₦airaland Forum

fosterkid:
I wnt comment till i hear her side of the story, some of you men can push a woman to the limit, she might be doing all this to make you jealous.Maybe you have been unfaithful too, search yourself @op

Flye:
Now u are talking, There is no need to hide the truth if we want to solve a problem, u can only hide the truth if u want to sweep matters under the carpet which wind and rain will still blow open another day.

The key to solve this issue is to point out the wrong and clear the air once and for all, then reconciliation follows. I noticed the lady in question already realised her mistakes judging from her response, I wish the man can listen to her, give her benefit of doubt and forgive each other.
I believe if this is done, they will know each other better, appreciate and bond better than in the past. Thanks and may God give them the wisdom to take the right steps.

treese:
Hello you all. I am his wife.but I am indeed glad he came here to pour his heart out. He doesn't like communicating with me that much, once he is upset u dont wanna be around me. You will pity me, he treats me unfair, he removes his ring at will and says he had a bad day and so it his wedding ring that caused it. You can take a look tru my profile. You would see just a little of my complaints. But now i get where the problem is. Funny enough I didn't know he had this topic here already cos I am not much of a nairaland person so if he didn't make front topic I won't have seen it. And it was even God that drew my attention here cos even front topic I don't read that much. Very very glad I did. Now o am not a cheating wife and would never ever till I die cheat. I would rather walk away. You see d gentle man who put this topic down, he doesn't talk much to me. If anything goes wrong with us, I could be talking for 3mins he will just increase the volume of his phone and start playing music. He can agree how any times in a day I ask him why he hates me so much. Cos he acts as such. Let me analyse the instances that made him think am cheating. My EX who was the first man I probably ever loved. Myself and my husband has had plenty issues on exes his exes sef just disappeared completely like a year back. My ex probably called me and we had a very clean and open convo. I tot to myself this is wrong jor. So I told him, my ex called me and he has always bin calling which is true. But very clean convo. He has Like 3kids now and is happily married. The day i told my hubby my ex called me. He was just there like whatever, and I rem telling him that day you never get jealous of me. U should even ask me questions or something. If I keep talking without bin asked questions then something is wrong with me. God knows I felt hurt that he was neutral. And that night my husband decide to have phone intimacy with an old female friend to get back at me. I rem that Sunday Wen I saw it. I cried. I felt hurt d moment he said that's for Kipling in touch with ur ex. And i asked him why he didnt allow us talk about it immediately, sometimes thats all we need just talk to us and show u care, till date i always feel my husvand is t worrird ablut losing me, instead he pays me back. And i dont think it should that way, sometimes communicatikn is all u need and u would just find d truth in d detail. I cang coynt how many incriminatikng stiffs i have fpynd on his phone, me i cant kip quiet for too long i tell him sharp sharp and sometimes it isnt what i think, but if i decide to keep.quiet and pay him back i would only be hurting us more, so back to my ex, Then we went out, we spoke about it and it all got cleared, but I guess it didn't. Secondly he spoke about me removing my ring. Now this is me also.when I find out hubby always removes his ring often and blame it on bad days I join him. Right now none of us Is wearing a rjng; he as removed it again and thrown it away claiming another bad day and I joined in cos I don't undestand that ish again. Now the third case of cheating. He said o saved my ex's number yeah that's true and that becos I didn't want my husband to think otherwise cos I actually think he knows the guys number or have it saved somewhere. This guy is helping my lil brother gt a job with an oil firm. He is only helping.
When my husband saw this I felt so bad so so bad and I wish I had discussed it with him. But I tot he would pay me back painfully again so I decide to keep it away from him. The third blame is me cooking for a guy on the estate. The guy is a friend I met quiet alright. But God sees my heart I cooked it out of helping. His wife is overseas and d guy claimed to be broke, then also there was fuel scarcity he said he couldn't get fuel to buy. So he wanted me to help him with food. That faithful day, my husband's friend who also lives on the estate was home, my nanny and my two kids, so I asked him to give his opinion,and he said why not that the guy is an easy going person on the estate and for him to ask for food he must be In a bad state. We had some left over rice at home and I told hy nanny to go and give him. When my hubby came back that day I Had to find a way to explain to him. I wasnt too sure of his response, but to a certain extent d man i know and the way he has bin treating me I tot he will say no big deal. But I got otherwise instantly I knew I had messed up, but how to fix it became a problem. He has called my dad on this matter. That old man is another man I fear the most after God. Tho I was scared of wat he will do to me. But I was rather glad. Cos I wanted to be free and be trusted again. The matter on ground is something that I know can ruin my home but now that he as spoken I believe and hope he learns to trust me. Now I understand d reason for the mean treatments. He doesn't like visiting marriage counselors, so smtimes we end our matters and issues arguing and no resolution. Am saying it world wide now. I am not cheating on my husband. I love him than anything else in the world. Appreciate him and would always honour him. His changes and behaviour towards me recently sort of got me changing to, but now I see where it's all coming from. God bless u nairaland at least he spoke here. But seriously, dear Nairalander's you can't give concluding opinions on a journey of 3years based on 650 words. U don't av any idea wat we both av bin Tru to just conclude that he divorces a woman u know nothing about based on the short story u heard. I am a woman who would do anything g to keep her home. I took steps that I had no clue I would regret. Now he doesn't trust me no one knows how that feels. Even when I go out for business he picks d lie from d truth and this hasn't bin making me go what I deserve. I hope and pray God fixes this for me.

favourmic:
Hello nairaland I'm the husband younger brother, we are going to send that wife out of the house simple my brother is too gently lover boy

treese:
You all have done well. And you av succeeded in ending the marriage. God bless you all.

favourmic:
Hello nairaland I'm the husband younger brother, we are going to send that wife out of the house simple my brother is too gently lover boy

wagazala:
Bros, begin find new wife.

If your wife would go as far as cook and confide in another woman's husband other than you then obviously something is wrong. The usual template answer most people will give you on this forum is have a heart to heart talk about it to your wife, pray about it, etc. Forgerrit, if you don't have kids yet, i'll suggest you start packing your bags.

sule5727:
seconded!!!

zika1:
You're a very silly man. If you can't stand up to your wife maybe you don't deserve her. Anyways, she's wrong and you aren't handling the situation as a man should. PUT HER IN HER PLACE JOOR

repogirl:
Treese I am so glad you showed up because some SLOW TO UNDERSTAND BUFFOONS (babdav2015, iykedare, ideykwum) who quoted me earlier might now go and die in peace.

There are always two sides to a story but right from when I read your husbands part, I could tell he was the type who didnt listen and who chooses to find the worst in anythinh, trust me I had that experience first hand from my parents marriage and that was why I begged God that when he was giving me a spouse, he should give me the one that would be a durect opposite from what I saw when growing up.

Gurl, you know your husband, you know how he is, his likes and unlikes, his lack of communicating skills, how he jumps into conclusions and busies himself looking for what isnt there ...the guy is sooo insecure and you are fueling his insecurities!

Pls, stop doing what he doesnt like, he might be difficult but pls dont do what you know will displease him ...some men are just wired that way. I see you are a wiman who.wants to make it work, so please try...it might seem hard but try. Pray and believe in God for strength, wisdom and that he makes your husband come around. Trust me, prayer works!

I have been married a few years myself and its God that holds the union together.

Hang in there.

Lastly since you say your husband doesnt talk, it doesnt mean you should nag him to the death. Summarise your issues in a few quick sentences and leave him to ponder on it, if he likes he should ponder, if not he should pout, na him sabi. Just do your own part and keep off those male friends before devil uses style to enter inside your home well well.

pretydiva:
Op 2 say d truth,u stil don't ve any proof 2 show ur wife is cheating on u wit her ex,or ve u caught dem red handed Buh dat ur wife get mind shall..hw can a married woman leave her matrimonial home 2 go cook 4 somebody else's hubby

Can't d man cook himself, or go 2 any eatery 2 eat?. Marriages of these days dey tire person I swear. Op I 'd advice u give her d benefit of doubt. Watch her closely n also threaten 2 divorce her if eventually ur suspicion comes tru

ideykwum:
You're the buffoon, and degenerate troll!

I hardly use abusive words on anyone, but you deserve this and more! I feel sorry for your husband! Termagant!

F50:
My brother there is absolutely nothing wrong with your wife...the problem is with you. Now let me try to explain.

Your wife is behaving like a normal woman and that's how they were created. The problem is that you didn't created boundaries in your relationship.

Most women are created to be loyal and submissive now couple that with a man that disvirgined them or a man that is better than you in bed, what you get is an over loyal woman even when she don marry someone else.



Now you may be her husband quite all right but as long as you didn't set strict boundaries that are supposed to checkmate her past loyaltys you are in for this type of Mary go round.

I assure u that your wife loves you but why she removed her ring I believe she has already told you, and from her answer it looks like u caused it too. Some people believed in do me I do you god no go vex. That's if she was telling the truth about her true reason.

My girlfriend can not make the mistake of chatting with an ex not to talk of my wife.
She can not even wish him a happy birthday, she can't have his number on her phone, she can't pick his calls o! She can not interact with him through any media possible. She just can't simple.

For me its better my girl friend cheats on me with another man than with an ex. I will forgive her immediately if she sleeps with someone else I no go even think am too much...but with an ex? The relationship is over o! I hate ex's pass devil o! And she knows . she can not try any form of communication with ex o! Becos the wahala that will result she won't survive it.
These are the kind of boundaries you for don set since b4 una even marry. As in eeh the first time she even chat with the ex u for break that your flat screen TV for parlour and her mirror for room and her phone so that she go know say ex's na no go area.
Then if she flirt with a neutral guy just do like say e no pain u too much so that she will be able to differentiate ex's temper from neutral guys temper. You see she don dey understand u

repogirl:
Treese I am so glad you showed up because some SLOW TO UNDERSTAND BUFFOONS (babdav2015, iykedare, ideykwum) who quoted me earlier might now go and die in peace.

There are always two sides to a story but right from when I read your husbands part, I could tell he was the type who didnt listen and who chooses to find the worst in anythinh, trust me I had that experience first hand from my parents marriage and that was why I begged God that when he was giving me a spouse, he should give me the one that would be a durect opposite from what I saw when growing up.

Gurl, you know your husband, you know how he is, his likes and unlikes, his lack of communicating skills, how he jumps into conclusions and busies himself looking for what isnt there ...the guy is sooo insecure and you are fueling his insecurities!

Pls, stop doing what he doesnt like, he might be difficult but pls dont do what you know will displease him ...some men are just wired that way. I see you are a wiman who.wants to make it work, so please try...it might seem hard but try. Pray and believe in God for strength, wisdom and that he makes your husband come around. Trust me, prayer works!

I have been married a few years myself and its God that holds the union together.

Hang in there.

Lastly since you say your husband doesnt talk, it doesnt mean you should nag him to the death. Summarise your issues in a few quick sentences and leave him to ponder on it, if he likes he should ponder, if not he should pout, na him sabi. Just do your own part and keep off those male friends before devil uses style to enter inside your home well well.

repogirl:
Treese I am so glad you showed up because some SLOW TO UNDERSTAND BUFFOONS (babdav2015, iykedare, ideykwum) who quoted me earlier might now go and die in peace.

There are always two sides to a story but right from when I read your husbands part, I could tell he was the type who didnt listen and who chooses to find the worst in anythinh, trust me I had that experience first hand from my parents marriage and that was why I begged God that when he was giving me a spouse, he should give me the one that would be a durect opposite from what I saw when growing up.

Gurl, you know your husband, you know how he is, his likes and unlikes, his lack of communicating skills, how he jumps into conclusions and busies himself looking for what isnt there ...the guy is sooo insecure and you are fueling his insecurities!

Pls, stop doing what he doesnt like, he might be difficult but pls dont do what you know will displease him ...some men are just wired that way. I see you are a wiman who.wants to make it work, so please try...it might seem hard but try. Pray and believe in God for strength, wisdom and that he makes your husband come around. Trust me, prayer works!

I have been married a few years myself and its God that holds the union together.

Hang in there.

Lastly since you say your husband doesnt talk, it doesnt mean you should nag him to the death. Summarise your issues in a few quick sentences and leave him to ponder on it, if he likes he should ponder, if not he should pout, na him sabi. Just do your own part and keep off those male friends before devil uses style to enter inside your home well well.

iykedare:
I now understand why you are being unnecessarily aggressive to the guys here.

Your dad was an irresponsible man to your mum so you think we are all the same.

Biatch,you are a liability to your husband.

freelance777:
Dear Nairalander's

How are you all doing? I hope you guys are doing well? I am writing this post to express my fears of the unknown, because I have been a very trusting and reliable husband to my wife.

Before marriage, my wife have once told me about his ex who is supposedly his best date ever in her life before she met me, that apart 2 years into our marriage, we had an arguement in which she confronted me about a number saved with a lady's name on my dialled list. I openly and honestly told her it was my old school mate whom I missed her call and had called back. But she wanted to know more like I was doing something shady, that got me all roused up and I just told her to leave me be.

A week later, I received a call from her straight from work that my daughter had a serious cut on her lips due to an
accident, I quickly rushed down to the school, but met them at the nearest clinic where my daughter's lip was being stitched, few mins later I walked down to her school where she works nearby to pick up her car key then bring her car nearby so we could all go home, surprisingly, I found her wedding ring inside the glove compartment. A ring she wore out to work that very morning.

I didnt question her immmediately until the night of that day, I asked her why she had removed her ring and kept it in the glove compartment knowing fully well that the wore it out that very morning, she said it was because I have had mine removed since the past 1 month, so she also had the same reason to remove her's.

A week later, she opened up to me that she has been talking to her ex whom I described above, I asked her about what? She said she has been taking advise from him whenever we have issues. I kept shut and moved on.

2 more years into this marriage, I recently found out that her ex had sent her a whatsapp message, but she didnt respond, so I opened up a discussion with her based on ex's. I asked her if keeping contact of ex's or communicating with ex's is good for married people be it the man or woman, she said its a no no, that infact she will never accomodate such and that its wrong for anybody to do that. I immediately told her to open up her whats app, she did and I showed her her ex's whats app message, she at first was scared, wanted to cover up the phone somehow, but due to fear, she slowly relaxed herself and she said well that I can see that he is just talking and she has not been responding, and that its possible for someone you do not have on your contact list to send you a whatsapp message, I agreed, but countered her saying you also have saved his number with Abbreviation, if you never intend having future communication with him, why then did you save his number thereafter? I didnt get an answer, until later after two weeks when she told me she was in communication with him in order to secure a job for his younger brother. ( Very hard to believe) I moved on.


A few days later again, I was on my way to help her fix her iphone which she has abandoned like a year and the half, something just prompted me to dial his ex's number on that phone, behold she had saved the number as 'rsif' someone who bears Williams. Anyway I kept quiet still. The the final incident that gave me a final warning that this my wife might be cheating on me unknowingly was just a month ago when she told me she had met this dude on the same estate we reside, that he was into business and had also gave her his complementary card, I asked what he does, said he is an estate agent, I responded saying estate agency does not correlate with what you do, she said at least he can provide us good offer for housing by the time we are ready to move. When all of a sudden, she said that same guy had asked her to help cook since his own wife had travelled to the USA to give birth. She asked if it was right for her to go ahead and do the cooking, I immediately denounce that move that it is wrong, and that the guy has another motive entirely. I told her to tell him that he should ask his own family member to cook for him, and that she should immediately cut communication with him if she wants to last long in the marriage.

My wife responded by saying, she does not think the guy has bad intentions and that he is a cool and nice person with a very mild personality,that if the dude has such intentions, that it would be the most surprising occurence to her. I said well just do as I have said. Lo and behold, I investigated her phone and I found out that she had already cooked for this dude even before she asked me the question. I confronted her, and she said it was because I might not find it funny and thats the reason why she kept it a secret at first. I then promise to show her that the dude was infact a cheater whom is planning to cheat on his wife with my own wife. One day, I impersonated my wife, and started sending text as such as that am ready to give him what he wants, lo and behold, this dude was responding and was even asking where I was at, that he is ready to heal my wounds, a hug and everything that I needed. I showed my wife the text message, and she acted all surprised, but I was not, because based on the conversations that I have seen, it seems to me that whenever I have issued, he rushes to call the guy and tell him everything, which was a good avenue for the guy to provide emotional consolation in order to get what he wants.

I apologize for this long story, but I just needed to detail this story well, so that I can get insight of what I need to be thinking, what I need to do, and the right steps to take.

Thanks all.

iykedare:
This your wife has got guts. Damn!!! She has the temerity to go cook for a guy who is not her husband.

Nigga,she needs a competitor. Na she go beg.

F50:
My brother there is absolutely nothing wrong with your wife...the problem is with you. Now let me try to explain.

Your wife is behaving like a normal woman and that's how they were created. The problem is that you didn't created boundaries in your relationship.

Most women are created to be loyal and submissive now couple that with a man that disvirgined them or a man that is better than you in bed, what you get is an over loyal woman even when she don marry someone else.



Now you may be her husband quite all right but as long as you didn't set strict boundaries that are supposed to checkmate her past loyaltys you are in for this type of Mary go round.

I assure u that your wife loves you but why she removed her ring I believe she has already told you, and from her answer it looks like u caused it too. Some people believed in do me I do you god no go vex. That's if she was telling the truth about her true reason.

My girlfriend can not make the mistake of chatting with an ex not to talk of my wife.
She can not even wish him a happy birthday, she can't have his number on her phone, she can't pick his calls o! She can not interact with him through any media possible. She just can't simple.

For me its better my girl friend cheats on me with another man than with an ex. I will forgive her immediately if she sleeps with someone else I no go even think am too much...but with an ex? The relationship is over o! I hate ex's pass devil o! And she knows . she can not try any form of communication with ex o! Becos the wahala that will result she won't survive it.
These are the kind of boundaries you for don set since b4 una even marry. As in eeh the first time she even chat with the ex u for break that your flat screen TV for parlour and her mirror for room and her phone so that she go know say ex's na no go area.
Then if she flirt with a neutral guy just do like say e no pain u too much so that she will be able to differentiate ex's temper from neutral guys temper. You see she don dey understand u

naijadeyhia:
See your mouth like "seconded" Do you think you are on the floor of the house of assembly? No be only seconded na fifthed

kunlejazz:
Does 'not caring anymore' justify cheating? Can two wrongs make a right?

This is an appalling line of thought but sadly, many young women of nowadays think this way. You 'abandon' me, I sleep around.