₦airaland Forum

tope2000:
WHAT
I give u the award for the most peaceful woman on NL, David must have made a typo

You want to come and rub my face in it abi, mission unaccomplished Thank God I have a correct husband in Debosky, too

please lets not divert the topic  

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=231083.msg3443988#msg3443988 date=1234132106]You want to come and rub my face in it abi, mission unaccomplished Thank God I have correct husband too [/quote]Lmao

Treetop20:
please lets not divert the topic

Ok

Thank you all for your comments and analysis. Thank you osisi, busy_body, debosky, davidylan, tope, ify, hauwa, spykecylinder, etc. I appreciate all your comments. I guessed I knew what I was getting into. Expressing my displeasure seemed to work during our courtship just that it stopped working after the marriage. Debosky analysis seems to be very accurate, painfully accurate.

I'll seek counselling if it works. I've developed high blood pressure over this for some time. I just started taking my health serious yesterday because I just had blood gushing out of my nose for no reason and it took some time to stop the flow. I read on the internet that it might be due to cold or high blood pressure induced busting of blood capillaries in the nose. I got scared of the consequence of such capillary busting in my brain. Hence my reason for 'running away' like debosky analysed.

Thank you all, once again, for your comments and analysis.

To be honest this is just normal newly wed stuff and if we ask your wife we will hear something else. I don't believe that your wife waited till your wedding day to decide to start hating your family. You have not said anything that you have done or said that would make a woman change overnight. Also you talking about her mother not being as submissive as your mother is another thing that makes me feel that you want her to be less herself so you can feel happy. If she was never suspicious of you before why is she now? Be honest if not with us then with yourself. Like someone said there is no smoke without a fire

Its really about being patient i think. . .

take time out to really do some thinking and soul searching. . .

and at the end of the day if u think u have nothing left to put into the marriage then i say u call it quits!!

Good luck to ya tho!

.

ehnnnnnnn,      

@Mozilla

You are a perfect liar! I just came across this whilst using the system. Guessed you forgot to log and figured out it was u my husband!

@Nlanders,

Theres absolutely no truth in what mozilla just said. Whilst we were courting i met his Elder Brother who finished univeristy in 2000 and has NEVER worked. I helped him secure his first job in life in 2006 which he is still doing to this very moment. The brother had been living with him all the while.

Whilst courting the Elder brother was always in our company when we go shopping even when we were going for MARRIAGE COUNSELLING!!!!!!! Hubby has other brothers but this Elder one is so attached to him and he doesnt have limit,

Anytime i pointed it out to my husband he says you hate him, you hate my family and i stop compalining and kept mute.


I was surprised that even after getting married the elder brother was still living in the house and there was no sign of making moves to leave the house and husband didnt bother as he cannot tell his brother the truth that it was wrong. Imagine a newly wedded, with the Husband's Elder brother in the house (ladies would underrstand better), not that he didnt have money he was working but he didnt feel any need as we got along until i couldnt tolerate it anylonger that was when he moved and i apologised the day he moved out if i have wronged him in any way,   

He moved closed to our house and always wanted a free lift to work,  i have never complained (because if i did hubby will say you hate my bro) -I guess he wont go to work since his brother isnt around now though hes got my hubbys's car to himself now

My husband started extra-marital affairs 4 months after marriage, i called the girl and told her to keep off if she knows what its good for her politely. The girl called me back apologising that shes sorry that My hubby never mentioned he was Married besides he never wore a ring whilst they had an affair!

MOZILLA FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I DONT HATE YOUR MOTHER AND ANY MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY,
There's a limit to everything!!!

We dont communicate as Couple should, I had a Baby here in the UK, I called his Mother and one of his brothers to tell them. His Elder Brother didnt call me up till this very moment to congratulate me and hubby didnt see anything wrong with it.

None of his family members has even picked up to call to say hi to me up to this very moment instead they keep flashing him and he calls back immediately they need money, mama is lonely, mama is sick, they want him to buy car (they will send the money which they havent sent oo), i want to receive some money in your details, whats your bank details etc.

Life in uk is very very easy you know. My family members keep calling me and my hubby to say hi and know how we are doing, 900 pounds was even sent to assist us till we settled and we returned it.

His Elder brother got married after we left and had a baby and told hubby. Hubby called him and his wife. I didnt not! The Brother goes around tell his mummy bad stories about me. shortly before i left nigeria my mother in law called me that my brother in law has been saying bad stories about me that she knows her son and they often dont get along that i should try to tolerate him. which i m doing,. I sincerely do not have anything against his elder brother afterall i called him few days ago when i told my mum the issue on ground and she counselled myself and hubby. i took up the phone and called his elder brother to say hi.

Brother in law complains about me to hubby referring to past happenings whilst he was staying with us, which i apolosed,  hubby sends an email telling him to ignore me and he insulted me too (imagine i thot marriage was about a man clinging to his wife) mine own clings to his brother believing everything he says.

Since the begining of our marriage it has always been about His Elder bro and for weeks he wouldnt talk to him, eat my food, he comes home late, i was pregnant he keeps sending text messages like i regret marrying u, u hate my family, my bro etc) I will just be home alone crying my eyes out. We dont communicate,


All his brothers are working, but everything concerning mama he does everything all alone. His brothers dont contribute a penny (as they all claim they dont have money) hubby isnt the first born ooo, even up to the bed we were sleeping on, mama said she needed a new bed, the elder bro calls to tell him (hubby didnt have money at that time i was heavily pregnant, do you know i gladly gave the bed out to mama and i was sleeping on the floor with pregnancy) if i hated his mum will i? What stops any of his brothers even hes elder one from doing the same.

We have no savings whatever. I am a mother myself and I dont hate his mum for whatever reasons. My point is If any issues arises regarding mumsie call your other brothers make them involved dont keeping doing everything all alone and let your elder brother know theres a limit to everything,


He sends money to his mummy without telling me what really got my annoyed was the fact that i begged him to send even 30 pounds to my folks (its not about the amount but the love behind it) he shouted saying he doesnt have money, remember i sent money to my mum in law before ooo, i got to know when i checked his account. He changed his pin and email password. If you have nothing to hide why did you change you password and pin?

He even went to the extent of installing a spyware software on the system to get my passwords, emails and chats, I discovered that and removed it and asked me why hes doing that?

I am not being bossy or a nagging wife but you have just made up your mind about me, and you are looking for a perfect wife.

It's a shame that you wrote this story on the internet. Every marriage has up and downs and If you want to run away from me and our son, its up to you.

I work so why did you say i dont and pls learn to speak the truth at all times, your story is filled with lots of lies!

Safe trip back home and all the best

Just remember I Love you and always do


@NL,

Please what wrong  have i done? Thanks

omosegose:
ehnnnnnnn,

@Mozilla

You are a perfect liar! I just came across this whilst using the system. Guessed you forgot to log and figured out it was u my husband!

Busted?!!!
LMFAO!!!

This thread has just take a dramatic turn with the above post, and i am expecting a flurry of replies as per the latest twist!

omosegose:
ehnnnnnnn,

@Mozilla

You are a perfect liar! I just came across this whilst using the system. Guessed you forgot to log and figured out it was u my husband!

@NL,

Please what wrong have i done? Thanks

There is no need to make a mountain out of a molehill, he did not mean to be spiteful by opening this thread, if he did not love you, he would not be here asking for advice, work with him, meet him halfway, you have a baby involved, they see this things and it can affect them emotionally.

You guys just have an issue with trust and insecurity, as well as communication problem, thats all, it is just a small problem, which better communication and reassurance can handle.

I guessed earlier that maybe the reason why you started misbehaving had to do with the fact that he cheated on you, but I am not sure he handled that question well

Like someone suggested earlier, counselling would help a great deal, it only costs about £25 per hour, and you might be able to get it at a reduced price, if you are a low-wage earner or part-time worker.

Make it work. Talk to each other, God bless you all.

Busted

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=231083.msg3445777#msg3445777 date=1234179931]There is no need to make a mountain out of a molehill, he did not mean to be spiteful by opening this thread, if he did not love you, he would not be here asking for advice, work with him, meet him halfway, you have a baby involved, they see this things and it can affect them emotionally.

You guys just have an issue with trust and insecurity, as well as communication problem, thats all, it is just a small problem, which better communication and reassurance can handle.

I guessed earlier that maybe the reason why you started misbehaving had to do with the fact that he cheated on you, but I am not sure he handled that question well

Like someone suggested earlier, counselling would help a great deal, it only costs about £25 per hour, and you might be able to get it at a reduced price, if you are a low-wage earner or part-time worker.

Make it work. Talk to each other, God bless you all. [/quote]thank you my dear. no we know the devil truly wears prada. i think some of us have to thank God for our lot. that reply is funny. and how for a first post you can use  @NL.  say no more as they say. we truly have actresses as my ma inlaw would say. 

@ house, is this a first? husband and wife on same thread?

omosegose:
ehnnnnnnn,      

@Mozilla

You are a perfect liar! I just came across this whilst using the system. Guessed you forgot to log and figured out it was u my husband!

@Nlanders,

Theres absolutely no truth in what mozilla just said. Whilst we were courting i met his Elder Brother who finished univeristy in 2000 and has NEVER worked. I helped him secure his first job in life in 2006 which he is still doing to this very moment. The brother had been living with him all the while.

Whilst courting the Elder brother was always in our company when we go shopping even when we were going for MARRIAGE COUNSELLING!!!!!!! Hubby has other brothers but this Elder one is so attached to him and he doesnt have limit,

Anytime i pointed it out to my husband he says you hate him, you hate my family and i stop compalining and kept mute.


I was surprised that even after getting married the elder brother was still living in the house and there was no sign of making moves to leave the house and husband didnt bother as he cannot tell his brother the truth that it was wrong. Imagine a newly wedded, with the Husband's Elder brother in the house (ladies would underrstand better), not that he didnt have money he was working but he didnt feel any need as we got along until i couldnt tolerate it anylonger that was when he moved and i apologised the day he moved out if i have wronged him in any way,   

He moved closed to our house and always wanted a free lift to work,  i have never complained (because if i did hubby will say you hate my bro) -I guess he wont go to work since his brother isnt around now though hes got my hubbys's car to himself now

My husband started extra-marital affairs 4 months after marriage, i called the girl and told her to keep off if she knows what its good for her politely. The girl called me back apologising that shes sorry that My hubby never mentioned he was Married besides he never wore a ring whilst they had an affair!

MOZILLA FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I DONT HATE YOUR MOTHER AND ANY MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY,
There's a limit to everything!!!

We dont communicate as Couple should, I had a Baby here in the UK, I called his Mother and one of his brothers to tell them. His Elder Brother didnt call me up till this very moment to congratulate me and hubby didnt see anything wrong with it.

None of his family members has even picked up to call to say hi to me up to this very moment instead they keep flashing him and he calls back immediately they need money, mama is lonely, mama is sick, they want him to buy car (they will send the money which they havent sent oo), i want to receive some money in your details, whats your bank details etc.

Life in uk is very very easy you know. My family members keep calling me and my hubby to say hi and know how we are doing, 900 pounds was even sent to assist us till we settled and we returned it.

His Elder brother got married after we left and had a baby and told hubby. Hubby called him and his wife. I didnt not! The Brother goes around tell his mummy bad stories about me. shortly before i left nigeria my mother in law called me that my brother in law has been saying bad stories about me that she knows her son and they often dont get along that i should try to tolerate him. which i m doing,. I sincerely do not have anything against his elder brother afterall i called him few days ago when i told my mum the issue on ground and she counselled myself and hubby. i took up the phone and called his elder brother to say hi.

Brother in law complains about me to hubby referring to past happenings whilst he was staying with us, which i apolosed,  hubby sends an email telling him to ignore me and he insulted me too (imagine i thot marriage was about a man clinging to his wife) mine own clings to his brother believing everything he says.

Since the begining of our marriage it has always been about His Elder bro and for weeks he wouldnt talk to him, eat my food, he comes home late, i was pregnant he keeps sending text messages like i regret marrying u, u hate my family, my bro etc) I will just be home alone crying my eyes out. We dont communicate,


All his brothers are working, but everything concerning mama he does everything all alone. His brothers dont contribute a penny (as they all claim they dont have money) hubby isnt the first born ooo, even up to the bed we were sleeping on, mama said she needed a new bed, the elder bro calls to tell him (hubby didnt have money at that time i was heavily pregnant, do you know i gladly gave the bed out to mama and i was sleeping on the floor with pregnancy) if i hated his mum will i? What stops any of his brothers even hes elder one from doing the same.

We have no savings whatever. I am a mother myself and I dont hate his mum for whatever reasons. My point is If any issues arises regarding mumsie call your other brothers make them involved dont keeping doing everything all alone and let your elder brother know theres a limit to everything,


He sends money to his mummy without telling me what really got my annoyed was the fact that i begged him to send even 30 pounds to my folks (its not about the amount but the love behind it) he shouted saying he doesnt have money, remember i sent money to my mum in law before ooo, i got to know when i checked his account. He changed his pin and email password. If you have nothing to hide why did you change you password and pin?

He even went to the extent of installing a spyware software on the system to get my passwords, emails and chats, I discovered that and removed it and asked me why hes doing that?

I am not being bossy or a nagging wife but you have just made up your mind about me, and you are looking for a perfect wife.

It's a shame that you wrote this story on the internet. Every marriage has up and downs and If you want to run away from me and our son, its up to you.

I work so why did you say i dont and pls learn to speak the truth at all times, your story is filled with lots of lies!

Safe trip back home and all the best

Just remember I Love you and always do


@NL,

Please what wrong  have i done? Thanks

i think this man committed fellony by sending your money to his parents.  i dont know why some people dont know you earn respect. sending your mrs money to your parents is a no no.  bible said if a man cannot feed his home he should not eat.

marraige has become FBI operations mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Just remember I Love you and always do

if this is love you must kindly show us how you hate.

Ewooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo . . . . . what has this thead turn to?? husband n wife bashing each other

tope2000:
Ewooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo . . . . . what has this thead turn to?? husband n wife bashing each other

kai stop that. the lady is declaring her love

Safe trip back home and all the best

Just remember I Love you and always do

JJYOU:
and how for a first post you can use @NL.

My brother, exactly what I was thinking o! A new member with her first post is typing @NL and @NLanders. Hmmmmmmm Suspicious!

and where is Pastor David who already crucify the woman

@JJYOU,

I am not saying he committed a felony by sending money to his folks. but as a couple we should discuss it, i am a very open person but since hes attitude of keeping to himself i decided to do same.

He doesnt even communicate with me. Put yourself in my shoes and tell me your sincere opionion on how it feels. Thanks

How do you mean by show me how i hate? I sincerely love him and that its the truth. What have i done now thats wrong? I dont complain about anyone since he believes i hate his everyone in his family which is not true.

@busy_body,

Many thanks for the advice.

JJYOU:
kai stop that. the lady is declaring her love

which kind love
there is thin line btn love n hate o

when there is trouble in the house, it is easy to walk on each on each other   and doing FBI. so it is possible tho. i don't think someone will just sit and make up the reply to Mozzy's

i agree on that . . . couples should make sending money to their extended family something to talk and agree upon.

moxilla
i think in practical terms you need to take a break! what i mean is for you to call your wife and have a heart to heart discussion with her, make her realise that the future is just a stone throw from now and also what ever actions she take now will one way or the other affect the future.
you are already married and thats a fact, as a christain there is nothing like divorce, its for better or worst.
realize your internal locus of control, know urself and be honest wid yourself, ask your wife to tell you those things u do which she dislikes, if she does all u need do is to amend, you also have to tell those things she does that you hate, but mind you do it in love and most of all support yourself wid prayers cuss it works all the time. be patient wid her afterall men and women are never the same, in terms of logic or anatomical composition. a woman is always a woman.

her attitude towards can not just change all of a sudden, cuss for every action there is a reason, know her friends, let the reverse be the case, you have to start doing the monitoring what i mean is this, watever money she takes out or spends let her account for it, whoever she calls tell her u want to know, monitor her wid gusto! afterall she does that to you, act as if you are fed up and will leave her at any moment. the result will be in two forms: either she gets insecured and change, or she becomes rebellious and defensive either way still show her love but be firm wid ur decisions!

divorce is never the answer to most marital strifes, patience, time, love, prayers work wonders.

one more thing . . . . . , keep all families away! never involve them in issues affecting u both, for heaven sake moxilla u should be more concerned about building your own family and leave and your dad and unmarried siblings to take care of their family issues, moxilla learn to listen to your wife more and wifey listen to your husband more and stop running to your momma wen u have a slight marital headache!

omosegose:
@JJYOU,

I am not saying he committed a felony by sending money to his folks. but as a couple we should discuss it, i am a very open person but since hes attitude of keeping to himself i decided to do same.

He doesnt even communicate with me. Put yourself in my shoes and tell me your sincere opionion on how it feels. Thanks

How do you mean by show me how i hate? I sincerely love him and that its the truth. What have i done now thats wrong? I dont complain about anyone since he believes i hate his everyone in his family which is not true.

@busy_body,

Many thanks for the advice.

marraige is not a prison so chill. check my previous post you will see i am all for sharing info and having joint family accounts however if it his money he shouldn't be telling you every time he spend it.  there is freedom and room for individuality in relationships.

do you communicate? it is obvious you guys have communication problems.  so sit down and start talking rather than use nairaland.

prisoners get housed and fed freely.  it is not a sign of love.  read your 1st post again it doesnt reflect your love for his family.  the english man say love me love my dog.  if you say you love a man and dont learn to love the people in his life before he met you, you are  looking for trouble.  marraige is meant to be enjoyed not endured.  you guys can achieve more being united than all these silliness of trying to impress nairaland

[quote author=*Hauwa* link=topic=231083.msg3445983#msg3445983 date=1234182661]and where is Pastor David who already crucify the woman [/quote]Good question.

JJYOU:
if this is love you must kindly show us how you hate.

I wonder if you are married. If you are, it's easier to understand what she means.

@Poster & Wife
Please talk to each other. There must have been a reason you got married and it might be different for both of you but whatever it is, hold on to it. And it's not just about the 2 of you anymore, you have a child to think about. If extended family are in the way, perhaps you need to get some space away from family and really do concentrate on making each other happy and making your marriage work. Good luck.

Like Osisi wisely said, there is always another side to the story.

External parties always create friction in a relationship, and that is what has happened.

The key thing here is the infidelity- have both parties resolved this matter fully? There is no woman in the world who would not be embittered by infidelity 4 months into the marriage.

Please try to resolve this matter of communication - this is a core source of conflict. You shouldn't need to come to nairaland before saying the truth to each other.

@ Wifey

I appreciate your pain - no woman cheated on will be happy.

However, I see some controlling tendencies on your part. It is not your call to determine who contributes what to their mother's upkeep. If the other brothers are failing in their duty, any well behaved son will take up the extra burden of supporting his mother.

I realise that the matrimonial home should be the focus, but he cannot neglect his family/mother because some others do.

Your wedding is a classic case of a phlegmatic (passive personality) man marrying a choleric (dominant/aggressive personality) woman.

Your match is perfect - you can complement each other perfectly if you recognise your weaknesses and address them.

Passive men find it VERY difficult to communicate - this is a very clear flaw he needs to work at. You on the other hand have a natural tendency to want to take the lead and dominate, but as a wife, you need to temper that as well. You have your thoughts as to how/what your hubby should behave/do, but you cannot decide this on your own.

You both obviously need counselling, in addition to getting educated about your fundamental personality differences. If you fail to realise where these problems are stemming from, you cannot begin to solve them.

Ilelobola:
. . . I wonder if you are married. If you are, it's easier to understand what she means.

JJyou is a happily married man, next question

[quote author=*Hauwa* link=topic=231083.msg3445983#msg3445983 date=1234182661]and where is Pastor David who already crucify the woman [/quote]Dafidi did not crucify the lady. It is clear from her post that she is not the butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-mouth type too


@ Omosegose

Your problem derives from the fact that his family makes excessive demand on him, and the fact that he is not being a man and putting his foot down, where his family is concerned. You are right though, because it is hard to respect someone whom you perceive is allowing other people to walk over them, moreso someone you love and care about.

You have known each other for about 4 years now, according to you, your husband's brother was an unemployed loafer for six years before you got him a job, so obviously he was the one that told you about his brother. His mum also called you to tell you that her son (Elder Brother) has "issues" and that they don't really get along with each other.

What you should have done/What you need to do as a wife and a homemaker is to try and bridge the gap between the two brothers. Men are simple creatures who don't need a lot and don't hold grudges like women do.

It is not you that your husband's brother dislikes, so during the courtship, you could have gotten closer to his brother ^{you still can} and work with him. You both love the same person and want good for him. Your hubby would have seen this, and try to make amends with his brother too, and his affection for you would have grown stronger.

So what I will implore you to do is that, instead of compounding his woes and making his marital home intolerable for him, you need to scratch the surface to realise that underneath all of this, HE IS A VERY CARING AND DECENT PERSON. He would have turned his back on his mum too, if he wasn't a decent person. I am not excusing him, but you unknowingly pushed him away, because he could not handle the pressure at home, and still can't.  

You both want to connect with each other, so you need to take a break and go and find somewhere peaceful to talk. Plan the next stage in your life together, communicate, apologise to one another, learn to trust each other's judgement, open a joint bank account if you wish, think about the good in each other, think about what attracted you to each other, reminisce, plan outing for future dates, surprise each other, appreciate each other, talk and listen till you are both blue in the face, and try not to let any argument or disagreement spill over to the next day.

It is not going to be a walk in the park, because you are going to be opening a lot of old wounds, but what you both have is worth salvaging, because you still love each other, and I believe by the grace of God that it shall be well with both of you.

I understand what you are going through, but you have to grab life with both hands. I wish you all the best. Your husband chose you to be his lifelong companion, his solace, his comfort, he loved you, he still does, hence his cry for help. Give peace a chance.

sad story,pray about it and God will see you through.
cheers

Hauwa, ur not just yanning poetry, its okpata your yanning. Truly, there are women like that. You dont have an idea when a guy wants to give his best into something and the woman is not there. Bros, divorce no good, but if the marrariage no dey make you happy abeg, waka. Life is too short. There are too many nice and caring chicks that are waiting outside to welcome you into their arms.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=231083.msg3446747#msg3446747 date=1234192573]JJyou is a happily married man, next question [/quote]Then he will understand why married people sometimes do or wish they could do something to hurt the other (and I don’t mean violence) especially when they feel hurt but it doesn’t mean they love that person any less than before. We are only human; hence why communication is paramount in marriage.

if u want walk out make u carry left leg 1st b4 right leg
by the left, quick time
oya begin waka

My husband started extra-marital affairs 4 months after marriage, i called the girl and told her to keep off if she knows what its good for her politely. The girl called me back apologising that shes sorry that My hubby never mentioned he was Married besides he never wore a ring whilst they had an affair!

MOZILLA FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I DONT HATE YOUR MOTHER AND ANY MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY,
There's a limit to everything!!!

We dont communicate as Couple should, I had a Baby here in the UK, I called his Mother and one of his brothers to tell them. His Elder Brother didnt call me up till this very moment to congratulate me and hubby didnt see anything wrong with it.

I said this at the very beginning that there's always 2 sides to any tale.
I am a married woman my self and I totally understand how in laws can misinterprete the actions of a daughter in law.
Nothing is spoilt here.
I like the way you ended your post by still declaring your love for your husband.
This is not a hopeless case by any stretch.
Did you say you folks already had counselling?
You need to find a middle ground to live together peacefully as man and wife.
I hope you can work it out.
You can email me on babyosisi@hotmail.com and I can share whatever advise I can with you woman to woman with some scriptural undertone if you're a Christian.
In a tussle between husband and wife nobody ever wins.
If you want to be happily married,you need some tools and I'll be willing to help as an independent person who's been in the business for longer than you.
All the best.

Please seek a licenced Marriage Counselor.  Find one that is Nigerian therefore you dont have to spend two sessions explaining to him/her your culture.

Make sure this is someone that you both agree with.

Ask the counselor questions-pre interview:

Faith
Marital status - stay away from single counselors
years married
years licenced
where you attended school
Age

Check with your job they may have an employee assistance program that offers free martial counseling

Both of you have to agree to attend and agree to do the work.

I am married this is my second marriage, If I had worked harder at my first I may have been able to save it.  Please work hard.  Please try to save your marriage.

There is alot of hurt behind having a spouse cheat on you and he really needs to understand that he turned his wife against him when he did that.  He has to find out what she needs from him to forgive and he has to give it.

But the wife has to at some point forgive or leave the marriage.  You cant forgive and still hold it over his head.  But you cant forgive unless he does what is necessary for you to forgive and only the injured party knows what it will take to get over the cheating.

I really pray that you two work this out and make this work for the sake of your child.  But if it does not then please dont ever forget that you have a child together and that for him you have to get along and never forget him.