irunoobo:



Deeeekk is sweet in the pool

Wetin de worry this one?

freecocoa:
That's very reasonable na, compared to what the OP claims.

How can you tell a stranger to search another's bag and bring out whatever money they find in it? That's hard to believe abeg.

so if #200 with me is not sufficient for offering, i should take my ATM and withdraw more money and u say it is reasonable?? To me it is not normal. I give what comes from my heart not pastor coercing me to do his bidding

Me that came to church with blood in my eyes coz I am broke and job searching....someone will then try to open my pocket forcefully? The way I go take beat that guy for inside church ehn...

The pastor need financial assistance pls somebody should help before its late

Funny

I can't help but laugh in Spanish ;DI especially at these words "Bros abeg no try that thing o, I swear I go change
am for you".

Bekwarra:

Nope. NYSC things.

dts my place. where exactly are u?

MikeMoses:
Bekwarra, are u from Bekwarra LGA of Cross River State?

Nope. NYSC palaver.

harizonal123:
.

You simply buy a new SIM. You can keep the old one or discard

Bekwarra:

now it's time for operation search your neighbour"

In The Church!

Funniest story i've read all day
Thanks OP for making my day

blaizze:

dts my place. where exactly are u?

Afrike 1. Where's your side?

Laughing in my dialect. ....

deletrue:
Useless pastors. He is the same with Pastor Bakare. Useless deceivers. One day na one day. All these fraud star pastors will fall and will not raise.

who is dis one talking. Have u been to Pastor Bakare's church before.?? He is one of d few Nigeria Pastors dat are not desperate for wealthy ok.

Bekwarra:
My friend who's a worker in a new generation pentecostal church (I won't mention names) invited me to his church. Although I don't normally go to church VERY EARLY, he succeeded in persuading me to go early with him because as a worker, he should be in church very early and he knew fully well that if we didn't go together, I wouldn't go; so he succeeded in dragging me along.

When we got to church, they started their normal Sunday School like chit-chat and later praises, worship songs and the service started proper. Born into an Apostolic-inclined orthodox and later crossed over to RCCG, I wasn't at home with the mode and method of their service. I was getting bored and feeling out of place while silently praying for the service to end. Then it came to things like "run to five people and tell them greater things are coming your way this week, you must run o", "grab the person beside you and shake him happy sunday". I was getting tired and shaking my head in despair.

The worms in my stomach were not helping matters, they launched a massive #BringBackOurFood protest because I couldn't take breakfast before leaving for church. The only thing that kept on pushing me on was the hope that the pastor would soon say "run to 5 people and hug them happy sunday". I would gladly and patiently look for 5 beautiful sisters with their killing mini/pencil skirts and tight-fitting shirts to hug but unfortunately, that command never came. All those times, I was feeling frustrated already and whenever my eyes meet those of my friend where he was standing with the engines and mixers, he gives me that "padi no vex we go soon finish" smile.

Just as I was resigning to fate and hoping that the service would soon end and I would bolt home the worst of it happened. The pastor had been preaching for close to 45mins harping on the need to give and sow as good Christians. He gave several examples in the bible of people who gave and later reaped God's blessings. He urged us to give and test God. After that, it was time to give offering. The offering was going to be in two parts; normal Sunday offering and the commitment towards the church building because their auditorium is under construction. We gave offering and afterwards the pastor came back on the pulpit and started complaining why people refused to give generously despite taking us on a journey through the word of God about the essence of giving in a Christian life. He preached for another 10mins. I wasn't even listening to him again because I was gradually dozing off.

What actually jolted me back into reality were these words "now it's time for operation search your neighbour". I sat up immediately to listen well and that was when I heard the pastor saying

"this is time for operation search your neighbour, search your neighbour's bag, wallet, purse or pockets as need be and bring out the contents, if there is no money there return the bag but if there is money bring it out, we must learn to give to God. He gave us the money and we must return it to him".

After all those words, people took the bag of the person sitting beside them while the pockets or wallets of brothers were being searched.

The brother beside me was taking his hands towards my pockets about to begin his own search when I said with venom in my eyes and in a Russian mafian voice

"What do you think you want to do??"

He replied me

"You heard what the pastor said brother".

I told him not to even contemplate trying it. He was then trying to pacify me and cajole me telling me there is no harm in giving towards God's work. I told him I'm not against giving but I'm against collecting by force. This is no more giving, this is collecting. He smiled at my words and said

"My brother it's the same thing, God's blessing awaits the two"

and he made for my pockets again, I felt that my phonetics were not having any effect and I replied with

"Bros abeg no try that thing o, I swear I go change am for you".

He was shocked.

One usher noticed us and came to us and he was trying to calm me down because my voiced had changed as my face too.

My friend remained where he was to avoid being seen as the person that brought Orubebe to church. I don dey para for them like mad and the people sitting around us were trying to pacify me. I said "Okay, no problem," carried my bible and.............................with one last Dracula look I told the usher

"Please don't even try to follow me".

He remained rooted to the spot and I made my way out of the church and straight home.

[size=18pt]If you cannot disclose the name of the church, then continue to hide their identity. It also makes you culpable in the crime. One way or another, we will find out (assuming this your story no get K leg sef)[/size]

Awoofawo:
Another scheme favoured by some pastors is asking women and men to drop their tithe and contribution in seperate box, the money in each box is then count.

If there is less money in either one of box, the pastor will playfully and jokely shame the gender assigned that box...... You should guess the rest..... Turning offering to competition between the two gender

Gbagaun!!!

LEvuls:
Well cooked story ...






not funny

it is not cook story. A friend of mine had similar experience when i serve in Kebbi state. It was a crusade and d Pastor came from River state

lolaxavier:


Gbagaun!!!

If you ever quote me again! "SorriMess" shall be a constant feature in your life...

Continue to find grammatical errors all over forum......odeson!

#BringBackOurFood cracked me up.

Nten:
Guy u see how religion has made some people extremely gullible to the antics of criminals all in the name of given to God.
And you gave the guy first warning he still came in for the second search.
If na me the kind punch were i for daze that guy ehn... the nicompoop were order am to do that job go jump from pulpit turn referee.

Taaaaah! U jusss dey make mouth jor. U no go do anitin!

Religion is the biggest fraud ever created!

Fourwinds:
so if #200 with me is not sufficient for offering, i should take my ATM and withdraw more money and u say it is reasonable?? To me it is not normal. I give what comes from my heart not pastor coercing me to do his bidding

It's like you don't understand what I'm saying.

I never said you have to go to the atm as the pastor said, I'm saying, suggesting one goes to the atm to get more money is more reasonable than asking strangers to search each others purses/wallets.

It's not normal alright(the atm ish)but it is not out of the ordinary like searching someone's purse for money to give to the pastor.

Terrible! next thing you know these pastors will be inviting ISIS to come and help them collect jizya for church

Thats why i hate church...

wat if u com c condom for ma wallet na


SMH

Bekwarra:

Afrike 1. Where's your side?

ibiaragidi. afrike slightly different from my place in terms of dialect.

boolet:
Thank you God for making me realize that Jesus is our High priest and any other pastor is an impostor.

gbam!

nanizle:


Some pastors dey vex o

no b small

sweetorgasm:
D

D for dog...lol

ikorodureporta:

LWKMH!

WTF!!!..... must u quote d entire post?

Testing.
I had a similar experience too where a Pastor commanded everyone to empty their pockets, including transport fare into the offering box, a directive I did not obey.
After I caught a bus at the end of the service, I noticed a long line of people trekking home after giving their transport fare.
Lolz.

I told him I'm not against giving but I'm against collecting by force.
My friend remained where he was to avoid being seen as the person that brought Orubebe to church.