₦airaland Forum

kenochi08:
Bro,my advice is first of all ask urself a question..what is it that ur were doing before and not doing again in ur marriage? And what are u doing now that u were not doing before..if u find the answer and its not ur fault then u need to have a heart to heart talk with ur wife and if that doesn't work out tell ur wife to invite that her ex for a dinner,that way u will know more abt the guy and what he's up to..wish u luck but bear in mind that marriage is not easy..even after many years its still a gradual process.

treese:
You all have done well. And you av succeeded in ending the marriage. God bless you all.

treese:
You all have done well. And you av succeeded in ending the marriage. God bless you all.

FILEBE:
Damn! Really? This is so so sad! We were hasty in our conclusions. We didn't bother to know the other side of the story. I had gone to check the topics made by you here on NL and it saddens to know what you have been going through in your marriage. Damn! We were too quick too judge. If men were god....

MR Freelancer. Pls i beg in the name of Almighty and for the sake of your children, pls. Don't end this marriage. I've always advocated for dialogue in every relationship. You should sit and talk things with your wife. We are humans na. We are prone to mistakes and flaws. You have had your mistakes and she has had hers . Put the past behind you guys and start anew. It's not like you caught her on bed with someone else. I notice how sensible both of you are. Pls pls pls don't let the marriage die. Give it a 2nd chance. Pls i beg.
Meanwhile, some people here on NL are home breakers and saddists.

treese:
Hello you all. I am his wife.but I am indeed glad he came here to pour his heart out. He doesn't like communicating with me that much, once he is upset u dont wanna be around me. You will pity me, he treats me unfair, he removes his ring at will and says he had a bad day and so it his wedding ring that caused it. You can take a look tru my profile. You would see just a little of my complaints. But now i get where the problem is. Funny enough I didn't know he had this topic here already cos I am not much of a nairaland person so if he didn't make front topic I won't have seen it. And it was even God that drew my attention here cos even front topic I don't read that much. Very very glad I did. Now o am not a cheating wife and would never ever till I die cheat. I would rather walk away. You see d gentle man who put this topic down, he doesn't talk much to me. If anything goes wrong with us, I could be talking for 3mins he will just increase the volume of his phone and start playing music. He can agree how any times in a day I ask him why he hates me so much. Cos he acts as such. Let me analyse the instances that made him think am cheating. My EX who was the first man I probably ever loved. Myself and my husband has had plenty issues on exes his exes sef just disappeared completely like a year back. My ex probably called me and we had a very clean and open convo. I tot to myself this is wrong jor. So I told him, my ex called me and he has always bin calling which is true. But very clean convo. He has Like 3kids now and is happily married. The day i told my hubby my ex called me. He was just there like whatever, and I rem telling him that day you never get jealous of me. U should even ask me questions or something. If I keep talking without bin asked questions then something is wrong with me. God knows I felt hurt that he was neutral. And that night my husband decide to have phone intimacy with an old female friend to get back at me. I rem that Sunday Wen I saw it. I cried. I felt hurt d moment he said that's for Kipling in touch with ur ex. And i asked him why he didnt allow us talk about it immediately, sometimes thats all we need just talk to us and show u care, till date i always feel my husvand is t worrird ablut losing me, instead he pays me back. And i dont think it should that way, sometimes communicatikn is all u need and u would just find d truth in d detail. I cang coynt how many incriminatikng stiffs i have fpynd on his phone, me i cant kip quiet for too long i tell him sharp sharp and sometimes it isnt what i think, but if i decide to keep.quiet and pay him back i would only be hurting us more, so back to my ex, Then we went out, we spoke about it and it all got cleared, but I guess it didn't. Secondly he spoke about me removing my ring. Now this is me also.when I find out hubby always removes his ring often and blame it on bad days I join him. Right now none of us Is wearing a rjng; he as removed it again and thrown it away claiming another bad day and I joined in cos I don't undestand that ish again. Now the third case of cheating. He said o saved my ex's number yeah that's true and that becos I didn't want my husband to think otherwise cos I actually think he knows the guys number or have it saved somewhere. This guy is helping my lil brother gt a job with an oil firm. He is only helping.
When my husband saw this I felt so bad so so bad and I wish I had discussed it with him. But I tot he would pay me back painfully again so I decide to keep it away from him. The third blame is me cooking for a guy on the estate. The guy is a friend I met quiet alright. But God sees my heart I cooked it out of helping. His wife is overseas and d guy claimed to be broke, then also there was fuel scarcity he said he couldn't get fuel to buy. So he wanted me to help him with food. That faithful day, my husband's friend who also lives on the estate was home, my nanny and my two kids, so I asked him to give his opinion,and he said why not that the guy is an easy going person on the estate and for him to ask for food he must be In a bad state. We had some left over rice at home and I told hy nanny to go and give him. When my hubby came back that day I Had to find a way to explain to him. I wasnt too sure of his response, but to a certain extent d man i know and the way he has bin treating me I tot he will say no big deal. But I got otherwise instantly I knew I had messed up, but how to fix it became a problem. He has called my dad on this matter. That old man is another man I fear the most after God. Tho I was scared of wat he will do to me. But I was rather glad. Cos I wanted to be free and be trusted again. The matter on ground is something that I know can ruin my home but now that he as spoken I believe and hope he learns to trust me. Now I understand d reason for the mean treatments. He doesn't like visiting marriage counselors, so smtimes we end our matters and issues arguing and no resolution. Am saying it world wide now. I am not cheating on my husband. I love him than anything else in the world. Appreciate him and would always honour him. His changes and behaviour towards me recently sort of got me changing to, but now I see where it's all coming from. God bless u nairaland at least he spoke here. But seriously, dear Nairalander's you can't give concluding opinions on a journey of 3years based on 650 words. U don't av any idea wat we both av bin Tru to just conclude that he divorces a woman u know nothing about based on the short story u heard. I am a woman who would do anything g to keep her home. I took steps that I had no clue I would regret. Now he doesn't trust me no one knows how that feels. Even when I go out for business he picks d lie from d truth and this hasn't bin making me go what I deserve. I hope and pray God fixes this for me.

lifeskilz129:
Where can one get micro-bugging device? I need it for some other things!

wealth123:
what is that? please expatiate.

freelance777:
Dear Nairalander's

How are you all doing? I hope you guys are doing well? I am writing this post to express my fears of the unknown, because I have been a very trusting and reliable husband to my wife.

Before marriage, my wife have once told me about his ex who is supposedly his best date ever in her life before she met me, that apart 2 years into our marriage, we had an arguement in which she confronted me about a number saved with a lady's name on my dialled list. I openly and honestly told her it was my old school mate whom I missed her call and had called back. But she wanted to know more like I was doing something shady, that got me all roused up and I just told her to leave me be.

A week later, I received a call from her straight from work that my daughter had a serious cut on her lips due to an
accident, I quickly rushed down to the school, but met them at the nearest clinic where my daughter's lip was being stitched, few mins later I walked down to her school where she works nearby to pick up her car key then bring her car nearby so we could all go home, surprisingly, I found her wedding ring inside the glove compartment. A ring she wore out to work that very morning.

I didnt question her immmediately until the night of that day, I asked her why she had removed her ring and kept it in the glove compartment knowing fully well that the wore it out that very morning, she said it was because I have had mine removed since the past 1 month, so she also had the same reason to remove her's.

A week later, she opened up to me that she has been talking to her ex whom I described above, I asked her about what? She said she has been taking advise from him whenever we have issues. I kept shut and moved on.

2 more years into this marriage, I recently found out that her ex had sent her a whatsapp message, but she didnt respond, so I opened up a discussion with her based on ex's. I asked her if keeping contact of ex's or communicating with ex's is good for married people be it the man or woman, she said its a no no, that infact she will never accomodate such and that its wrong for anybody to do that. I immediately told her to open up her whats app, she did and I showed her her ex's whats app message, she at first was scared, wanted to cover up the phone somehow, but due to fear, she slowly relaxed herself and she said well that I can see that he is just talking and she has not been responding, and that its possible for someone you do not have on your contact list to send you a whatsapp message, I agreed, but countered her saying you also have saved his number with Abbreviation, if you never intend having future communication with him, why then did you save his number thereafter? I didnt get an answer, until later after two weeks when she told me she was in communication with him in order to secure a job for his younger brother. ( Very hard to believe) I moved on.


A few days later again, I was on my way to help her fix her iphone which she has abandoned like a year and the half, something just prompted me to dial his ex's number on that phone, behold she had saved the number as 'rsif' someone who bears Williams. Anyway I kept quiet still. The the final incident that gave me a final warning that this my wife might be cheating on me unknowingly was just a month ago when she told me she had met this dude on the same estate we reside, that he was into business and had also gave her his complementary card, I asked what he does, said he is an estate agent, I responded saying estate agency does not correlate with what you do, she said at least he can provide us good offer for housing by the time we are ready to move. When all of a sudden, she said that same guy had asked her to help cook since his own wife had travelled to the USA to give birth. She asked if it was right for her to go ahead and do the cooking, I immediately denounce that move that it is wrong, and that the guy has another motive entirely. I told her to tell him that he should ask his own family member to cook for him, and that she should immediately cut communication with him if she wants to last long in the marriage.

My wife responded by saying, she does not think the guy has bad intentions and that he is a cool and nice person with a very mild personality,that if the dude has such intentions, that it would be the most surprising occurence to her. I said well just do as I have said. Lo and behold, I investigated her phone and I found out that she had already cooked for this dude even before she asked me the question. I confronted her, and she said it was because I might not find it funny and thats the reason why she kept it a secret at first. I then promise to show her that the dude was infact a cheater whom is planning to cheat on his wife with my own wife. One day, I impersonated my wife, and started sending text as such as that am ready to give him what he wants, lo and behold, this dude was responding and was even asking where I was at, that he is ready to heal my wounds, a hug and everything that I needed. I showed my wife the text message, and she acted all surprised, but I was not, because based on the conversations that I have seen, it seems to me that whenever I have issued, he rushes to call the guy and tell him everything, which was a good avenue for the guy to provide emotional consolation in order to get what he wants.

I apologize for this long story, but I just needed to detail this story well, so that I can get insight of what I need to be thinking, what I need to do, and the right steps to take.

Thanks all.

kunlejazz:
Does 'not caring anymore' justify cheating? Can two wrongs make a right?

This is an appalling line of thought but sadly, many young women of nowadays think this way. You 'abandon' me, I sleep around.

wagazala:
Bros, begin find new wife.

If your wife would go as far as cook and confide in another woman's husband other than you then obviously something is wrong. The usual template answer most people will give you on this forum is have a heart to heart talk about it to your wife, pray about it, etc. Forgerrit, if you don't have kids yet, i'll suggest you start packing your bags.

wagazala:
Bros, begin find new wife.

If your wife would go as far as cook and confide in another woman's husband other than you then obviously something is wrong. The usual template answer most people will give you on this forum is have a heart to heart talk about it to your wife, pray about it, etc. Forgerrit, if you don't have kids yet, i'll suggest you start packing your bags.

treese:
l did not do well. And I av succeeded in ending my marriage with my stupidy. God is purnishin me.

wagazala:
Bros, begin find new wife.

If your wife would go as far as cook and confide in another woman's husband other than you then obviously something is wrong. The usual template answer most people will give you on this forum is have a heart to heart talk about it to your wife, pray about it, etc. Forgerrit, if you don't have kids yet, i'll suggest you start packing your bags.

Ibsgal:
You took off your ring for a month, yet you got mad that she removed hers? If you refuse to keep the symbol of your union with you at all times, it is a bit hypocritical to expect her to keep hers. You need to take the bull by its horns and deal with your marital issues, impersonating her on whatsapp and looking for clues everywhere are mere games. Sit her down, talk to her, and be as frank as possible, because based on what you've said, something is probably going on, and if it isn't, it will. I'm not one for an authoritative tone in a relationship, but this might be one of those times when you need to put a firm foot down, and tell her that she should sever all forms of communication with her ex.

repogirl:
Your wife cannot communicate with you obviously, she is scared you would read the wrong meaning and jump into conclusion which you always do from all you have said.....

I agree that its wrong for her to keep these relationships but maybe you also over react when you find out about them. You are right in how you advice her against these men but try not to get her scared like you have caught her doing something she shouldnt be.

Make her safe in your home and let her be able to relate with you freely or you will scare her off into doing something you will both regret.


Your wife is also at fault and needs a good talking to but since you are the one here, its your own part I am focusing on.

Insidous:
Ode!

treese:
You all have done well. And you av succeeded in ending the marriage. God bless you all.