₦airaland Forum

saaedlee:
When unmarried girls reach a certain age, depending on the societies they live in(tho it differs from society to society) people begin to refer to them as “old cargo" etc.

Especially here in Nigeria, people still look upon a young unmarried girl as though she were to blame for her state. Fingers are pointed accusingly at her regardless of the reasons or her own circumstances. The girl soon becomes the butt of ridicule, accusations, and meddling by those around her and even those closest to her.

The reasons for the girl’s delay in getting married or in not getting married at all are many and varies. But the most prevalent delay of a young Nigerian girl getting married is insecurity, especially financial security. However, there are social circumstances and pressures that also create delays in getting married for the ladies.

There are also other reasons such as high dowries, which may make some young men run from getting married on time. Little wonder why most marriages you see today are consumated by older men and women . Then there are families which demand that a prospective suitor have certain characteristics or else they will not allow their daughters or sisters to marry him.

What do girls in Nigeria say about why they are not married?
How much do they suffer because they are not married?
Can "RUNS" decide on when a girl gets married?
[b]Can a girl begin a new life and start a family no matter how late?

Ekaette, who is 38 years old, said: “I tried to imitate some girls in my family by carrying the banner of ‘No To Marriage’ — at least not until I had completed my education, graduated and worked as a accountant. As time passed, I became increasingly involved in trying to achieve this goal and to be fair, I received many proposals at that time from North, East, and Western parts of this country but the men did not meet my standards. And my friends and family agreed with me because they wanted me to have what I wanted in a partner. My mother, however, God rest her soul, disagreed and used to try to convince me to take the proposals more seriously. She told me over and over not to imitate my cousins since they had not received proposals as good as mine in the first place. But I didn’t listen to her and thought that as I was still young and attractive, I had plenty of time to consider different options and choose the right man. The days and months flew by and with the deaths of my mother and father, I was left alone. Most of my friends are married now; I’m still alone and my looks are fading with time. I realize too late that I’ve wasted my life setting impossible conditions for the men who wanted to marry me.”

Dr. Nkechi, a single woman in her 40s, said: “I wronged myself by going along with my mother’s decisions. My mother refused every suitor on the basis that he wasn’t worthy of us. And what made things worse was that my father was so much weaker than my mother that she had ‘the’ say in everything related to my sisters and me for more than 20 years. My sisters and I never had the courage to disagree with her or challenge her. And if the suitor was up to our standards, she would make up conditions that were impossible to fulfill. We never knew what she wanted from a prospective husband. The situation continued until we were no longer young but were still being called ‘Miss’. Now whenever anyone asks us why we are not married, we justify ourselves by saying that we are too involved with our professional lives. Our mother still dreams of a perfect husband for each of us; in her eyes, we are still ‘little girls’ even though we are all highly qualified adults.”

Temilope from Ogun state, who is 35 and still single, said: “Yes, it is not easy being an unmarried woman in our society. Girls who refuse to marry don’t do so without a reason. Very often the reason is her family’s attitude and that is the reason in my case. Today I’m 35 and I’ve been getting proposals since I was 19; my father, however, refused them all since he was influenced by my stepmother who accused every man of being a gold digger, greedy for our money and social status. At the same time, she managed to marry off her own daughters to men who were not always up to the standards she set for me. The result was that I focused on my studies since I had no other outlet. I had to dodge the queries about my being single. People pitied me and said how strange it was that with my looks, education and status that I was still unmarried. Even after I graduated and began working, suitors approached my family but all were turned away. We have reached the point where no one will ask for me since it is well-known that everybody will be refused.”

Kudirat, who is over 30, said: “My love for children surpasses everything in the world. I was so eager to get married and have a family but my mother refused every man who proposed to me or my sister. When I asked my mother why she refused them even though many came from prominent families, she answered that this was in accordance with our late father’s will that we not marry anyone outside our tribe The years passed by and our younger brothers and cousins got married while we have remained single.”

Kemi and her sister are teachers and together earn more than NGN 1,200,000. every month. They say their father refuses to let them marry because of what they earn; if they marry, he will lose access to their money. He treats every man as someone who wants only his daughter’s salary. He does not want to lose it.

Leyefa from Bayelsa, who turned 34 only recently, said: “My chances of getting married are decreasing if not already ended. In this day and age, young men are unlikely to marry a girl they’ve not seen — or at least one which their relatives have seen. After all, this is how girls get married; someone from among the man’s family or friends sees the girl and recommends her. Since I’m not allowed to leave the house or go out or work, no one will see me and so I remain unmarried. These conditions are the ones I have lived under since childhood; my mother didn’t allow me to go anywhere but school and so I didn’t make many friends. In order to have friends, you must be able to come and go and that is what I was not allowed to do. And even after I graduated, I wasn’t allowed to work. This made me ask my family what had been the point of my education and my degree if I was not to be allowed to work? They said both would be an advantage when I raised my children. I have now gone to a matchmaker in hopes that she can find a husband for me.”

Blessing, who is 37, said: “My not being married is a matter that is out of my hands; I am the firstborn in my family and we aren't rich so I cannot settle down now, I have to work to provide for them, I travel a lot, Abuja, Lagos, Kano etc. I just hve to make money!!! If I just agree to marry a man now, will he be providing feeding money for all my siblings and poor parents?

From the above explanations, I can draw my conclusion;
People differ in the age at which a woman is considered an ‘old cargo’. Much depends on the practices and ideas of the society the girl lives in. We often see today that the marriageable age is linked to the stages in finances because of the responsibilities of making a living and supporting a family. Women no longer feel that their worth or status is dependent upon their husband. Another factor in delaying marriages is the recent craze of "runs" a lady prefers to hang out with Politicians and others just to make ends meet then in the long run, no sensible man will want to approach her for a relationship talking more of marriage.

Also that it is now possible for women to having children when they want rather than getting married first, thereby earning the title "Baby Mama"!

According to latest statistics from The Federal Ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development 4 in every 10 ladies aged between 26 - 39 are unmarried!

[size=20pt] You just sat down and wasted hours of your life to type this balderdash[/size]

saaedlee:
According to latest statistics from The Federal Ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development 4 in every 10 ladies aged between 26 - 39 are unmarried!

A very saddening statistics

freecocoa:
Mschew.

in the next 15yrs and God forbid you are still single, my son will show you this comment where you hissed @ unmarried ladies and their predicament

[quote
author=coogar post=33025010]why are you hissing?
at least we now know why some of una are still single......and then come
on NL to claim imaginary husbands.



nigerian parents take the blame 100%
the method some of them use to train their daughters is highly flawed.
this is why the majority of nigerian women are socially awkward.

many of them were trained to flee from men & face their studies.
some of them @21 still believe they can get pregnant by letting a man
touch their arms. that was how most of them were taught by their
parents.

then all of a sudden, the same parents who didn't want their daughters
to smile at any guy would start pressuring the girls to find a husband
overnight. nigerian parents need a huge dose of deliverance.[/quote]well said, baba knw be only rap u sabi o.

top three Nigerians who take nice pictures in front of their gate
http://www.mouaue.com/2015/04/top-three-nigerians-who-take-nice.html

saaedlee:
When unmarried girls reach a certain age, depending on the societies they live in(tho it differs from society to society) people begin to refer to them as “old cargo" etc.

Especially here in Nigeria, people still look upon a young unmarried girl as though she were to blame for her state. Fingers are pointed accusingly at her regardless of the reasons or her own circumstances. The girl soon becomes the butt of ridicule, accusations, and meddling by those around her and even those closest to her.

The reasons for the girl’s delay in getting married or in not getting married at all are many and varies. But the most prevalent delay of a young Nigerian girl getting married is insecurity, especially financial security. However, there are social circumstances and pressures that also create delays in getting married for the ladies.

There are also other reasons such as high dowries, which may make some young men run from getting married on time. Little wonder why most marriages you see today are consumated by older men and women . Then there are families which demand that a prospective suitor have certain characteristics or else they will not allow their daughters or sisters to marry him.

What do girls in Nigeria say about why they are not married?
How much do they suffer because they are not married?
Can "RUNS" decide on when a girl gets married?
[b]Can a girl begin a new life and start a family no matter how late?

Ekaette, who is 38 years old, said: “I tried to imitate some girls in my family by carrying the banner of ‘No To Marriage’ — at least not until I had completed my education, graduated and worked as a accountant. As time passed, I became increasingly involved in trying to achieve this goal and to be fair, I received many proposals at that time from North, East, and Western parts of this country but the men did not meet my standards. And my friends and family agreed with me because they wanted me to have what I wanted in a partner. My mother, however, God rest her soul, disagreed and used to try to convince me to take the proposals more seriously. She told me over and over not to imitate my cousins since they had not received proposals as good as mine in the first place. But I didn’t listen to her and thought that as I was still young and attractive, I had plenty of time to consider different options and choose the right man. The days and months flew by and with the deaths of my mother and father, I was left alone. Most of my friends are married now; I’m still alone and my looks are fading with time. I realize too late that I’ve wasted my life setting impossible conditions for the men who wanted to marry me.”

Dr. Nkechi, a single woman in her 40s, said: “I wronged myself by going along with my mother’s decisions. My mother refused every suitor on the basis that he wasn’t worthy of us. And what made things worse was that my father was so much weaker than my mother that she had ‘the’ say in everything related to my sisters and me for more than 20 years. My sisters and I never had the courage to disagree with her or challenge her. And if the suitor was up to our standards, she would make up conditions that were impossible to fulfill. We never knew what she wanted from a prospective husband. The situation continued until we were no longer young but were still being called ‘Miss’. Now whenever anyone asks us why we are not married, we justify ourselves by saying that we are too involved with our professional lives. Our mother still dreams of a perfect husband for each of us; in her eyes, we are still ‘little girls’ even though we are all highly qualified adults.”

Temilope from Ogun state, who is 35 and still single, said: “Yes, it is not easy being an unmarried woman in our society. Girls who refuse to marry don’t do so without a reason. Very often the reason is her family’s attitude and that is the reason in my case. Today I’m 35 and I’ve been getting proposals since I was 19; my father, however, refused them all since he was influenced by my stepmother who accused every man of being a gold digger, greedy for our money and social status. At the same time, she managed to marry off her own daughters to men who were not always up to the standards she set for me. The result was that I focused on my studies since I had no other outlet. I had to dodge the queries about my being single. People pitied me and said how strange it was that with my looks, education and status that I was still unmarried. Even after I graduated and began working, suitors approached my family but all were turned away. We have reached the point where no one will ask for me since it is well-known that everybody will be refused.”

Kudirat, who is over 30, said: “My love for children surpasses everything in the world. I was so eager to get married and have a family but my mother refused every man who proposed to me or my sister. When I asked my mother why she refused them even though many came from prominent families, she answered that this was in accordance with our late father’s will that we not marry anyone outside our tribe The years passed by and our younger brothers and cousins got married while we have remained single.”

Kemi and her sister are teachers and together earn more than NGN 1,200,000. every month. They say their father refuses to let them marry because of what they earn; if they marry, he will lose access to their money. He treats every man as someone who wants only his daughter’s salary. He does not want to lose it.

Leyefa from Bayelsa, who turned 34 only recently, said: “My chances of getting married are decreasing if not already ended. In this day and age, young men are unlikely to marry a girl they’ve not seen — or at least one which their relatives have seen. After all, this is how girls get married; someone from among the man’s family or friends sees the girl and recommends her. Since I’m not allowed to leave the house or go out or work, no one will see me and so I remain unmarried. These conditions are the ones I have lived under since childhood; my mother didn’t allow me to go anywhere but school and so I didn’t make many friends. In order to have friends, you must be able to come and go and that is what I was not allowed to do. And even after I graduated, I wasn’t allowed to work. This made me ask my family what had been the point of my education and my degree if I was not to be allowed to work? They said both would be an advantage when I raised my children. I have now gone to a matchmaker in hopes that she can find a husband for me.”

Blessing, who is 37, said: “My not being married is a matter that is out of my hands; I am the firstborn in my family and we aren't rich so I cannot settle down now, I have to work to provide for them, I travel a lot, Abuja, Lagos, Kano etc. I just hve to make money!!! If I just agree to marry a man now, will he be providing feeding money for all my siblings and poor parents?

From the above explanations, I can draw my conclusion;
People differ in the age at which a woman is considered an ‘old cargo’. Much depends on the practices and ideas of the society the girl lives in. We often see today that the marriageable age is linked to the stages in finances because of the responsibilities of making a living and supporting a family. Women no longer feel that their worth or status is dependent upon their husband. Another factor in delaying marriages is the recent craze of "runs" a lady prefers to hang out with Politicians and others just to make ends meet then in the long run, no sensible man will want to approach her for a relationship talking more of marriage.

Also that it is now possible for women to having children when they want rather than getting married first, thereby earning the title "Baby Mama"!

According to latest statistics from The Federal Ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development 4 in every 10 ladies aged between 26 - 39 are unmarried!

saaedlee:
None, excerpts from my M.Sc Project.

Just being curious, what is the topic of this project? And don't you think researching on the alarming Number Of Unmarried men (28 - 39 Yrs) would be more informative?

coogar:
is sambarry not your babe?

Lool.

You're hot tonight oh.

Kachisbarbie:
Nairaland guys (being a minute representation of Nigerian men) are confused.

When a young lady says she wants to get married, they would ask what she has achieved and give that speech on how she shouldn't rush to be Mrs.

Now, ladies have decide to pursue their goals to a significant degree and they still tag her old cargo.

For every single lady out there, there is a single guy that hasn't done the needed.

Hmmm

Are you married?

freecocoa:
Mschew.

THIS ONE NA FREE KPEKUS SORRY FREECOCOALET

I still know one stupid girl who's parents wants her to bring an onitsha man else no marriage blessing. I don't know why ladies think parents blessing their marriage assures there won't be divorce or seperation? You had better start threatening your father or mother too, else you'll become a seexx toy to all these tommy boxer boys all in the name is konji.

Gobe !

luxanne:
Just being curious, what is the topic of this project? And don't you think researching on the alarming Number Of Unmarried men (28 - 39 Yrs) would be more informative?

Informative?

When baba 70 gets married to a sisi?

What's he talking abt In summary pls.

milychocs:
Trouble ooo
Does this mean we are in freaking danger of starting a nuclear war!! With the sheer alarming number of us!

It is more alarming than the soulless-ness of Nigerian marriages right? More alarming than the rates of poverty and unemployment? More worrisome than the tribalism now rife in the country? More alarming than the dangerous male chauvinism and not chivalry rampant on social networks in this country? Certainly more dangerous than the situation of migrants the world over? Of course the conditionalities of SAPs, World Bank and IMF pale in significance to the alarming number and alarm I, and my fellow unmarrieds pose to society

Chile, do not even get me started! We've always had more men in Nigeria than women of marriageable age. Secondly, polygyny is more common than polyandry in Nigeria. As much as there are "alarming" numbers of unmarried women, there are also as much "alarming" number of unmarried men but these fvckboys are more worried about unmarried women.

To these folks, unmarried women are more detrimental to the society than illiteracy, poverty or sexism.

0-14 years: 43.2% (male 39,151,304/female 37,353,737)
15-24 years: 19.3% (male 17,486,117/female 16,732,533)
25-54 years: 30.5% (male 27,697,644/female 26,285,816)

http://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/ni.html

bennyrazz:
the major problem here is family setting unreasonable standards for the man their daughter wants to marry. Though I am not against setting standards but there should be a limit to the standards family set and there should be limits to the type of man a woman dreams to marry.


Some women have what we call checklist for the type of man they want to marry but they are so quick to forget that God also has a checklist for the type of husband he has destine for them to marry. In God's plan, your husband is short, in the woman's plan, her husband is tall. In God's plan, your husband is a farmer, in the woman's plan, her husband is an Engineer. So when your plan doesn't meet with God's plan for the kind of man they want to marry, how will the marriage be possible?

There is nothing God cannot do for you so far you stick to his plans for you, no father or mother can stop you from getting married so far the man/woman is God's choice.

Lastly, some women are the architect of their own marital woes. [b]They are too high to maintain, nothing pleases them, it is never enough for them, they have this proud look, their taste is too high, they are very wasteful, they cannot endure circumstances, they complain & nag at the same time, they are very disrespectful, they dress like harlots et[/b]c

ugly traits!

innervoice:
So because their sons are irresponsible their daughters have to marry irresponsible men?
I will tell my daughter to marry a high-quality man or not marry at all. Simples.

you can't be serious.

Its the fault of our leaders 7bn to the CAN another 3rln to campaign election, boys who are surprise to marry are extremely hungry tell me how you want them to marry.
Well the holy book has predicted that when that time come 7women will grab one man (poor or rich) just to marry them to cover their shame of not being married
Therefore my sisters and brothers this is the end time anyone that comes on your way make u no make unnecessary yan ga o.

ECOTERRORS:
in the next 15yrs and God forbid you are still single, my son will show you this comment where you hissed @ unmarried ladies and their predicament

If you don't understand something, you should ask questions.

luxanne:
Just being curious, what is the topic of this project? And don't you think researching on the alarming Number Of Unmarried men (28 - 39 Yrs) would be more informative?

And why would it be more informative researching on the opposite sex? And don't tell me u fall into the category of women discussed? Cuz I'll so love to hand u a questionaire.

one of the reasons why many ladies are
still single today is because they value that
one day glamour of getting married above
the life long reality of staying married.

i always tell ladies.. if you know you are
psycologically rdy for marriage and you
hve a guy that truly wants you for keep,
as long as he has at least a room
apartmnt of his own,start a life with him.

So ironic that many ladies live with a
boyfriend in one room while in school yet
they cant start life with a man froom a
room apartment.

there is only a type of favour that a man
recieves after he gets married just as the
bible says....he whosoever finds a wife
finds a good thing AND HE RECIEVES
FAVOUR FROM GOD.

simply have a moderate introduction,go
for legal wedding in a registry and start
your life tgether while you plan for the
big wedding celebration.

As long as that guy is hardworking trust
me,he will get there. All the rich men
you see today started from somewhere.

i hve seen cases where a lady leaves a
man she loves simply because he has no
money for an elaborate wedding ceremony
just to end up with a man she feels is
ready for marriage because the dude has
mney to splash on an exquisite wedding.

It is one thing to get wedded and another
to stay wedded. Marry a man for the right
reasons.

Never leave a man with a vision for a
man with television.

$

This is because most naija guys are slowly coming to the realisation that naija women are not marriage material but bunch of liabilities.. After weighing up the pros & cons of living with a liability, most guys reach the conclusion that marriage ain't worth the time or stress.

The sad fact is; most naija women are ugly, any honest person blessed with the gift of sight will agree with this. In addiction to this ugliness, naija women are further devalued by the so many vices corrupting their souls, this includes fakery, lying, greed, laziness, envy, bitterness, ignorance, arrogance....

To cap it all up, these women no longer exist in a world of reality, but in a fantasy world where Hollywood TV shows & movies are the paradigm.

The odds are really stacked up against Nigerian women, sadly their numbers are only going to swell in the coming years.

The odds are

kaboninc:
Informative?

When baba 70 gets married to a sisi?

So u saying men don't get married at 28-35 because they can get married to a sisi @ 70? The old man must be wealthy to pull such a feat then cuz a poor man can't.

Anyways, what I meant was, the reason why women get married or don't has been overflogged but I can't say same for the men.

Sex is cheap

Women want rich guys

women are...

50calibre:
This is because most naija guys are slowly coming to the realisation that naija women are not marriage material but bunch of liabilities.. After weighing up the pros & cons of living with a liability, most guys reach the conclusion that marriage ain't worth the time or stress.

The sad fact is; most naija women are ugly, any honest person blessed with the gift if sight will agree with this. In addiction to this ugliness, naija women are further devalued by the so many vices corrupting their souls, this includes fakery, lying, greed, laziness, envy, bitterness, ignorance, arrogance....

To cap it all up, these women no longer exist in a world reality, but in a fantasy world where Hollywood TV shows & movies are the paradigm.

The odds are really stacked up against Nigerian women, sadly their numbers are only going to swell in the coming years.

[img]http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/icarly/images/7/7d/SDIbl.gif/revision/latest?cb=20110627235621[/img]

The ones I detest most are the ones auditioning guys like Maltina Dance all and Gulder Ultimate search! Why would they not remain single?

Go to Dec camps they are all there in diff churches praying for hubby!

The ones I pity are those ones their parents help rearrange their future all in the name of selecting right guy 4 dia daughter as if they were wen they got married

My kind of work self doesn't give room 4 dat madness of going after a particular babe 4 ages! Wen PRIDE and GREED has parked some of them in a corner like abandoned vehicle!

An average Nig babe always looking for a tall,Dark or Fair,handsome,Romantic,Cash loaded,Working class,House owner,Car owner, Fear God,and if possible don't smoke,club,womanize and not a lover football GUY to date or marry! Wen her own dad doesn't posses all these suicide criteria

I always advice some of them to Rather wait for Jesus because in JESUS everything is possible!









Cheeeeers

MRBrownJ:
bro, although you are on point with the reasons you gave above, i was mostly focussing on the +30 women who have been seeking for a man and didnt find any, like the 7 examples the OP gave.

One of the reasons why they haven't found any even though they were seeking, is that love is hard to find. This reason must be mentioned. Some people are lucky and find it easy to find the person they love and who loves them back but for most people it is not easy. That's why many people find themselves in unhappy marriages. They marry someone just for the sake of being married, especially in the Nigerian setting where marriage is a do or die affair. Therefore, people marry someone who they do not truly love or someone they love but who does not love them back. This is the reality. Therefore, I admire everyone who is brave enough to say no to marriage until s/he finds the right person even if it takes a lot of time. Too many people mare out of fear and not for love.

milychocs:
Trouble ooo
Does this mean we are in freaking danger of starting a nuclear war!! With the sheer alarming number of us!

It is more alarming than the soulless-ness of Nigerian marriages right? More alarming than the rates of poverty and unemployment? More worrisome than the tribalism now rife in the country? More alarming than the dangerous male chauvinism and not chivalry rampant on social networks in this country? Certainly more dangerous than the situation of migrants the world over? Of course the conditionalities of SAPs, World Bank and IMF pale in significance to the alarming number and alarm I, and my fellow unmarrieds pose to the calm, beautiful and concerned Nigerian society

Lawd! And Lol

I prefer the insults to the patronising and condescending tone of "are you gonna marry them...or are you God....or will they marry themselves?....
(Okay...I will now read the post and the comments)

Hahahaha....

You are not alone in this alarming l wonderment, dear