Dear Nairalanders, I think I owe it as aduty to the moderator and all the 27,5890, people that viewed the thread and the over 258, people that took their time out to comment, I say thank you all. Of the 258 people that commented, 35 advised christian solution, 180 put the blame on me because I was weak-- yes these 180 were all right they were correct, 20 think it was bad upbringing, another 10 adviced medical solution, and about 60 adviced divorce, although, there were missed opinion from everybody.
After reading all your advice, a nairalander requested an email from me, I responded, and he gave me some hint on how to bring my wife to her senses. The summary of the hint was ways I should use in standing my ground in the marriage, these ways can be different for every individual. I did all he advices, and within one week, she came to me one night and started with her usual threat, I stood my ground, when she saw that she was loosing, she then started, apologizing, she apologized on the issue of the chat. that was the first time she said sorry to me in all our years of marriage, after some time like two days, I accepted her apology and phew, life came back to normal. I mean normal as in normal, I was surprised and was like, so this woman knows exactly the duties of a wife, and the way a wife should behave. I showed her more love and did all I could do, I was about providing an update immediately but Something kept telling to wait, she might just be acting-- of course it did not take time before I realized she was just pretending. From day to day she started changing back to her old ways, I tried to speak with her bu no way, as today, she is fully back to the way she use to behave. I think she just does not want me anymore. Thank you all for your time.

LESSONS : For men the summary of the whole thing about marriage is in this parable :

'YOU CAN ACHIEVE A LOT WITH A GUN AND A KIND WORD THAN WITH A KIND WORD ALONE'.

Women respond and show more respect to men that are decisive, strong headed and have the tendency to flirt, than men who are docile easy going. Because they know the man can do anything at any time (But not all women though )

1.In my opinion, these ladies and men that act badly in marriages know exactly what they are doing, the spiritual aspect is just less than 10%. Being a christian does not translate to being a good wife.

2. Good girls does not equate to good wife in future. Not all women can become a wife, some cant just be a family woman. they a better off single.

3 Love is over hyped, love is not just enough to sustain a marriage, I think mutual respect, good conscience, are key ingredients

4.Any character a girl can not change before marriage may become worse after marriage, so marry a girl for who she is now, and not what she may be in future.

5, Marriage counseling is over hyped.Your marriage is your own, listen to advise and you be the judge. People that advices to marry any person will be the first to tell you that their should be no third party in marriage if you complain to them in future.

6 There is not much wisdom in forgiving a lover who cheated more than ONCE in a relationship, If you forgive the second time she will never respect you.

7. Women respond and show more respect to men that are decisive, strong headed and have the tendency to flirt, than men who are docile easy going.

Please these are my observations, I might be wrong, as no two marriages are same. But the borderline is that, man and woman must show respect, consideration and love to each other. NOT JUST LOVE ALONE.

So sad

Sorry Op, time to get on your knees and pray.

.

A wholesome summary... Thank God say you dey see clearly now.

Wow...it is really well o. Tales that this scares me sheetless of marriage.

Young men take note:

Decisive
Strong headed
Tendency to flirt

You did your best.
I guess you just married the wrong wife.

nnamdibig:
You did your best.
I guess you just married the wrong wife.

exactly the situation.

Sad

This is so painful.

This is so painful. Stories like this is why i don't think i'll ever get myself involved in this sham called "marriage".

It seems as if you have run away from your marriage and are giving reasons to justify your actions. Hmmm.... Tell us where you are.

FortuneTeller:
It seems as if you have run away from your marriage and are giving reasons to justify your actions. Hmmm.... Tell us where you are.

You come across as someone whose brain has been terribly fingered so i'm going to ask you this, who fingered your it?

MrPresident1:
Young men take note:

Decisive
Strong headed
Tendency to flirt

He even typed it twice for emphasis.

1. Tendency to flirt
2. Strong-headed
3. Decisiveness
OK oh. I've never believed in love, though. It's well bro

Wsh u the best bro in all ur endeavour.




That's life for u man

Eh ya.
Sounds Iike u have given up.

I don't blame you one bit bro.




But I was just wondering. If she started behaving well when u became hard on her, do you expect her to change overnight? I don't think that's how it works.


I think you should repeat your stubbornness and harshness. Remember she has been like this for years. She can't change overnight. You have to learn to take your own advice up there if u want this marriage to succeed. Be decisive, be hard, be stubborn. Learn it. Keep up the heat. Over time she will stop her bad behaviour.

In one of the passages up there u said she was doing better and you immediately began showering her again with love or whatever. No be so bros. For such a woman your reward and love should come sparingly, rarely, on very few occasions. This is because for her anytime u shower her with affection she sees it as you having gone soft again. Remain hard. Over time she will unlearn her bad habits and become an approximation of what u want her to be.


Cheer up man.

This is what hapens wen U marry outta physically looks n didnt seek the FACE OF GOD before taking ur decision to gt married to whomever.....


SOME GIRLS ARE MEANT TO BE GIRLFRIENDS(THEY ARE BEST AT BEING GIRLFRIENDS) AND NOT WIFE....




WHEN DATING, DONT EVER MARRY THAT PARTICULAR GIRL WHOSE NAME ALWAYS POPS UP IN UR BRAIN WHEN U WANNA GO PARTY.....

SHE IS JST MEANT TO BE UR GIRLFRIEND, GO FOR THE GIRL U ALWS ADVICE URSEF NOT TO BOTHER CALLING COS SHE COULD BE A WIFE MATERIAL

Prognose:
Eh ya.
Sounds Iike u have given up.

I don't blame you one bit bro.




But I was just wondering. If she started behaving well when u became hard on her, do you expect her to change overnight? I don't think that's how it works.


I think you should repeat your stubbornness and harshness. Remember she has been like this for years. She can't change overnight. You have to learn to take your own advice up there if u want this marriage to succeed. Be decisive, be hard, be stubborn. Learn it. Keep up the heat. Over time she will stop her bad behaviour.

In one of the passages up there u said she was doing better and you immediately began showering her again with love or whatever. No be so bros. For such a woman your reward and love should come sparingly, rarely, on very few occasions. This is because for her anytime u shower her with affection she sees it as you having gone soft again. Remain hard. Over time she will unlearn her bad habits and become an approximation of what u want her to be.


Cheer up man.

I was thinking along this line too. He shouldn't give up just yet. He should become hard, stubborn, ruthless and he should initiate a scenerio where he can be seen by her flirting with another woman more better and beautiful than her. He should do this consistently till she starts running helter schelter trying to save what's remaining of her marriage.

Though not married yet...I'm learning. ..but come oo e be like say I Don become docile and a woman wrapper too much oo..no more puss.y like look at her...will bone face and give her evil stares until she starts confessing her sins to me.

THE FAULT OH BRUTUS, IS NOT IN OUR STARS FOR IT IS IN US BECAUSE WE ARE WEAKLING

I learnt so much here, my case is similar

It is well

Wow, I remember your thread.

I don't taya for man and woman matter...I Wonder when people will realise that the decision to marry is yours, just like the decision to remain single, no one should hurt this much...

I don't even know what I'm saying

OP, I speak life into your marriage-or what's left of it- you will experience peace and she will learn to respect you while you find newer ways to love her IJN.

That's all I can do bro.
Please don't let this weigh you down, life is sooooo beauty-full I swear!

This too shall pass

nnamdibig:
You did your best.
I guess you just married the wrong wife.

Q.E.D

Na so

Sorry about your ordeal @Op