₦airaland Forum

SURElee:
I have some questions I need you to truthfully answer to set yourself free. Cos the truth would set you free anD advice:
1: has your husband being violent with you in the past? While dating, courting or previously in d marriage? I find it odd that for aa wallet aa man wud push and injure hias wife's head and buy u gifts to make for it. Woman, if u'd died from that fall, wud you have worn those gifts in the grave?

2: I believe there's more to this story, no raaemorse from your MIL. If this had happened To her own daughter, wud she have distanced herself?

3: listen and listen real good, if you're in an aabusive marriage, speak up and don't die there like Titi who was killed by her Arowolo husband. Many women keep quiet and suuffer Katherine Obiang kept quietabout the domestic Abusive from her husband(frank edoho) for years and finally he man left and married another lady without finalising his divorce with her.


4: One thing I know is once violence starts in any form, it continues so watch and should you choose to accept clothing and trinkets as gifts after domestic battery, its your choice at the end of the day.
Communication is still the best method for conflict /dispute resolution.

fem29:
Her husband messed up by taking all the keys, that is very aggressive. How would you like to be locked out of your home, very disconcerting. They both did wrong.

qbd2:
Seriously, d mil is innocent Innocent and ignored the tears of d woman as she was crying?. I think she's just a silent killer.
Btw, we don't hate mils its just a womanly thing. We r often jealous of each other

Wedon:
She was already interfering when she took your husband's call and listend to just his own side of the story. So she was on the phone with him all through and heard him beating you up? was she the one advising him to do that

True you have a bond with your husband, but you have neglected to realize that she has an even greater bond with him . . . that of a mother and child. Only truly unique MIL's will choose their DIL's over their sons. And that can only happen when she is very sure you are the best thing that happened to her son.

You, on the other hand, (for reasons I still can't understand) have refused to protect your own mother. Why on earth does your husband 'not like' your mother? And you allowed that to fester Do you support his resentment towards your own mother?

I know people with money tend to be over-bearing, but c'mon, this is your own mother.

If your in-laws cannot trust your own children with your own mother, then something is definitely wrong. And your husband gave you a head injury and his mother still didn't care

Lady you are in for more troubles than you even realize. SMH!

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). I wanted to make my mother-in-law aware of the situation so that I won't be accused of abandoning my kids for my career (you know how judgmental naija society can be sometimes). I tried to call my mother-in-law, she didn't pick up, I sent her a text explaining the situation and then proceeded to call her again. I was surprised to see that she was talking to my husband about the issue on the line that I just tried calling her on, but she hadn't called me back. My mother-in-law refused to take my calls cause apparently she's of the opinion that couples should keep everything between themselves. My husband went ahead to take away my copy of the house keys. He locked the doors and said whenever I was ready to go, he will let me out, in order to ensure that I don't come back when he is out, to take his kids to my parents' house. I had already assured him that I wasn't going to take them away but I was opposed to leaving without a key, since it will be very inconveniencing for me to go on such an exhausting journey, return and not have immediate access to the house. (My husband's whereabouts is usually very difficult to discern on account of the nature of his job-politician). Again, I tried to get my mother-in-law to intervene and ask him to let me have one of the keys but she still refused to take my calls. I sent her another text. I was running late so I proceeded to take my husband's wallet which he left in one of the rooms. My intention was to use it as an exchange item so I can get the keys from him.

Unfortunately, this got him very mad and in a bid to get the wallet back from me, he pushed me and I hit the back of my head on a glass table resulting in a head injury as revealed by a CT scan. In all of this, my mother-in-law still refused to take my calls even though she could hear me shouting and crying through the phone (recall my husband was intermittently on the phone with her while the fracas was going on). Since that day, I haven't called her again, and she hasn't called me either. Even when my parents informed her about my head injury via text (since she wasn't taking their calls), she still failed to give me call to find out how badly hurt I was. She has come to our home one day since the incident, I was taking a bath, by the time I was done and came to the living room, she was gone. I don't think she asked after me but I didn't ask my husband whether she did. This is someone I have loved and respected as a mother all this time, we have never ever had even one disagreement. By refusing to get involved, she has effectively destroyed our cordial relationship. I cannot honestly say that I feel like she cares whether I live or die as long as we obey the golden rule of keeping everything between ourselves as a couple.
My issue is, I'm not happy about the fact that we've fallen into the category of MIL and DIL that do not get along. My question is, am I right to feel aggrieved, and am I right to have not made any effort to reach out to her for more than a month now, considering that this means that she has not interacted with her grand children all this time? What would you suggest I do?

SOTNEG:
I have read ur write up and the advice of people. My dear u started dis whole drama. Two people cannot b at fault in a particular thing. One will take action and the other reaction. I thought ur Bible said u should submit urself to ur husband. And dat ur husband is ur head. What if ur husband had refused to allow u take the exam? Why would u question where he wants his children to be? My dear stop comparing ur family with his and deal the ego problem u have. Ur family is not looked down in any way here, so stop the pity mentality so dat u stop feeling like u are been marginalized. Don't follow d advice of equality btw men and women here on nairaland.
Pls go and apologize to ur husband cos dat ur Bible said dat disobedience is worse than the sin of witchcraft. Do u get it. Look the Bible and the Example of pple like Sarah etc who obeyed even when it hurts. Follow d manual of d initiator of marriage institution. Ppl of dis our days wants us to believe dat d man and woman should share authority. What has it resulted; break up in marriages. America and Europe preaching such doctrine have failed in dia family settings. My contributions is not to excite but to tell u d real truth. Leave ur mother-in-law alone she is not ur husband. Make peace and win d heart of ur husband through ur undiluted love and unquestionable loyalty. Every other thing will fall in place. I hv read pple saying stand for ur right cos 2moro they might limit u access to ur children or ur parents. Don't ur parents hv sons day can give dem grandchildren in d house? My dear for ur husband to still be confiding in his mother shows dat u have already started failing. Thereby making ur husband to still value d old relationship wt d mum. Wake up. Wake up.. Wake up.... Nobody should b close to ur husband than u. Think of dos little tins dat mum use to do for him and fill in d gap. Imagine provoking ur love to heat. Pls read anointed books about marriage.

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). I wanted to make my mother-in-law aware of the situation so that I won't be accused of abandoning my kids for my career (you know how judgmental naija society can be sometimes). I tried to call my mother-in-law, she didn't pick up, I sent her a text explaining the situation and then proceeded to call her again. I was surprised to see that she was talking to my husband about the issue on the line that I just tried calling her on, but she hadn't called me back. My mother-in-law refused to take my calls cause apparently she's of the opinion that couples should keep everything between themselves. My husband went ahead to take away my copy of the house keys. He locked the doors and said whenever I was ready to go, he will let me out, in order to ensure that I don't come back when he is out, to take his kids to my parents' house. I had already assured him that I wasn't going to take them away but I was opposed to leaving without a key, since it will be very inconveniencing for me to go on such an exhausting journey, return and not have immediate access to the house. (My husband's whereabouts is usually very difficult to discern on account of the nature of his job-politician). Again, I tried to get my mother-in-law to intervene and ask him to let me have one of the keys but she still refused to take my calls. I sent her another text. I was running late so I proceeded to take my husband's wallet which he left in one of the rooms. My intention was to use it as an exchange item so I can get the keys from him.

Unfortunately, this got him very mad and in a bid to get the wallet back from me, he pushed me and I hit the back of my head on a glass table resulting in a head injury as revealed by a CT scan. In all of this, my mother-in-law still refused to take my calls even though she could hear me shouting and crying through the phone (recall my husband was intermittently on the phone with her while the fracas was going on). Since that day, I haven't called her again, and she hasn't called me either. Even when my parents informed her about my head injury via text (since she wasn't taking their calls), she still failed to give me call to find out how badly hurt I was. She has come to our home one day since the incident, I was taking a bath, by the time I was done and came to the living room, she was gone. I don't think she asked after me but I didn't ask my husband whether she did. This is someone I have loved and respected as a mother all this time, we have never ever had even one disagreement. By refusing to get involved, she has effectively destroyed our cordial relationship. I cannot honestly say that I feel like she cares whether I live or die as long as we obey the golden rule of keeping everything between ourselves as a couple.
My issue is, I'm not happy about the fact that we've fallen into the category of MIL and DIL that do not get along. My question is, am I right to feel aggrieved, and am I right to have not made any effort to reach out to her for more than a month now, considering that this means that she has not interacted with her grand children all this time? What would you suggest I do?

RiffRaff:
If you are reading this and you are Single... Good news for you. I came all the way from the future to deliver a message to you.
Its a simple message:
"No matter what you do, Please i beg you on bended knees, dont ever get married".
It is a needless trap... With the kind of stories i read here on Nairaland everyday, no one in his right sense will open his|her eyes and walk into the bondage Nigerians call MARRIAGE.
Everyone feels their own choice will be different till they make the choice of UNHAPPINESS & Misery for the larger part of their lives.
If you finally sucumb to societal pressure, make sure you do not marry a Nigerian.

That being said: The Moral of the story is:
1. As long as u are rich & can buy italian wears.. A Nigerian woman will love you no matter what you do to her. Smash her head with a Baseball Bat, just make sure u have money.
Lock her out of the house like you lock a dog out of a cage.
Deprive her of making decisons in the lives of her child because, she is just a baby making vessel that is meant to pop out children.
Once you are richer than her Family, have no regard for her parents cuz afterall, what does an Ant have to say in the gatherin of Elephants.

Make money in Nigeria. You will find "unconditional" Love.

This is the story that Jesus saw in his crystal ball &
Jesus wept.....

dinachi:
@Op pls be careful of evil advice from here as a lot of poor women from poor wretched homes and destitute husbands will be on your case here trying to discourage you and destroy your marriage. It is called jealousy! Pls stop giving information about your home to the public. It is not wise. You are a great lady already with a great husband and a great marriage, be thankful to God and submit to your husband and I promise you will continue to enjoy your home. Gods grace.

Kegite:
He should have beaten the foolishness out of you.
You are not worthy to be a mother.
Why won't you let him take care of his children while you party away with your younger boyfriend ??
Why would you take his wallet ??
Why would you engage him in a fist fight ??
I would encourage him to hit you on a daily basis so you can regain your sanity.
Foolish woman

Gud1:
Maybe the MIL is tired with her calls for every little issue that ought to be settled between the lady n her husband. The woman is just the cause of everything

teemy:
@nickibarb If you let women talk lead you to expect being badly treated in you matrimonial home you will find yourself acting in ways that would sha lead those actions to appear even if they had no reason to happen in the first place.

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). I wanted to make my mother-in-law aware of the situation so that I won't be accused of abandoning my kids for my career (you know how judgmental naija society can be sometimes). I tried to call my mother-in-law, she didn't pick up, I sent her a text explaining the situation and then proceeded to call her again. I was surprised to see that she was talking to my husband about the issue on the line that I just tried calling her on, but she hadn't called me back. My mother-in-law refused to take my calls cause apparently she's of the opinion that couples should keep everything between themselves. My husband went ahead to take away my copy of the house keys. He locked the doors and said whenever I was ready to go, he will let me out, in order to ensure that I don't come back when he is out, to take his kids to my parents' house. I had already assured him that I wasn't going to take them away but I was opposed to leaving without a key, since it will be very inconveniencing for me to go on such an exhausting journey, return and not have immediate access to the house. (My husband's whereabouts is usually very difficult to discern on account of the nature of his job-politician). Again, I tried to get my mother-in-law to intervene and ask him to let me have one of the keys but she still refused to take my calls. I sent her another text. I was running late so I proceeded to take my husband's wallet which he left in one of the rooms. My intention was to use it as an exchange item so I can get the keys from him.

Unfortunately, this got him very mad and in a bid to get the wallet back from me, he pushed me and I hit the back of my head on a glass table resulting in a head injury as revealed by a CT scan. In all of this, my mother-in-law still refused to take my calls even though she could hear me shouting and crying through the phone (recall my husband was intermittently on the phone with her while the fracas was going on). Since that day, I haven't called her again, and she hasn't called me either. Even when my parents informed her about my head injury via text (since she wasn't taking their calls), she still failed to give me call to find out how badly hurt I was. She has come to our home one day since the incident, I was taking a bath, by the time I was done and came to the living room, she was gone. I don't think she asked after me but I didn't ask my husband whether she did. This is someone I have loved and respected as a mother all this time, we have never ever had even one disagreement. By refusing to get involved, she has effectively destroyed our cordial relationship. I cannot honestly say that I feel like she cares whether I live or die as long as we obey the golden rule of keeping everything between ourselves as a couple.
My issue is, I'm not happy about the fact that we've fallen into the category of MIL and DIL that do not get along. My question is, am I right to feel aggrieved, and am I right to have not made any effort to reach out to her for more than a month now, considering that this means that she has not interacted with her grand children all this time? What would you suggest I do?

thorpido:
I can only say that there are deeper issues between you and your husband and the parents-in-law.What issue does your hubby have with your mum?Was your husband aware of this exam ahead of time and did he support you?
I think there is a communication issue between you and your husband that got escalated.

Next time avoid things that could result in violence.Don't seize his belongings.

thorpido:
I can only say that there are deeper issues between you and your husband and the parents-in-law.What issue does your hubby have with your mum?Was your husband aware of this exam ahead of time and did he support you?
I think there is a communication issue between you and your husband that got escalated.

Next time avoid things that could result in violence.Don't seize his belongings.

nickibarb:
no, he wasn't on the phone with her all through. it was more like after seeing my text message, she calls him to talk about it. I didn't hear her side of the conversation but I know she asked if he was sure he could take care of the kids and he replied in the affirmative.

also, after he pushed me down, (i won't say beat up cos it was more like a struggle to take possession of the wallet), he called his mother after it had happened. while he was talking to her, i started screaming in a bid to make her hear me through the phone, that he was trying to kill me and she has refused to intervene by taking my call).

my husband said he doesn't like my mum cos when we were preparing for our wedding, she was trying to impose her choice of wedding vendors and other details about the wedding on him. i had told her to handle things like caterer, decorations, venue, etc cos i hadn't relocated to Nigeria yet. he relocated before me. i also told him that I had asked her to make decisions on my behalf. he eventually had his way, we did everything the way he wanted and got defrauded by the wedding vendors he chose. I've told him that whatever happened then, is not enough to cut her out of his life and prevent her from having access to her grandchildren. i wish i knew what else to do about it.

nickibarb:
my first choice of who the kids stay with is my MIL, not because I don't think my mum will do a great job, but because I know that's what my husband will be most comfortable with. I'm trying to be the good wife here, to do what pleases my husband as much as possible.

nickibarb:
Thanks for your suggestion, but what exactly should I say I'm sorry about when I apologise? cos i believe you should be sorry about something when you're making an apology otherwise it's just empty words.

when I got back, my husband came up to me, kissed me passionately and gave me a box of new clothes and stuff he ordered from Italy that had just arrived. I told him i was tired of fighting. i guess that's us making up. he has never really told me sorry before so that's as much apology as I can ever expect. i think the only people who haven't made up are my MIL and I.

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). .....

babyosisi:
No I didn't see this
Kai menene
Tell us the truth how many hospital visits so far and how many beatings have you received sotay your MIL doesn't even want to hear your sorry stories anymore
I don't blame the woman jor even me sef don taya
Why must she be stressed out with your issues
Oya pick out the fine dress they may use to lie you in state next time the glass pieces decide to embed themselves inside your brain
At least you have an option now to make sure you look very pretty on that day as people walk by
This is the most stoopid thing I have read
How old are you sef?

cococandy:
That's too harsh

I know why you're vexing sha. All those arowolo cases and co.
Still...

babyosisi:
I mean
How can a grown woman ,a mother of children not realize that the MIL has no case to answer?
The man who does has kissed her and bought her Italian clothes and she is disturbing an Innocent woman
In short I am done with the topic
Hope you enjoyed Mother's Day my dear

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). I wanted to make my mother-in-law aware of the situation so that I won't be accused of abandoning my kids for my career (you know how judgmental naija society can be sometimes). I tried to call my mother-in-law, she didn't pick up, I sent her a text explaining the situation and then proceeded to call her again. I was surprised to see that she was talking to my husband about the issue on the line that I just tried calling her on, but she hadn't called me back. My mother-in-law refused to take my calls cause apparently she's of the opinion that couples should keep everything between themselves. My husband went ahead to take away my copy of the house keys. He locked the doors and said whenever I was ready to go, he will let me out, in order to ensure that I don't come back when he is out, to take his kids to my parents' house. I had already assured him that I wasn't going to take them away but I was opposed to leaving without a key, since it will be very inconveniencing for me to go on such an exhausting journey, return and not have immediate access to the house. (My husband's whereabouts is usually very difficult to discern on account of the nature of his job-politician). Again, I tried to get my mother-in-law to intervene and ask him to let me have one of the keys but she still refused to take my calls. I sent her another text. I was running late so I proceeded to take my husband's wallet which he left in one of the rooms. My intention was to use it as an exchange item so I can get the keys from him.

Unfortunately, this got him very mad and in a bid to get the wallet back from me, he pushed me and I hit the back of my head on a glass table resulting in a head injury as revealed by a CT scan. In all of this, my mother-in-law still refused to take my calls even though she could hear me shouting and crying through the phone (recall my husband was intermittently on the phone with her while the fracas was going on). Since that day, I haven't called her again, and she hasn't called me either. Even when my parents informed her about my head injury via text (since she wasn't taking their calls), she still failed to give me call to find out how badly hurt I was. She has come to our home one day since the incident, I was taking a bath, by the time I was done and came to the living room, she was gone. I don't think she asked after me but I didn't ask my husband whether she did. This is someone I have loved and respected as a mother all this time, we have never ever had even one disagreement. By refusing to get involved, she has effectively destroyed our cordial relationship. I cannot honestly say that I feel like she cares whether I live or die as long as we obey the golden rule of keeping everything between ourselves as a couple.
My issue is, I'm not happy about the fact that we've fallen into the category of MIL and DIL that do not get along. My question is, am I right to feel aggrieved, and am I right to have not made any effort to reach out to her for more than a month now, considering that this means that she has not interacted with her grand children all this time? What would you suggest I do?

babyosisi:
You teach people how to treat you and what you accept becomes the rule
If your husband treats your folks like crap and you have accepted it
So shall it be
A man hurts you and buys you a box of clothes and all is is ok
A man that hates your own mother and won't allow her watch your own children
Girl wake up

nickibarb:
for the staying out all night, I've come to accept that it comes with the nature of what he has chosen to do for a living. all i can do is trust him and pray. all i've asked is that he let's me know at night, when he realises that he won't be coming home. at least for my peace of mind. so far he hasn't done it again so lets hope that he has changed.

as for my MIL apology, somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that's what some ppl will advise me to do but I really don't if I have it in me. I feel like all this time she's been acting so nice to me, like maybe it wan't really genuine?

babyosisi:
I mean
How can a grown woman ,a mother of children not realize that the MIL has no case to answer?
The man who does has kissed her and bought her Italian clothes and she is disturbing an Innocent woman
In short I am done with the topic

nickibarb:
Thanks for your suggestion, but what exactly should I say I'm sorry about when I apologise? cos i believe you should be sorry about something when you're making an apology otherwise it's just empty words.

when I got back, my husband came up to me, kissed me passionately and gave me a box of new clothes and stuff he ordered from Italy that had just arrived. I told him i was tired of fighting. i guess that's us making up. he has never really told me sorry before so that's as much apology as I can ever expect. i think the only people who haven't made up are my MIL and I.