₦airaland Forum

brownlord:
How did you get $400 from that post, or this another joke?

AmALilgodSoDontQuoteMe:
funniest of all.

vheMa:
Friendplantain I don't get your 1st joke pls,I really wish 2 understand it. Y he gv am $5?

FriedPlantain:

Okworigeorge:
he gave d white man $5 as change cos he doesn't know d answer himself....no answer for d question

FriedPlantain:
** Sense pass sense **
[b]
An American lawyer and a Nigerian are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that Nigerians are so dumb that he can fool them easily..,....,. so the lawyer asks if the naija guy would like to play a fun game. The nigerian is tired and just wants to rest, so he politely declines and tries to catch some sleep. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun "I ask u a question and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only 5dollars; you ask me one and if I dont know the answer, I will pay u $500.
As naija no be dull guys naau, this catches the nigerian's attention and to keep d lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks d 1st question "what's the distance from earth to the moon?
The naija guy doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out 5dollars the hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the omo naija turn. He ask the lawyer, "what goes up a mountain with 3 legs and comes down with four?
The lawyer uses his laptop, searches the internet and even the Library of Congress. He sends emails to all his smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After 1 hour of futile searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the naija guy and hands him $500. The nigerian pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going crazy not knowing the answer.

So he wakes the naija guy up the asks, "well, so what goes up a mountain with 3 legs and comes down with four? The nigerian reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer 5dollars and goes back to sleep.



Friedplantain [/b]

bqlekan:
The last one cracked me up laughing so hard that i fell off the closet

FriedPlantain:
[b] Mumuni, who was in a mental hospital was being reviewed for possible release.
When asked what he would do if released, he replied, "I am going to make a slingshot and come back here and break every damn window in the place."Obviously, his release was denied.
Six months later, the board was again considering his release and again asked him the same question. His reply was the same.
"I am going to make a sling shot and come back here and break every damn window in the place." Again, he was turned down.
Several months later he was complaining to a fellow patient that he could never seem to get released. The patients asked him what he said when they interviewed him, and Mumuni told him.
The patient said, "You will never get released with answers like that. You have to tell them what they want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to answer them when they ask you questions."
So, after considerable coaching, Mumuni felt that he was ready.
So when the board met again, they again asked him what he would do if they let him out. But this time he was ready.
Mumuni said, "I am going to get a job, find an apartment and settle down."
"Good," they said, and then what?
He said, "I want to meet a nice girl and start dating." They agreed he was making real progress and asked, "And then what ?"
"One night when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to take her dress off, and then take her bra off and lie her down on the bed."
"Yes," they said excitedly.
"Then I am going to gently remove her panties," he continued.
The board members were really getting excited now and asked, "Then what are you going to do ?"
He said, " I am going to take the elastic out of those panties, make myself a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in this place!

Friedplantain[/b]

croSStodds:
And landed on ur poo..lol!

FriedPlantain:
[b] Mumuni, who was in a mental hospital was being reviewed for possible release.
When asked what he would do if released, he replied, "I am going to make a slingshot and come back here and break every damn window in the place."Obviously, his release was denied.
Six months later, the board was again considering his release and again asked him the same question. His reply was the same.
"I am going to make a sling shot and come back here and break every damn window in the place." Again, he was turned down.
Several months later he was complaining to a fellow patient that he could never seem to get released. The patients asked him what he said when they interviewed him, and Mumuni told him.
The patient said, "You will never get released with answers like that. You have to tell them what they want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to answer them when they ask you questions."
So, after considerable coaching, Mumuni felt that he was ready.
So when the board met again, they again asked him what he would do if they let him out. But this time he was ready.
Mumuni said, "I am going to get a job, find an apartment and settle down."
"Good," they said, and then what?
He said, "I want to meet a nice girl and start dating." They agreed he was making real progress and asked, "And then what ?"
"One night when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to take her dress off, and then take her bra off and lie her down on the bed."
"Yes," they said excitedly.
"Then I am going to gently remove her panties," he continued.
The board members were really getting excited now and asked, "Then what are you going to do ?"
He said, " I am going to take the elastic out of those panties, make myself a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in this place!

Friedplantain[/b]

FriedPlantain:
Na my ink ink finish jarey, no vex.

Esdb3:
Sorry am not ibo but ogini means what right??

FriedPlantain:
[b] Mumuni walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset.
"What's the matter, buddy ?" asks the bartender.
"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We tripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!''
''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the bartender. ''Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated.When her husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her -- but he had to piss first. And the lazy son of a b*tch pissed out the window right onto my head! "
''Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my goddamn forehead!''
''Damn, that really is a drag!''
''Oh, I'm not finished!See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his a55 out of the window and let loose right on myhead!''
''That would sure mess up my day."
''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off ?
When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!''

Lol.....
FriedPlantain [/b]

vheMa:
Friendplantain I don't get your 1st joke pls,I really wish 2 understand it. Y he gv am $5?

Warlord3000:
Your ink didn't finish... You only stopped where the original posted Paroman stopped
Nice though reading it again

MaziOmenuko:
Nice!

Next time, give credit to the original publisher of those jokes.

www.nairaland.com/1788802/top-3-jokes-ever

Paroman, July 2014

An Elephant Never Forgets.

Actually Paroman = FriedPlantain. That was my previous handle before I got this one.

Xtracoool:
This one made me laugh like an idioot

FriedPlantain:
[b] Mumuni, who was in a mental hospital was being reviewed for possible release.
When asked what he would do if released, he replied, "I am going to make a slingshot and come back here and break every damn window in the place."Obviously, his release was denied.
Six months later, the board was again considering his release and again asked him the same question. His reply was the same.
"I am going to make a sling shot and come back here and break every damn window in the place." Again, he was turned down.
Several months later he was complaining to a fellow patient that he could never seem to get released. The patients asked him what he said when they interviewed him, and Mumuni told him.
The patient said, "You will never get released with answers like that. You have to tell them what they want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to answer them when they ask you questions."
So, after considerable coaching, Mumuni felt that he was ready.
So when the board met again, they again asked him what he would do if they let him out. But this time he was ready.
Mumuni said, "I am going to get a job, find an apartment and settle down."
"Good," they said, and then what?
He said, "I want to meet a nice girl and start dating." They agreed he was making real progress and asked, "And then what ?"
"One night when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to take her dress off, and then take her bra off and lie her down on the bed."
"Yes," they said excitedly.
"Then I am going to gently remove her panties," he continued.
The board members were really getting excited now and asked, "Then what are you going to do ?"
He said, " I am going to take the elastic out of those panties, make myself a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in this place!

Friedplantain[/b]

rexoluj:
$490 actually

slapandfall:
:::::::::ℓ☺ℓ :::::::.. They r quite funny.. But this is epic

Dis joke gets me cracking

Palm Wine Drinking Competition

Two communities Umuaga & Iwollo in Enugu state
decided to hold a drinking competition.A week to the competition Umuaga community sent a delegate to Iwollo,to confirm if the competition will still
hold.

When the guy that was the delegate got there
,the people of Iwollo brought 20 litres of thier
strongest Aneke-Achime{palm wine}as kola.

The guy asked ;Can i test it?...the people said ;Go ahead;the guy drank and finished the whole 20 litres and said ;this is okay ,where is the main drink?....the people of Iwollo shouted;come oo ,are u amoung the competitors?...

The guy replied ;NO, I DID NOT QUALIFY.

The iwollo elders fainted... Heheheheheh

FriedPlantain:
[b]Ofego: pastor, I have sinned.
Pastor: my son, wat did u do? just confess wat u did exactly.God Almighty will forgive you.

Ofego: (sobbing), pastor I committed adultery with several of the female church members.

Pastor: can you mention their names and how many times you slept with each of them? You see for your forgiveness to be complete, you need to mention them so that we can also prayfor them.

Ofego: aaaaah pastor I can't, I am ashamed.

Pastor: okay this is what we will do; after service, we will go to the church entrance together and watch members come out, once anyone you ve slept with comes out, just say 'PAU'. The number of times u say 'PAU' will indicate d number of times you slept with that particular person.... And so they went to the church entrance.

*Head usher passes wriggling her buttocks*

Ofego: pau pau

pastor:the Lord forgive you my brother

*decon's wife passes carrying her bible*

Ofego: pau

pastor: may the Lord forgive you.

*a choir member passes singing*

Ofego: pau pau pau

pastor: God will forgive you. Yes, he will.

* Lo and behold, pastor's wife passes by and Ofego goes off like a machine gun*

Ofego: pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau paupau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau pau paupau pau pau pra papa pau

pastor: yeeeeeepaaaaa!!! na Sango go kill you! God punish your father! God will never forgive you. [/b]

danielicon:
funny u trying to correct someone...it should be 495 not 490