Mutendiwashe:
if everybody makes mistakes why shouldnt the woman's mistakes be worked on?

Unlike removing the wedding ring, which she failing to ask why.

Discussing your marriage with you Ex is not mistake but total betrayal.

Giving food to another man your husband don't like is not a mistake but a sign of cheating.

Will you be here defending the woman if you realize the other man she's feeding is you husband?

It is easy to chat on NL, but it the real world thing are different.

Mutendiwashe:
i did not see anywhere where anyone slept with someone so how was there anyone who cheated?

Read again and get what the fuse is about, I even think the title can help u better.

emmatok:


Unlike removing the wedding ring, which she failing to ask why.

Discussing your marriage with you Ex is not mistake but total betrayal.

Giving food to another man your husband don't like is not a mistake but a sign of cheating.

Will you be here defending the woman if you realize the other man she's feeding is you husband?

It is easy to chat on NL, but it the real world thing are different.

To many all that is nothing.

I said if the other woman comes from abroad and she hear another woman has been taking care of her husband including cooking for him, I think she will face more problems than what she is facing right now.

bigfly:

Bros it is just a feel good excuse, the lady said her ex was helping her brother to secure a job in oil firm, it is obvious the appearance of d ex is the major problem of this matter, I must confess her husband mishandled the ex thing because he could warned her instead of behaving as if his not concern then he called his own ex.
After the ex stuff things just keep getting worse for them.

Not everybody can handle ex around their spouse especially the one u called your only and best love.
Others just ignored the fact and made reference to incidence after ex.

All her actions and reactions portray her as a cheat even though It may not be so.

To me it is d immature husband that was trying to play tit for tat but his emotion can not withstand it, but his wife was far ahead of him in the game.

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying she is cheating on him but she acted a cheating wife better than d husband could form strong head.

Both of them are playing the tit for tat.

The wife is not far ahead in the game, since the husband is no longer emotionaly attached.
He is just playing cool and looking for opportunity to leave.

abbey621:


And if you call cooking for another man, flirting with another man and sharing heart to heart moments with him "small things" then obviously you are one of those I consider classless or undignified.

Well good thing my self-worth is not based on strangers that have no significance or benefit to my existence, so im totally cool with that.
The day i lose an eye because of what you have to say is the day i will die. For now my life is still worthy just as much as it was 5mins ago

Once again you try to sound intelligent but the result is completely opposite. Just because you are not enlightened enough to understand the different meanings of adultery does not mean they do not exist! For your reference:

ADULTERY WITHOUT SEXUAL INTERCOURSE—The Bible speaks of “wanton eyes” (Isa. 3:16), “eyes full of adultery” (2 Pet. 2:14), and “the lust of the eyes” (1 John 2:16).

both the words adultery and lust include the word "sexual" and there is nothing the lady did that sounded sexual. Just quit trying to hard to sound intelligent, if you were at all you would consult your dictionary to make sure of the meaning of certain words before using them.

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery already with her in his heart.”
http://www.christiananswers.net/dictionary/adultery.html

again lust means with sexual desire.

You seem to be one of those people of the mind that a wife can have as many male friends as possible as long as there are no sexual activities, you seem to believe it is okay to flirt around and if caught then it's no big deal, the man should be man enough to accept and work through it.

Any secure man would trust his wife so long she does not flirt with her male friends/ colleagues. How else do you expand your horizon if you do not make friends or acquaintances?
Only an insecure man would see anything negative with a woman keep male friends even they know their boundaries.

Now to my final point, I don't know about American men or those in European countries but as an African man I'm meant to be the head, I do not subscribe to the notion that marriage is 50/50, more like 60/40 or 70/30 with the man having the majority of the decision making, it is the role which was given to us by God,

Insecurity will always make you feel like you have to be on top of someone for you to feel like your existence on earth is worth something. When you see your wife as you other half and partner there will be no need to put her down just to feel like you have something you have control over in your life.

Look at most influential couples in the world and you will know how secure men get it right. Its always good to learn something new. A secure man knows he can achieve more by working hand in hand in his wife rather than keeping her under him just to nurse his ego.

promoted by tradition and accepted by society. I do not believe a wife should compete with her husband in terms of tit for tat as it is clear the ultimate loser would be the woman as society still judges a woman negatively for being married two or more times but for a man no one really cares if he marries 4 or more times. So spare me the bullshit and focus more on educating yourself

Only a woman who doesn't know her worth would let the option of someone else stop her from being happy. A strong-willed women goes for whats best for her not what society thinks, because it will not be society living her life for her.

If thats how you intend to raise your daughters in such a backward way of thinking, i feel sorry for them more. Clearly they will only growing up to live unfulfilled lives. Educated people move forward with changes they do not to stick to old oppressive ways of reasoning.
You have just learnt something new

it is either you have been too weak or too permissive.love does not amount to folly.your wife should always fear to do wrong because of you.
solution:sit her down and define marriage to her.you are her husband,her lord and her 'owner'.give her the do and donts.spell out your place and her place.give her a 'federal warning' as regards cooking for any other mortal other than you.may God save your home.forgive the past and move on.

emmatok:


Both of them are playing the tit for tat.

The wife is not far ahead in the game, since the husband is no longer emotionaly attached.
He is just playing cool and looking for opportunity to leave.

I accept your thought, but I based my judgement on what each of them write on the thread, the husband looks clueless while the wife looks like person who knows what she has done but was looking for way to amend and stop the husband from making a rash decision.

Chidoks:
it is either you have been too weak or too petmissive.love does not amount to folly.your wife should always fear to do wrong becausr of you.
solution:sit her down and define marriage to her.you are her husband,her lord and her 'owner'.give het the do and donts.spell out your place and her place.give her a 'federal warning as regards cooking for any other mortal other than you.may God save your home.forgive the padt and move on.

Thank God we still have sane women, the one to be proud of, not the kadarsian wanna be.

emmatok:


Unlike removing the wedding ring, which she failing to ask why.

Discussing your marriage with you Ex is not mistake but total betrayal.

So removing a wedding ring that symbolises your union is not total betrayal until your wife does the same abi?

Giving food to another man your husband don't like is not a mistake but a sign of cheating.

Will you be here defending the woman if you realize the other man she's feeding is you husband?

well im not immature enough to call every other thing trivial thing cheating. I have been married for 5yrs now and instead of running up and down my family's house or my in-laws house screaming all manner of childish things, i deal with my marital issues with the person i got married to because im mentally capable of fully understanding that small issues can fixed rather than making tornadoes out of a little wind.

It is easy to chat on NL, but it the real world thing are different.

if i ever find out that my husband had someone else cook for him all because i wanted my child to have American papers, i would talk to him about it and make sure next time i as a wife pay more attention to the needs of my family as a whole. If my mother and millions of women still manage to deliver safely in my own country, why wont i do the same for my children? I would rather have the support of my husband when i have my children as opposed to being in a foreign land alone.

I would never turn another woman cooking for my husband into world war 3 because its simply childish. I get angry over it for that little time, calm down and reason rationally, we discuss it and move forward because my marriage and children are far much more important than a meal cooked by another woman. Why will i fight a grown man to the extent of divorce or separation over a meal he probably sh*tted an hour after eating?

Marriage is not for children who fail to see the bigger picture. Why else will you say for better for worse if you are not able to handle to ups and downs any marriage goes through? Here we are not even talking of mid-life crisis or illness but a meal and how a number was saved, can we get any more immature?

Mutendiwashe:

It will always be easy for any 12year old child to come online and give advice on marriage when they have never been in a committed relationship before.

Marriage comes with its ups and downs and if you always think of getting off the next bus stop everytime an issue arises be ready to do the same with the next 5 or 6 women you will marry.

Show me a perfect man or woman and i will show you the world's biggest liar. Too many imperfect people expecting a perfect spouse.

This is something that can be worked on my being more open in the relationship. How can a person remove his ring and still expect the other person to be 100% perfect when they have given that person a million reasons to mistrust or grow distant from them.

To freelance777 if your excuse for removing your wedding is not either because you are allergic to the material or it was too tight, i would say you created reasons for your wife to find consolation in other people. You need to sit down with her. If her removing her wedding ring affected you this much, dont expect your removing your wedding ring to have done anything less to her.

Find the root of the problem and fix it. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Perfect women do not fall from the sky especially for an imperfect man.

Just like you said, any 12 year old comes online to spew trash. Your opinion is yours, same as mine is mine. You don't have to throw insults if you disagree.
Marriage is an institution that has no direct working formula, we can preach to the affected couple all we want but only them, regardless of whatever anyone says on this forum, can solve their problems. We don't even know for a fact if it's a real story.
So next time madam no courtesy, share your opinion, don't talk down on others if you disagree with theirs.

PS: Been married 10years and I've had my fair share of issues, and I know more will come. I don't put my ish out in public if I'm not ready for different opinions.

bigfly:

To many all that is nothing.

I said if the other woman comes from abroad and she hear another woman has been taking care of her husband including cooking for him, I think she will face more problems than what she is facing right now.

Correct bro, I even ask my girl now can you travel and some one else we be cooking for? She swear to kill that girl.....lolz ladies with big fucking problem

bigfly:

To many all that is nothing.

I said if the other woman comes from abroad and she hear another woman has been taking care of her husband including cooking for him, I think she will face more problems than what she is facing right now.

Correct bro, I even ask my girl now can you travel and some one else we be cooking for? She swear to kill that girl.....lolz ladies with big fucking problem.

Mutendiwashe:

So removing a wedding ring that symbolises your union is not total betrayal until your wife does the same abi?

well im not immature enough to call every other thing trivial thing cheating. I have been married for 5yrs now and instead of running up and down my family's house or my in-laws house screaming all manner of childish things, i deal with my marital issues with the person i got married to because im mentally capable of fully understanding that small issues can fixed rather than making tornadoes out of a little wind.

if i ever find out that my husband had someone else cook for him all because i wanted my child to have American papers, i would talk to him about it and make sure next time i as a wife pay more attention to the needs of my family as a whole. If my mother and millions of women still manage to deliver safely in my own country, why wont i do the same for my children? I would rather have the support of my husband when i have my children as opposed to being in a foreign land alone.

I would never turn another woman cooking for my husband into world war 3 because its simply childish. I get angry over it for that little time, calm down and reason rationally, we discuss it and move forward because my marriage and children are far much more important than a meal cooked by another woman. Why will i fight a grown man to the extent of divorce or separation over a meal he probably sh*tted an hour after eating?

Marriage is not for children who fail to see the bigger picture. Why else will you say for better for worse if you are not able to handle to ups and downs any marriage goes through? Here we are not even talking of mid-life crisis or illness but a meal and how a number was saved, can we get any more immature?

Sorry I don't support that at all, no woman can take that for another woman to cook for her husband, unless if the woman is totally dating some one else..

Women are dangerous. I read all the comments made by women on this topic and I couldn't believe how all of them thinks akin to one another. May God help me to have a woman that believes in better or worse.
The lady's action is absolutely questionable.

I don't know if some people really read the woman's response before comenting. Yes she mess up really but on the cooking issue she never cooked for the man neither in her own house nor at the man's house. You guys should get that... "she only gave the man a leftover rice they have and through her nany not as if she took it to the man's house"
all i can say is both of them are immature and lacks basic wisdom about marriage. They need counselling and should go back for a marriage course.
Above all the need Jesus and prayers.

Marriage is not a bed of roses..

Moana:
by the time you get married you shouldnt be working on making someone love you back, thats something you do before you even think of making someone part of your family. You should only get married when your are sure the love is requited.


If you find yourself trying to get someone to love you back only after saying "i do" best believe me your middle name will be sorry.

I understand you and it seems we're saying the same thing in different directions.

emmatok:


Unlike removing the wedding ring, which she failing to ask why.

Discussing your marriage with you Ex is not mistake but total betrayal.

Giving food to another man your husband don't like is not a mistake but a sign of cheating.

Will you be here defending the woman if you realize the other man she's feeding is you husband?

It is easy to chat on NL, but it the real world thing are different.

That was touché

Ladycloud:
God have mercy! dunno y we women can't just stick to what we have...

women are naturally greedy,they always believe there is someone better outside,that's why sharp guys do succeed in fucckkking and dumping them...b!tches

wagazala:


Just like you said, any 12 year old comes online to spew trash. Your opinion is yours, same as mine is mine. You don't have to throw insults if you disagree.
Marriage is an institution that has no direct working formula, we can preach to the affected couple all we want but only them, regardless of whatever anyone says on this forum, can solve their problems. We don't even know for a fact if it's a real story.
So next time madam no courtesy, share your opinion, don't talk down on others if you disagree with theirs.

PS: Been married 10years and I've had my fair share of issues, and I know more will come. I don't put my ish out in public if I'm not ready for different opinions.

Don't even mind her, she was just looking for excuse to support the said lady. How does event that started few months ago caused the actions that has been going on for over a year, I find her excuse laugherble and I doubt she was married her self. I believe she must have be the 12years old.

Otherwise who will start saving d ex number with code justa year or two of her wedding, who will wear wedding ring out of d house only to keep it in the car, who will make another woman's husband her leaning shoulder, who cook for another man without her husband's permission.

Her husband have done something wrong by removing his ring, yes we agreed but which kind of woman use that one has excuse to do all this things, when did d husband remove her wedding ring and when did the woman starts misbehaving.

If everything I read on this thread is what some people truly believes in, I think marriage is not for them at all otherwise they are dangerous to themselves, their partner and other people's partners.

iykedare:


You are really daft.
Stupid advice.

her type is the op's wife,I pity the unfortunate husband that will marry that b!tch.

fabiano09:

Am not surprised you are supporting the wife,women! you are all d same. Cheaters!

no be small thing!most of them here are supporting the cheating wife and it make we wonder if there is any faithful lady left,no wonder most of them are unmarried.

iykedare:


Shut the fork up. You probably married a mumu man. So your phone is a no go area to your husband?

All these brainless women who are hell bent on getting married when they don't understand what it entails.

they always cheated in their relationship,so they think its normal to cheat even in marriage.

cyprus000:

[size=13pt][b]
Shut D fvvck up,woman.

In your mind,you have given a matured Input,but you just spew dumb shiit

This is one of the snitcch we are talking about.
I don't blame your type tho.I blame the man who condoled such insolence.

---

OP,you fvvcked up, the day you found out that she went to his house to cook and the snitch even kept it away from you.
You would have sent her parking straight away,but instead you continued to be a "sissy" and you think that woman will ever value or respect you,when you are all acting sissy.
Take charge of your home,creat strict rules from now on and when she breaks any.
You either send her to her parent's house for coaching on morals and respect or you send her parking for good.
Get a nanny to take care of your kids,until you are ready to bring in a loyal woman.
The thing that kills a man faster is a snitchy woman.
You won't know this until you are old and less active in piloting the affaire's of your home.

---

I am trying my possible best not to hit on you,for disgracing manhood.
I expect you step up your game and stop being a "sissy"
[/b][/size]

some men sha,even a girlfriend won't try such talkless of wife...Damn!

Youngpo413:
some men sha,even a girlfriend won't try such talkless of wife...Damn!

is wifey lesser than girlfriend? :/ :/

WINEBERRY:
is wifey lesser than girlfriend? :/ :/

No o,the reverse is the case.

iykedare:


You shouldn't be surprised. Most of them were runs girls in school so what do you expect from such people.

It's possible that the ex forrked her on that same day the hoe went to cook. Or does the husband expect to see the guy's deek ramming her before he realises that she is cheating.

all of them are still runs girls even after school.B!TCHES

Hmm...

egobetatoday:


so what do u suggest d 'women of nowadays' to do when their husbands abandon them? pls dont tell me 'keep praying'.

Seriously? So you don't see anything wrong in sleeping around because you've been 'abandoned'?

There are a million other ways to curing headache than cutting off the head.
What happened to talking about it? That way you could find out what's causing the drift and correct it. What about a getaway to go rediscover what you lost?

Separation is even better than sleeping around like a dog.
Yes - If he is still not willing to bulge, leave him for a while, get a counselor/family member/religious leader or something. The list is endless.

The mere fact that a married woman or man considers flirting or sleeping with an ex the moment they feel they've been 'abandoned' for a couple of weeks is EVIL.

Darn!

Mutendiwashe:

So removing a wedding ring that symbolises your union is not total betrayal until your wife does the same abi?

well im not immature enough to call every other thing trivial thing cheating. I have been married for 5yrs now and instead of running up and down my family's house or my in-laws house screaming all manner of childish things, i deal with my marital issues with the person i got married to because im mentally capable of fully understanding that small issues can fixed rather than making tornadoes out of a little wind.

if i ever find out that my husband had someone else cook for him all because i wanted my child to have American papers, i would talk to him about it and make sure next time i as a wife pay more attention to the needs of my family as a whole. If my mother and millions of women still manage to deliver safely in my own country, why wont i do the same for my children? I would rather have the support of my husband when i have my children as opposed to being in a foreign land alone.

I would never turn another woman cooking for my husband into world war 3 because its simply childish. I get angry over it for that little time, calm down and reason rationally, we discuss it and move forward because my marriage and children are far much more important than a meal cooked by another woman. Why will i fight a grown man to the extent of divorce or separation over a meal he probably sh*tted an hour after eating?

Marriage is not for children who fail to see the bigger picture. Why else will you say for better for worse if you are not able to handle to ups and downs any marriage goes through? Here we are not even talking of mid-life crisis or illness but a meal and how a number was saved, can we get any more immature?

No offense sis, but your views to this issue seem very much like that of someone with a fundamentally low self-esteem. This disposition is common among people (particularly women) who grew up experiencing a lot of fear, domination and subjection.

Forgive me if I sound harsh; that is not my intention. I'm only trying to help you see things as they are.

My point however is, your views to marriage (as presented in this discussion, at least) are inspired by necessity and fear - which you call the bigger picture.

Do you just want to remain in the picture or look really good in it?

GBAM

cococandy:
You guys need to work on your marriage ASAP.
You've shown her signs that you're not emotionally invested in the relationship and she's unknowingly in the look-out for something else.
If you don't do something now, it will clear in your eyes the moment she gets carried away enough to bed the fellow. She needs a serious wake up call.
Both of you.

Bro, i feel ur pain. My advise to you if you truly still want your home back cos your wife has done to you a very strong thing and it takes the grace of God for you to forgive her:
1. Find ur wedding ring and knack am for hand (cos she might feel u removed it because u want to cheat on her)
2. There is a vaccum in her life dt u need to fill sharp sharp ( if not she will not go back to d ex and hook up with a strange man again)
3. Take her out and speak to her about d whole issue from genesis to revelation (let her know u need to pour everything out so dt u can av peace of mind)
4. Give her the chance to explain herself and make up your mind dt no mata what she tells u abt how deep dey have gone in the relationship you will not get hurt.
5. Pray for d grace to forgive, forget and truly love her back like before.
6. Make up your mind to be her best friend give her enof time, love and attention so dt she will not do dt again.
Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured
(I hope u are not cheating on her )