kunlejazz:


No offense sis, but your views to this issue seem very much like that of someone with a fundamentally low self-esteem. This disposition is common among people (particularly women) who grew up experiencing a lot of fear, domination and subjection.

Forgive me if I sound harsh; that is not my intention. I'm only trying to help you see things as they are.

My point however is, your views to marriage (as presented in this discussion, at least) are inspired by necessity and fear - which you call the bigger picture.

Do you just want to remain in the picture or look really good in it?

Are you married? Do you know what commitment actually means?

You are telling me that 15yrs after separation or divorce i should be able to tell my daughter that i divorced her father because another cooked for him? you think after those years of more growing up to do it will not sound like the most immature reason for a marriage breakdown?

Im already married and i have a better understanding that marriage is not a fairytale but something to work on to get better as you grow old together.

What another inexperienced unmarried person has to say about the way i see my marriage really is not relevant, because at the end of the day the person has zero influence in my life none of my bills get paid by how you view me.

favourmic:



Sorry I don't support that at all, no woman can take that for another woman to cook for her husband, unless if the woman is totally dating some one else..

a matured woman would, unless she wants to live in an imaginary marriage where things never go wrong and small issues are turned into a war. You think 10yrs from now the small issues you turn into a war will matter when you hit mid-life crisis? Parents getting more vulnerable or passing away and teenage children acting like they have no sense...if you cant handle someone cooking a meal you think you will be able to deal with mid-life crisis.

We have too many kids giving the silliest of things the most importance. So what will you do when really reach 50? Marry and divorce 10people by then?

Marriage is not like the cinderella stories that are read to nursery school kids. You go through things and only matured people stay closer to each other when things go downhill. A matured mind focuses on outliving the small storms that come their way, they dont call it quits because the clouds got a little darker.

You think your pride will matter when you have you children moving between 2houses frequently with one step-father and one-step mother because you decided to break a marriage over a woman that both parents wont even remember how she looked a fews years down the line?

wagazala:


Just like you said, any 12 year old comes online to spew trash. Your opinion is yours, same as mine is mine. You don't have to throw insults if you disagree.
Marriage is an institution that has no direct working formula, we can preach to the affected couple all we want but only them, regardless of whatever anyone says on this forum, can solve their problems. We don't even know for a fact if it's a real story.
So next time madam no courtesy, share your opinion, don't talk down on others if you disagree with theirs.

PS: Been married 10years and I've had my fair share of issues, and I know more will come. I don't put my ish out in public if I'm not ready for different opinions.

i did not in anyway insult anyone i simply gave my opnion on what you said. As a person who is "married for 10yrs" who knows more trials will come to his own marriage, the best advice you can come up with is advising someone to leave his own marriage while you work on your challenges you face?

Highly laughable.

wagazala:


PS: Been married 10years and I've had my fair share of issues, and I know more will come. I don't put my ish out in public if I'm not ready for different opinions.

welcome to nairaland where people in imaginary 10year marriages encourage other people to break they homes while they keep their own take nairaland advice at your own risk. At the end of the day when you take their wrong advice, it will be your life that will be scattered while they carry on with theirs.

Mutendiwashe:
i did not in anyway insult anyone i simply gave my opnion on what you said. As a person who is "married for 10yrs" who knows more trials will come to his own marriage, the best advice you can come up with is advising someone to leave his own marriage while you work on your challenges you face?

Highly laughable.

Oh I see you still want to flog this issue. Your 12yr old jab was rather insulting but i'll let that pass.
Regarding OP, it's his choice really. We all have what we can tolerate and what we can't. I understand why you would feel right to defend his wife's actions but as for me, it's a no no. No married woman confides her marital issues with an ex, secondly a random guy from the streets. It's not even about the wedding ring, wearing wedding ring doesn't guarantee anything for both parties.
This will be my last response to this issue. Peace.

SisterCaro:
welcome to nairaland where people in imaginary 10year marriages encourage other people to break they homes while they keep their own take nairaland advice at your own risk. At the end of the day when you take their wrong advice, it will be your life that will be scattered while they carry on with theirs.

Imaginary 10 years or not, my wife cooks and confides in men up and down, she will be waking up the next day in her father's house. I didn't marry a wife to watch her service other men.

Mutendiwashe:


Are you married? Do you know what commitment actually means?

You are telling me that 15yrs after separation or divorce i should be able to tell my daughter that i divorced her father because another cooked for him? you think after those years of more growing up to do it will not sound like the most immature reason for a marriage breakdown?

Im already married and i have a better understanding that marriage is not a fairytale but something to work on to get better as you grow old together.

What another inexperienced unmarried person has to say about the way i see my marriage really is not relevant, because at the end of the day the person has zero influence in my life none of my bills get paid by how you view me.

My dear Queen of Assumptions. I guess you're more experienced and mature than everyone else - another classic sign of low self esteem. Well, I'm gonna resist the temptation to put my life all out here in other to prove anything to you.

I don't have to married to know right from left. And with you as an example, being married has very little to do with maturity.

Contrary to what you assummed, i am neither an advocate of divorce nor separation.

Have a field day, Mrs Maturity

Timbuktou:
Bros, you dey zuzu seriously. You must be a romantic, pant-washing husband. Your wife dey mix zobo give you, you dey drink. You come come here dey ask for wetin?

You have just succeeded in necessitating your wife acquiring CIA-level clandestine skills.

Anything wrong with the bolded?

Bridgetown:


I seriously don't want to insult you but I think you are the wife in that house. Goodluck with your pathetic marriage.

So this is the characteristics of a husband?

It is okay for a husband to behave like this to his wife?

kunlejazz:


My dear Queen of Assumptions. I guess you're more experienced and mature than everyone else - another classic sign of low self esteem. Well, I'm gonna resist the temptation to put my life all out here in other to prove anything to you.

I don't have to married to know right from left. And with you as an example, being married has very little to do with maturity.

Contrary to what you assummed, i am neither an advocate of divorce nor separation.

Have a field day, Mrs Maturity

like i already said you speak with no experience.

wagazala:


Oh I see you still want to flog this issue. Your 12yr old jab was rather insulting but i'll let that pass.
Regarding OP, it's his choice really. We all have what we can tolerate and what we can't. I understand why you would feel right to defend his wife's actions but as for me, it's a no no. No married woman confides her marital issues with an ex, secondly a random guy from the streets.

I highly doubt that someone she has known for longer than her husband is a stranger.

He might not have been the best person to approach for advice but sometimes it may be better to get advice from outsiders. Family sometimes tend to keep grudgers as opposed to friends. There are certain things best shared with people that are not close to you. They will be able to give unbiased advice.

If you take every single quarrel you have to family they will get angry at your spouse, you will fix your problems with your spouse and move on while your family still hold on to the small issue you had.

It's not even about the wedding ring, wearing wedding ring doesn't guarantee anything for both parties.
This will be my last response to this issue. Peace.

it doesnt guarantee anything but it symbolises something. If it were of no significance at all i doubt anyone in the world would waste time buying them and putting them on.

If there was no significance he wouldnt have been bothered by her removing hers. The fact that he was bothered by it did mean something.

bukatyne:

Anything wrong with the bolded?

Nothing in practice. Plenty in principle.

Timbuktou:


Nothing in practice. Plenty in principle.

wagazala:


Imaginary 10 years or not, my wife cooks and confides in men up and down, she will be waking up the next day in her father's house. I didn't marry a wife to watch her service other men.

i wont blame you, it will only be because you are too scared that they are better than you and they can snatch her with ease. You are the only man on earth that suffers with first degree insecurity syndrome

SisterCaro:
i wont blame you, it will only be because you are too scared that they are better than you and they can snatch her with ease. You are the only man on earth that suffers with first degree insecurity syndrome

Suo, why are you so vexed over this issue , are you by chance OP's wife?

i think your wife is not fully occupied and fully satisfied by u and with u and there is always a space between you guys that made room for 3rd parties.if you will be sincere with yourself ,you must have seen definite signs that your wife is a flirt or tit for tat personality before you marry.why will a wife start cooking for another man before broaching the issue wit her husband.face it or leave it,u dont have a proper wife.you beta learn to live with or else you keep on compiling sins against her which may lead to violence or an undesirable end.

wagazala:


Suo, why are you so vexed over this issue , are you by chance OP's wife?

im not vexed just decided to expose who you really are insecurity is not cute. Treese is the OP's wife

Mutendiwashe:
i did not in anyway insult anyone i simply gave my opnion on what you said. As a person who is "married for 10yrs" who knows more trials will come to his own marriage, the best advice you can come up with is advising someone to leave his own marriage while you work on your challenges you face?

Highly laughable.

saka wakawanikwa nemuNigerian?

nembudziya:

saka wakawanikwa nemuNigerian?

lol aiwa ndine shamwari. Ko iwe?

Mutendiwashe:

It will always be easy for any 12year old child to come online and give advice on marriage when they have never been in a committed relationship before.

Marriage comes with its ups and downs and if you always think of getting off the next bus stop everytime an issue arises be ready to do the same with the next 5 or 6 women you will marry.

Show me a perfect man or woman and i will show you the world's biggest liar. Too many imperfect people expecting a perfect spouse.

This is something that can be worked on my being more open in the relationship. How can a person remove his ring and still expect the other person to be 100% perfect when they have given that person a million reasons to mistrust or grow distant from them.

To freelance777 if your excuse for removing your wedding is not either because you are allergic to the material or it was too tight, i would say you created reasons for your wife to find consolation in other people. You need to sit down with her. If her removing her wedding ring affected you this much, dont expect your removing your wedding ring to have done anything less to her.

Find the root of the problem and fix it. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Perfect women do not fall from the sky especially for an imperfect man.

...

are you saying the woman has the right to do all she did because he removed a wedding ring....anyway..the dude is to gentle for my liking...yeah marriage comes with it ups and downs but HABA cooking for your Ex...chatting with him even aftr its clear he has motives....The guy most be pathetic not to react

emmatok:


Unlike removing the wedding ring, which she failing to ask why.

Discussing your marriage with you Ex is not mistake but total betrayal.

Giving food to another man your husband don't like is not a mistake but a sign of cheating.

Will you be here defending the woman if you realize the other man she's feeding is you husband?

It is easy to chat on NL, but it the real world thing are different.

.....
God bless ds guy...atlast some one is been realistic.....the guy is too gentle for my liking sef

hamzeiy:
...

are you saying the woman has the right to do all she did because he removed a wedding ring....anyway..the dude is to gentle for my liking...yeah marriage comes with it ups and downs but HABA cooking for your Ex...chatting with him even aftr its clear he has motives....The guy most be pathetic not to react

What i simply meant is that to every action there is a reaction. If you open a door for your wife to grow distant from you, a lot will definitely happen.

If you ever took time to read the other thread on this issue, the guy also complained about her size down there are 2children and he takes off the ring even over non-marital related issues. You cannot tell that after all of that you can still expect you wife not to grow distant from you.

Im here simply pointing out what he did wrong and also where she went wrong. Im not here to play girl vs boy.

My guy she is unfaithful and I am sure she has been cooking 'pussycat' for him too.

D guy dey Bleep ur wife

comments reading. We have offered alot of advic already