₦airaland Forum

FriedPlantain:
typing....................

beau49:
Since morning

Na my ink ink finish jarey, no vex.

whizqueen:
Laff don turn my dada into brazillian hair oooooooh


Following

FriedPlantain:

whizqueen:
Type jhoor n Stop shining your teeth

wetin you wan may I talk na? I'd rather my teeth do the talking than my mouth, you wey you don forget your nairaland horse-band since you no gree hala me.

FriedPlantain:
wetin you wan may I talk na? I'd rather my teeth do the talking rather mouth, you wey you don forget your nairaland horse-band since you no gree hala me.

Qmab:
he's never going home

gidob:
You got me laughing,you are d besssttttt

Thanks man. I'm glad you find them funny.

beau49:
you this dude eh....

See me rushing to open it thinking it was another funny joke.

FriedPlantain:
I still have more of them in my arsenal, do you still want me to unleash more?

FriedPlantain:
Ofego was being discharged from a Mental Hospital after doctors thought he was finally back to normal. He was put in an ambulance to be taken back home. He claimed he knew the house so he led the doctors. They took him to where he claimed he lived.

Just as they approached a certain house, two kids, dressed in uniforms came out of the house. Ofego
screamed, "Those are my children going to school!"
A minute later, a woman came out of the same house and Ofego screamed, "That's my wife, she is late for work!" This time, the doctors were convinced Ofego was ok and took him out of the ambulance but was still in chains.
Just as they were about unlocking the chains, a man came out of the house and Ofego screamed, "YES! THAT'S ME GOING TO WORK!"



Friedplantain

FriedPlantain:
[b] Mumuni, who was in a mental hospital was being reviewed for possible release.
When asked what he would do if released, he replied, "I am going to make a slingshot and come back here and break every damn window in the place."Obviously, his release was denied.
Six months later, the board was again considering his release and again asked him the same question. His reply was the same.
"I am going to make a sling shot and come back here and break every damn window in the place." Again, he was turned down.
Several months later he was complaining to a fellow patient that he could never seem to get released. The patients asked him what he said when they interviewed him, and Mumuni told him.
The patient said, "You will never get released with answers like that. You have to tell them what they want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to answer them when they ask you questions."
So, after considerable coaching, Mumuni felt that he was ready.
So when the board met again, they again asked him what he would do if they let him out. But this time he was ready.
Mumuni said, "I am going to get a job, find an apartment and settle down."
"Good," they said, and then what?
He said, "I want to meet a nice girl and start dating." They agreed he was making real progress and asked, "And then what ?"
"One night when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to take her dress off, and then take her bra off and lie her down on the bed."
"Yes," they said excitedly.
"Then I am going to gently remove her panties," he continued.
The board members were really getting excited now and asked, "Then what are you going to do ?"
He said, " I am going to take the elastic out of those panties, make myself a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in this place!

Friedplantain[/b]

FriedPlantain:
[b]Ofego: pastor, I have sinned.
Pastor: my son, wat did u do? just confess wat u did exactly.God Almighty will forgive you.

Ofego: (sobbing), pastor I committed adultery with several of the female church members.

Pastor: can you mention their names and how many times you slept with each of them? You see for your forgiveness to be complete, you need to mention them so that we can also prayfor them.

Ofego: aaaaah pastor I can't, I am ashamed.

Pastor: okay this is what we will do; after service, we will go to the church entrance together and watch members come out, once anyone you ve slept with comes out, just say 'PAU'. The number of times u say 'PAU' will indicate d number of times you slept with that particular person.... And so they went to the church entrance.

*Head usher passes wriggling her buttocks*

Ofego: pau pau

pastor:the Lord forgive you my brother

*decon's wife passes carrying her bible*

Ofego: pau

pastor: may the Lord forgive you.

*a choir member passes singing*

Ofego: pau pau pau

pastor: God will forgive you. Yes, he will.

* Lo and behold, pastor's wife passes by and Ofego goes off like a machine gun*

Ofego: pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau paupau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau paupau pau pau pra papa pau

pastor: yeeeeeepaaaaa!!! na Sango go kill you! God punish your father! God will never forgive you. [/b]

FriedPlantain:
[b]Ofego: pastor, I have sinned.
Pastor: my son, wat did u do? just confess wat u did exactly.God Almighty will forgive you.

Ofego: (sobbing), pastor I committed adultery with several of the female church members.

Pastor: can you mention their names and how many times you slept with each of them? You see for your forgiveness to be complete, you need to mention them so that we can also prayfor them.

Ofego: aaaaah pastor I can't, I am ashamed.

Pastor: okay this is what we will do; after service, we will go to the church entrance together and watch members come out, once anyone you ve slept with comes out, just say 'PAU'. The number of times u say 'PAU' will indicate d number of times you slept with that particular person.... And so they went to the church entrance.

*Head usher passes wriggling her buttocks*

Ofego: pau pau

pastor:the Lord forgive you my brother

*decon's wife passes carrying her bible*

Ofego: pau

pastor: may the Lord forgive you.

*a choir member passes singing*

Ofego: pau pau pau

pastor: God will forgive you. Yes, he will.

* Lo and behold, pastor's wife passes by and Ofego goes off like a machine gun*

Ofego: pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau paupau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau paupau pau pau pra papa pau

pastor: yeeeeeepaaaaa!!! na Sango go kill you! God punish your father! God will never forgive you. [/b]

FriedPlantain:
RULES OF FOOTBALL WHEN WE WERE KIDS
1. The fat kid was always the goalkeeper
2. The owner of the ball decides who plays.
3. Penalties awarded only if injured player curses a lot.
4. The match only ends when everyone was tired.
5. No matter how many goals you score, the winner will bedetermined by the last team to score.
6. No referee and lines men. You could run withthe ball even behind the goal post.
7. If you don't participate in repairing the ball you were given a match ban.
8. If you're picked last, you're a loser.
9. The guy who's never picked was to fetch the ball from thetree when it got stuck,under the car or tunnel toplay in the nextgame.
10. When the owner of the ball gets annoyed, game over!
11. You were allowed to change a goalkeeper in case of a penalty.
12. the most skillful player gets automatic selection.

FriedPlantain:
[b] Mumuni walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset.
"What's the matter, buddy ?" asks the bartender.
"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We tripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!''
''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the bartender. ''Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated.When her husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her -- but he had to piss first. And the lazy son of a b*tch pissed out the window right onto my head! "
''Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my goddamn forehead!''
''Damn, that really is a drag!''
''Oh, I'm not finished!See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his a55 out of the window and let loose right on myhead!''
''That would sure mess up my day."
''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off ?
When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!''


FriedPlantain [/b]