₦airaland Forum

April4th:
I don't know what all the noise is about? If a guy invited you to his house on a first date,it's up to you to accept or decline. For you to accept,then you are prepared for whatever the outcome might be or lead to. Personally I think most guys invite ladies to their home on a first date,cos that's their comfort zone and they can really express themselves.

Acidosis:
My advice for the ladies.


I beg you in the name of the powers and forces of the world, if you know you have a BOYFRIEND, A SPOUSE, HUBBY or a BLOKOS you currently rock; kindly desist from running around in the name of dates.


No Nigerian guy is ready to spend money on someone else's babe. Stay with your boyfriend and stop test-running blokoses in the name of dates. If you know you have a boyfriend, breakup if you must test another blokos.

Stop forming single when your heart belongs to someone else. Before you take that ice-cream from a 'stranger' - date, make sure you're ready to pay in kind. No man is ready to spend such time and money in the name of FUN.


We men do not catch any damn fun in sitting ideal in a mall paying bills like idio.ts. Stay with your boyfriend!


Nigerian girls, stay with your boyfriends!!!! If you're bored, get an android phone and play candy crush, or invite your boyfriend over.

For those in distant relationships, stop killing boredom with the resources and time of other men. We have our responsibilities.

Idowuogbo:
what's this one saying now? You can't keep the frustrations in anymore eh? Well e b like you b born maga. Lo weri mehn...noisemaker oshi

Acidosis:
buahahahahahahah

follow this route =================> to the lagoon

Jamean:
Thinking that I was alone in this come to my house thing when I updated my diary. Ladies even if he takes you out on a date kindly take vex money along with you.

Anyway, there are still gentlemen who do things properly. I have met some even here on nairaland.

Idowuogbo:
I own the lagoon bros! Omo eko lomo awa ti eyo re

Timbuktou:
Nigerian women are becoming sick jokes en masse. What exactly is the point of going on a date with a bunch of women who have decided to feast to their hearts' content at the expense of their male companion? What exactly is a date meant to achieve in the scheme of things? You want to go to an impressive restaurant to 'assess' whether the guy is good enough for your time, at his expense.
No, my brothers would rather cut to the chase and if you're not coming to his place, it's on to the next one. There's really not much sense in wooing today's Nigerian woman. It. Is. All. About. The. Money. We now live in an era of 'no romance without finance'. Why should I woo you when all you're after is the money? You can swerve if you want to eat at Barcelos.

Secondly, whether there's a date or you've been invited to his house at first invite, there's no good intentions. He wants to lay you. Stop acting like a trip to a posh restaurant will suddenly wipe out sexual fantasies about you. Or maybe you're saying it's only ok to have those sexual fantasies after you've been wined and dined?


In conclusion, the 'come to my house dynamic' is mostly a move to economise the expenditure of time and other resources considering the margin of success/lack of.


You just said my mind. Foolish ladies came together to stylishly type this trash to let us know that they need finance and food. So after eating all the eatable n spending wholesomely on a cheap bitch she cleans her mouth gist a little and even collect transport fare and leave. After few days she's back again. Thunder go fire una!!!

softysparky:
Wow! Actually good old days when we had men with good morals, I prefer visiting them at home. No money will be wasted and it helps me know exactly the kind of person I am dealing with.

Acidosis:
smh

Talk true, my post pain u enter bone marrow shey?

Idowuogbo:
I resemble one of the hungry babes you dey romance? Child,plueaseeeeeee!!! Face the ones that make you loose weight - dem dey add weight for my side

swagloverss:
It was intended to be a simple PM on my BBM but the number of furious replies I got indicated that I had to expand my reach. The said PM was – “Naija men with come to my house, come to my house.” Is there seriously no young man who can advise his fellow men on dating etiquettes? Help us plssssss”

I sincerely felt that I was alone in this predicament till I started getting pings from people who were even more angry about it than I was. And then I realized that this is a general epidemic.

Now, I had different responses from people and I will attempt to put those responses into consideration and not be too streamlined with my views.

Most of the males who responded to my PM agreed with the fact that their brothers are not representing the male folks as well as they should in this area but one of the men made a case for our culture being the reason for this predicament.

According to him, Nigerians do not see the home as a private place and can invite just about anyone into their home. He also talked about the mentality that has been deeply ingrained in us – some men just don’t think that going on dates is necessary, or rather, “we can meet up at my house, there’s no need to go through all that white culture ish” (paraphrased)

As much as I understand where he was coming from and I agree with him that the Nigerian mentality has a lot to bear with this situation. I also think that there are two reasons why the “come to my house issue” is so rampant today.

(1) Some men just don’t think that it’s necessary to go through all that stress in wooing a lady anymore.

A friend of mine actually said that chivalry is dead in response to my PM but I am a positive person, so I refuse to believe that there is no single man on this earth who knows how to take a woman on a date and win her heart slowly – no, there must surely be such men left on earth. (yes, I am rooting for the male folks)

Some Nigerian men just believe that all that “taking a woman to a lovely restaurant and stuff” is for “oyibo people“. I mean, you will be surprised at the number of educated men who would invite you to their house at first meeting.

The man who inspired my PM is a lecturer. Another man who contributed to my cry for help studied law as a first degree. He is involved in media and publicity for a while, and is a called pastor… so you can go figure out the thing about education being a way to raise up people with a modern outlook on things.

(2) 80 % of the men who invite ladies to come to their house at first meeting have no good intentions at heart.

Now, I have to be very careful with how I say this, because I understand like my male friend stated above: that for some men, inviting a lady to their house at first meeting just doesn’t mean anything to them.

They weren’t raised with the mentality that the home is a private place. So even if they just met a lady they are interested in, they can hang out at their house as a first date – with no ulterior motive involved on their part. So yes, I agree that those kind of men exist.

We don’t need to go deep down into stories do we? Or maybe we do. Listen carefully and you will hear stories from the lady who has true stories to tell on how she had to fend off SERIOUS sexual advances just because she believed a man who said he had no ulterior motive for inviting her to his house.

Some of our female friends won’t open up to us but some ladies have been raped because of the “come to my house syndrome”. They cower in shame and guilt, berating their selves that they should have known better than to go to his house. And the society doesn’t make it easy on them too.

Most people would say things like – “Why did you go to his house? That’s a sign that you wanted the sexual act to happen” So the victims keep quiet and bottle up the hurt and shame inside.

What about the guy that tells you to just come into his house while he dresses up so you both can go out and then, under the guise of that excuse starts drawing close for a kiss?

So the “come to my house syndrome” is a serious one. Aside from the serious underlying issues of ladies who have had sad stories of sexual assault and rape to tell, it also begs for a total overhauling of the way some Nigerian men view wooing a lady – an overhauling of faulty dating mentalities.

If the woman was to be a street lady, we might pardon you, but no, you see a decent lady with her worth shining through and you just don’t want to put in an effort into treating her like the jewel that she is.

What would it take for you to take the natural order of the way things should be in cultivating a relationship with her?
Would a time out at a restaurant be too much to ask? It doesn’t even have to be a classy restaurant – just a neutral place where you both can talk that’s not your house.

So I plead again, don’t we have young mighty men of valor who can advise their fellow men on dating etiquettes? Men who can organize classes and teach their fellow men these things – if it comes to that.

Or maybe I should be pleading with our churches too. Almost every church organizes programmes for ladies on how to be virtuous women, how to behave themselves while on a date, etc. Can’t such programmes be held for men too? Women aren’t the only ones who need to be groomed, men need to be groomed too.

So gentlemen, I sincerely still believe that there are a lot of you who are getting it right in the area of what I just talked about.
Please teach your fellow men about these things, we will be absolutely grateful to you all.

Signed,
The community of ladies who are tired of the “come to my house syndrome”

SOURCE

humilitypays:
What you said is true but I think Nigerian ladies caused this over time.

But then, it is always the ladies who bring up the idea of visiting a man in his house if the guy is rich or comfortable.

Because I am very sure that most rich and comfortable guys living in good apartments (flats or duplex) don't even like girls visiting them in their house on first date. They can only take u to their house if they are sure that u aren't a gold-digger...so your observation is kind of skewed towards student guys and struggling guys
From the original write-up to the comments that followed, below is my verdict:

1. The poster is a girl in her early 20s, who's probably a student dealing mostly with her fellow hungry students and guys who see no good in her beside having sex with her.

2. The poster has been unfortunate with male admirers and dates

3. The poster seems to always appear like a gold-digger to her male admirers.

Now, I want to tell you that most often when a Nigerian lady meets a rich guy, they are always the first to ask the question:

“when are u taking me to your house?”

Ladies usually form strict and strong-head when they meet young guys who are still struggling financially but when Nigerian ladies meet financially buoyant guys, they usually forget their decency and principle.

I have observed that in Nigeria, poor guys spend more on women than the rich guys.

Poor guys will spend their last card trying to make a Nigerian girl happy yet, she will never appreciate him but a rich guy will spend nothing except fuelling his nice car, and the girl will be excited and satisfied.

Pity poor, and financially-struggling guys in Nigeria; they have passed through hell in the hands of Nigerian women and reason most men act hostile towards women and treat them like people with no value because 80% rich men in Nigeria today were once broke or poor and did experienced the ill-treatment from Nigerian ladies so when they become rich, they see it as a pay-back time.

My advice to Nigerian ladies:

Start behaving normal and start treating all men with respect and value irrespective of his present financial status and over time, you will see Nigerian men change automatically and start to treat Nigerian women with honour.

Nigerian women over time abused the good-heart of Nigerian men and the aftermath is what Nigerian women are reaping today.


In conclusion, I don't see this trend ending soon until Nigerian girls/ladies/women start behaving well and not being after money and with the mentality of milking guys at any given opportunity because when you chop Mr. Peter and treat Mr. Paul nice, and another girl chop Mr. Paul & treat Mr. Peter nicely, somehow, Mr. Paul and Mr. Peter will get to hear about it and start to maltreat other ladies they come across which may end up being YOU!

As a lady, don't take anything from a guy you don't like and intend not to date!

Be principled and always stand by your word and decision no matter his push!

If ladies start to do all these, believe me, just a matter of time and the guys will conform.

And lastly, if a guy u just met invites u over to his house, there's no need of flaring up or going bananas about it, kindly tell him NO that u can't come to his house on first date, and if he doesn't like it, let him go!

So don't make it a general thing because some ladies prefer meeting their dates in his house for many reasons best known to them, and most especially if the guy appears to be financially rich or comfortable. So speak for your own self and don't generalise it or make it seem like a big deal!

All the same, nice topic for discussion

Ladies shape the society...it is women who shape the men into who they become over time, go figure out!

humilitypays:
What you said is true but I think Nigerian ladies caused this over time.

But then, it is always the ladies who bring up the idea of visiting a man in his house if the guy is rich or comfortable.

Because I am very sure that most rich and comfortable guys living in good apartments (flats or duplex) don't even like girls visiting them in their house on first date. They can only take u to their house if they are sure that u aren't a gold-digger...so your observation is kind of skewed towards student guys and struggling guys
From the original write-up to the comments that followed, below is my verdict:

1. The poster is a girl in her early 20s, who's probably a student dealing mostly with her fellow hungry students and guys who see no good in her beside having sex with her.

2. The poster has been unfortunate with male admirers and dates

3. The poster seems to always appear like a gold-digger to her male admirers.

Now, I want to tell you that most often when a Nigerian lady meets a rich guy, they are always the first to ask the question:

“when are u taking me to your house?”

Ladies usually form strict and strong-head when they meet young guys who are still struggling financially but when Nigerian ladies meet financially buoyant guys, they usually forget their decency and principle.

I have observed that in Nigeria, poor guys spend more on women than the rich guys.

Poor guys will spend their last card trying to make a Nigerian girl happy yet, she will never appreciate him but a rich guy will spend nothing except fuelling his nice car, and the girl will be excited and satisfied.

Pity poor, and financially-struggling guys in Nigeria; they have passed through hell in the hands of Nigerian women and reason most men act hostile towards women and treat them like people with no value because 80% rich men in Nigeria today were once broke or poor and did experienced the ill-treatment from Nigerian ladies so when they become rich, they see it as a pay-back time.

My advice to Nigerian ladies:

Start behaving normal and start treating all men with respect and value irrespective of his present financial status and over time, you will see Nigerian men change automatically and start to treat Nigerian women with honour.

Nigerian women over time abused the good-heart of Nigerian men and the aftermath is what Nigerian women are reaping today.


In conclusion, I don't see this trend ending soon until Nigerian girls/ladies/women start behaving well and not being after money and with the mentality of milking guys at any given opportunity because when you chop Mr. Peter and treat Mr. Paul nice, and another girl chop Mr. Paul & treat Mr. Peter nicely, somehow, Mr. Paul and Mr. Peter will get to hear about it and start to maltreat other ladies they come across which may end up being YOU!

As a lady, don't take anything from a guy you don't like and intend not to date!

Be principled and always stand by your word and decision no matter his push!

If ladies start to do all these, believe me, just a matter of time and the guys will conform.

And lastly, if a guy u just met invites u over to his house, there's no need of flaring up or going bananas about it, kindly tell him NO that u can't come to his house on first date, and if he doesn't like it, let him go!

So don't make it a general thing because some ladies prefer meeting their dates in his house for many reasons best known to them, and most especially if the guy appears to be financially rich or comfortable. So speak for your own self and don't generalise it or make it seem like a big deal!

All the same, nice topic for discussion

Ladies shape the society...it is women who shape the men into who they become over time, go figure out!

kedukc:
Naija ladies sabi talk about romance but what stops them from carrying "love money" to help foot the bills...Why call it "vex money" if not for evil intentions...

Cutehector:
am always on my system.. Writing codes...

pbs4real:
u write codes?

April07:
Oh my God!
I'm sick sick sick and tired of hearing those words.

Imagine you meet someone for the first time and you guys get talking, you like them cos you think they're smart. You exchange phone numbers and you're chatting. Next thing "you don't want to come to my house" To do what!? Is there some kinda solution to global hunger in your house?
So annoying!

The second point..
I couldn't agree more.
Most guys behave so good that you carry your self and be going to 'their' house and you go and get raped and you can't do nothing about it.
I got to counsel some young ladies who fell victim of the above, the shame and guilt they carry around is enough to break any male!
This is the case for so many young ladies.

Men in the Nigerian society need serious orientation and sensitization.
'Come to my house' is not in the least bit romantic or endearing.
Its creepy and annoying

Timbuktou:
Nigerian women are becoming sick jokes en masse. What exactly is the point of going on a date with a bunch of women who have decided to feast to their hearts' content at the expense of their male companion? What exactly is a date meant to achieve in the scheme of things? You want to go to an impressive restaurant to 'assess' whether the guy is good enough for your time, at his expense.
No, my brothers would rather cut to the chase and if you're not coming to his place, it's on to the next one. There's really not much sense in wooing today's Nigerian woman. It. Is. All. About. The. Money. We now live in an era of 'no romance without finance'. Why should I woo you when all you're after is the money? You can swerve if you want to eat at Barcelos.

Secondly, whether there's a date or you've been invited to his house at first invite, there's no good intentions. He wants to lay you. Stop acting like a trip to a posh restaurant will suddenly wipe out sexual fantasies about you. Or maybe you're saying it's only ok to have those sexual fantasies after you've been wined and dined?


In conclusion, the 'come to my house dynamic' is mostly a move to economise the expenditure of time and other resources considering the margin of success/lack of.

Timbuktou:
Nigerian women are becoming sick jokes en masse. What exactly is the point of going on a date with a bunch of women who have decided to feast to their hearts' content at the expense of their male companion? What exactly is a date meant to achieve in the scheme of things? You want to go to an impressive restaurant to 'assess' whether the guy is good enough for your time, at his expense.
No, my brothers would rather cut to the chase and if you're not coming to his place, it's on to the next one. There's really not much sense in wooing today's Nigerian woman. It. Is. All. About. The. Money. We now live in an era of 'no romance without finance'. Why should I woo you when all you're after is the money? You can swerve if you want to eat at Barcelos.

Secondly, whether there's a date or you've been invited to his house at first invite, there's no good intentions. He wants to lay you. Stop acting like a trip to a posh restaurant will suddenly wipe out sexual fantasies about you. Or maybe you're saying it's only ok to have those sexual fantasies after you've been wined and dined?


In conclusion, the 'come to my house dynamic' is mostly a move to economise the expenditure of time and other resources considering the margin of success/lack of.

tpiadotcom:
i was about to ask the same thing.


surprised the thread got so much attention.

emmykk:
There is this lady who said we should meet at a public place,the i took her to lessuka in PH.

After some chat and soft drink she said she want to know my place aha! I refuse because she should have told me that before this Lesuka spending.


The truth is that some ladies like such even when you dont demand.



If you want to know how foolish a lady is,remove sex from your mind treat her like your sister,pet her,give her things,take her out....and you wil see that they are sex loving too.

milliondollas:
The community of ladies who are tired of the “come to my
house syndrome” Are u all virgins ? I asked because you are asking for respect due to virgin girls only, 99% of girls are prostitute who date old men for money, nonsense

April07:
Oh my God!
I'm sick sick sick and tired of hearing those words.

Imagine you meet someone for the first time and you guys get talking, you like them cos you think they're smart. You exchange phone numbers and you're chatting. Next thing "you don't want to come to my house" To do what!? Is there some kinda solution to global hunger in your house?
So annoying!

The second point..
I couldn't agree more.
Most guys behave so good that you carry your self and be going to 'their' house and you go and get raped and you can't do nothing about it.
I got to counsel some young ladies who fell victim of the above, the shame and guilt they carry around is enough to break any male!
This is the case for so many young ladies.

Men in the Nigerian society need serious orientation and sensitization.
'Come to my house' is not in the least bit romantic or endearing.
Its creepy and annoying

pbs4real:
u write codes?

Eliba:
why will a girl go to a guys house alone when she knows that it is risky and what for? Some girls are foolish anyway,so i dont blame them.