them dats wat God likes.
Untill i found RCCG gush u give willingly even if u dont have no one will knw cos its alwaz envelop.d new generation churches fish for money nt fishers of men.bloody frausters.

webincomeplus:
LOL!

LOL! op has comitted an an offence! my ribs has broken into pcs. looooooooool! hahahahahahahahaha. holy mary, ! op don kill me wit laughter oohh hahahaaha

lol...omo this is what I call church business. ....some church goers follow blindly that tbey fail to notice wen a pastor is not preaching god but money. ....smh

Winners chapel does it.

My unle once returned from church very red and moody. I asked him what what was wrong. He replied that he had been robbed by armed robbers.
Alarmed, I asking him questions, like where , when and how, and also whether police had been notified.
The he said " it is not police matter o ".
Confused, I asked him to tell me what exactly happened to him.

It was at that time that he narrated to me how, during their weeknight program, his pastor had asked every one to stand and raise their two hands.
Naturally, he complied.
Then the pastorpastor went ahead and commanded each person, still with right hand raised, should lower the left hand, put it into the left pocket, and bring out all the contents, including rings, watches or jewelry on the left hand.
Still watch with surprise, everyone complied while the ushers went round to collect the contents.
After that, same was repeated for the right hand and right hand pockets.

At the end of this spiritual experience-cum armed robbery, my poor uncle had to hitch a ride with empty pockets.

With god, all frauds are possible.

blaizze:

bekwarra, are u from bekwarra?

Nope. NYSC things.

Abeg Nairalanders Una no fit kill me wit laf