₦airaland Forum

sir thanks for your informative contribution, remain blessed.

MRBrownJ:
- get married is easy, staying happily married is DAMN HARD! so many people think that because you've gone on a few good dates and like one another, you will be a great married couple... WRONG! before marriage, talk about EVERYTHING extensively and in details... put everything OPENLY on the table: goals, desires, life plans, children plans, work plans, religious plans, financial plans, family plans, sexual plans etc
thinking that you guys should talk about these issues AFTER marriage is completely wrong.

- your worries are her worries, your pain is her pain, your stress is her stress so SHARE SHARE SHARE everything, not just the joy and happiness. she is here to alleviate/take some of it all so that you have two minds to deal with any issues.

- women are predisposed to NAG (and some argue while making no damn sense to us men), its a natural thing to them and sometimes you are better off just by saying the magic words:"ok dear" or "whatever you want babe". these magic words solve the union from pointless arguments and headaches because no matter how we men want to make some sense, sometimes women dont and thats ok.

- MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!! if you are not willing to be fully honest with your financial situation then i suggest you dont get married. you should trust your partner 110% and work/plan for the future of the family together. she is/will be the mother of your future children and if you cant trust her fully then there is no reason to want to start a family with her (unless you are with her for the wrong reasons) trust her with EVERYTHING, meaning financial aspects of the family but also your fears/worries etc so that the union will be stronger. i know a lot of guys are like "HELL NO" but your family will always be lacking/handicapped if your main associate dont fully know you. yes they can use that against you in the future but that is part of family life! pretense will get you nowhere.

- before marriage, many believe that they dont have to change and will find the perfect person that will fit perfectly into their way of life etc, WRONG!!! you have to adapt, reevaluate the way you view/do/deal with some issues. as a single person you could (foolishly) possibly knock out a drunk guy who disrespected your gal, as a family man (father) you certainly cant!

- you have to let her be in charge of something "worthy" in the union (no, cleaning and cooking aint one of them)... let her role at home be just as important as yours. why should you get all the burdens?! dont get it twisted, cleaning and cooking is easy!

- no matter how tiring it may be, spend time with your kids and dont let no one raise them for you. spending time with them only in the weekends is not enough!

- have fun with wifey, everyday! laugh, joke, play, go out, keep wooing/surprising one another... do all the things you did before marriage AND SOME MORE. make a list of +50 different things (some sillier than others) that you guys can do during the month/year, put them in a box, shake the box and pick one at least 2 evenings a week.

- however you may want to avoid them, you cant have a great family without adding your extended family in the mix. if they are your friends, you are on a winner, if they aint then you will have difficult/painful/odd family reunions... and when kids are added to this mix, you will see much more of them (btw your/her best friend are part of that extended family).

- no matter what happens between the two of you, never go to bed angry with one another. by the time you get to that bedroom, you should leave the argument at the door (have a magic word to remind you of that). the bedroom should be a white flag zone, and if you normally sleep spooning while facing east then thats exactly how you should go to bed after that argument. saying you are sorry is good and certainly not a sign of weakness, so long as you understand the meaning.

- you cannot teach a person not to cheat, it is a conscious decision that each and every one of us must make at a particular time in our lives. some may be saying NO today but due to unforeseen issues, they may fall tomorrow. the important point is that ONLY that individual is responsible for such action.

Well.... My Own Story.

I dated my GF from Year 1 in school and we got married 10 years later. A lot of her friends have asked me what kept us together for so long despite her later getting a job after university in another state and I also got a job and moved to another state. We kept in touch always. I think what really kept us together is the "failed bad intentions I had". She was so charming & beautiful. All I wanted was a hit and run. Then "on to the next one" but this one was so difficult that even after a year "I saw" but she was so strict and I got nothing. I gave up but somehow we kept crossing paths. We had close encounters & she slept over severally but refused sex. Her abstinence I think gave me confidence she will be hard to breakdown. i fell in love and 10 years later we got married. She is so different from the "others".
To be happy in "Marriage" one person should always learn how to "lose" even if u know you are right. Always tease her publicly and privately like I do, be creative, take her out to see movies or have fun. They are always happier back home when u take them out. I have never beaten her and will never beat or pinch her no matter how bad what she does is. We quarell and since i've learnt to say sorry even when she is wrong she has learnt to do same. That way we play like kids and stay together. We live like best friends not like hubby and wifey. That way she tells me everything. It baffles me sometimes how we are.. no matter what happens. PLS dont go to bed without settling any quarell. VERY IMPORTANT!

Following...

Allureia:
Well.... My Own Story.

I dated my GF from Year 1 in school and we got married 10 years later. A lot of her friends have asked me what kept us together for so long despite her later getting a job after university in another state and I also got a job and moved to another state. We kept in touch always. I think what really kept us together is the "failed bad intentions I had". She was so charming & beautiful. All I wanted was a hit and run. Then "on to the next one" but this one was so difficult that even after a year "I saw" but she was so strict and I got nothing. I gave up but somehow we kept crossing paths. We had close encounters & she slept over severally but refused sex. Her abstinence I think gave me confidence she will be hard to breakdown. i fell in love and 10 years later we got married. She is so different from the "others".
To be happy in "Marriage" one person should always learn how to "lose" even if u know you are right. Always tease her publicly and privately like I do, be creative, take her out to see movies or have fun. They are always happier back home when u take them out. I have never beaten her and will never beat or pinch her no matter how bad what she does is. We quarell and since i've learnt to say sorry even when she is wrong she has learnt to do same. That way we play like kids and stay together. We live like best friends not like hubby and wifey. That way she tells me everything. It baffles me sometimes how we are.. no matter what happens. PLS dont go to bed without settling any quarell. VERY IMPORTANT!

. That is key

www.nairaland.com/1582623/boys-night-out-discussions

These thread would help

Acidosis:
Married people on Nairaland are known to "hype" their families online. Stop waiting, no reasonable married man, especially those with 'great online reputation' will wash her wife's dirty linen here.

Some go through hell at home, but come here to form super-husbands. Same with married women.

Just learn from real life experiences and be liberated.

Didn't want to comment but had to say something to ur comment. Am sure no one knows how u arrived at what u say but it's wrong to think in that direction. The OP asked to advise u should have given him one. If u didn't have one then u should have moved on. Few people will come and wash their spouses problems in an online forum but fewer still will comment on it.

Allureia:
Well.... My Own Story.

I dated my GF from Year 1 in school and we got married 10 years later. A lot of her friends have asked me what kept us together for so long despite her later getting a job after university in another state and I also got a job and moved to another state. We kept in touch always. I think what really kept us together is the "failed bad intentions I had". She was so charming & beautiful. All I wanted was a hit and run. Then "on to the next one" but this one was so difficult that even after a year "I saw" but she was so strict and I got nothing. I gave up but somehow we kept crossing paths. We had close encounters & she slept over severally but refused sex. Her abstinence I think gave me confidence she will be hard to breakdown. i fell in love and 10 years later we got married. She is so different from the "others".
To be happy in "Marriage" one person should always learn how to "lose" even if u know you are right. Always tease her publicly and privately like I do, be creative, take her out to see movies or have fun. They are always happier back home when u take them out. I have never beaten her and will never beat or pinch her no matter how bad what she does is. We quarell and since i've learnt to say sorry even when she is wrong she has learnt to do same. That way we play like kids and stay together. We live like best friends not like hubby and wifey. That way she tells me everything. It baffles me sometimes how we are.. no matter what happens. PLS dont go to bed without settling any quarell. VERY IMPORTANT!

We have a similar story. God bless ur home. I love ur union.

icedbeatz:
Please i'm calling on all the reasonable married men on nairaland to come to this thread to let the future husbands, barchelors and fellas know some unforseen mistakes that one can avoid in making the decisions of marrying a girl and share their experiences on things they wish they could change if they had the opportunity to go back in time. Another thing is what are they things you would like unmarried guys to know about marriage that u never knew about it till you found yourselves in it.
How do you manage to marry one lady and be with her so long without cheating on her? what are the things that helps you married men in abstaining or is being faithful over rated?

1.Exhaustive commitment to my marriage vow!
2.Reliance on God's grace...by strength shall no man prevail!